by Nazarri Blue
I would like to make a dedication here.
Timeless, all of it is dedicated to Kai Foster. If you have never read anything by Kai, please take the time to do so and remember.
Timeless is about many things and suicide is one of them, especially where homosexual males are concerned. When Kai took his own life, we were forced to face this reality head on.
We will miss you Kai.
For informational studies - [ http://www.qrd.org/qrd/www/youth/tremblay/maleyouth.html ]
With every drop of rain upon his window, Duo felt himself slipping into a dark abyss. It was a hideously horrendous feeling, like everything around him was falling away. The utter despair came from the knowledge that he was helpless to stop it.
More than anything, he realized that he was for the first time truly alone. There had always been someone in his life; Solo, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, Sweepers, his fellow pilots, and Heero.
But that was his past; Duo now faced the sad reality of what he had made of his life. He was a homosexual man that had tried to be something he was not. It was the “in” thing to be bisexual, but he just couldn’t keep up the facade. This was a lie that he tried to live and Duo Maxwell did not lie. He often wondered what kind of scar was etched into his soul with his betrayal of self.
Turning away from the window, Duo headed toward the shower, he felt unclean. From experience he knew that no matter how hot the water got and how hard he scrubbed, he could not make what he had done to himself go away.
Or what he had done to Heero.
The almost scalding water flowed over him, almost hissing over his skin. His hand unconsciously drifted between his legs as he thought of his love, of Heero.
Not that they parted on bad terms, but Duo had given up his only chance at happiness in hopes that Heero would find some. In a world that scorned homosexuals, there was no room for love between two men, even if it was that of twin souls. Ultimately he had traded their love in a vain hope for their acceptance in society.
His mind could see all the things that he had done to fake happiness, trying to live what people thought was a normal life.
But he should have known that it wouldn’t work. You cannot live such a falsehood without it bouncing back to hit you hard. So now he had nothing, everything that he had known was basically gone to him. His friends, family, and love were gone to the twisted hands of fate, fueled by lies and hatred.
In a moment of sheer despair, Duo grabbed his chest and let out a cry of anguish, refusing to shed tears. The streaming water masked the sound, but not the cry from his soul.
Heero bolted from his sleep, sitting up, gasping for air. He grabbed his chest as the anguish coursed through him.
“Duo!” he called out into the darkened room.
Something was wrong, very wrong.