Why Is The Sky Blue
Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you
~Mandy Moore, Someday We’ll Know
It happened on that one times when Duo and I happened
to meet up after the whole Mariemaia incident. Though
perhaps ‘happened’ wasn’t exactly the right word…
We’d both been offered jobs with the Preventers
before, both by Wufei and Sally, and I didn’t know why
Duo refused the job. I’d heard he went over to L2,
started up some sort of a salvage business with Hilde.
I was happy for him, really I was.
I also refused the job offer. I didn’t want to go
straight into something so soon after the war ended
and peace began. There was another reason, of course,
but I kept that to myself, not wanting to sound
I wanted time to find myself.
Unfortunately, finding myself turned out to be harder
than they say it is.
I moved around, earth, space, and still, I couldn’t
seem to find the thing that would make me feel… real.
Eventually, a note from Quatre caught up with me. I
contacted him, and our conversation was… interesting,
to say the least. He mentioned Duo once or twice,
Trowa much more than that, and Wufei just a bit less.
He told me Duo thought of me… had asked how I was.
Quatre wanted to make sure I was all right.
I didn’t know what to say, then again I seldom do. Was
I alright? I was living, yes, but even I didn’t know
if I was alive.
The conversation ended, and somehow during the course
of it Quatre had managed to make me promise to contact
him at least once a month. I disconnected the vid
phone, and thought about Duo. Really thought about
In my endless quest to find myself, I’d left behind
everything from before. Of course, that meant that I
hadn’t let myself think about the others too often.
Perhaps it was callous, but I’d given myself a
mission, and I didn’t let unnecessary things interfere
I never did.
But sometimes, unbidden, on several occasions, the
thought of him would just sail into my head. Lying in
bed at night, trying to get to sleep, or waiting in
line for something, and out of nowhere, there he’d be.
Always smiling, always laughing at something, always
And after that, there’d be a slight pang inside of me
– of what, I didn’t know. I didn’t particularly care
for that pang, perhaps that was why I tried not to let
myself think of him. I didn’t question the pang, one
would think that it came after thinking about anyone
from the past.
It didn’t, exactly, not when I thought about missions
with Trowa, for example, or Wufei.
It was just Duo.
So, after talking with Quatre, I decided that maybe I
wasn’t feeling satisfied with life because, just
maybe, the – whatever – I was searching for just
Of course, that simply gave me a dead end.
Heero Yuy doesn’t give up easily, I had always
completed my missions – if it was possible, of course,
sometimes things escalated out of control – and I
didn’t see why that should change, even if the war was
Then again, this time the mission wasn’t in my Gundam,
and there was no self-destruct button.
Not that that was a bad thing, per say, but still.
What if it really wasn’t possible? Was all there was
to me a perfect soldier, a living, but not truly alive
I pondered over that for a while, and just as I was
considering my next course of action, another message
from Quatre caught me.
It wasn’t expected; I had made my monthly check in
just two weeks ago. Still, I called him again on the
Trowa picked up. I wasn’t terribly surprised; they
were horribly transparent in their feelings, though it
might not be obvious at first. It was always in the
little things, one just had to learn how to read them.
Anyhow, Trowa picked up, and as soon as he saw it was
me, he called Quatre over.
Turns out they were arranging – one couldn’t help but
wonder exactly how Quatre got Trowa to help – a “small
get together”. It was going to be “just the five of
us”, and “it’d be nice to see everyone again”, and
didn’t I think so too?
Well, I didn’t. I was just about to politely turn down
the invitation, when out of nowhere: there he was
again, smiling in my head. Duo.
Then it struck me. Duo knew who he was. He had to be
the most alive person I knew, and while that wasn’t
saying much, since my contacts were few, it was
So, before I had the chance to completely think it
through, I asked Quatre, “Will Duo be there?”
He smiled, satisfied for some reason, and replied
affirmative. I suppose I had to go, then, since I
wasn’t sure how else to get to Duo without seeming to
come on too strongly. I let Quatre know about the
first part of that thought, and quickly ended the
conversation after finding out the details of the “get
Well, that was that, then. I’d find Duo, corner him,
and just ask him what made him… feel alive. He
wouldn’t laugh, not at me, anyway. Duo wouldn’t do
that, especially not if he knew I was dead serious.
And I was.
We had even come close to being something of friends,
but at that time I hadn’t really let go of the perfect
It was funny; everyone seemed to think of Duo as this
joker, someone playing the fool and making jokes at
the worst possible time, and yet really, inside, he
was the most amazing person. One just had to get to
It hit me, that thought, and I felt winded inside: he
was the most amazing person. Amazing.
Maybe… maybe I missed him?
There were times when I’d wonder what would have
happened if we’d stayed together, even after the war
was actually truly over, and there was no more need to
And suddenly it hit me, rather hard; that I might have
found what I was searching for if I hadn’t gone
looking for it so far away.
What if I had stayed around for a while, found out
what the others were doing, learning about the other
possibilities? What if it had been there, but I just
hadn’t thought of it? What if the opportunity was
over, and I hadn’t known it was there? Was it then
over? Was it all over, for nothing?
Would I never know how Duo felt, how others felt, when
they were alive?
But no, there was my earlier chance. Duo. Duo would
help. I was sure of that.
Eventually, the time came close to when Quatre had
mentioned the gathering was on. I had everything
packed, so I made my way to earth, to the place where
he had said it would be.
I got there, prepared to knock, when the door swung
open, and there he was, smiling at me.
And suddenly, the strange pang flared up again, and I
wasn’t sure why.
He looked good; more… grown up, but I guessed that all
of us would, it was logical, after all. There were
some things that only time did. He had grown slightly
taller, but so had I, and I held at least one good
half-inch over him.
The smile hadn’t gone though, it was exactly the same
as it had been, and I realised that I had it imprinted
in my mind. I hadn’t done anything of the sort
consciously, but after all the times he’d grinned at
me, it wasn’t anything extremely shocking, I suppose.
I nodded a short greeting, and he returned it, with a
bit more gusto. A bit? Pardon, a lot. But that was
Duo, and I really wouldn’t have it any other way.
He hugged me, and I felt slightly breathless. It
wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, a hug from Duo felt a
lot more natural then, say, a moment when I had to
shake a hand of someone. Before I could analyse that
fact, he let go. I felt… slightly upset, strange
enough. Like something inside had been found, briefly,
and for a second I had something special, but then it
I looked back down at Duo’s face, and he smiled,
effortlessly. I liked this smile more than I liked the
slightly overdone grins – but sometimes those were
rather endearing, too.
I reached down to pick up my small suitcase from its
resting place on the ground, and as soon as I had a
semblance of a grasp on it, Duo placed his hand around
my lower arm and pulled me in.
A little shock ran through me at the touch, but as
soon as it was gone, I decided, that like Duo’s hug, I
didn’t really dislike it.
He shouted to Quatre that I’d arrived, and that he
would show me to my room. He was as friendly as ever,
and for whatever reason, that reassured me.
As we walked along, he pointed out the bathroom, and
then the room where he was staying in, and I noted
both of them in the back of my mind. I felt vaguely
happy when we stopped at a door just near to where
Duo’s room was. “Here,” he pointed.
We entered a tidy room, and I placed my suitcase down,
then ran my hands down my slacks without thinking.
This would be the best time to ask Duo, I decided;
better to grasp the opportunity while it was there.
I turned around to see him sitting on the side of the
bed, smiling at me. He padded the area next to him,
asking me to sit down.
“What’s new?” he asked me.
I didn’t know the appropriate answer to that question,
so I murmured something unintelligible, ending with a
“Same ol’ Heero, huh.” He laughed, and to my shock, I
become conscious that I missed that sound.
Wanting suddenly to prove him wrong, show him that I
had changed, I quickly, efficiently, started telling
him what I had set out to do. I outlined what I had
done, mentioned the places I had gone in all this
time, and finally ended with my current situation. At
end, I wondered why I had never heard of anyone else
going through these things. Was it just me?
To his credit, he sat quietly through the whole thing,
looking at me seriously, and waited until he was sure
I had completely finished before he started talking.
“Heero,” he said, and I couldn’t help but feel that
the way he said the name sounded like he was…
savouring it. It wasn’t even my real name, but it was
nice, all the same.
“Heero,” he said again, and placed a hand on my thigh,
lightly, smiling up at me.
“Do you want to play a game?”
I allowed some measure of surprise to cross my face.
He didn’t answer my unspoken question, just continued
on. “Just answer my question, okay? One question.”
I nodded, minutely, but I had no doubt that he would
understand my consent. This was Duo, after all, who
had made it his job to analyse each and every action,
every ‘Hn’ I made.
Duo didn’t fail me. He smiled, softly, and asked me,
“Heero, why is the sky blue?”
I didn’t understand, not really. A random assortment
of answers trickled through my head, from proven facts
to ridiculous statements, and I settled for the very
first one, going through answering it scientifically.
Duo shook his head slowly. “No, Heero, this isn’t
about science, or studies, or anything of the sort.
Why do you think the sky is blue? Why do you know the
sky is blue? What do you believe?”
It was a game, I realised, remembering his earlier
question. That didn’t mean I truly understood how to
play it, or how he thought it would help me.
‘Trust him,’ something said, ‘he’s Duo. Trust him.’
So I stopped thinking, and opened my mouth, preparing
for the first thing that wanted to come out to do so.
Quatre’s shout for us to come down beat me to saying
Duo shrugged, seeming to be more like himself again.
“Later,” he told me, and reached out to grab my arm
again. “C’mon, let’s go down.”
We didn’t get an opportunity to return up to the room
I was staying in until after dinner. Dinner had been
nice, and Duo had been predictable: joking, laughing,
I had spent most of that time looking at him, and
wondering what exactly had changed in all this time
since we’d met.
I found myself taken with this urge to find out
everything about him. Was he happy now? Where was he
staying? Was he working? If so, then where? Did he…
have anyone special in his life at the moment?
I really didn’t like the thought of that. It wasn’t
right, that Duo should have someone like that. Oh, no,
I wanted him to be happy, but… He had to have the
best, someone who would love him forever, treasure
each word that left his mouth, make him smile like
there was no tomorrow. He had to have someone who
would listen to him, and adore him, and never, ever,
take him for granted.
I suppose, to me, there was no one in this whole, wide
universe that was ever going to be good enough for
Lord, staring at him like that had brought that
strange pang back, over and over again, to the point
But it never crossed my mind that it wasn’t worth
And then we were back in the room, sitting almost
identical to how we had been before, and once again,
Duo’s hand returned to its place on my thigh.
“Heero?” His voice bore a hint of expectation, and
though I wanted so much to be able to answer him… I
“Duo?” There was nothing to say. I didn’t know what to
say, I truly didn’t, and I was positive that anything
I did say would sound incredibly stupid.
He exhaled a small breath of air.
“C’mon.” He gripped my arm and pulled me backwards,
till we were both lying side by side on the bed,
staring at the plain white ceiling.
He said nothing, and I followed his example. I
listened to his breathing, regular and steady. I
schooled my own to copy his, until we were breathing
in unison… It was almost like it was just one person
I don’t know how long we lay like that. A great
feeling of peace washed over me. It was almost
ridiculous that something so simple could make me feel
this contented, but it did, and I was. Here, beside
Duo, I felt more joy than I had in the past year,
staying by myself.
I dared to sneak a peek at Duo; he had closed his
eyes, and was resting there, motionless. Nothing but
the rise and fall of his chest separated him from the…
God. It was like a fist had closed around my throat,
around my chest, around my heart. The very idea of
life without Duo in the world hurt me, hurt terribly
I choked down a swallow, the tranquillity I had had
before now replaced with this terrible fear. It
occurred to me how ridiculous I was being. It didn’t
make me feel any better.
His hand reached to touch mine, and he gripped onto my
I sighed; I couldn’t help it.
He was so profoundly amazing.
“Why, Heero?” His voice was like a light breeze,
brushing past me calmly. His thumb moved over my hand
“Because… because…” I hesitated, something I hated
doing. I never liked starting something without an
idea of how to finish it, that annoyed me. And again,
silence reigned, and I looked away from the outline of
“It’s late… we really should get to sleep.” Duo sat
up, making the bed shift. I got up too, and followed
him to the door. I had to, sort of, because he was
still holding on to my hand. Not that I couldn’t pull
away… It was more along the lines that I didn’t want
to. We stood there, in the archway of the door, and he
turned around and smiled at me.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, and his violet eyes
darkened a shade. He gave my hand a light caress, and
A strange mixture of awe and admiration struck me like
a tidal wave. I realised exactly how much Duo must
trust me, to show himself to me like that. I wasn’t
sure exactly what I did to make him see me any
differently from the others, but I knew that no matter
what, I’d never give him any reason to do otherwise.
Next time I saw him, I’d make sure that I did what my
heart told me to. Even if I wasn’t terribly sure that
it was right.
I ambled down the stairs the next morning, making sure
I didn’t make too much noise – it was still rather
early in the morning. I rounded a corner, and came
face to face with a rather sleepy-looking Quatre.
“Oh, Heero!” he exclaimed. “Good morning.”
I returned the greeting, and asked, casually, if Duo
was up yet.
He looked curious, and beckoned to the door. “He just
left,” he told me. “Said he had something important to
get back to.”
Important? Something so important he had to leave
without… saying goodbye?
I glared at the door, and almost missed Quatre’s next
words – “He just left, you can probably catch up with
him…” I knew I hadn’t imagined the hint of
suggestiveness in his voice, but I ignored it. It
wasn’t any of my business what he, or anyone else,
thought. I knew that Duo and I were just friends.
Friends. I hadn’t had very many of those, and I wasn’t
about to let my… best… friend go. Without saying
goodbye, that was.
I felt a slight sense of betrayal. I had thought he
was going to help me figure things out. Feeling a
little jealous, I again wondered what could be so
important – more important than me, than us.
I vaguely noticed Quatre looking at me with an
interested expression, but I didn’t very much care. I
wrinkled my forehead slightly. Was there even an us?
Did I mean anything at all to him?
My mouth went slightly dry. I didn’t want anything to
be more important to Duo than I was, selfish as that
may have sounded. I wanted him to feel like I was all
he would ever need. After all – there was nothing at
all more important to me in the world – not money, not
power, not even peace, than Duo. I was pretty sure I
could make it through another thousand wars if only –
if only I had Duo with me.
I’d give him power, I’d give him riches, I’d give him
forever, if only I had them to give. I didn’t – but I
could give him me, instead.
If he’d have me.
The sudden influx of information startled me, but at
the same time, I finally felt like I understood,
completely. And out of nowhere, I had the answer to
Quatre rested a hand on my arm. “Go,” he urged
I felt one of my rare smiles flit across my face.
“Thank you,” I spared, before I dashed past him and
ran for the door.
I could see his familiar outline some way up the road,
braid moving behind him. I ran as fast as I could, the
sight of him moving closer fuelling me onwards. He
grew closer, and closer, and at last the distance
between us was enough so I knew he could hear me.
“Duo!” He turned around sharply, braid swinging and
hitting him in the chest.
“Heero?” He sounded surprised, and I would have felt
slightly pleased that I had managed to surprise him,
but I was already filled to the brim with trepidation
of what I was about to say.
“I… I know,” I said, my voice sounding breathless.
“Duo?” I brought a hand up tentatively, to brush his
“Duo,” I repeated, stronger, now that he wasn’t making
any moves to pull away. “Duo, the sky is blue because
someone knows that blue looks flattering to your eyes.
It’s blue because every time you smile, you fill me
with peace, and there had to be some way to show that.
It’s blue because you’re amazing, and whenever you’re
happy, the clouds go away, and leave behind a blue
sky… and… And because blue, and red-” I brought my
hand up to brush over his chest, where his heart would
be, “Make violet.” I looked into his violet eyes,
trying desperately to get my point across. I was
babbling, slightly, and when the stream of words ran
dry I felt vaguely embarrassed and I began to turn
away, but the hand resting against my chest prevented
me from doing so.
He smiled. “We don’t need to know everything… but
someday we’ll know everything that we need to.”
I nodded an affirmative, but felt the painful need to
add: “I already know that I… love you.” And it was
true; I already knew I loved him, that I was
desperately in love with him, and I supposed I could
leave the rest unknown for now.
I saw him bite his lip, and I met his eyes as they
looked searchingly up. “Heero,” he breathed.
I was pretty sure my heart swelled a thousand times
larger, and I barely noticed I was smiling broadly at
I leaned forward and brushed his lips lightly, and it
was as nice as I’d never imagined it’d be.
And suddenly I was wrapped in a warm embrace, and Duo
– Duo was holding me, and I was gripping him tightly,
and I knew I wouldn’t mind at all if he never let go.
It felt right this way.
And next time anyone asks if I’m all right, I’ll be
able to tell them that, yes, I was alive and well,
that I was completely perfect, because I had found
myself in Duo. Then I’ll smile at him, and we’ll laugh
at how I’d never realised that the day Duo had tried
to leave without saying goodbye, he hadn’t brought any
of his luggage with him.