Disclaimer: Me no own GW. Me own this plot, which is non redeemable for profit.

Pairing: 1X2X1
Warnings: Duo has a potty mouth. Some NCS-ish comments. Also Heero is...hmm... He's just weird. You decide what's up with him.

Comments and Criticisms: The more the better. It'd like to hear what anyone thought this fic was about. Title is tentative so any suggestions would be much appreciated

AN: So I still haven't quite shaken off this weird little mood I'm in. This fic is rather odd, and coming from me, that's saying a lot. I blame the holiday season; it tends to give me strange feelings of unease. Don't quite know where this fic was going, but i let it run its course.

by syrupjunkie

The door swings shut quietly. "Sit down, Heero. I've got some things to say to you." No movement. Duo watches a taut back and a faint transparent reflection on the window and sighs. "Just sit down Heero."

Heero sits, eyes steady like a blizzard in a snow globe. He sits stubbornly silent.

Duo crosses the bare wood floor, half leaning, half sitting on a desk. "I want you to answer something for me, Heero. Do you ever wonder why we're like this? Hot and cold and fucking hard all the time? You ever wonder why we play cock tease for a week, fuck for the next and start over again?"

The addressee stays silent, the dart of the eyes the only signal the question had been heard.

Duo, for his part, merely adjusts his grip and seats himself fully on the paper strewn desk. "I bet you even think what we have is normal. Those times in the classroom, on the teacher's desk? In the gundams? You think it's normal when I bend you over something, spread those cheeks and shove it in there? Is it normal to feel like a rapist when I fuck you, to feel wrong to enjoy the best feeling there is in the world?"

"No." The lips move and close, and the eyes scan across the room to meet Duo's gaze. And then drag down until they rest on the inviting bulge between Duo's legs.

"I sometimes wonder why you like it so much. I'm sure it hurts like a bitch. But every time I force it in, you try to swallow more. And you beg - you beg me, Heero - with that catch in your voice as if I'm ripping your insides apart, but you're okay with it because you're used to carnage. It's amazing like that Heero. But I only play the villain cause you want it. You ever think how fucked up that is?"

The eyes stay level and the tongue makes a pass across dry lips. "No."

Duo is fully aware of what Heero is watching, and what he is doing. Duo knows this and ignores this. "Didn't think so, Heero. You don't think about these things. You like getting down on you knees and sucking me off like there's no tomorrow. But you never wonder why. You know I hurt you on purpose, but you've never ask about it. In fact, you've probably never noticed, have you?"

Heero shifts in his seat, settling a lazy hand over his lap, fingers dipping down and brushing up against himself, playing a slow game for Duo's sake. There is a coyness in the shadows beneath his eye. "I notice."

"But you don't care, that it? Jesus Heero, I keep hoping one of us starts to see how utterly insane everything is. Quatre, who plays the violin like a fucking virtuoso, the same kid who gets his brain liquefied by ZERO. Wufei, married before puberty, running around with sword and some fucking crazy idea about honor. Hell, I'm walking around with an alter ego that some days I think is controlling me and not the other way around. But you take the cake, Heero. A boy who wants to be a machine, who's crazy enough to try to save the whole damned Earth sphere, who lives barely on the cusp of humanity. A child Heero, a fifteen year old child, who begs me to fuck him like a whore, who obeys and submits and doesn't think about the consequences of getting from point A to point B. I wake up everyday and hope that the next time I close my eyes and open them, you'll finally start making sense. But you never do. That's why it hurts Heero. Every time."

Duo notices the faint outline of Heero's erection underneath the spandex; Heero is deliberately drawing attention to it as he massages himself while Duo talks. Duo's mouth draws rigid and pinched. "Maybe that's where I went wrong, Heero. I just went ahead and hoped you'd try to figure it out. Maybe you need to be told."

The fingers slow and stop for a moment. There is a conspicuous spot on the front of his shorts; it shines differently from the spandex in the low light escaping into the room from underneath the door. "Told what?"

"Told why we do what we do. Why I do what I do." Duo slides himself off the desk and yanks Heero's head upward by his hair. "Why I hurt you as much as I can. We've been at this for months, Heero. I don't think you'll ever really figure it out."

Duo's smile is brittle and bitter; he lets go of Heero's hair and smoothes a dry lip with his thumb. "You'd never even think of trying to understand, stupid fucking robot."

Heero's hands have stilled completely; his tongue comes out to lick Duo's passing fingers. A game of tag, a game of chicken. "So why?"

"Because you deserved it Heero. You needed it. I wanted to make you feel something intense. Not just intense, consuming."

The fingers have abandoned Heero's face and short nails are leaving white-pink trails down Heero's neck and chest. "I wanted to make you want to feel, to want it so bad you'd do anything. You'd suffer for it; you'd break every rule in the book and every bone in your body. And if I could make you feel like that, and hurt you at the same time, all the better. Maybe you'd become sane for once, become a normal kid for while. Maybe you'd realize it hurt so bad when it didn't have to, and ask me to do it right and love you right. And then maybe I'll have saved someone's life for a change and wash the blood off my hands. Maybe I'd feel like a fucking guardian angel undercover in devil's clothes."

Duo circles around Heero and crouches down so that his mouth hovers over the shell of Heero's ear. His hands press into the softening flesh between Heero's legs. He feels the organ stir and rubs in small circles. "Maybe if you blew me, you wouldn't blow yourself. Maybe I thought if I came in your ass, I'd leave some part of me with you, protect you from yourself, Heero. Maybe love could save you." Duo laughs in distraction, and gives no relief to Heero's tensing body and the heat of arousal under his fingertips. "Maybe a lot of things, Heero.."

Heero shifts slightly and brings himself into Duo's hand more firmly. Duo has stilled his movement and Heero moves his hips in circles and screws his cock against Duo's palm. He breathes slowly for a while and his head becomes light and everything is beautifully empty. "It's there." He pushes harder, then places both his hands on Duo's and moves Duo's hand up and down over his cock. It feels amazing. "It's there, Duo. You put it there." He strains now, taking the limp hand and rubbing it furiously over himself, sure that he is giving Duo spandex burn. Heero groans. "You did. You.." He comes like a virgin, embarrassed for his mess. Embarrassed for his involuntary admission.

Duo's hands finally stir after a long while. They map out the extent of the wetness over Heero's crotch and leave Heero's body. Then Duo stands up and opens the door. The hallway light is blindingly bright and it washes away his features; his body is only an indistinct silhouette. His voice is low and careful - it is raw and painful in way that only desperation can be. "I hope so, Heero. I fucking hope so."

The door shuts with a whispering sound behind him.

The silence is overpowering. The afterglow of orgasm is gone and so is Duo. Heero feels an awakening, foreign pain. The fear of absence is crawling around inside his chest like a writhing snake of hunger. He touches the wetness of his shorts; his fingers come away sticky and cold. He wants Duo's breath in his ear again; he wants Duo's hands in his. He begs to no one with a voice that is hoarse and unsteady; he feels as if he has been ripped apart and put back together with someone else's parts. "Felt it, Duo.." he croaks. His hands fall back to his groin. "Right here Duo; you left it right here. Here.." It is the first time Heero Yuy, the soldier, cries.

Duo Maxwell hears this from the head of the stairs and is grimly satisfied. He knows his is not a lost cause.

AN: anyone a little lost? me too. Anyway, on that note, everyone have a good holiday season.


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