Disclaimer: standard disclaimers.

Pairing: 1x2 (if you're dirty minded), 3x4
Rating: PG-13... or NC-17 (if you're dirty minded)
Warnings: yaoi, semi-limey

Heero Sucks
by syrupjunkie

Quatre looked up at the clock and stirred the sauce one more time before straining the pasta over the sink. He wrinkled his face as the steam breathed hot fire on his skin. He looked over his shoulder at Trowa. “You think you can call Duo and Heero down?”

Trowa, looking very comfortable sipping iced tea at the kitchen table, shrugged neutrally and buried himself back into the newspaper.

Quatre sighed and rolled his eyes. Some days he had to do everything himself. He set the colander down in the sink and went over to the intercom. He depressed the button for Duo and Heero’s room and waited for the first burst of static to subside. Duo’s voice could slowly be distinguished over the thinning crackling. “God Heero, you sure know how to suck,” his breathy voice came over the loudspeaker. “No, no, you gotta take it deeper.”

Quatre froze on the button for a moment. He couldn’t believe his ears. He hastily let go of the button and managed to give an undignified yelp. A wave of embarrassment burned inside of him. Trowa looked up strangely at the blond, as blank as ever. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I think I may have interrupted them…”

“From what?”

Quatre felt the compelling urge to share with Trowa what he had heard, but his rational center held his tongue, telling him that he had to have been mistaken. And the more he listened to that voice, the louder the static had been and the more distorted and unintelligible Duo’s voice. Of course he hadn’t heard right. He met Trowa’s disinterested gaze and slowly balanced himself again. There was no reason to be uncomfortable at all. “Oh, nothing.” He let the calm, sedate voice in his head tell him over and over again it was a genuine misunderstanding. Filling up with confidence and resolution, he brought his hand back up to the intercom and pressed the button again.

This time the static wasn’t as loud as before and Duo’s voice was much clearer. “Work the tip more…” There seemed to be a reply from Heero this time, muffled and unintelligible as if he was speaking around something in his mouth. Quatre’s cool and collected mental voice retreated at an alarming pace, and he found himself rapidly losing his equilibrium again. That could definitely not be a misunderstanding. He swallowed with some difficulty and blushed with mortification after he realized what he’d just done. He focused his eye on his finger and willed it to let the button go, but it was frozen there and he couldn’t get it to move. “Yeah, that’s right. Now just the base, only the base.” Duo’s voice was startlingly loud now in the kitchen. Quatre looked around wildly and met Trowa’s gaze. He had definitely heard it this time. His abandoned newspaper lay open on the table while he frowned slightly at Quatre in disbelief. “Almost there, Heero…” Duo’s awed, breathless voice gasped. The enjoyment in the timbre of the words seemed to have been the trigger needed to get Quatre’s finger back under his control. He yanked it off the button as if he had been caught with his hands in the proverbial cookie jar.

It was suddenly very uncomfortable in the kitchen, as the new silence screamed with the lurid knowledge of what was going on just over their heads. The air was impregnated with a sense of voyeurism that Quatre, if he was being brutally honest with himself, was very much aroused by. He slowly met Trowa’s gaze and flushed deeply when he recognized just how affected he was with the otherwise platonic gesture.

Trowa seemed to have the same hard time trying to believe what he had heard, the same hint of confusion on his face that Quatre had sported only moments before. And yet, he was not a fan of denial, and Duo’s words were very clear. And explicit. And enraptured. It was a strange mixture of excitement and anxiousness, in a way that made Trowa feel hot and uncomfortable in his clothes. He met Quatre’s eyes with a private look of his own. “I’m sure they weren’t…” He spoke the words tentatively, with a deceptively slight hint of curiosity, and a loud, unspoken invitation to eavesdrop some more. Just hearing the voice so disconnectedly impassioned… He smiled darkly at Quatre, who flushed deeper but returned a rather naughty grin. “They couldn’t be doing…” He left the sentence unfinished.

“Of course not…” Quatre shared a long silent moment of mutual arousal with Trowa. So it was to be a game, was it? His collected, impassive voice returned in full force, emboldened with the knowledge that if he could find a levelheaded excuse to listen to what Duo and Heero were doing, he was going to end up having wild sex with Trowa. The voice evenly explored a reasonable line of argument. Duo and Heero were definitely not doing anything sexual; it was just a huge misunderstanding brought on by specious conjecture derived from a lack of context. But there was a caveat here, and his voice trailed off into a more throaty, husky one. If in the teeny, tiny, nearly infinitesimal chance they were doing something of a questionable nature, well, Quatre could be forgiven for making the more innocent assumptions. After all, he was a moral person. He smiled slyly at Trowa whose lust soaked lips urged him on, and his fingers lazily reached up to find the button again and push it with a slow click.

There was virtually no static this time and Duo screamed into in the kitchen. “Faster! Go deeper!” A few moments of silence then, “Up and down, Heero.” More urgently and commanding: “Up and down, Heero!” A muffled answer with an unarguable sound of slurping. Duo laughed then, a strange kind of tense, half distracted laugh. “I know its huge but I’m telling you, up and down. And don’t forget the sack. That’s right. You’re doing good. So close now…”

Quatre held Trowa’s eyes over the ensuing silence. He was burning up, a violent heat churning inside of him. It looked like Trowa was no better, staring him down with a fierce desire growing on his face. Quatre licked his suddenly parched lips and mouthed the word, ‘Bedroom.’ Trowa’s mouth curled into a daring, dark predatory smile. Duo’s voice burst back into the foreground, excited and nearly shouting. “Coming Heero, it’s coming!”

Quatre barely even let the words sink in. His mind was already underneath cool covers, writhing against Trowa’s firm body. He dropped his hand and let the intercom fall eerily quiet. He tugged at his pants for a more comfortable position. Trowa rose slowly from his chair, adjusted himself likewise, and stalked towards Quatre, with slow but meaningful steps. Quatre met him halfway, unafraid, anticipatory. He relished the knowledge that he wasn’t going to be able to get up for dinner after this afternoon.

Duo blew out an explosive breath and collapsed back onto the bed, watching Heero’s character on the screen being slowly choked to death by the claw of a huge robot monster. He sighed in exasperation. “God Heero, if you can pilot a gundam, how can you suck so much at video games?”

The boy in question, sitting cross-legged in front of the screen, gave an angry slurp and yanked the remains of a lollipop out of his mouth. “Well, if someone hadn’t been yelling at me for the entire game…”

Duo held up his hands defensively. “Hey, hey, I’m just giving you advice. Don’t kill me for trying to help you.” Heero muttered darkly to himself, the words ‘idiot’ and ‘loud mouthed’ floating up to Duo’s perch on the bed. It was at that moment that the sound of running feet came pounding down the hall, and the door to their right slammed shut. Duo frowned and looked at the bedside clock. “Shouldn’t Quatre be making lunch?”

Heero gave an acknowledging grunt and leveled a glare at his character, whose exaggerated death throes were finally dying down. “If you had noticed, there were two sets of footsteps.”

Duo grinned widely at that. “Go, Quat. A quickie before lunch. Sometimes, I’m just so proud of that boy.” He wiped at an imaginary tear. “So you wanna try again?”

Heero stared grimly at the screen and reluctantly selected ‘continue’ from the prompt box. “Only if you get yourself under control.”

“Hey, I’m allowed to be excited. You were so close to the final chamber; I could see the guardian. He was right on the edge of the screen coming out to meet you.” Duo sat back up and scooted to the edge of the bed. “Now remember, you have to go deep into the jungle to reach the transporter that’ll take you to the icecap. And when you get on the ship, steer towards the iceberg that’s shaped like G’s nose. Then you gotta blow it up tip first, then the base. Or else it’s gonna topple over onto your ship and you can say hello to the sharks.”

The screen had transitioned back to the last saved point, a rain forest, and Heero was already running his character through the thick leaves and branches, deeper into the darkening mist. He growled in annoyance as he flung his character over a snake pit. “I remember, you idiot. It was only ten minutes ago!”

“I’m just saying! Oh, oh, and don’t forget the sack like last time; it has the access cards and codes. And you have to get deep into the cave fast before the bombs explode, and you need to keep jumping up and down to dodge or you’re gonna end up with a claw around your neck again.” He was about to say some more stuff, but Heero had paused the game and his face had darkened over with a clear sign that one more word, and the game may just find itself stuffed down Duo’s throat. Or uncomfortably up another orifice. “Okay, okay, sorry, I’ll let you play.”

Heero huffed and unpaused the game, just in time arrive on the ice, maneuver his character onto a snowmobile and start racing across the frozen landscape towards the coast, weaving in and out between snowdrifts and scraggly shrubs. At the exact point when he was executing a death defying ninety-degree turn onto the waiting boat, a crash next door sent his fingers slipping over the buttons and his character plunging into the frothy sea, effectively eliminating another of the few remaining lives he had left. “Kuso!” His expletive was answered by another thump, and another in rapid succession.

Duo whistled, amazed. “Damn they’re going at it hard.” As evidence another rapid bout of headboard banging rocked the wall, followed by a muffled but clearly pleasure choked moan. Duo just shook his head and sighed in a melodramatically annoyed way. “You know, we mute our game so Wufei doesn’t come barging in and have a fit over the noise, and then those two start mattress dancing like it’s the end of the world.” He sighed again, and bent down to retrieve the remote. His face cracked into a mischievous grin. “Well, if Wufei complains, they started it.” He rapidly raised volume until the moans and cries next door had been replaced by the sounds of the arctic sea and Heero’s character’s harsh breathing and footsteps. “I’m so glad I talked you into surround sound, Heero.”

Heero managed to give a short, tense ‘Hn’ before turning back to the screen and trying to save the world for the third time. If he could do it in real life, why was it so damn hard in a video game?

Wufei ground his teeth together in strained concentration as he stared intently at the words in front of him, determined to finish the page. However, the banging and moaning from down the hall and the rat-tat-tat of fake gunfire next door was making reading impossible and, frustrated, he cast the book in his hands down onto the bed in disgust. He tried to keep his temper in check for another ten minutes with the recital of calming mantras and peaceful scenery, but all to no avail. The sounds kept coming. Furious, he finally flung open his door and stalked out into the hall, ready to give each of those inconsiderate bastards a piece of his mind. His exit was just in time to hear a keening cry from down the hall, and Duo’s excited voice cheering ‘He’s coming!’ over an over again. His face burned with sudden fire and he hastily did an about face and slammed his door shut. It was unconceivable that he should be subjected to hearing such things. He desperately and forcibly closed his hands over his ears. He had no intention of eavesdropping as Maxwell was so clearly doing. Some people just had no decency whatsoever.


back to fiction

back to syrupjunkie fiction

back home