Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters or its quotations or plotlines. They belong to the Sotsu Agency who owns their trademark, Bandai who licenses their use, Sunrise, and, of course, the guy who created them. I am neither receiving payment for this work, nor do I intend to accept any.

Pairing: 1'n 2, and who ends up seme is up for grabs
Warnings: Post-EW, gross boy stuff
Squick Factor: Recent Dx1 (air sick bags are located in the seat pocket in front of you)
Spoilers: Natch
Rating: R
Reviews: Always welcome, any sort of review.

Wash My Hair
Chapter Three: A Few Princess Relena Barbies Shy of the Dreamhouse
by Muffie

I started to come to, half expecting my face to be bouncing off of Tro's ass as he carried me off to the brig with my butt staring at the ceiling. Heero, that fucker, never pulled his goddamned punches enough. Trying not to groan because groaning involved greater use of my diaphragm than I wanted any truck with, I wrapped my arms around my middle because, Jesus God, it fucking hurt. I was suddenly aware of two things, one, I had gotten a lot wider since the last time I'd touched my belly, and two, my belly was full of long, hard muscle instead of the six-pack ridges I'm understandably proud of (in your face Wu!), was very warm, and wasn't wearing a shirt like the rest of me.

That heat I was feeling on my face, well, I didn't think it was Tro's ass.

I had a couple of choices, as I saw it. I could keep my eyes closed and pretend that nothing bad was going on, just a nine year old Khushy pulling a Napoleon and my ass getting happily shot at while some moron tries to drop a colony on the planet. While he was on the planet. Ol' Dekim was a few Princess Relena Barbies and one Barbie Dream 'Vette shy of his Dreamhouse. I'm sorry, I don't give a fuck what kind of happy box you plant yourself in the ground in, if you drop a colony on the planet, the cockroaches aren't going to be able to thank you in person when they assume the throne you'd planned on taking for yourself. Hello, dummy. Where was I. Oh, right. Option two was to open my eyes and pretend that there was nothing untoward happening. You know, like a half naked Heero casually lounging on top of me. Half naked. You know, the kind of naked where there's an awful lot of skin showing. Color me insane, but option one was looking pretty damned attractive to my big head. My little head, the traitor, was nuzzling up against Heero's thigh. At least I hoped it was a thigh.


I squeezed my eyes tighter. Tro's ass. Dekim's haircut. Flying the 'Scythe.

Something warm curved around my cheek. "Duo? Are you okay? Talk to me or I'm taking you to the ER."

"I'm fine!" My eyes flew open and all I could see were Heero's eyes and a little bit of his brows. They were so big, this close, and blue. I had no idea there was so much depth to that blue. And look at the different colors that set it off, those, whattaya call 'em, striations? They were black and green and blue and a was that maybe a little bit of purple?


"Huhm?" I hoped my voice wasn't nearly as dreamy as it sounded. His brows knit together, drawing downward and hiding a bit of those gorgeous irises. I put my thumbs and forefingers on his eyelids and pried them wider without thinking that, yeah, he was going to put some pain on my body for taking such liberties. "Hey, I was looking at those!"

Despite my fingers propping his eyelids open, he blinked and his brows slid even farther south, then they relaxed. There. Perfect! I could see the whole thing again. Yes, it was! A little bit of purple hiding amongst the rich blues in his irises. Just a little bit. Like he had a little bit of me in his eyes. Something about the way the blue warmed up, kind of like the feel of swimming in the Caribbean on a late, summer afternoon, clued me in that he was smiling at me somehow. His lips brushed mine and his forehead dropped down to rest on mine, but that didn't matter because he was smiling and it kind of made the blue twinkle a little, like when the sunlight stretches across the waves first thing in the morning.

"I want to sleep with you," he murmured against my mouth. I got Wufei drunk once--to this day he still has no idea exactly what's in Irish coffee, so don't tell him because I really want to keep my whole braid attached to my head--and he went on and on about Zechs's voice until he passed out on his desk. Yeah, Zechsy has a champagne flavored phone sex voice, but it ain't got nothing on Heero's. Zechs's voice could send a little shiver down your spine and make your cock tingle. "I want to sleep with you, like this." Heero's voice could make everything inside of you heat up and throb, especially when it sounded all soft and gooey like that, like it was coming from somewhere in the middle of him where it was always warm and safe. "Just like this."

I could really get into this, myself. The never leave bed again kind of getting into this. Sinking my fingers into his hair, I petted him; not the Psycho Doro good puppy petting, but the kind of long, slow strokes with your fingers against the scalp petting. Quatre pets Trowa like that when he thinks Tro is too tired to notice it. Don't tell anyone, but Tro purrs just like one of his lions when Quatre pets him. I wanted to close my eyes and just savor the entire Heero sensation but I just couldn't give up the view of the prettiest blue in the world. So I kept my eyes open and just looked. I can't even begin to tell you how blue his eyes are. They're the bluest blue in the whole universe. They're, like, the epitome of what blue is supposed to be. Next time I go to war, I'm gonna strip down and paint my body blue, exactly that color of blue, because it's all the blues that are Heero. You know, like war and peace and strife and victory and pain and compassion and battle and strength and gentle and washing my hair.

Heero slowly rubbed his nose back and forth over mine. "Forever."

My fingers trailed down the downy soft hairs that got progressively shorter the closer I got to his nape. They tickled and tingled, then touched leather. Forever. Nothing lasts forever. Especially fantasies. Tugging on the collar to remind myself that it was real and this whole little lovenest thing I had going on in my head was not, I decided that I had to pee. "Lemme up."

He pulled back a bit, his eyes narrowing just a little, but still smiling.

"Lemme up, Heero, I gotta pee." I shoved on his shoulder for good measure.

He frowned down at me. "That's not very romantic."

"You might want to think about what's in the direct line of fire, here."

He smirked slightly and very slowly rubbed his groin against mine. "You can't pee with an erection."

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe you can't."

"I can help you with it," Heero said then slipped his tongue along my lips. Oh yeah, he could help. A lot. God could he. "Master."

Or maybe not. Maybe I should clue Heero in that the word "master" coming from his lips was instant turn off. Like the All Nutty All Scientist All Naked Revue doing the Can Can instant turn off. And then he wouldn't say it at the exact wrong moment and then I would be at his sexual mercy and that is supposed to be a bad thing. It's a bad thing. And speaking of the Freaky Five, bye bye boner. Well, O didn't really have that bad of a body. Shit, now I know I'm insane. I've got a half naked Heero grinding here, and I'm thinking about O? Can you say, O my God? O, how stupid? O, I gotta pee? O hell, now I'm giggling.



I exploded with laughter. Heero pushed himself up to get the wide angle view and glared at me.


"O!" I managed to curl up, howling over this. "O, I'm gonna pee! Get off!"

Looking, well, I couldn't tell what sort of expression Heero had on his face because I couldn't see past my tears of hey, look, I'm a moron laughter. Heero rolled off, probably horrified. I'd be horrified if he was going to pee on me. I barely made it to the commode in time and I could barely stand up on my own. I tried to stop laughing because, let's face it, you can't aim accurately and giggle. To top that off, when you're giggling, the jerking diaphragm does some interesting things to the, let's just call it consistency of the beam from the ol' beam cannon, if you know what I mean.

Heero leaned against the door jamb, frowning at me. "Master--"

"O." You gotta know by now that I'm incorrigible.

He rolled his eyes at me. Honest to God. "You're laughing at me."

That killed my urge to laugh deader than roadkill. I hadn't heard that particular tone from him since he set his own broken leg. "No, I wasn't. I was thinking about master and that got me to thinking about the freaky five and how disgusting they all were and then I thought that, for a weirdo, O didn't really have that bad of a body, which was just wrong. On so many levels. But then you said master right then and blam. O."

He glared.

"You mind? Pissing isn't a public event, you know."

"Fine, Sir." He whipped around and stomped off to the living room. What the hell crawled up his ass and died?

After a shake and a wipe and judicious use of a rag and the scrubby bubbly spray--this is why I don't keep joke books in the john--I decided that I'd better make my guest comfy. Miss Hospitality I ain't, but hell, I liked Heero. A lot. I'm talking the kind of a lot that's usually prominently featured in dreams that make the sheets sticky. Down, boy. I'm a guy, you know. We think with our dicks; it's what we do. Some geek actually did a study--you got to wonder if the government forked out the cash for it--and found out that guys, on average, think of sex every eight seconds. Heero has a way of putting me ahead--snigger--of the national average.

I found a clean pillow and a couple of blankets in the shelved closet off the bathroom, which is strange because I usually keep more important stuff, like porn, in there. This is why I never let women do my laundry; they put it away in the most fucked up places. Not that you can stop Hilde with anything less than Scythe's gundanium hand when she's on one of those help poor Duo be less than a total heathen bachelor so he doesn't have to suffer in the hell of the eternally damned testosterone poisoned environment crusades of hers.

Heero was sitting at the table, which had been cleared and wiped off. God, he looked fifteen again. All he needed was spandex, a green tank top, and the yellow sneaks that Relena had once called me up expressly to bitch about for forty five minutes. I kinda liked 'em. Steel toed and you could play basketball in them. Multipurpose and you don't have to spend six fucking hours running from shoe store to shoe store for the goddamned things. See? This is why I'm gay. That and I like to bump uglies with guys. And I like to look at naked guys. Especially Heero. I actually saw Heero naked. My God.

Right. Heero at the table looking fifteen. He was still only in my jeans--down boy--and that collar, but he had that perfect, rigid posture that gave me sympathetic muscular spasms just looking at it. His fingers were on the table in front of him, drumming it like the typing habit was so ingrained he couldn't not do it. He was staring intently into the middle distance, or into an imaginary LCD monitor. He looked, swear to God, just like he did when he was mission planning.

I dumped the blankets and stuff on the couch and sauntered over as casually as possible. "I put some stuff on the couch for ya, buddy."

He drummed his fingers on his imaginary laptop--hey, I've still got an imaginary Deathscythe Hell, so I can relate--for a few moments, then looked up at me. He was either mentally reliving the missions where he had been stealing data from an Oz facility, at the Oz facility, while I was blowing up the Oz facility around him, or he was constipated. What? You can never tell with him. It's not like he's going to tell anyone when he doesn't feel good. Omae o korosu can mean anything from I wish I could kill you even though I'm just a big ol' softie to I have walking pneumonia, please call an ambulance, you have ten minutes until I expire. Just for reference, jack off sessions are so much better when you make omae o korosu mean I want to fuck your ass until your back teeth are floating in my sperm. I sat down before my boner grabbed any more attention than it should.

"Are you gay?"

"So you're not constipated? That's good because I'm out of the pink stuff."

He gave me one of those looks. "Duo."

"Yes, I'm gay." I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him my best it's okay if you have a problem with that because I know the best places to hide whatever's left of your body glares. I learned it from Hilde when I accidentally walked in on her one morning while she was doing senseless chick stuff in the bathroom that turned her face green. The camera I was carrying accidentally went off and several pictures of her ranging from surprised return of the swamp thing to enraged, nightmare inducing return of the swamp thing accidentally found their way into several email boxes of mutual acquaintances and the bulletin board at work and the one at our favorite diner and, oh yeah. I think it's safe to say that Heero is immune to glared death threats. He smirked at me and went back to his imaginary laptop. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, whatever. When you get done planning your imaginary mission on your imaginary laptop, come on down to the imaginary hanger and help me upgrade my imaginary Deathscythe's imaginary weapons systems. I'm planning on pretending to demolish Wufei's apartment building and then pretending to flick him off to Mars with imaginary Scythe's finger when I get there at oh dark fucking thirty tomorrow."

He glared at me. "I am not planning an imaginary mission."

Hm. So he had a real mission working behind those spine-meltingly gorgeous blue eyes. How to extract that information. I smiled at him sweetly. "Of course not. How silly of me."

The glare deepened. "I'm not in the mood for your games, Duo."

"Hey, it's okay, buddy. I'm not judging here. Even though it doesn't even have hyperjammers, I still call my car Deathscythe Hell and pretend I'm using a thermal scythe on the fucking morons that somehow managed to get licensed to drive around here. I'm not gonna get on your ass about imaginary missions. I bet it's relaxing and stuff for you." I widened the sweet smile. "Sometimes I even pretend to borrow imaginary Wing's imaginary beam cannon."

He huffed and narrowed his eyes. Shit, if Hilde ever learned to look at people like that, she wouldn't need to threaten me with pink hair ribbons and a skinny braid on each side of my face to get me to behave. Though, somehow, Heero managed to get this soft, almost vulnerable look lodged into his glare of doom. Hilde could never pull that off. "Do you like me?"

"Yup! You're my best friend." I let the sweet drop out of the smile in favor of reassurance and beaming honesty.

"Duo," Heero said patiently. "I'm gay."

I nodded. "You said."

"You're gay."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that."

"Do you like me?"

"I just said so, didn't I? I like you, Heero. You're a great guy and fun to be with. Don't let anyone else ever tell you different because they're all a bunch of uncultured poltroons."

"Duo," Heero said like I was two years old and hopped up on sugar or something. "I'm gay."

I opened my mouth.

"You're gay."


"Do you like me?"

Jeez, and Heero's usually so quick on the uptake, too. "For the third time, yes, I like you. You're my best friend."

He groaned and looked pained. If he'da been Hilde, he'd be beating his forehead on his imaginary keyboard.

"Are you okay buddy?"

"No, I'm not okay. I'm asking if you want to be my lover and you're, you're--" He cut himself off with some snarled Japanese.

Oh. So that's what this is about. I smiled gently at him and reached across the table to squeeze his hand. "Don't sweat it, 'Ro. I understand. I really respect you, you know? I would never take advantage of you like that no matter what Doro is making you do."

"Doro is making me...." He trailed off, his eyes wide. I hoped that he knew that I wouldn't abuse his generous nature like Psycho Dotty was all into. I hoped he was speechless because he was shocked, yet grateful that I respected him enough to treat him like a human being with feelings and the final say in how his life should be run. I decided that it was progress even though the thought of rewarding him by letting him give me a blowjob was trying to make itself a priority.

Squeezing his hand reassuringly one last time, I stood up and shoved my hands in my pockets before I gave into the urge and ran them through his hair. You wouldn't believe how much I wanted to touch his hair. I freaking itched to do it now that I knew exactly what it felt like. And I thought I had it bad before. "Heero, buddy, you're more than welcome to stay here, with me, as long as you like. I'll help you get back on your feet and figure out what you want from life if you'd like. You don't have to go back to Doro if you don't want to. You don't have to be a slave and she can't make you be one. You're so much more than that."

He blinked at me in pure shock. I'd like to think there was some gratitude in there, but I'm not Relena to be seeing only what I want to see in him. He shut his mouth with a snap and sighed, long and lustily. "Baka."

Call me crazy, but I like to think of his bakas as an endearment even though I know they're not. "Hey, think it over, buddy. You don't have to answer right away." I grinned at him. "I'm here to back you up on this mission. It'll be like old times! If you want, we can even get two of those twin beds and do the dorm thing again. That'd be cool because then I wouldn't have to clean out the spare room. Not even Hilde is brave enough to go in there to clean and she's got that female insane thing going on, you know."

Heero just sighed again and dropped his forehead to his imaginary keyboard. "Duo no baka."

"Well, buddy, it's kind of late and I gotta go blow up the Wumeister's apartment building pretty damned early so I'm gonna turn in. There's some stuff on the couch and you know where the bathroom and the kitchen is. Feel free to help yourself. If you get bored, I got vids and vid games. I keep the porn in the closet in the hall. Hilde put towels on top of my vid disks for some reason. Women are so weird." I smiled at him again. "G'night, buddy."

"Oya sumi." Well that sounded awful defeated. Maybe he just needed some time to think about my offer and how much better it was than what Dorothy was doing. "Duo no baka."

Needless to say, I had to jack off three times before I could go to sleep. You just can't get an eyeful of naked Heero Yuy and not jack off over it. It's the law, or it should be. Make that four times. Needless to say, jacking off does nothing for dreams. My libido was in overdrive and I had the erotic dreams to match it. God, how I love my little Dream Sex Kitten Heero. To tell the truth, he's why I never had much luck with dates. They just couldn't match up to my Dream Sex Kitten. Probably only the real Heero would ever do and we all know how likely that is. He'd get his life together, figure out what he wanted, and go for it like a mission, and I'd be curled up at night with only my Dream Sex Kitten Heero to keep me company. Enough depressing shit, especially when there's wet dreams about my lil' Sex Kitten out there to enjoy.

I dreamt about taking Heero up on the slave thing. I'd bent him over, spanked his hot little ass, and then kissed it all better. With lots of tongue. Lots of tongue, if you know what I mean. There was a really weird one where we were in Deathscythe Hell fighting mobile dolls that looked like a bunch of Dorothys wearing Relena's war-time look and I was sitting, spitted on his lap, and he was using my dick like a stick to pilot with. Let me tell you, Dream Sex Kitten Heero can fucking pilot me like that anytime. I really liked the one where he went to HQ with me in the morning and he bent me over Wufei's desk while Wu was off filing another change of partner request with Une. Then came the best one, my favorite, where we were curled up in bed together, making hot, passionate, wild monkey love. I've had this one and its many variations a lot.

Tonight's love making started out with him naked and me in my PJ bottoms. He lifted the sheets up and slid into bed with me, right up against my body where every bit of him matched every bit of me like we were machined that way. I told him that I loved this dream like I always did. Call me weird, but I liked to make sure my Dream Sex Kitten Heero knew how much I appreciated him. He kissed me softly, like he always did, and told me that he loved this dream, too. And it got really hot and naked from there. Dream Sex Kitten Heero wanted me to talk dirty to him, to tell him about all of my hot dreams starring him, and that's something that I'm always more than pleased to tell him about. I told him about my dorm room fantasies that I used to have in the war while he sucked and licked on my nipples. I told him about my Duo and Heero, Perverted Preventers fantasies while he slipped his naked thigh between my naked legs. He kissed me until all of my muscles were jelly and the only thing that was in proper working order was my dick. We didn't do actual intercourse in this dream, which is okay because dry humping my Dream Sex Kitten Heero's leg was a billion times better than even the wildest orgy with the sexiest real people alive--barring the real Heero. My Dream Sex Kitten Heero went wild after I told him that. He palmed my ass with both hands, spreading the cheeks apart and slipping his fingers down to tease me. His mouth was everywhere on my face and neck when his tongue wasn't trying to mate with my tonsils. We were getting all hot and sweaty, just like a good dream should, and that only made the slide of my boner along his thigh that much better. And then his fingers started a slow slide into me and I was coming all over him. He held me tight after that, both of us kind of rocking together, interlocked like a dove tail joint. I told him that I wished that the real Heero and my Dream Sex Kitten Heero were the same. He said something to me, but I didn't catch it because the dream had already ended.

When the alarm went off, I couldn't move my arm to throw it at the wall. Why not? Because the real Heero was pretzeled up with me and my arm was stuck under him and I couldn't feel it anymore. I shoved at him, jerking at my arm, until he flopped onto his back and grunted. I suddenly wished I hadn't've rolled his heavy ass off my arm because the feeling started coming back. I managed to crawl over Heero enough to delicately press the snooze button with my fist, then just collapsed over him, whimpering. Pins and needles suck! Aargh!

Heero wrapped his arms around me and rolled onto his side, tucking me up against his front and nuzzling his face in my hair. I was nose to chest with the best-smelling skin on the planet all of the sudden and the only thing keeping the ol' morning wood from poking him where the spandex usually went was the fact that my arm felt like someone had hit with a taser set to maximum agony.

And then the thought hit me. What if it hadn't been dream. What if real Heero had substituted himself for my Dream Sex Kitten Heero sometime in the middle of the night and I'd spooged all over the real Heero's thigh instead of my Dream Heero's thigh and holy shit. That thought held me sufficiently immobile long enough for Heero to completely relax back into a slumbering log and the pins and needles to go away. A minute after that, the alarm went off again. This time, Heero reached over me and hit the snooze button.

My brain kicked back into gear then. No, it had to have been a dream. I was wearing my PJ bottoms for one and I'd been bare assed in the dream, as usual. The room didn't reek of eau du semen and a quick feel of my nether regions and probable splash points turned up only clean skin and nothing dried and flaking. I took a deep breath, then another. Okay. I had a dream that didn't get as wet as they sometimes did. Real Heero had crawled into bed with me. The two hadn't mixed somehow and my secret was safe. Only my Dream Sex Kitten Heero knew how pathetic I was. Only my Dream Sex Kitten Heero knew that I'd rather come home to an imaginary Heero than to anyone that wasn't Heero. I took another deep breath and felt my heart rate return to normal.

I would be okay. When my best friend got himself put back together and left me for the real love of his life, whoever that would prove to be, I would still have my dignity, even if Wufei says I don't have any. Me'n Dream Sex Kitten Heero will be very happy with each other.

Turning the alarm off for real this time, I hauled myself out of bed. Somehow, I managed not to kill myself when I tripped over the balled up sheet that was on the floor for some funky reason. I grinned sheepishly up at a rather alarmed looking Heero. "I meant to do that."

He shook his head and smiled a little. "Baka. You go shower. I'll make breakfast."

My grin widened. "Waffles?"


"Aw, man, don't be like that. It's not breakfast if you can't put syrup on it." I gave him the patented puppy dog eyes for good measure.

He sighed. "All right. Waffles, but just today. From now on you'll be eating mostly healthy food, not mostly junk food."

"So does this mean you're going to stay with me?"

He nodded.

I couldn't help it, I glomped him. "This is gonna be great!"

He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me back, then kissed my temple. "You're a complete idiot," he said fondly.

"I am not."

"You are. Quit pouting."

"Am not!"

He kissed me again and I couldn't help but feel all squishy over it. "Shower or you'll be late."

Feeling kind of like I was a big pogo stick, I bounced to my feet. "I'm supposed to be late. It's in my job description."

I whistled my way into the shower. Bounced, too, but I don't like to talk about that. After getting all nice and wet and using the soap to, er, clean myself until the swelling went down, I washed my hair. Funny, that. I've been getting serious nookie from my Dream Sex Kitten Heero for years, but not once have I ever imagined him washing my hair. The real Heero, though, I don't think I've washed my hair more than once or twice without at least thinking of him doing it for me. And that was a serious mistake. You know, conditioner works better than soap for, er, cleaning until the swelling goes down, if you know what I mean. It's very slippery and full of conditionery stuff. Blow drying was a pain. Literally. I don't wash my hair and jack off twice in the same shower period for a reason. My arms were all pissy with me when I got around to do the actual braiding. Or maybe I was just wanting to ask Heero to do it for me. Aw hell.

The waffles were on the table by the time I arrived, trying to rub the muscle burn out of my biceps. The first thing I noticed was that Heero was wearing only a pair of boxers. My boxers. Heero was wearing my underwear. Could you just die? The second thing I noticed was that there wasn't any syrup on the table and it wasn't in its usual spot. And the big jug I kept in with the canned goods was missing, too.

"I confiscated it. You don't need that much sugar."

I glared at him. "That's low, Yuy, messing with a man's breakfast."

He snorted, unimpressed. "There's syrup on your waffles."

"Right, two drops."

"Approximately two tablespoons, which is a serving size."

"Like I said." I threw myself into the chair and glowered. "This is fucked up."

He tossed me an amused look which I did not find the least bit cute. He stole my syrup! You can't find anything cute about that!

"Gimme my syrup back, Yuy."

"Or what?"

"Or else!"

He grinned at me without so much as twitching his lips. "Or else what? You'll spank me?"

That did it. "Yes! Syrup! Now!"


I shot to my feet. "I mean it, Heero."

"You'll just have to spank me." A lazy smile managed to work its way across his face. "Just kiss it and make it better when you're done. With lots of tongue."

I stared at him, bright flaming red from the roots of my hair to my toenails with my jaw hanging out somewhere near my knees. Somehow, I sank down into my chair again and shut my mouth. "I need to cut back on sugar anyway," I squeaked. Squeaked! But oh my God, you have Heero Yuy tell you to spank him and then kiss it better and see if you don't squeak.

He laughed then, turning toward the counter to do something with the assembled dishes. "Coward."

Damned tootin.

"You have any plans for the day, Heero?"

He shrugged and slipped the dishes into the sink efficiently.

"It's not too late, you can still come with me. Lots of people would love to see you."

He shook his head and started washing dishes. "No. Not yet."

I shrugged myself and dug in to breakfast. "All right. Like I said last night, I got vids and some games if you wanna play. I think there's some books around here, too."

"I think I'll go shopping."

I grinned. "Good idea! Get some clothes and stuff for yourself. You need any creds?"

"I'm fine, Duo."

"Okay, if you're sure. I got plenty and I don't mind helping a buddy out. You're my best friend, you know."

He smiled, a little lopsidedly, over his shoulder. "Thank you, but I'll be fine."

"Anyway, help yourself to some clothes, man. You can't go running around in that junk Dot the Wonder Freak brought for you."


"Hey, don't mention it." I finished cleaning my plate and had to resist the urge to lick the little bit of syrup off of it. "Breakfast was great. I really 'preciate it."

"It was my pleasure."

"Even if you did steal my syrup. Uncultured poltroon."

He quirked an amused eyebrow in my direction. "Do you even know what poltroon means?"

"Something really bad. Relena called me that once when I got stuck on bodyguard detail."

He shook his head again and returned to the dishes.

After carrying mine over to him, he wasn't my servant dammit, I yanked open the gag drawer and sorted through it. "What's it mean, anyway?"

"Get a dictionary, baka."

I sniffed and bypassed the whoopee cushion in favor of a baggie full of realistic looking cockroaches. I usually saved them for the landlord, but today seemed pretty special.

Heero wrinkled his nose in a way that was too cute for words. "What are you doing?"

I grinned. "I'm going to put these in Wufei's desk. And Sally's desk since it's her fault I have to get up early."

"I don't want to know."

My grin widened. "You know that if you throw up, Wufei will, too? I found that out when I got food poisoning. I'm saving the fake vomit for a very special occasion. I just don't know what yet."

"I don't think I want to know." He trailed me to the computer where I opened up a few pictures of Zechs and printed them up. Wufei regularly sabotaged color printers at HQ so I had to do it at home. Heero frowned. "Do you like Zechs?"

"Zechs? Hell yeah. He's cool as shit to work with and sometimes he helps me prank Wufei." I grinned a little ruefully. "Zechs is also pretty good at, um, translating me to Une. She doesn't get me, you know."

I glanced at him before stuffing the pictures and fake bugs into my briefcase. He looked like he was grinding his teeth or something. "I see," he said finally.

"See what?"

He shrugged again, a nonchalant look plastered on his face. "While I'm out shopping, Master, is there anything you'd like me to get for you?"

Master again? Dammit. "No, Heero, I'm good. Just quit calling me master. I'm not."

"You could be." He leaned forward and licked at my lips. "Anything you want." He tugged one of my suddenly limp hands up and pressed the palm and fingers to his naked chest. "Anything at all, I'll get it for you."

"Huh-how 'b-bout ssukiyaki for dinner?" His tongue slid between my lips and I just wanted to melt. I found myself clutching at his shoulders just to keep from falling over and I was sitting down already.

"All right." He hummed in the back of his throat before pulling away. "You taste so good, Duo."

"I'd taste even better if you hadn'ta stole my syrup."

He laughed at that. "I'll see you when you get home."

Once his ass had walked into the kitchen and out of my sight so I could actually think again, I shook my head. Too bad I didn't have time for a little extra, er, cleaning before I had to leave.

on to chapter four

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