Wash My Hair
Chapter Six: When Godzilla Comes A-Visiting
"Duo Maxwell! When I get my hands on you, you're going to wish that I'd brought an anesthesiologist along!"
You know, you'd think that in a professional, para-military organization such as the Preventers, there would be a lot less bellowing going on. And the death threats? Don't get me started. I should really have a conversation with Commander Une about hostile working conditions and hazardous duty pay.
The door to our office crashed open and I looked up at the enraged valkyerie and plastered an innocent look on my face. Show time.
First, a little tactical misdirection. I blinked at her. "Did I do something to make you mad?"
"Oh, no you don't, you little bastard. You're not wiggling your way out of this. You know damned good and well what you did."
It took some doing, but I put a guilty look on my face. "I promise that Wufei doesn't know anything about it! It was just a joke!"
Sally choked on her next howl of outrage. "What?"
She glared. "Exactly what doesn't Chang know about?"
I grinned sheepishly and scooted the chair very carefully away from her. "Er, nothing, nothing at all. I must have been thinking of, um, something. Yeah, er, something...."
She bared her teeth. "I can lose your shot records."
"I have ten copies."
"And schedule you for a prostate exam." She grinned and it so wasn't very becoming of lady. "With me."
"Oh, now Sal--"
"Don't you now Sally me. Fess up or I'll turn your gay man's best friend into your worst proctological nightmare."
"Well, ah, you see, it's like this. Wufei's bag was just sitting there in the locker room after working out and well, he left his, er, I shouldn't say this in front of a lady like--"
"I was the leader of a group of guerillas. There's nothing I haven't heard. Don't try to weasel it out of it," she growled through clenched teeth. Okay, now that was kind of scary.
"Well, it seemed like such a good idea at the time, so I kind of, er, appropriated Wufei's undershorts for you. I was doing it just for you! Honest!"
"Under--" She shook her head. "Undershorts? What undershorts?"
I blinked. "You, um, haven't, um, found them?"
"I'm talking about the roaches!" she bellowed.
"What roaches?" Not too innocent. A sprinkle of confusion, a touch of curiosity, and enough of a grin that says oh, let me in on the joke!
"The rubber roaches you put in my examining room right before I had to give Ms. Finnegan her yearly physical. The Ms. Finnegan from Human Resources who is convinced that I'm better off replaced with her son-in-law!" Ooh, tone down the shriek, girl.
I winced in sympathy. "Ouch, that must have been ugly."
Sometimes I think I should change my name to Dammit Duo Maxwell. D.D. Maxwell. Has a ring to it, no? "What? You can't think that I did it!"
She glared a glare only women can pull off. An I have PMS and a dull butcher knife glare. I've seen it on Dorothy and let me tell you, those eyebrows and that glare belong in the Horror Hell Hall of Fame.
"I don't think you did it, I know you did it!"
Ha, you do not. Not a single one of those security cameras saw me, let alone any of her people. I stuck my bottom lip out--hey, you got to make adorable work for you. "I know I play a lot of jokes to cheer people up, but jeez, Sally, not everything fun that goes on around here is my fault!"
"Right. Tell me you didn't do it, straight out."
And now to shift the blame to another, um, potential perpetrator. "Well, I do have to admit that they're probably mine--"
"I knew it!"
"--but the last time I saw any of my bugs, Wufei was playing with them." Which was true enough. I bugged her torture chamber first and then bugged Wufei's coffee. He was off washing his mug and cursing all of my ancestors right now. And probably cooling off a little bit. For a minute there, I thought he really was going to kill me. The man has no sense of humor.
She had her eyebrow arched. Jeez, can all Chinese people do that or just the Preventer kind? "Right. Why would Chang Wufei, Mister, as you put it, No Sense of Humor, put fake roaches in my examination room?"
I flinched, just a little bit, and stared really hard at her neck. "I didn't say he did it." Just a touch sullen and a little bit of braid fiddling for effect.
"Did he do it?"
I jerked my head to glare at the wall. "I sure as hell never saw him do it."
In my peripheral vision, I could see her settle back a bit and cross her arms over her chest.
I turned a blinding grin, full of teeth and twinkles, on her. "Like you said, why would Mr. No Sense of Humor pull a practical joke on you? You guys are tight and stuff. I mean, he's not like me. When I figured out that I really, really liked Heero, I put a rubber snake in his bed." I gave a rueful little chuckle that sounded completely fake and squeezed my braid in both hands. "Wufei just doesn't seem to be that kind of a guy, right? Not like me." I did the nervous chuckle thing and let it trail off.
"Thank you, Duo. You've been most helpful." She smiled sweetly before stomping off down the hallway. "Chang Wufei!"
No, Sally, thank you.
I permitted myself a small Chang Wufei style smirk before turning my attention back to my pile of research. I am such a genius.
Thirty minutes later Wufei stormed into the office and slammed the door so hard it bounced off the jamb and hit the wall again. It took him three more slams before he did it gently enough to keep the thing closed. He marched to his desk and stood, fists clenched. He took a deep breath, held it until his face turned red, then slowly let it go. Then he did it again. I watched him curiously as he yanked his ponytail out, well, what was left of it, then smoothed his hair back into its usual slicked back queue and wrapped the band around it. Then he did the breathing thing again. Weird.
A moment later, his butt hit his chair and he stabbed a few buttons on his vidphone. "The Vice Foreign Minister," he growled.
I frowned. What in the hell would Wufei want with Relena?
"She's not taking calls at the moment, may I take a message?" I knew from experience that Relena's secretary was just as snooty as Relena herself.
Wufei ground his teeth together. "It's about Heero Yuy."
I surged to my feet. "Wufei! No!"
"The Vice Foreign Minister is very busy, Agent."
I bounced around the desk, heading directly for the off switch.
"Oh for the love of--What was that idiotic thing that idiot woman called it? It was something ridiculous. Oh yes. Code Deep Velvety Prussian Blue Like the Mysterious Ocean Depths. Maxwell, you touch that vidphone and I will lop off your hands." Then the bastard put his hand on my face and shoved me backwards.
"Oh! One moment, sir. I'll priority connect you."
Wufei fended me off with a little bit of kung fu long enough for Relena's face to pop up on the vidscreen. "Hello? Is anyone--oh, Wufei! You have news for me? Is that Duo? What on earth is he doing?"
"You jerk!" I yelled, tackling him bodily.
"Minister," Wufei gasped out, using a nerve pinch to get my arm out from around his neck. "Maxwell has been in contact with Yuy."
I yanked on his ponytail. "You asshole!"
"I have reason to believe that--Maxwell!" He deftly twisted, avoiding getting hit by the chair as we tumbled to the floor, me on top.
"Don't listen to him, Relena!" I yelled. "He's just pissed off because of some--ouch!" He flipped us neatly over because, well, he had a hold of my braid and was yanking like a total asshole who didn't get the concept of sportsmanlike conduct. "Bastard!"
"Duo? Where is he? Have you seen him? Is he okay? Where has he been? Has he mentioned me? Duo? Duo!"
I almost bucked him off, but Wufei rode it out like a trooper. "I saw Yuy this afternoon. He's staying with Ma--mmph!"
I shoved my braid in his mouth and shut him the hell up.
"I see," Relena said, very, very coldly. "Thank you, Wufei. Duo Maxwell, you should be ashamed of yourself."
The vidscreen clicked off.
Wufei spit out my hair and jumped off of me, backing away and twisting his face into this odd hateful glare/all knowing smirk combo.
I sat up and shoved my bangs up to glare back. "How in the hell could you do that?!"
"How? You ask me how after what you've done? I should kill you where you sit!"
"I didn't sic Relena on your ass!"
"You had the she-beast believing that I would stoop to dishonoring myself by hiding plastic insects in her examining room!" he roared. "Do you have no sense of common decency under all that hair?"
I couldn't help it. I started giggling. I clamped my hands over my mouth, but the laughter still poured out. "Oh, c'mon, Wu, even you gotta admit that it was funny."
He looked affronted. "It was not!"
"C'mon, just imagine the look on Freaky Finnegan's face? I bet she spit out that lemon she's always sucking on!"
He so cracked a smile. He got it back under wraps real quick, but he cracked it.
"Besides, I only did it 'cause Sally wrecked your car."
He slumped against the wall and groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Maxwell, we are not fifteen any longer. We are professionals with a great deal of responsibility. This means that we are to behave with a certain amount of decorum. While I do appreciate that you've...thought enough of me to obtain a...measure of vengeance for a wrong, I cannot appreciate the manner in which you've gone about doing so."
"In other words, you're still cheesed because I made Sally think that you're the one who did it."
He ground his teeth together loud enough to do the fingernails on a chalkboard screech down my spine, hell you could probably hear it three floors down. "No. In other words, grow up! Behave like an adult! Cease with these grammar school pranks you constantly play and act like a Preventer is supposed to act!"
I sighed. "Jeez, Wufei, I thought you liked fighting with Sally, too. It always puts a sparkle in your eye and you relax a lot after that. Wasn't it you who said that for an idiotic woman with the charm and temperament of a starved wolverine, she is remarkably satisfying to argue with? You're just too much of a chauvinist pig to pick fights with her so someone's gotta help you out."
Wufei looked miffed. You know how a Persian cat can look really miffed when you feed it a brand of cat food that it thinks is beneath its dignity? Put a too-tight pony tail on it and you've got Wufei being miffed. "I said nothing of the sort."
"I recorded it."
"Will you please stop helping me?"
I smiled at him. "Someday, when you don't need my help anymore."
"I don't need your help now!"
"Of course you do. I'm the only living creature that can put up with you for any length of time. Even your plastic plant died. As wonderful as I am, Wu, that's not exactly saying much about you coming out of your cage and joining the rest of the human race."
"I am just fine as I am, Maxwell. It's none of your affair how I live."
I snorted and stood up, dusting my fanny off even though all of the surfaces on Wufei's side of the office were usually clean enough to eat off of. "Right. When was the last time you did anything with anyone besides me and the occasional lunch with Sally so you can pretend you're dating someone? Hell, does Sally even know you've been casually dating her?"
He glared at me.
And for the peace resisting day aunts, "There is something seriously wrong when Quatre won't even put up with you."
"I am not that bad."
"Yes you are. What's really sad is that you're not like that. You're a great guy. You're not the type to be the life of the party, but you're the kind of guy who makes a great friend. You just gotta quit acting like a complete dickhead because you're not. You're only a partial dickhead."
He snorted in was probably supposed to be disgust but didn't quite cut it. "You know nothing about me."
I grinned at him, shoving my hands into my pockets. He'd moved past the physical violence phase. "I know ya love me, man. Don't worry, I love you, too. Like a friend though. It's not that you're not a complete hottie, babe. If I hadn't met Heero first, I'd be all over your sexy ass."
"Why me? By all of the gods greater and lesser, why me?" he moaned dramatically and covered his face again.
It's pretty safe to say that Duo Maxwell has never met up with a rhetorical question that didn't get answered anyway. Heh, Colonel Une near on broke my jaw over a couple of them back when she was gloating about my imminent execution. "Because I think you're pretty damned special, buddy."
"Idiot. You're a complete idiot." See? Told you Wufei loves me.
I bounced over to him in two bounds and wrapped him in a patented Duo Maxwell Blitzkrieg Hug. It was actually designed for extreme Chang Wufei applications and has been extensively field tested on Chang Wufei himself in various moods and locales. And I've never gotten hit either. Well, once, but I was half drunk and he was tweaking on adrenaline so that doesn't count. He took a swing at me, but I managed to duck it easily enough. Wufei really loves being hugged. He just doesn't like to admit it. Of course, Wufei hates to admit anything unless you make him. He's lucky I love him so much.
I dropped into my chair and flipped open a file.
Wufei glowered at me for a full five minutes before sitting himself with all of the grace and dignity of an offended Mother Superior. Trust me on this one, if you ever meet a Mother Superior and she gets the idea that you're catholic, you do not want to offend her. Anyway. He tapped his pen on his desk a couple of times, jiggled in his chair for thirty seconds, and then aimlessly ruffled his papers. "Maxwell."
"It's really okay, Wufei. I forgive you for being a total prick."
He snorted in disdain or disgust or something. "I fear that my vaguely rash and completely justifiable actions--which you induced--in contacting the Vice Foreign Minister might have some repercussions on Yuy. While she will satisfactorily torture you, which is no loss, I do not wish to see Yuy inconvenienced for your idiocy."
I grinned at him, but only because it annoyed him. What kind of fucked up logic was that? It was my fault he called Relena? But that's Chang Wufei in a nutshell. If he had to choose between apologizing, admitting he was wrong about something, or a long torturous death that lasted a thousand years, he wouldn't even blink before picking death. Hell, he'd probably say please and thank you for it. "Apology accepted. That wasn't so hard, was it?"
He glared. "I was not apologizing to you, idiot. We must warn Yuy about that Peacecraft woman."
Oh shit. Relena. Heero. "Chang, if this stupid stunt of yours ruins my chances with Heero, I'm going to kill you slow. I will torture you to death in ways that even the most sadistic serial killer would find inventive and impressive. Are we clear?"
"Why do you persist in proving how much of an idiot you are every time you open your mouth? Call Yuy and inform him that you've once again--"
"Me! I'm not the fucking moron that called a Code Deep Shiny Blanket Blue Like Mars's Open Pets!"
Wufei laughed at me and it wasn't his nice one either. "It's Code Deep Velvety Prussian Blue Like the Mysterious Ocean Depths."
"It's kind of fucking pitiful that you know that. Unless you've been mooning over Heero, too."
Wufei treated me to another glare and snatched up his phone. "I'll call Yuy. What is his number?"
"I dunno. I don't think he has a phone."
Wufei growled in Mandarin--he's so dumb if he thinks I can't understand Chinese--and stabbed a few buttons. "Barton, put Yuy on." Wufei paused to smirk at me. Whatever. "Yuy, I have news. The Vice Foreign Minister is aware that you are currently staying with Maxwell."
At least he didn't blame me for it.
"Yuy? Did you hear?" He glared at me as if this were all my fault. Bastard. "Maxwell has--Yuy, there is no need to yell. I am aware that Maxwell is trus--Yuy. Yuy. Yuy!" He shook the phone. "Maxwell did not inform that Peacecraft woman. He is an idiot with no concept of danger, but he does have some self-preservation instincts."
Sometimes, I really wanted to hit that arrogant bastard. Maybe he just needed a good ass-whupping. "You're a son of a bitch, you know that Wu? You're goddamned lucky I love you like a brother, or I'd have to do something really mean to you."
He ignored me. "The truth of the matter is that Maxwell provoked me in a manner that simply could not be tolerated and I retaliated in a like manner." His glower deepened. "Yes. Yes." He nodded. "Of course. I understand you might feel that way considering that you have managed to brainwash yourself where that idiot is concerned, but it's still his fault. Stop yelling, Yuy." Wufei's glare turned positively murderous. "You've threatened to kill me before and we can all see how far--Yuy. Yuy!"
Snickering, I stood up and swung my uniform jacket over my shoulder. "Tell Heero that I'm heading home and I got my phone with me. I'll call Tro with an update if Princess Pink shows her obsessed ass up."
"I can't, he hung up."
"One of these days, bucko, you're gonna have to admit when you're wrong."
He turned a funny shade of red. "I'm perfectly capable of doing so, Maxwell."
"Right. You coming?"
He glowered. "Unlike some people, I have work to accomplish."
"Jeez, man, I've been done with all that crap you told me to do for like an hour now." Wait for it.... Wait for it....
He blinked, his jaw dropping open, then closing. Then he tried to inhale and exhale at the same time, setting off a round of choking that turned him a deep purple red. God, I loved doing that to him. You'd think he'd have learned by now. Hell even Une figured out that I'm a workhorse; it's just that I'm a horse that can't be corralled. Though to be honest, Zechs had to explain it to her a few times. Wufei, well, let's just say that the Wuffster can't take the stick out of his ass long enough to see that there's more to Duo Maxwell than a fabulously sparkling personality. If it wasn't for Heero, or Zechs, gotta respect the man's claim. Sheesh, what's with me and repressed Asian boys? To be honest, though, if Heero is into that kinky leather stuff and it weirds me out, doesn't that make me the repressed one? Quite the conundrum.
"Hey, Wu? If Heero is into kinky leather sex and I think it's creepy, does that make me more repressed than Heero?"
Wufei turned red, then snarled, "I will catch a taxi."
"You sure? It's no trouble to take you home."
He turned an even brighter shade of red and refused to meet my eyes. "I have work to finish."
I looked down the hall, spotting Zechs' blonde head bent over his desk. Heh heh heh. Perfect. I couldn't've set it up better myself. "Hey, Zechs! I gotta jet and Wufei needs a ride home. You gonna be sticking around for a while? Give him a lift?"
"Maxwell! I am perfectly capable of dealing with my transportation issues on my own!"
Zechs looked up and smiled at me. He nodded. "No problem!"
"For shame, Wufei, I'd never leave a friend in need. See ya!"
There were no pink monstrosities parked outside of my apartment building when I got home. Thank fucking God. Heero wasn't back yet, so I took the opportunity to change into some flannel pj pants and a cut off t shirt--can I help it if the pants ride low on my hips and cling to my butt and made Hilde drool last time she visited--clean the place up a little, and make some Italian for dinner. I didn't want Heero to think I was some kind of a slob loser. I was a bit less than neat, shall we say, when we bunked together back in the day. Am I even old enough to use the phrase "back in the day"? Anyway. I wanted to make a good impression. If I closed my eyes and thought really hard, I could still feel his arms wrapped around me and his husky "My Duo" echoing in the stairwell. I wanted it to be real so bad, but I still couldn't understand why Heero--we're talking Heero Yuy here, the man who saved the world twice, the living incarnation of all that is perfect about humanity, the hottest hunk ever who could have anyone he wanted, up to and including the Queen of the Universe--why would Heero want me? Little old nobody me? I mean, I didn't even know how to use a tube of toothpaste until I met up with the Sweepers. Why would someone as wonderful as Heero want to wash my hair?
Yes, I even vacuumed under the bed. I was gonna pull the fridge out and clean behind it, too, just in case 'cause Heero can get all anal like that in point two seconds, but the front door opened and I could hear Heero say something to Trowa and I couldn't really think of a good excuse to be cleaning behind the fridge without looking like a kiss up or something.
"Hey guys! How as your afternoon? I got some rice chicken stuff in the oven. My day went okay, but Wufei got another bug up his ass after you left, but that's not unusual. I think it'd be a bad day for Wu if he didn't get a bug up his ass at least once a day, ya know? He's all uptight and repressed like that." God damn Heero looked good in my jeans and my t shirt. Even if he was still wearing that stupid collar.
Heero blushed, just a little, tilted his head down a bit, and shyly--yeah, Heero does shy--half smiled at me. He was, he was so, damn. I found myself smiling back just as shyly. He was just so cute. His smile grew, just a little bit more, and he met my eyes just a little bit more and I blushed, ducking my chin until I could only see him from the corners of my eyes. His weight shifted a little and his sweet smile turned into an embarrassed little smirk. It took everything I had not to squeal out a kawaii! but there was nothing I could do to keep the smile on my own face from growing. That just made me blush harder.
"Hello, Duo," Trowa said. The bastard was snickering. "So are two just going to stand there?"
Oi! Heero must think I'm a complete idiot standing there grinning and blushing like an idiot just because he's so cute! I put a grin on and tried to pretend that I wasn't doing a damned good imitation of tomato. "No, sorry, just a little, er distracted."
Heero flashed a wide, beautiful smile--you think he's gorgeous when he glares, that's nothing like when he smiles. It's like sun coming out of the clouds, birds singing in the morning, double cheese extra pepperoni pizza fresh from the oven beautiful. "I'll just put these away," he said, lifting the bags. I couldn't help grinning as he took his things to my bedroom.
Trowa laughed outright, then sprawled on my couch. The man's all legs, you know? He took up the whole damned thing and it was the biggest, cushioniest couch I could find, too. I about had to beat Doro off with a stick when I picked it out. She hates it, said it was just so bachelor in that bored supercilious snooty bitch way of hers. When informed that I was a bachelor, she stuck her nose in the air and said I was a gay bachelor, therefore I should have superb taste and skip the beer commercial decor. I had to point out that the guy in back with the tie clip had a big nose before she left me alone long enough to close the deal on the couch.
I checked the food because coming out of the kitchen got me a great shot down the hallway and into my bedroom where I could see part of Heero's body carefully arranging his purchases in a corner. We'd have to get another chest of drawers for his things. Something inside of me shivered in delight and I had to grin all over again. Down boy. It's just until he's on his feet and stuff. Swallowing the sigh that wanted to let the world know how disappointed I was about it, I went over and dropped into my recliner.
Trowa was still Mr. Grinning-Britches. Butthead. "So I hear that someone called Miss Relena."
I glowered as evilly as I could. "Wufei did. He got all pissed off because I sicced Sally on him."
Heero dropped down on the floor beside me, leaning up against my legs. I had my fingers threaded through his hair before I could remember that I wasn't supposed to be taking advantage of him. He practically purred and his hair was so soft and I couldn't remember a single reason why I shouldn't continue petting him.
"Sally? Wufei?" Trowa prompted.
"Oh. Yeah. I put my rubber roaches in her exam room of torturous death and she didn't find them until she was giving Freaky Finnegan a physical. Now that's enough to give me nightmares for a week. Anyway, I managed to convince her that Wufei did it."
"How--nevermind. I don't want to know." Trowa shook his head.
"Anyway, they had a nice little shouting match and Wu got uber pissed at me. He decided to retaliate by calling in Princess Pink's Code, uh what the hell was it?"
"Code Deep Velvety Prussian Blue Like the Mysterious Ocean Depths?" Trowa said helpfully.
"What in the hell is that?" Heero demanded, twisting his face to look up at me.
"That would be what you have to tell Relena's staff to get priority connected to her at any time of day or night with any information leading to you," Trowa said. "She emails me about it once a week or so."
I pouted. "I never get any mail from her."
Trowa smirked. "That's because she doesn't like you."
"Yeah, yeah. Lucky me." I brushed my hand over Heero's hair again. I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit that I was really getting into the way the stiffer strands would brush along my palm and send major tingles shooting all the way down to my toes while the softer strands sort of just kissed it and made it all better. Rough and gentle, coarse and tender. That was my Heero. My Heero. Oh, I wish.... Heero.
"Duo," he murmured, a small smile on his mouth and his fingers sliding over my knee.
"Ugh." Trowa said. I couldn't tell if he was grimacing or not because Heero was smiling at me. "You two are too disgustingly cute to tolerate. I'll see you later. Email me, Heero." Then he was gone.
I couldn't even take issue with being referred to by that evil and heinous girl-cootie word: cute. The God of Death could be not cute later. Right now, Heero was smiling at me.
"Heero, wha--" what do you want? I chickened out. Me, the God of Death and scourge of Ozzies and Wufeis everywhere, turned yellow. I couldn't ask him that. Not yet. He looked up at me with those blue eyes and little smile and I just wanted to sit there and pretend it was forever. That he wouldn't find someone better once he got himself back together. Someone that he deserved. Like the Queen of the Universe. "Why did you leave Relena?" Oh shit. I didn't mean to say that.
He looked briefly pained. "I'm gay."
Oh yeah. Amazing how you can forget the details in the midst of self-flagellation. "Oh."
"She wanted me to be something I couldn't. She wouldn't take no for an answer, so I left."
We sat there staring at each other for a few minutes before I figured out that we were going to play the old twenty questions game. "What'd she do? Try to trick you into going out with her or something?"
He looked vaguely disgusted. "Marriage."
I blinked. I can't say I was surprised, but it was kind of a surprise. I guess I always pictured them getting married. He gave her a teddy bear, you know? He wouldn't know anything about giving presents and he did it for her.
"She started buying bridal magazines and Dorothy--" not Mistress. Yes! Yes! Yes! "--said she was making marriage noises. I asked who Relena planned on marrying and Dorothy said me."
"Did you just leave then?"
"I didn't believe her. Relena had never mentioned anything to me. Four evenings later, however, she left her bridal magazine on my pillow with engagement ring ads marked. Relena admitted that she'd left it to give me hints when I confronted her with it. Dorothy offered me a place to stay until I figured out what I wanted and I left that morning."
"When I heard you'd disappeared, I was, um, kinda hoping you'd come to me." I could have just kicked myself for saying that. Smooth, Maxwell, very smooth.
He smiled that sweet smile again, though it seemed a bit sad. "I wanted to, but you were with Hilde and I didn't want to...intrude."
"But I wasn't--"
"I know that. Now."
We sat there quietly for a few minutes before I couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, I gotta know. How does a gay gundam pilot become a, er, sex slave to Dorothy Catalonia?"
He blushed again and started fiddling with the cuffs of his jeans. "I was considering either college or Preventers when you suddenly signed up and moved to Brussels. Alone. I planned to join immediately, but...."
I tilted my head so I could see his face a little more clearly. "But?"
"But I didn't know if you would be receptive to me or how to find out." His fingers curled around the cuffs and squeezed. "Since Dorothy was already a Preventer, she offered to find out what you wanted."
Suddenly, all of those lunch conversations with Doro where I'd complained and whined and wished I'd had a slave to do everything from scrub the toilet to washing my hair came rushing back to me. I slapped my forehead and groaned. "I didn't literally want a slave, God, I was just whining. You know how I like to complain."
"That's what Dorothy said, but, I, um," his voice dipped to an embarrassed near-whisper, "liked the idea. So I asked her to teach me for you."
You could have slapped me upside the head with an elephant and I wouldn't have noticed. I couldn't think of anything to say. Not a damned thing. So, naturally, I blurted. "But what about Dekim Barton? I thought he was your first master?"
He smirked up at me, side-long. "He had a hand in training me, as a soldier. And he liked to be called Master Barton. But he never did anything like that."
"I'd be pissed at you for tricking me, but that's just too much of a relief to hear." Oh thank fucking God, too. Just the thought gave me creepy crawlies.
He twisted onto his knees, between my legs, his hands clutching at my thighs, and he leaned up until his eyes locked on mine. "You are my master."
"Please quit calling me that. I don't want a slave."
He shook his head. "No."
"Dammit, Heero, quit being stubborn."
He yanked my hand out of my lap and pressed it to his chest. I could feel his heart beating like a red lined engine. "You are my master."
"Heero." So I was whining, sue me, I'm damned good at it.
He pulled my hand out far enough to press a wet kiss to my palm, then trailed my fingers along his jaw before sucking my middle finger into his steamy hot mouth. I went from vaguely perky to gundanium boner in point zero one--have I mentioned that zero one is my favorite number, I should have--seconds. It is unutterably embarrassing to get a complete hard on when you're wearing loose pj pants and the object of your affection's face is only about a foot away from your lap. I almost poked his eye out. God, I just had to go commando so I wouldn't have any panty lines. Heero's teeth scraped delicately along the inner pad of my finger and I wondered just when in the hell it had gotten so damned sensitive. I closed my eyes and prayed very, very hard that Heero wouldn't just happen to notice my circus tent impression and if he absolutely must notice the geomorphological landscape of my flannel, please let him be impressed with my equipment.
My finger slid out of his mouth and he pressed my palm to his cheek, nuzzling against it. He was so soft and warm. I couldn't believe how good he felt against my hand. Then he moved and my hand just naturally curled around his head to sink into his hair. I loved his hair. Then there was pressure surrounding the head of my dick. And there was hot and moist heat on the tip. And before my mind could connect the dots and make the picture, I opened my eyes and looked down and everything inside of me exploded in this huge hazy self-destruct sequence of wet joy. Heero's mouth was on my penis. Oh. My. God. Heero's mouth was on my cock. There was white and stars and the image of Heero's mouth on my erection burned permanently into my retinas and there was beeping and mewling--when did I get a cat?--and all of my blood was rushing around like citizens of Tokyo when Godzilla came a-visiting but didn't know exactly where to go.
By the time I got enough blood and oxygen to my brain where it would do some good resuscitating my shocked and awed brain cells, the mewling had changed to panting and the beeping had receded into the distance. I blinked the ceiling into focus and suddenly became hyperaware of the fact that I'd just had an orgasm.
Heero climbed into my lap and pressed a wet kiss to my lips. He nuzzled the side of my neck and hugged me until all I could smell was Heero and sperm and let me tell you, that scent is 200 proof intoxicating. "My Duo," he said with his deeply satisfied ninmu kanryu rumble. "My master."
Then he climbed off my lap and went into the kitchen. I watched his butt, completely bemused. My platoon of brain cells were running around inside of my head trying to figure out what in the hell just happened, who had the goddamned map, and where in the hell the captain had gotten off to this time. I licked my lips and tasted cum. The beeping stopped and the oven opened, smells of baked chicken and rice threatened to overwhelm the smells of Heero and seminal fluid. I licked my lips again, just to verify. Yes, that was definitely ejaculate and I didn't need a forensic specialist to tell me that. And Heero had put it there when he kissed me. And considering where his mouth had been a few minutes ago....
Oh. My. God.