Disclaimer: Characters belong to their respective copyright owners, like Sunrise/Sotsu/Bandai. Plot, if you can call it that, belongs to me.

Pairing: 2x1
Warnings: [NC-17] AU. Crossdressing. OOCness. Rampant Silliness. Multiple POV.
Note: Yaoi. Lemon Meaning: graphic sex between two guys. Don't like, then don't read.

Good Salesmanship
by Ponderosa
Chapter 1


I stood looking up at the white stone steps that rose steeply to the first house on my chosen route. I'd probably be out of breath by the time I made it to the door, but the place was the fanciest on the block and as I've found, the rich ones are always eager to buy. Those poor lonely women, they always come up with question after question just to keep me around longer. I didn't mind when they were young trophy wives, but the desperate older ones scared me; like that Mrs. Une who kept putting on and taking off her glasses and asking if I had anything colored rose red.

Hefting the heavy silver case in my hands, I stopped myself from thinking about past sales and started up the steps to concentrate on the future. Thick hedges of jasmine lined the steep path and the pleasant smell of the tiny flowers made the climb a little less grueling.

When I finally reached the top of the steps, I set my case down on the doormat, it had something written on it, but I didn't bother to read it; I've seen 'em all. I took some time and prepared to make my pitch: I cleared my throat, adjusted my tie, checked my hair in the glossy reflection of the stained glass door, reaffirmed that I was one sexy sonofabitch and pressed the ringer.



The door?! Oh no! I spun around frantically, trying to decide if I should run or hide; that really wasn't my style but this was a special circumstance. I hadn't been expecting anyone to show up, because if I had, I sure as hell wouldn't be dressed like this.

"Hello?!" a voice called from outside. The door buzzed again and I bit my lip. If it was an important visitor, Mr. Khushrenada wouldn't be happy if I didn't take a message, even though he thought I wasn't feeling well today so I could stay here alone and Trowa would have to take my place.

"Hellooo?" the voice called out again. Should I just kill my self now to avoid being humiliated? No, that wouldn't do. I wouldn't want the others to find my body like this. Only one option remained, so I smoothed my palms down my chest and swallowed my pride.

"Can I help you?" I said, opening the door. My jaw dropped open as I came face to face with a delicious looking man standing on that tacky mat Mr. Merquise bought that read [Nice Underwear!]. Really, what had Zechs been thinking. I blinked away my disapproval and saw that like my boss' lover, this man also had long hair, only his was dark chestnut and pulled back away from his face...his breathtakingly handsome face.

What amazing eyes, I thought as I noticed their peculiar hue. I didn't bother looking at his face for long, my eyes merrily skipped their way down his body. He was wearing a nicely fitting dark blue suit with barely visible pinstripes. His tie and dress shirt were both plain black and wow, what a package; even through loose trousers I could tell he was hung.


"Hellooo?" I called once more. I knew someone was in there, I could just barely make them out through the heavy stained glass.

The door opened and a petite dark haired figure peered out and said in a low sultry voice, "Can I help you?"

Once she got a look of my hot self, her mouth gaped open and it wasn't long before she was staring at my crotch. Hah, I knew this would be an easy sale.

"Good day, Miss! I'm Duo Maxwell of Catalonia Enterprises," I said, introducing myself with a smile. "Is your husband home?"

"No, bu-"

"That's fine," I cut her off and dazzled her with a wider smile. "I'd much rather speak with a lovely young woman like yourself anyway.

"I have a few products you might be interested in," I said and gestured to the silver case smoothly. "Mind if I come in?"

She started to say something in protest, but like all good salesmen, I ignored her and picked up my case, "Great! Now, where shall I set up."

I strolled right in and poked around for a good place to set up my displays. The second doorway I got to entered into a music room with an open space right below the window. Perfect.


"...Is your husband home?"

"No, bu-" he cut me off and my attempt at explaining that I wasn't the woman of the house was stifled by a spine melting smile.

"...lovely young woman...few products..." I only heard about half of what he said, but what I did hear made my head spin. Time to come clean, I tried to explain that firstly, I wasn't a woman, secondly this wasn't my house and thirdly that no he could not come in. It was no use, he outmaneuvered me, talking over me and either ignoring or not hearing anything I tried to say.

Before I knew it, the man was past me and going down the hall, poking his head into the rooms on either side. I saw that his hair wasn't simply pulled back, it hung in a thick braid down to his butt and swayed like a tail when he moved. I was overwhelmed by the urge to reach out and pull it, but instead I just followed after him with a growing feeling of dread until he stopped inside the music room. He'd immediately went over to the window and pulled a set of folding legs out from under that silver case he'd carried.

"I've got some great new pieces including one made of hard plastic that's dishwasher safe," he told me as he pulled open the top of his display case. Great. Just what I needed, an obnoxious - lets face it the guy just wouldn't listen to me - kitchenware salesman. At least he was cute.


The girl sat down on the edge of a padded piano bench as I told her about the new waterproof model I brought along. She looked like a mixture of resignation and frustration, those weren't half bad moods to start with. Depressed people bought all sorts of things and frustrated people usually bought something just to get rid of you.

"You seem lonely and I've got just the thing," I said and turned around holding up the tamest item in my inventory.

"This one is perfect if you're a beginner. It's non-representational and has a gentle curve to hit all the right spots. It's a mild five inches long and one and a half inches in diameter," I smiled inwardly. She was staring at the toy in my hand and I tried to catch a glimpse up her skirt as she crossed her legs. She didn't have much of a chest at all, but I'm much more of a leg and ass man anyway. I continued listing the toy's virtues and I could swear she almost drooled when I showed off the flared base for harness or anal play.

"If you're looking for something a little bigger," I switched to a second toy. "This baby is called the 'Champ'. It comes in only one length, seven inches, but three widths: from one and a quarter to just under two inches in diameter. It also comes in a variety of realistic or fantasy colors." I patted the base of the dildo and added with a wink, "There's also a model with testicles if you're looking for realism."

"Now keep in mind, these are all silicone," I said, setting the toy back in my box and waggling a finger in the air. "I don't hawk that cheap rubber crap. These may cost a bit more, but believe me it's well worth spending a few extra dollars."

"Ah, here we are. You'll love this one," I produced a very realistic looking dildo. "This here," I shook the toy and it wobbled side to side, "the 'Midnight Rider' is made of a special thermal plastic called cyberskin and feels as close as you can get to the real thing."

I hid a smirk as the girl began shifting surreptitiously where she sat. The poor thing was probably so turned on by the prospect of buying a sextoy that she was trying to masturbate by squeezing her thighs together. Well, she wouldn't be left unsatisfied for long. I had the ...biggest... sales figures in the company.


Dildos? The man sold dildos?

I sprung a hard-on as soon as I saw him hold one up. I crossed my legs so he couldn't tell and clutched my bent knee with both hands. This made me lean forward a bit, and I worried that he might look down my shirt. I wasn't wearing a bra and that would make it equally obvious I was a guy.

"...anal play..." that line caught my attention and I forgot all about my neckline as he brought out a sizable toy and started rattling on about it. The whole time all I could think about was him using it on me.

When he brought out the third and largest dildo so far, I made the mistake of crossing my legs even further. The thong I was wearing sadistically buried itself deeper between the cheeks of my ass. Talk about uncomfortable. The feeling was distracting enough that I was able to ignore the man and his effect on my groin as I shifted around to try and salvage some degree of comfort.

"...wide selection of vibrators also; battery operated and the more powerful electric variety," did he just say vibrators? I abandoned trying to fix the thong and looked at what he was holding. It was a translucent purple, gently curving toy with nubs near the bottom. He twisted the red and black plastic base and the thing hummed to life.

Blood rushed back into my member and thanks to my squirming around, my panties had moved alright, slipping aside just enough to let my stiffening prick escape one frilly edge, creep up my thigh and ultimately tent the silky fabric of my skirt.

"Variable spee-," the braided salesman fell quiet as he spotted my bulge. After a long moment, where the only sound in the room was the vibrator's hum and me dying of embarrassment, he turned the thing off and eloquently said, "Oh my."


I was just about to show the girl how customizable some vibrators are when I discovered that she wasn't exactly a girl.

"I guess I don't need to show you the special clit stimulator attachment for this one," I said and tossed the little snap on piece of plastic back in the case.

The girl - no wait - guy blushed and cupped his crotch with his hands.

"Hey sweet thing, you don't have to be shy in front of me. The God of Sex appreciates all beautiful things," I purred and fingered the shaft of the vibrator in my hands. "I don't suppose you'd be interested in going straight into some demonstrations..."

"Demonstrations?" the boy gulped and I slid the vibrator back and forth between my fingers.

"Free of charge. All toys are sterilized and did I mention we also sell flavored lubricant?" I licked my lips and the dark haired boy shivered with lust. "Just stand up and trust me, aren't you the least bit curious?"

His will visibly crumbled as I took a tube of lubricant from the case and he rose to his feet. I walked over to him and slid the tip of the vibrator down the front of the thin silk blouse he wore. I twisted it on when I moved it down past his bellybutton and towards where his cock was sticking straight out and forcing up the hem of his skirt.

I slid the buzzing length of plastic along the top of his erection and he leaned back against the piano. From the look on his face I thought for a moment he might faint, but then he started rocking his hips and let out the most erotic moan I'd ever heard in my life.


The salesman, my brain helpfully reminded me that his name was Duo, was walking towards me. He was twirling the thin purple wand in his hands like a thug might toy with a knife and the predatory look in his eye rooted me to the spot.

His hips had a sensuous sway to them as he advanced on me. I was struck with the urge to drop down to my knees and confess what I was: a naughty boy who like wearing clingy skirts, thong underwear and needed a good fucking. His longlashed eyes were still locked with mine though and I couldn't move, even as he tapped the end of the vibrator against my chest and started trailing it down my body.

The spell broke when he turned the toy on and touched it to my aching hardness. I arched my back and was overwhelmed by dizzy excitement. The 'demonstration' I was getting set my groin on fire and I moaned loudly.

The intense pleasure stopped abruptly and I shot a dark look at Duo. My normally potent glare didn't affect him in the least and he had the audacity to smile at me and tell me to wait a moment. My irritation turned to curiosity as he went back over to his silver box of goodies and came back holding a flesh colored ribbed cylinder. It was too large to be a dildo, or at least I hoped so, because there was no way something that big was getting up my ass.

As he came nearer, I realized that the toy was meant to be penetrated, not the other way around.


I was going to have the boy turn around and insert the vibrator into him, but I reminded myself with a wince that I had witnessed first hand the reason one should never use a toy without a base for anal play. Poor Quatre, at least I got him to the hospital in under ten minutes.

I suddenly remembered the one type of toy that I hadn't shown off. It's not often that I bother, given that my clients are mostly female and shopping only for themselves.

"Interested in this one?" I asked, as I brought a fleshy pink vibrating sleeve over to him.

He nodded and I made a motion for him to turn around. I think he was a little confused, but he complied and draped himself over the glossy black surface of the piano. Being bent over like that made his perky little bottom very inviting, but I told myself that there would be plenty of time for that sort of thing once I gave him a proper demonstration of my wares.

I still had the tube of flavored lubricant clutched in my palm and twisted the cap off with one hand. I squirted a bit into the canal of the toy and squeezed the soft rubber to coat the interior.

The Japanese boy moaned as I fished around under his skirt for his panties. I expected something french cut or at least with a locatable hem. I finally had to slide my hand all the way up the outside of his leg until I found the thin strap that was so tight it indented his flesh. I worked a finger under the elastic and pulled it down his hips. It didn't come easily.

Getting the boy's panties off with only one hand took more effort than unhooking a bra in the dark with thumbcuffs on, but I finally got them down. I think he was relieved when I managed to pry the thong out from between his sweet cheeks.


Thank god I was free of that hideous thong. Duo had earned himself a place on my exclusive 'people never to kill' list. I delighted in the feeling of being naked under only a short thin skirt and closed my eyes.

Duo caressed the inside of my thigh with one hand, while the other guided the cold rubber sleeve over my erection. When he turned it on, the vibration was far more intense than the purple toy he used on me earlier.

I felt a massive bulge against my ass when Duo pressed up against me, he was half grinding against me and half holding me up. He squeezed the sleeve tight around my cock and slid it back and forth. I practically screamed every time the snug end buzzed around the head of my cock. My legs were twitching uncontrollably and I nearly fell when Duo stepped back and got down onto his knees. He pulled the toy off my cock and I heard him set it down on the floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously as I felt the thumb of his left hand slide between my buttocks and spread them open. He ran a lubed finger up and down along my crack and I hoped he was getting ready to fuck me.

"Continuing the product demonstration of course," he said and I felt him place something that definitely wasn't his finger at my ass.



I rubbed myself against the boy while I jerked him off with the toy and it took all my willpower not to open my fly and take him immediately. To rid myself of the temptation I knelt down and discarded the sleeve as I pulled the tube of lubricant out of my pocket. I spread him open and savored the feeling of his smooth flesh and the sight of my finger exploring his hairless ass. Shaved. My favorite.

Closing my eyes, I replaced my finger with my tongue and lapped up the honey-flavored lube. Heero splayed his legs and bent forward further to give me better access and I made wide strokes with my tongue; starting from behind his balls all the way to his tailbone, but always returning to swirl and flicker around his rosy ring. Firming my tongue into a point, I pressed it into his body and he groaned and pushed back, welcoming the intrusion.

I fucked him with my tongue until saliva was running freely down my chin and I couldn't taste the tang of his body or the sweetness of the lube anymore. When I pulled away, my jaw was numb and I had to wriggle it before I could speak.

"Ready for something bigger?" I asked and wiped my chin.

"God yes."

I trotted over to my case and brought back the last dildo I had shown him. I lubed it up and eased it into his body, twisting it as I shoved it in slowly. He kept trying to force his ass back to drive it further in and I had to hold my hand against the back of his neck to prevent him from taking control of the demonstration.


I couldn't take much more. My hands strove for purchase on the smooth piano top with each twist of the dildo and the rhythm of it being plunged inside me sent my skirt whisping lightly across the head of my cock.

"Fuck me!" I demanded and tried to lift my head away from the hand that held it down.

"Are you sure? I haven't even got-"

"Fuck me! Please!" I begged and tried to spread my legs even wider to tempt Duo. It seemed to work, since he pulled the toy out of me and stood it upright on the piano next to my arm.

He didn't take his hand away from my neck, but I heard the scrape of furniture on the floor. I twisted my head to look and barely caught sight of his foot had caught one of the embroidered ottomans; he was dragging it over to stand on it.

"How do you want it?" Duo asked, placing one foot on the ottoman and finally releasing my neck to move his hands to my waist.


"I meant, on your stomach or on your back," Duo said and sank his teeth into my shoulder.

"On my back," I moaned. He was so gorgeous, I wanted to see him as he fucked me.


I asked him how he wanted it while I tested the ottoman to see if it would hold my weight. It seemed sturdy enough.

"Hard!" he cried and I smiled. I'd give it to him hard alright. I bit his shoulder once, leaving a little wet spot on the silk.

When he told me what he wanted I told him to turn around, then I gripped his waist. I knew he was in good shape when I had felt his thighs, but the muscles of his stomach were amazing. They looked smooth and sleek through his blouse, but they were firm to the touch as I hefted him up onto the piano.

I scooted the ottoman to where he'd been standing and once I stood atop it, I was thrilled to find it was the perfect height. Heero's legs were wide on either side of mine and his skirt dipped down between his thighs, both revealing and concealing his excitement. I rested my hands on his knees for a while, letting my eyes have a good long look at the boy I was about to take.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and tried to pull me forward. I didn't need much encouragement. I flipped back his skirt and told him to lie back. He lowered himself back onto his elbows and I hooked my hands under his knees and pulled them up and apart.

Heero was so beautifully open and ready for me. The dildo had left him stretched and his ass hadn't contracted entirely back to normal yet. I moved his legs to rest over my shoulders to free my hands. I unzipped my fly and reached inside to pull my cock out, then brought the lube out of my pocket again. I held it in one hand as I fished a tiny foil square out of my pocket and tore it open with my teeth. I spit a piece of the package away as I rolled the condom on then employed the flavored lube once more. The tube had barely enough left and I dropped the empty crumpled shell on the floor.


I could feel I was loose and it was a struggle not to keep my muscles from clenching as Duo prepared to fuck me. He felt huge and hot, he hadn't even needed to use his fingers to position his cockhead, it nestled against me perfectly; poised and waiting to slip inside me. What was he waiting for?

"Fuck me..." I wanted him so badly. The condom made little wet squelching sounds as he teased me by barely pressing into me and pulling away repeatedly. "Please...I want you in me..."

I begged and clutched my chest. Finally I thought he'd give it to me fully, but instead he just head fucked me. Each time the ridge of his cock slipped in and out of my body felt wonderful, but it wasn't enough. I wanted that whole massive thing plunging into me, filling me, making me scream.

"Just give it to me damnit all. Fuck me. Fuck me and I'll buy everything you've got!" I cried and my voice rose in surprise when he grabbed my hips and thrust deeply into me.

If he hadn't been holding on to me, I would've just been forced back along the waxed wood piano top. Even now, my ass slid frictionless, gliding ever so slightly back and forth as Duo plunged into me.

When he started going faster and that monster cock of his got so far inside me I could feel the slap of his balls against my ass I didn't try to hold back my screams of pleasure.


I did what he asked. I gave it to him hard and every time I thrust into him, I could feel him slide along the glossy black surface. His body was incredibly hot and tight and felt so good that I forgot I was wearing a condom.

His legs were wrapped around me and the heels of his shoes knocked together producing a muted click in time to our rhythm. Between the beat it produced, the melody of his moans and my occasional groan that rose in counterharmony, it was fitting that we were in the music room.

I knew I wouldn't last long. I was usually good for quite a while, especially with a condom on, but the lovely creature that writhed and cried out as I impaled him was too much even for the God of Sex.

"You ready to come, baby?" I asked and freed one hand from his hip to slide it over his chest.

"God yes," he screamed as I gave him a particularly hard thrust. I smiled and toyed with his right nipple a bit before dipping my fingers into his open mouth. He sucked on my fingers eagerly and I pulled them wet and dripping to lower them and wrap around his cock.

I jerked him off for a while with only my fingertips, concentrating on pleasuring him to ward off my own orgasm. His eyes were clenched tight and his mouth was still wide open, every so often he slapped a hand down on the surface of the piano, causing the wires inside to complain.

When I could tell he was on the verge I made a fist and slid my hand entirely along his shaft as I pulled out nearly all the way and drove deep into his body. I thrust into him over and over. Each time I went slow at first, then rammed the last couple inches in hard. Heero loved it; he bucked and thrashed and I had a hard time keeping my hand on his cock, but somehow I managed and was rewarded by a particularly loud scream and a spill of hot cum rushing over my knuckles.

The muscles clenching around me and the twitching pulses of the cock in my hand brought me to the point where I lost my careful rhythm and was thrusting into him as fast as I could. I screamed almost as loud as him when I came, all the muscles in my body tingled and I felt dazed.


If I was a real woman and not just dressed like one, I'm sure I would've had a second orgasm when Duo's thick cock pulsed inside me. That had been the most mind-blowing sex I'd ever had before and I nearly whimpered with loss as he pulled out of me.

"Damn, Heero," he said, stepping down off the ottoman and stroking my legs as we both floated down out of a euphoric haze. "Did I give you my card yet, cause I'd like you to call me sometime?"

"Ahem!" came an intruding cough from the doorway.

"Oh Wufei, it's you," I said, acknowledging my employer's houseboy. I didn't care if he saw me like this. I was wearing his clothes and he knew I liked to borrow them. Wait a minute. If the houseboy was back, that meant that Mr. Khushrenada and Mr. Merquise were back too.

My eyes flew open and I lifted my head up off the piano.

"They're on their way" the Chinese boy said, pointing in the direction of the front door then letting his hand dangle limp wristed while he eyed Duo. "Who's the yummy man, Heero?"

"None of your business," I growled as I slipped off the piano and eyed the window. I could probably make it up the smooth outer wall to Wufei's bedroom where my clothes were.

"Duo Maxwell of Catalonia Enterprises," Duo introduced himself, smooth as satin even though his dick was still hanging out of his pants and he was in the process of the tying the end of a very full condom.

"Oh I've ordered from that catalog. You're a salesman?"

I was running out of time to make my escape. Wufei could flirt with the man all he wanted, he wasn't going to be up for another round quite yet and I had to get out of here.

"Why yes I am," I heard Duo say and I almost broke a nail as I tried to pry open the window. Damn thing was stuck. Only one thing left to do, try and make a mad dash down the hall and up the stairs. With any luck Mr. Khushrenada would have stopped to admire his flowers on his way to the door.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Duo caught my arm as I tried to run past him.

"I've got to get out of here!" I hissed and tried to break free.

"Tsk tsk. You promised to buy everything I had," he said and handed me the heavy condom. "Here hold this while I figure out how much that would cost you."

My employers chose that moment to show up; Mr. Merquise giving Wufei a pinch on the butt that the Chinese boy failed to slap away in time and Mr. Khushrenada giving me a look that told me I had a lot of explaining to do.

Duo meanwhile merely grinned at the appearance of two more potential customers before quoting me on how much I was going to owe him. With the way Mr. Khushrenada was looking at me I might very well be out of a job, so maybe I could work something out with the braided salesman in private. I grumbled and picked up my panties off the floor.

on to chapter 2

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