Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing; the many respective owners do. This story is not for profit as I have yet to see a check addressed to me in the mail.

Pairings: 2x1x2, 3x4. Nominal mentions of 3+1 and 5+1, some tangle of 5, 6 and 13.
Rating: PG-13 going up to NC-17
Warnings: None really; there may be a lemon chapter at the end, which isn't central to the story. Other than that, a first try at present tense narrative.

Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone who offered me feedback; it's definitely helping me write this fic much better than I would otherwise. Also, I must say that pervy Quatre is inspired by Ponderosa's "Good Salesmanship" Quatre. I just couldn't help it.

Summary: Duo tries to find Heero's Mr. Right, with unexpected results.

Blind Date
Chapter 3: Behind Door Number Two
by syrupjunkie

Exactly a week after Heero's disastrous date with Trowa finds Duo knocking on Quatre's door at ten in the morning. When the door opens, however, it is none other than a half naked Trowa Barton on the other side. Now Duo has a set of rules he lives by, and high up on that list is `it never hurts to look,' so he follows this rule to the exact letter of law, starting at Trowa's large feet and crawling up the long, sinuous hairless legs to the skimpy vertical striped boxers, which do nothing to hide his ample assets. Then up the thin trail of auburn hair from the waistband to the bellybutton, over the flat stomach, the lean muscular planes of his chest, the angular shoulders and the clouded green eyes, surrounded by sleep mussed hair. For a solid minute, Duo stares and has serious regrets about not picking up Trowa for himself when he first found him. The things he does for Heero...

After a few seconds of sleepy silence, while Trowa blinks away his drowsiness, he starts to recognize who's on the doorstep. "Duo?"

"That's me," Duo says brightly. "I came by to see if Quatre wanted to go out for some coffee, but it looks like he's already had a snack." This earns Duo an inscrutable look, so he decides to push his luck and go for broke. "Let me guess, sometime last week a half- naked Quatre `bumped' into you at the pool. Fast forward a few minutes, some batted eyelashes and lusty looks, and he's seduced you in the gym showers. And for the next few days you haven't set foot back in your apartment, or really left the bed for that matter."

Trowa actually drops his jaw in surprise. "How did you know?"

Duo only grins and shakes his head. "I just know how Quatre works."

The surprise becomes a wince and then a wry smile, as Trowa realizes just how strategic Quatre had been.

But before he can reply, a door opens somewhere and the blond's slurred voice fills the apartment. "Trowa," he whines, "forget breakfast. You promised to show me The Butterfly."

Trowa even starts to pink a bit and clears his throat. "Do you want me to get Quatre?"

Duo takes pity on the swimmer. "Nah, I'll call him later." Seeing that Trowa is still rooted to the doorstep, he goes to physically shoo the man back into the apartment. "Come on, you've got someone waiting for you in there. Now go nail him into the mattress, you stud." Duo laughs his head off as he closes the door behind the stunned man. Poor Trowa never had a chance...

Hours later, Carla's coffeehouse is packed when Duo arrives; he end up spending a good five minutes searching each of the three main rooms until he hears Quatre calling him over from a candlelit corner. Quatre looks, in short, like he's been ravaged by a wild animal, and apparently loved every minute of it-dazed, fuzzy expression, disorderly hair, bruising hickies, a private little smile.

"Haven't we been a busy bee," Duo croons in an effort to put some smidgeon of shame into him.

Quatre feels nothing of the sort; he's actually quite smug. "Well, I waited two days, and I made sure to ask him about Heero. And since he was still on the market, well, who am I to pass up a chance at love?"

Duo rolls his eyes. "Love my ass; you wanted his hot bod from the moment you saw him." He gives Quatre a good natured poke. "Looks like he gave it to you this morning too."

Quatre actually closes his eyes and the far away look on his face tells Duo that he's in his own private dreamworld that has nothing to do with lattes and everything to do with lube. "Mmm, three times to be exact. All that swimming must be great for stamina."

Duo whistles low and has real regrets again. "I'm surprised you can still sit down."

Quatre considers the comment rather seriously and nods speculatively. "Me too; what can I say, Trowa's very talented..."

"Right, you can send me my thank you present in the mail. But you know, there was a reason I stopped by your apartment today; I need you to help me set up Heero's second date."

Quatre perks up even more, if possible. "Yeah? Who'd you find this time? Do I know him? Is he cute?"

"Quatre," Duo warns, regretting once again enlisting his help in the dating department. He'd rather not be inadvertently finding Quatre's next lay, thank you very much. "Focus, Quat, I need you to focus. This is for Heero. The guy's name is Wufei Chang; he's a junior studying political science. And before you ask, yes, he has an amazing body. He's the head of the school's martial arts society."

"Ooh, Bruce Lee huh? I love those mysterious silent types."

"Ha, I bet you do. But I learned my lesson after your precious Trowa; Chang's serious enough, but he's got a huge mouth, which can only be a plus." Duo gives Quatre a knowing nudge and they both burst into raucous laugher, earning a sharp look from a nearby customer, which they utterly ignore. "Actually, the first time I saw him, he was in the middle of an argument with Sally. Apparently, her philosophy was `naïve and cowardly.'" At this point, Quatre grimaces because he knows unpleasantness is imminent. "Yeah, pretty much my reaction. So Sally tells him that his view of life is `chauvinistic and simple minded'. Which leads to this gigantic blowout right in the middle of the hall; I think we actually drew a crowd for a while, at least until Sally got so pissed off she threw her mocha at him. Thankfully, it was lukewarm by this point, but let's just say, if you see Sally in the next few days, try not to mention Wufei's name."

"So noted. But where do I come in? You set up Heero with Trowa all by yourself, didn't you?"

"Well yeah, but Heero's being irritatingly evasive whenever I try to get him to set up a time for another date. I'd have Wufei just call him, but I know he'll pawn off some excuse. And hell if I'm gonna lose this bet."

"OK, So what am I doing?"

"You, my man, are going to be bringing Wufei to our meeting point while I use some clever subterfuge to get Heero there. Of course, Heero will think this is just some normal outing, but then `bam!' we surprise him by `bumping' into you and Wufei."

Quatre looks less than impressed by the plan. "What makes you think Heero won't just deny any knowledge of the date? And what makes you think Wufei'll be stupid enough to fall for it too, for that matter?"

Duo assumes his wounded dog look. "Aw, man, you gotta trust me. Wufei, I'm not too sure of, but he seems to be blissfully unaware of subtlety. And Heero's not mean enough to go tell some random nice guy to his face that he never had any intention of going out with him."

"Say you're right, but how're you going to get Heero there?"

"Heh, yeah, I haven't quite gotten that far yet. I'll figure something out; you just worry about your end. I just need you to pick up Wufei, distract him for a bit (not that way, you horny little pervert) and bring him to the meeting place. Just leave everything else to me." And with this the two spend the evening in careful planning.

The plan surprisingly comes off without a hitch, which proves, as Quatre believes afterwards, that the universe must have a horrible sense of humor. Quatre dutifully picks Wufei up at his apartment. What Quatre thinks of Wufei-shirtless, struggling with a knotted tie and wet black hair falling out of his tight ponytail-is completely unpublishable. Quatre does not know, but would be offended to know how relieved Wufei is when he realizes this is not his date for the evening.

At the same moment, Duo is pacing back and forth in Heero's living room. He stops every few seconds to glare at the closed bedroom door. Then he sighs and continues pacing. After ten minutes or so Heero makes his grand appearance, frowning, but otherwise immaculate in a sport coat and button down shirt.

Duo critically appraises Heero, orders him to undo the top two buttons and wields the lint brush like a weapon. Heero suffers through this with utter solemnity. "I don't understand why we need to be dressed up like this."

"Cause we're going to a nice restaurant to celebrate my new internship. You know I've been after that storyboard job forever. The least you can do is help me celebrate in style, and that means we're going to that new fancy Japanese place on Dorset, and damned if we're gonna drink upscale sake and eat gourmet hand rolls in ratty t-shirts and jeans. Now...you look great, so let's get a move on; I've got reservations for 7 sharp."

Fast forward fifteen minutes and Duo spots Quatre and Wufei outside of Umi from down the street. He speeds up his pace and goes in for the kill before Heero catches on. "Quatre, Wufei, sorry we're just a bit late. Here's Heero. Heero Yuy, meet Wufei Chang." Heero is utterly confused, but Duo can see suspicion growing on his face. "I apologize Wufei for being so roundabout, but I'm going to a party with Quatre so I thought it might be easiest to have us all meet up at once. And Heero here, with his horrible direction, would've never found this place alone. So without eating into your time anymore, me and Quatre will leave you guys to enjoy your date." Heero's suspicion turns into sudden betrayal and he shoots Duo a venomous glare. Duo only smiles brightly. "Look at that; Heero's real impatient to be alone with you. Alright, alright, buddy; I'm going. Enjoy yourselves!"

And with this Duo grabs Quatre's hand and begins a jog down the street. The last Duo sees of Heero that night is a look of pure silent fury, which only serves to amuse him even more.

Quatre is thoroughly puzzled, though, when then they arrive in the lobby of an apartment building some four blocks away. "You're not staying and watching?"

"Nah, Heero looks like he'd kill me if he spotted me in the crowd. And you know Sally throws the best parties."

"You mean she has lots of pretty friends who swoon under the Maxwell charm."

"Damn straight; now let's go."

The rest of the night, suffice to say, is somewhat hard to remember, but what little of it Duo recalls is awesome. He wakes up in Sally's bed, half dressed and covered in cologne and perfume. Sally is nowhere to be seen and the nightstand has a few post-its with phone numbers and one or two suggestive comments.

He spends the rest of the morning matching names and numbers with the faces he remembers, and by that afternoon, he's standing on Heero's doorstep, black book full and pizza in hand for Heero as an apology. On the third unanswered knock, he has a feeling he might have to throw in the TV guide he stole out of Heero's mailbox that he was hoping to keep for himself. Finally, after a few more minutes of industrious knocking (enough to get Heero's neighbor to open her door and shoot him a dirty look anyway) Heero reluctantly opens the door. But Duo's entrance is held up short by Heero's body solidly blocking the way. "What do you want?"

"To say I'm sorry? Oi, here's a pizza before you say anything." Duo holds out the cardboard box, bringing it up close to Heero's nose and moving it around in circles in hopes of increasing the aroma. "It's your favorite-veggie delight with extra cheese. And I'm throwing in the TV guide for free. All for letting me in."

Heero really considers slamming the door in Duo's face, but his shoulders droop in resignation, knowing that deep down he has no choice. But he only steps aside a few inches to show that he`s letting Duo in out of his generosity and not surrender. "You're not forgiven."

Duo squeezes through the gap quickly before Heero changes his mind. "I know, I know." He drops the pizza on the coffee table and goes to rummage in Heero's fridge for coke or beer. "But you know I had no choice," he tells Heero. "I couldn't get you to agree to another date. So I took drastic measures. And don't you dare tell me you didn't think Wufei was nice on the eyes."

Duo almost runs into Heero as he exits the kitchen, arms full of chips, dip, coke and barbeque sauce. Heero frowns at his selection as usual. "You could've at least told me beforehand."

"Yeah right, and watch the magical, passive-aggressive, Heero Yuy disappearing act? I think not. Anyway, what's done is done, right? And I promise not to do it again. Scout's honor." This stops Heero's objection on his lips because Duo always follows through on his promises, which unfortunately usually come after the fact. In Heero's silence, Duo senses his momentary victory and presses his advantage. "So, let's just get to the part where you tell me what went on and we can avoid the whole `please tell me, Heero' session we would have otherwise. Good?"

"There's nothing to say."

"Sure there is. Like what you talked about; did you ogle him without him noticing; did he say anything romantic; where did you go, need I go on?"

"We had dinner and talked. Then we went for coffee and talked some more. And then I came home."

Duo expects this type of abbreviated description from Heero, but still cannot help but feel annoyed. "Heero," he whines, "let's try the non-Cliff notes version. Let's start with the meal. What did you specifically talk about?"


"School. Great, Heero. Fine, what about personal stuff? Did he hit on you?"

"No. He talked a lot about his ex-boyfriend."

"Are you kidding me? I can't believe it, you idiot. You let him talk all night about Treize?"

"No, about Zechs."

Duo nearly spits out his coke. "Zechs? Who the hell is Zechs? Wait, wait, wait, wait. That blond straightest-guy-on-the-block second year grad? God, first the new prof and then his grad student? What'd Wufei do, sleep with the entire polysci department?"


This is the closest Heero usually comes to a joke, and for some reason, Duo finds Heero's jokes the funniest things in the world. He slings an appreciative arm across Heero's shoulders. "Now that wouldn't surprise me; Wufei looks like he gets what he wants. Even if is against some big, important university policy. But you're telling me you spent your entire date talking about his ex? What was he thinking? What were you thinking?"

Heero shrugs off the contact. "What did it matter? We had dinner; he wanted to talk so I let him talk."

"No, Heero! You let him talk about how good you look, about what you like to do on rainy nights, about how much he'd like to kiss the daylights out of you, anything but his ex."

"It's not like it matters. He only agreed to go out with me so he wouldn't hurt your feelings."

"That's not the poi...what?!" Duo gapes in silent outrage for a full minute before he explodes out of his seat. "He agreed to date you out of pity for me? He felt sorry for me?! That pompous bastard! I can't believe the nerve of that guy. That scum sucking, stick-up- his-ass..."

Duo continues pacing, scowling at everything around him, and throwing out invectives against Wufei for the next ten minutes, until Heero can't stand it anymore. "Just calm down, Duo. Sit... down!"

The command stops Duo in his tracks and he drops onto the couch, still fuming. "Him! Feeling pity for me, when he has to go seduce teachers to get some."


"I'm gonna make sure everyone knows what a two-faced, dirty liar he is. You give me some dirt on him, Heero."


"I won't let it go; you know it. I'll just keep annoying you-pacing your living room, rummaging through the shelves, channel surfing all night."

Heero sighs in weariness; Duo has a talent for being exhausting even when Heero watches from the sidelines. "Fine, alright. He dumped Zechs because Zechs slept with Treize."

Duo almost chokes again, and bursts into guffawing, maliciously delighted laughter. "So he couldn't satisfy his man, huh? Just like a fucking soap opera. How'd he find out? Empty condom wrapper? Caught them in the act? Incriminating answering machine message?"

"None of the above. Zechs admitted it; he got drunk at a faculty party and ended up in Treize's bed. Zechs confessed to Wufei afterwards and asked for forgiveness."

"From that tight-assed bastard? He'd have better luck trying to squeeze water from stone. No way in hell is Chang gonna take him back."

"He asked me if he should."

"Ha! I can't believe he's actually considering it. Hell, it must be love. Or an amazing lay. What'd you tell him?"

"Since Zechs confessed, I said Wufei should at least talk to him."

"Shit, Heero, you really believe that, you big softie? You think Wufei'll do it?"

"He might."

Duo just shakes his head in disbelief. Who knew Wufei had a heart? "Well, hell. It sounds like a great date then. Did you get a goodnight kiss at least?"

"No, we went for coffee and he saw Treize at the café-"

Duo gives the ceiling a withering stare. "God, it just keeps getting more fucked up. Let me guess. He went to confront Treize and had the mother of all fights."

"No. Why would you say that? He had a few words with Trieze and then told me he needed to go talk to Zechs. And then he left."

"So he just up and ran? Gee, I sure know how to pick em, don't I? He talks about that honor shit all the time and he goes and abandons you. I can't believe he put you through that, Heero. I thought he'd be perfect."

"It's not your fault. Just forget about it." Apparently, Heero already has, because Duo can hear the telltale whine of his laptop coming to life. Knowing the conversation is effectively over once the notebook boots up, Duo eagerly digs into the pizza and beer, frustration momentarily forgotten.

on to chapter 4

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