Chapter 2 - Bachelor Number One
"So, what exactly are we doing here, Duo?" Quatre asks, as he runs
his eyes over the very extensive and very expensive menu.
"Shh, hold on," Duo whispers, as he slouches down just a little
behind the mini-vase of carnations. After a few seconds of
stillness, he straightens back up, never letting his eyes leave the
front door of the restaurant. "We're waiting for Heero and his date
"You sure he's coming, Duo? I mean, going on a date with some
random stranger. You should've set him up with a friendly face."
"You mean like you, Quat?"
"Well... now that you mention it, yeah. You know how long I've wanted
him. All that wiry muscle and that incredible ass in those tight
"Down, boy," Duo laughs, trying to stem Quatre's growing excitement
before it gets them blacklisted from yet another fancy
restaurant. "That's why I'm treating you to a consoling dinner.
And just to piss you off more, I had the opportunity to spend all
afternoon with that famous ass."
Quatre's surprise is immediate and jealous. "He let you cop a feel?"
"Out of the gutter, man. I did spend the afternoon getting him out
of those shorts, but not in that way. Had to get him into some new
duds. No matter how good he looks, they don't like you coming into
expensive French restaurants in biker shorts and a wifebeater." He
interrupts Quatre, with what he knows is a tasteless comment. "Yes,
no matter how sexy it is."
Quatre rolls his eyes; look at Duo pretending that he doesn't feel
the same... "Right, actually I was going to say... oh hello, there's
Heero. Ooh, I have to give it to you; he does look delicious in
that dress shirt. You can still see his muscles, all sleek and... holy
shit, is that his date?"
Duo cranes his neck so that he can see the happy couple as they make
their entrance. "You like, little man?"
"Fuck, Duo. Where've you been hiding him all this time? Forget
Heero, I'm in love."
"Already, huh? Nuh-uh-uh. No touching the merchandise, Q. His
name's Trowa Barton; he's a senior, majoring in English, minoring in
French lit. Everything anyone could want--six-three, amazing green
eyes, lean, smooth body, gay and a huge package."
"Duo!" cries Quatre with delighted outrage. "You gave Heero
"The gutter, Quat; I'll say it again. It just happens that our Mr.
Barton is a member of the university swim team; he does the
freestyle and butterfly, I believe. I met him after getting out of
a boxing session with Raphael. Took a wrong turn at the gym and
ended up at the pool; just happens that the swim team was finishing
practice at the time and I tell you, there's nothing as sexy as
dripping wet men in tiny Speedos. Anyway, I spotted Trowa packing
up and ogled him a bit; now you could've knocked me over with a
feather when he returned the once over. So I talked him up a bit,
and one, two, three, set up a little date with Heero."
"It's all about Heero with you, Duo! Didn't you even think of me?
It's been weeks since I've had someone."
"God Quat, weren't you just complaining a few minutes ago that I
didn't give you Heero?"
Quatre smiles absentmindedly and Duo knows he's dropped off into
ditz land. "Heero who? Oh, but it has a nice ring to it, don't
Duo scratches his head in confusion; Quatre is clearly following
some uncharted path in his own trust fund-pampered mind. "What?"
"Misters Trowa and Quatre Barton. I think it sounds kind of regal."
"What? Sheesh, never mind Quat. You just sit back and fantasize;
I'm gonna be doing what we came here for. You know," as Duo snaps
his fingers in front of Quatre, "seeing how Heero's date goes?"
By this point, Trowa and Heero are being led to their table. Duo
actually smiles when Trowa pulls out the chair for Heero. The smile
turns abruptly the other way when Heero nonchalantly goes and sits
down in the opposite seat. It's abundantly clear that Heero has not
read that book on date etiquette Duo gave him. With a growing sense
of doom, he groans under his breath and hunkers down to really
analyze the date from afar.
The meal is unadulterated torture. Duo counts that there are
exactly five words spoken between Heero and Trowa during the entire
first two courses of the meal. Two of them involve Trowa thanking
the waiter for refilling his glass. Heero is cutting his food into
neat squares and intently focusing on spearing each one dead center
with his fork. His face is bland, but then so is Trowa's and Duo
has a sinking feeling that he will be forced to visit a shrill Heero
fanatic some time in the near future.
"Not much of a talker is that Trowa, is he?" Quatre's question
jolts Duo rudely from his internal pink nightmare.
"Ah, no, he was rather quiet when I talked to him, but that's what
Heero asked for. But then again, I didn't think it'd be this bad.
It's just like a miming contest-cut food, chew, swallow, pick up
another piece. Oh look, at the dessert and coffee already. It's
been what, twenty minutes?"
"Twenty three, to be exact. You know, I'm not a psychic, but I'm
guessing there's not gonna be any making out in this date."
"Yeah, too right, oh wait, looks like there's the beginning of a
conversation." Duo leans forward excitedly. "Heero's saying
something. And Trowa's responding. Wait, Heero's replying. Oh,
oh, and Trowa's got something to say. And Heero - come on Heero - he... he
stays silent. Ugh, come on man, do something interesting."
A pale hand passes slowly across Duo's vision. "Hey, Duo, you
"Yeah? What's wrong Quat?"
"You had this scary look on your face. I think you just have to
face the facts, Duo. The date's bombing, big time. Why don't we
just focus on dinner and leave them alone. You can squeeze the rest
of the details from Heero, can't you? Besides, I'm being bored to
Duo is unwilling to let it go, but he has to agree that his time is
better spent gossiping and laughing with Quatre instead of watching
the train wreck of a date a few tables away. He doesn't know when
Heero and Trowa leave; he is too absorbed in Quatre's retelling of
Hilde's minor breakdown over her sociology final. He reminds
himself to offer her some valium the next time he sees her.
He and Quatre drag out dinner to its fullest, all three courses,
decadently rich and diverting. But even with wine, chocolate and
cream sauce settling in his stomach, he finds he can't stop thinking
about Heero's date. That's why he's settled on Heero's couch by
nine-thirty, watching old movies. By eleven, there are sounds
outside Heero's door and as Duo creeps closer, he can make out the
murmur of voices. He feels a little embarrassed as he tiptoes to
the front door and looks through the peephole, but he can't help
it. Both Heero and Trowa are visible, standing in front of the door
having of all things, a conversation. Heero is actually
volunteering words, nodding and replying when Trowa responds.
This continues for a few minutes and Duo is fascinated. They really
seem suddenly comfortable with each other, and this weird feeling of
unease starts to appear somewhere in Duo's guts. But this he
Then Trowa is leaning forward and kissing Heero, and the awkward
feeling intensifies just enough to make Duo grimace and squirm. The
kiss is strangely passionate as Trowa bends down deeper, closes his
hands around Heero's head like a vice and Duo can practically see
him lick the entire inside of Heero's mouth. It's a good, long kiss
and Duo watches every second of it. When they part, they are both
flushed and breathing deeply. Heero actually reaches up to touch
his lips, fascinated. Any second now they'll come barreling through
the door, streaking across the living room, leaving a trail of
clothes and disappear into the bedroom.
Suddently, the door begins to open and Duo jolts to awareness and
throws himself onto the nearby couch. But there's only Heero on the
threshold, pink and taken back. "Duo? What are you doing here?"
"Ah well, I was passing by and thought I'd see how the date went.
So where's Trowa?"
Heero scowls and kicks off his shoes into the corner. "Gone home."
Duo feels lifted up just a bit. "Oh? Being a gentleman?" A shake
of the head. "No? You didn't like him?"
"He's okay. Just not for me."
"Hmm," Duo says, as if this news hasn't brightened him up
some. "Something wrong with him? He fit the bill perfectly."
Heero just shrugs characteristically, dumping his wallet and keys on
the table and looking around for the remote. "Come on, dish. You
can't expect me to find Mr. Right if you don't tell me about Mr.
Wrong. Was he too tall?"
"No. He was... " and it is an adorable thing to see Heero struggle to
overcome his initial awkwardness, "attractive, but quiet."
"You don't say." Duo tries to show his complete ignorance of the
entire date. "Not very communicative, huh? I can't image how that
feels like," he says with a sly, sideways look at Heero.
The sarcasm is completely undetected and Heero continues to get
comfortable, taking off his dress shirt, pouring himself a glass of
water. "We didn't talk much."
"But you were out for over four hours. You telling me it was all
silence?" A nod and Duo has the urge to put his head in his
hands. "Tell me you got something out of it at least. I'm not
finding you dates for the hell of it, you know. Come on, a squeeze
here, a kiss there, some groping at least?"
Heero plops down on the couch next to Duo and sighs. "I should've
known you'd be fixing for dirty details. He kissed me goodnight."
"Did he now? Tongue?" A curt nod. "Good?" Another nod. Yeah
right, Duo thinks. If Trowa had kissed him like that, he'd be a
puddle on the doormat. "Not good enough for another date, though?"
A definite shake of the head. Oh well, Duo sighs, at least Quatre
will be overjoyed by the news. "Alright, so next time, someone not
so quiet, more animated. Don't you worry a bit; we'll find your
prince, I promise."
"Hn," Heero replies and promptly turns on the TV to drown out Duo's