Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters or its quotations or plotlines. They belong to the Sotsu Agency who owns their trademark, Bandai who licenses their use, Sunrise, and, of course, the guy who created them. I am neither receiving payment for this work, nor do I intend to accept any.

Pairing: 1'n 2, and who ends up seme is up for grabs
Warnings: Post-EW, gross boy stuff
Squick Factor: Recent Dx1 (air sick bags are located in the seat pocket in front of you)
Spoilers: Natch
Rating: R
Reviews: Always welcome, any sort of review.

Wash My Hair
Chapter Eleven: Oh, What the Hell. What's a Little S & M Between Virgins?
by Muffie

Mrs. Clovis stepped off the elevator like the bastard love child of Ghengis Khan and a fluffy toy poodle. She put her hands on her hips and glared at me over the rims of her glasses. The old bat paused to smile at Heero, not to mention checking him out like one of those old perverts in the men's room are always checking me out. That is, right before I flash my Preventers issue 9 millimeter and my Preventers issue badge. Though, come to think of it, one of those pervs, not a bad looking perv either, had immediately bent over, ass out, hands crossed behind the back, and begged to be arrested with a come and hither me, you big stud, look in the eye.

God, I was gonna need a squeegee to get all the icky old lady slobber off of my Heero. I put myself between him and her and prepared to battle to the death over his honor. It was gonna be a helluva fight. Mrs. C had proven on more than one occasion that she held a black belt in purse-fu. Wufei should take lessons.

Mrs. Clovis abruptly cracked her face and winked at me. "You sly devil. You never did send him over to check out my pipes."

I was appalled. Shocked and appalled! And she accused me of being a pervert and drilling holes in the wall so I could peek into her bathroom! In front of everyone in the building last tenants meeting even!

"Check out her pipes?" I'm pretty sure the back of my head was getting a grade A quit confusing me or else! glare at the moment. "Did you tell her I was plumber?" Great, he sounded incensed now.

"No, I certainly--"

"You are the naked young man that was kneeling in front of this disgusting pervert's door the other afternoon." She peered around me and giggled.

From the sudden intake of breath, I knew that my braid was getting treated to the rarely seen and sexy as hell Heero Yuy embarrassed and chagrined glare, complete with blush and pouty bottom lip.

"I live right next door to the disgusting pervert. Drop by and visit any time, dear."

I was aghast. Trust me, me and aghast? Terrifying. "Mrs. Clovis!"

She leered at him--I would probably have nightmares for the rest of my natural life from it--before toddling off toward the doorman, fanning herself in an over-exaggerated manner.

"And that woman calls you a disgusting pervert?"

"That old bag hates me. Can't imagine why, but she does."

Heero snorted, then pushed me into the elevator and pressed the button to my floor. "You've been a perfect angel, haven't you."

Perfect angel? "We-e-e-e-ell, I wouldn't go that far."

"What'd you do to her?"

"After I plastered over the holes she drilled in the wall, I put a personal ad in the paper for her. She was a bit cheezed, but how was I to know that she didn't like Pomeranians that way?" I shuddered. "That woman can do pissed like nobody's business."

Heero groaned. "Duo, we're going to have a little talk about proportional retaliation."

"Proportional retaliation. Right." I rolled my eyes. "This is me, okay? If you see my gundam, then I will kill you. Remember? The guy who taught me how to work these kinds of if/then routines was into overkill, ya know?"

He just shook his head and snorted.

I grinned and bounced into the elevator.

A few minutes later, he shut the front door behind us and locked all of it, deadbolts, chains, and even that stupid little doorknob lock you can break with a hard twist. Then he grinned at me. "It's time, Master."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and plastered my best cheerful face on. It was the one I used during the wars when I was outnumbered a jillion to one and the only working demolition device I had handy was the self-destruct button. "Dinner time?"

His already exotic eyes slanted a little bit more in way that made all of my nerve ending sit up and beg. "We're home. It's time for me to fulfill your fantasy."

"You're going to slather yourself with pizza sauce?"

The seductive glare slipped a little bit before he gamely plastered it back on his face. "No, it's time for me to wash your hair. I've been looking forward to this for a long time."

Wash my hair. I couldn't wipe the yes, I'm an idiot, and, yes, I'm ridiculously pleased with myself smile off with steel wool and a picture of Relena in her skivvies. "Me, too."

"Go to the bedroom, Master, take off all of your clothes, and meet me in the bathroom."

"Can't I just, uh, you know, in the bathroom? It's okay to strip in the bathroom."

Heero's glare told me otherwise. He pointed down the hall, presumably toward the bedroom. "Now."

"Gah, fine. Be that way." I stomped on to the bedroom with him hot on my heels, probably to make sure I didn't blow his mission plan to hell and gone like normal. "Heero, washing my hair is not a mission!"

He snorted. Like I didn't already know what he thought of that.

I flicked the light in the bedroom on and tried to figure out where best to drop trou so that I didn't embarrass myself before I'd gotten at least one hair washing out of him. I don't care what sorts of biased things he'd said about my little guy already, I just knew he would laugh the minute he saw it. He grunted, but took up the only exit out of the room anyway. Bastard. Maybe I could fit in the closet even though those sliding doors took up the last half an inch of room between my stuff and open air.

Heero's shirt hit the carpet. At my feet. There was a half-naked Heero behind me. A boot thunked, then another. Then a belt buckle jangled and denim whooshed. I whipped around and gawked. Well shit, if you had a bare-assed Heero in your bedroom, you'd gawk too!

"Strip, Master. You don't want to get your uniform wet."



I stuck my bottom lip out and toed off my shoes.

"All of it."

I fiddled with the buttons on my uniform shirt. "Heero," I whined. "C'mon, at least turn your back or something!"

He grunted again, a huffy, annoyed grunt at that. "Fine, Master. However, if you're still wearing something when I turn back around, I'll strip you myself."

Well fucking great. I stuck my tongue out at his back, then spent a few exceptionally pleasant moments admiring his tush. Heero has a world class tush. His butt is like the tush baseline for total tush perfection. No other human can attain the absolute beauty of that sculpted ass. Heero's tush was the epitome of tushness that all we lowly human aspire--

"Master, quit staring at my butt and take your clothes off."

Bastard. I stuck my tongue out at him and crossed my eyes for good measure.

"Don't stick it out unless you plan on using it, Master."

Ooooh! That jerk! Grumbling to myself things better left unrepeated, like, forever, I took my uniform off of my body with great care and then left it all over the floor. What? I can always find it that way. Besides, it would annoy the hell out of Heero with whom I was slightly miffed at, tush perfection aside. It was a sure thing that if I pulled on my robe, Heero would just take it off again, and my braid was long, but not quite long enough to do more than frame my modest assets, if you know what I mean. Yeah, it's kind of pathetic that I can keep the family jewels safely hidden with my hands.

Heero turned around suddenly, without warning, kind of like Scythe's habit of decloaking at Oz bases and scaring the "It's a gundam!" out of everyone before kicking major ass. His eyes would have been doing the whole undressing me routine if I'd been wearing anything but my hands and a blush big enough to power half of Brussels for a week. He licked his lips, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. I blinked. No way. He licked his lips again. Yes way! Holy fuck, Heero was drooling! Over me! I almost left Little Scythe unprotected for a moment while I rubbed my eyes to check to see if they were in working order. Almost.

"Come on, Master, I want to," he purred, "wash your hair."

Oh jeez, that voice was like an instant erection. He could read me the phone book and I'd follow him anywhere, blissfully, with nothing but my strategically placed hands keeping me from abject humiliation. He didn't even smirk, he just gave me that liquid blowjob smile of his and led me to my idea of heaven.

Maybe heaven was the wrong choice of words. Holy fucking hell. Heero had perverted my bathroom. Heero had turned my bathroom into a perverts paradise. Well, a make-do pervert paradise since it's a rented apartment, but what the hell, what's a little jury-rigged S&M torture chamber between virgins? There were chains hanging from the ceiling over my tub. Thick, heavy chains that were gathered with a bright red piece of plastic rope and tied off to the bar thingy molded into the tub where you're supposed to hang a washcloth. Somehow, I don't think the folks at Prefab Tubs R Us had this sort of thing in mind when they slaughtered all those fiberglass trees.

"Uh, Heero...?"

He looked up from lighting the candles he'd put on the sink and on the commode and on the shelf next to the tub. No wonder he wanted us to strip elsewhere, taking clothes off in here would violate every fire code the city had and then some. Wait, where did that shelf come from? It hadn't been there last time I'd paid this particular room a visit. Come to think of it, neither had the candles, the, er, optimistically sized tube of lube, this longish plastic blue vibrator thing with a dolphin carved into it--I did not want to know what he planned on doing with a long plastic blue vibrator thing with a dolphin carved into it sitting next to enough personal lubrication to grease up Shenlong's ass for a gundam gangbang marathon. Leaves us not forget the handc--wait a minute. Hand-- "Are those handcuffs? What in the hell do we need chains and handcuffs for anyway? You're washing my hair, not interrogating it! Besides, it doesn't know anything about gundam specs!"

He grunted, shook out the match, and then deposited it into the commode where it hissed at us. "This is my first time washing your hair. I want to make sure it's appropriately romantic, Master."

I realize that my leaps in logic use quantum mechanics as their map for argument to syllogism travel, but this was ridiculous. "Handcuffs plus hair equals romance?"

He gifted me with his quit deliberately being a pain in the ass glare, then sighed. "Of course not. The handcuffs are just there to make sure the proper romantic mood is maintained, Master."

Right. "Heero, I've got a meter and a half of hair going on here. You might be the soldier with the Perfect Body, but even you are gonna get some serious muscle strain if you try to do it wearing handcuffs."

He leaned over and kissed me softly, but not long enough to properly distract me from anything. "Thank you, Master. I'm not wearing the handcuffs, you are."

I was beginning to think Heero might want to consider working on this whole Master-slave thing a little bit more. "I might be a virgin, but I'm not completely ignorant. Slaves wear handcuffs, Masters wear sexy leather pants. That's the way it works."

"Masters usually have self control and patience."

I glowered at the floor. Just where does he get off insulting me while sounding all fondly amused by it? Like it's the cutest thing in the world and he just want scratch me behind the ears until my tail wags over it? And why in the hell does that make me feel so damned warm and cherished inside?! Come on, Maxwell, reach for the indignation. Indignant. You can do it. He's insulting your---

He's rubbing noses with me. "Besides, Master, you're shy."

"I am not!"

"Then put your hands at your sides."

Uh. My little buddy gibbered in horror behind my palms, which were kind enough to maintain a forward position in front of my petite penis, and tried to climb up inside my body. "Natural modesty is not shyness." Shit. I was blushing like an idiot. Again.

"You don't have to be modest, I've already touched you."

"Yeah, well, it was dark then. You know, dark?"

He tilted his head a little to the side and stared at me for a moment, then smiled. "All right, Master."

Y'know, for some reason, I didn't completely trust that smile. I glared at him suspiciously.

"If you're trying to make me feel guilty, it won't work. You're adorable when you pout."

"I am not pouting! I'm glaring! Dangerously!"

He kissed my forehead. "If you say so, Master."

I deepened my glare. "Omae o korosu."

He smiled again and said, "I love you, too, Master."

I huffed and tried to suck my bottom lip back into place. How can you argue with that? Apparently he didn't know either because he bent over the tub and turned on the water. Irked, I glared at the wall and did my level best to keep from crossing my arms over my chest. I was annoyed, but I couldn't leave my little buddy hanging out in the wind. If Heero laughed at it, I just knew I'd never get another boner again as long as lived without medical help. You know, like one of those air pump implants they give you so you've got this tube thing and bulb like the sadistic nurses use when they cut off all of the circulation in your arm until your fingers fall off? Well, they call it taking your blood pressure, but c'mon, do they have to amputate you while they're doing it? I don't think that I could deal with one of those hooked up to Lil' Scythe, even if it was the only way I'd not die a virgin. Besides what about the air pressure valve? How do you explain that sticking out of your groin somewhere? No way. I just couldn't turn my penis into a blow up doll.

"Master," Heero all but sighed, "your penis is perfect."

"You're not only the Perfect Hunk, you're psychic?"

With an amused smirk, he sat in the tub.


"You were petting Scythe. You only do that when you were obsessing about your erroneous and unfounded ideas about the size of your penis." He reached up and grabbed my wrist, tugging me forward gently. "Come on in."

I glared down at him and Little Scythe suddenly made it abundantly clear that, so long as Heero was naked, I'd never have a problem getting an erection. He's just like me. He might be little, but he's full of enthusiasm! Okay, maybe that's a little reaching in the look for the silver lining department, but hey, penises, penii, peneaux what the hell is the plural of penis? Anyway, penii deserve the love, too.

He patted his lap. "Get in."

I stuck my big toe in, to test the whole half centimeter of water that managed to build up between his legs. Holy fuck, how did I know he was into playing lobster? "It's too hot! Are you trying to boil us or something? Damn!"

He sighed, heavily. Okay, so he just stared at me for a moment before adding some cold, but it might as well have been a heavy sigh. "How is that?"

I stuck my finger into it, then added more cold.

He glared. "That's too cold."

"It is not."

He batted my hands away and turned the heat up. It wasn't going to turn me into lobster thermidor, but--

"It's halfway between, Master. Get in."

Get in. Right. How in the hell was I supposed to sit down without sticking my butt in his face? What if I had a pimple on my ass? Or a long, disgusting hair that I never noticed? Was there butt shaving etiquette I might not be aware of? What if I had an uncontrollable, er, gas explosion at precisely the wrong moment? I'd have to move to Siberia and change my name to Babushka or something.

Heero grunted and that was all the warning I got. One minute I was backing up, hey I'm not stupid, and the next he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me down into the tub on top of him. The good news is that no farting took place during my descent and subsequent landing. The even better news was that I was now sitting, bare assed, in a bare assed Heero's lap. Life just could not get any better than that.

His teeth settled gently into the point of my shoulder and his tongue started trailing wet little circles. Leave it to Heero to prove me wrong. Life could get better.

"Master," he purred, like a giant Duo-licking feline type Heero-tiger, "tell me about your Duo and Heero Perverted Preventers fantasies."

Okay, life could get blushier. "Uh, well, you see, it's kind of like...."

He waited for a few years before nuzzling my ear. "Do you think I'll look as good in my uniform as you do in yours?"

The image of Heero in that uniform took over. What that uniform did for Zechs and Wufei's asses was usually enough to make even the most psychotic misanthropes drool, hell, even Une checked them out, but Heero? Man, you get Heero in a Preventer's uniform and it was over. Helen of Troy thought she was hot shit starting a war? We could use Heero's ass in uniform to stop wars. If Une babe's precious Treize-sama had gotten a load of Heero's spandex, coming or going, he would have thrown himself at Wing's feet and begged to have Oz brought down the path of righteousness.



"You're purring."

I grinned. "I'm just thinking about your butt in uniform. Une's mad scientists are gonna have to invent something that keeps us regular mortals from seeing that if we're ever gonna get anything done. Maybe she'll make you wear a dress or something."

He sighed, long and hard, like he did every time I ever exasperated him in the war. What can I say, I'm talented. "Master."

"I think that one of these days, I'm gonna have to bend you over your desk and chew on your butt."

His sigh sounded a lot more annoyed this time.

Carefully as I could, to keep my bony butt shanks from castrating him and to keep my little guy safely hidden under my hands, I twisted so I could see his face. "What's wrong?"

He glared at me. "I wanted our first time to be romantic."

I almost pointed at the long plastic blue vibrator thing with a dolphin carved into it on the shelf, but caught myself in time. Sorry, Little Scythe! I nodded in its general direction. "How in the heck do you expect me to be romantic with that thing?"

Heero glowered at it. "Trowa said it would help."

"Trowa." I shook my head and scrunched my eyes. "You asked Mr. I'm Not Gay for advice on gay sex?"

He glared at me blankly with his bottom lip stuck out. Gah, that was like the cutest sexiest thing ever. "I didn't. He just pointed it out when we stopped at the sex shop."

"You went to a sex shop with Trowa."

He nodded.

"Trowa. Not me. Trowa."

He did his wounded puppy-dog glare again. His eyes got all big and almost shimmery and I just wanted to lick him all over. "I wanted to surprise you, Master." His bottom lip curled out even more. I couldn't help it. I leaned in just enough to suck on it. God, he even tasted like a pout, a hot, delicious, melted honey all over your body pout. My hands slid up his abs and found his nipples. He hissed, then moaned when I tweaked, then petted. I think everyone's got different kinds of nerves. You got pain nerves and tickle nerves and gotta pee nerves. His breathy panting was twigging every sex nerve I owned. "Master," he moaned, low and long, and I about premature ejaculated all over him. "No, wait."

"You can't stop the premature ejaculation train before it's pulled into the station, baby," I said before testing to see if the sex nerves in his throat were as sensitive as mine. They were.

"Master," he moaned again, then suddenly jackknifed into motion. His lips connected with mine like someone plugging a cord into a wall socket. His tongue slid inside of me and he lapped at the inside of my mouth. God, he could measure every ridge of my palate with the tip of his tongue all he wanted to. It tickled and made me quiver all at the same time. Was this kissing? I've done lip to lip with several people in my life, but nothing like this. Like he was trying to taste the very essence of me from the inside out. At least until he pulled back, the black pupils of his eyes nearly drowning out the blue. He licked his lips and moaned, "Master."

"Heero," I moaned back and reached for his face to pull his tongue back into me. My wrists yanked painfully against something solid. I looked up, a little above my head. "Heero! Take 'em off!"

He didn't. He looked down between us and stared at my penis.

"Take the handcuffs off me, Heero, right now!" I frowned suspiciously at him. He was still staring. I could almost see the air valve in my penis's future. "I order you take them off!"I yanked at the handcuffs and got no where. My little guy was trying to hide behind my balls dammit.

I'd like to think it was a flash of concern and reason that prodded him into motion, but he probably shook himself of his oh-look-how-tiny stupor because of the sheer panic in my voice. Without a word, he shut off the water and then settled me between his thighs with my back to him.

I was about to start yelling when his hands slid along my abs and covered my little guy for me. "Better?"

I glared at the shower wall. "No."

His finger slid up and pulled on my bottom lip. "It will be, Master."

I gave the wall such a blistering glare that it's a wonder it didn't explode. "If I'm the master, why in the heck am I the one tied up?"

He licked my cheek. "You're adorable when you pout."

"I don't pout!"

I could see the smirk from the corner of my eye. What the hell? Heero Yuy just does not tease people to get a reaction out of them. Right? Anyway. There was nothing cute about it and I was, er, pissed? No, you can't be pissed at Heero when you're naked in a bathtub with him. Slightly concerned. Yes, I was slightly concerned with his, um, hand. The right one was deserting its post, dammit. He picked up a cup from somewhere and dipped it in the water. He slowly poured the water over my chest. It was a little hotter than I was used to but it felt, well, pretty good. He did it again, moving up my chest toward my shoulder. Okay, it felt damned good.

Dropping my head back against his shoulder, I let him pour hot water where ever he wanted. Besides, it's not like he could give my little guy an inspection from that angle.

"Just relax, Master, let me take care of everything." His hands roamed over me from collarbone to my finely honed and gorgeously sculpted abs. Hey, a guy has to compensate somehow, ya know? One of his fingers swirled through my belly button moments before deliciously hot water slid across my neck and chest.

I groaned, shutting my eyes. "A guy could get seriously used to this."

He pressed a kiss to my neck and poured more water over my arms.

"Hey, Heero?"

"Hm?" He slicked the bar of soap in his palms, noisily stirring up lather.

"Do you like being a sex slave?"

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

"Haven't had sex yet."

What do you say to that? Me? I turned beet red and mumbled out a little, "Oh."

His fingers moved slowly over my arms, one at a time. They slowly massaged the soap into my skin from wrists to pits before rinsing them. The soap slurped and then Heero's hands were slicking over my chest, rubbing and tweaking. Thumbs brushed over my nipples and you know I was panting like a bitch in heat.

His hands curled under my butt and lifted me up, until I was sitting in his lap, out of the water. He spread my legs and I let him. Heck, even Little Scythe didn't care that he was standing loud and proud out in the open where the object of our affections could get a good look if he so chose. We even kind of got off on the idea. Well, not the premature ejaculation kind of get off, but more along the lines of Drooling Duo and his Dribbling Ding-a-ling kind of get off. See? Horniness is evil. It makes you do things that you shouldn't ever do, like show off your micro-penis to your obsession. His soapy hands slipped down my belly and cupped my micro-penis before I could get a good panic attack worked up over it. His fingers worked over my balls, behind my balls, to the sides of my balls, and along my whole dick. The scratched through and combed over my pubes until I was ready to scream.

"You're so hot, Master," he murmured, or at least I think he did. "I touch you and you're ready to go off." He jerked along my shaft a couple of times.

"Oh, God," I groaned, looping the chain in my hands just to have something to anchor me to earth.

He let me go before I could go off. He poured water over my little buddy, combing the suds out of the way. "Not yet, Master. Wait until we get to bed."

He opened the drain with a toe and undid my handcuffs.

I opened my eyes and glared at the wall. Horniness can only be evil if you keep being horny! Argh! "Heero! Dammit! Re-horny-ize me!"

I could feel him freezing behind me. "What?"

"I was getting good and horny, and then you stopped."

"Oh, I don't want you to cum until you're in my mouth. You can wait for a few minutes, Master."

Cum in the mouth is good. That kind of implies blow job. Blow job. Heero was going to give me a blow job. "Oh. Um. Yeah, okay."

He nudged me in the butt none too gently until I got the hint and stood up. A minute later, the lights were flicked on, the candles blown out, and I was getting sloughed off with a hand towel. "Yo, Heero, leave the skin, man."

"Sorry, Master." He blushed. God, that was cute.

"No prob--mmm." It's official. Heero can shut me up with a kiss anytime. I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around him. My braid slid long my butt to tickle my hip. His fingers curled around it, tugging my head back so he could get a better angle to penetrate my mouth with his tongue.

He slowly started backing up, pulling me out of the bathroom and down the hall with long, wet kisses that addled my mind. He pulled his tongue out of my mouth to check our surroundings, then sent us off on a new vector, which I believe was toward the bedroom.

Wait. Braid. I avoided his lips and reached behind me. There was a braid there, all right, and he was hanging off of it. Moreover it was a dry braid. Not even the end was wet! I tried to jerk it out of his hand, got into a minor tug of war that ended up with me dangling both it and his hand in front of his face.

"What the hell is this?"

He blinked. "Your braid."

"No shit! It's dry!"

He nodded, then tried to kiss me again.

"You were supposed to wash it! Remember? We got into the bathtub specifically so you could wash my hair."

He smiled, then. "I did."

I jiggled my braid and his hand. "Hello!"

"I washed it." He slipped his other hand between my legs, tugging on my pubes. "It's just as soft and silky as I dreamed it would be."

Call me an idiot, but it took me a few minutes to realize what hair he was talking about. I glared at him. "You know, this," I wiggled my braid and the hand hanging off of it under his nose, "is the hair I wanted a sex slave to wash for me."

He blinked, but didn't quit fondling my hair. The wrong hair.

Don't tell me you wouldn't be gritting your teeth in frustration. "Heero, you really suck as a sex slave."

He let go of my curlies to grab my dick and tug me into my bedroom. "Suck? I can do that, Master."


on to 'mr. tangerine speedo'

back to muffie fiction

back to fiction

back home