Wash My Hair
Chapter One: Just Call Me a Pole-axed Golden Retriever
Never tell Dorothy anything sexual, trust me on this one. It's like that vid where the guy got three wishes from the devil, some hot chick in red latex. Anyway, all of his wishes came out wrong. Way wrong. Like he wished that he was rich and married to the girl of his dreams and he ended up being an L2 crime lord and she was having an affair with his lieutenant who was planning on killing him and taking over.
So I was telling Doro about my secret shower fantasies. Shut up, they're not racy or anything, I just wanted someone who would wash my hair. There ain't nothing like two tons of wet hair to turn a pleasant shower into weight lifting hell. I have bodybuilders asking how I got my triceps all the time. Doro, of course, lights up like Peace Square on New Year's when I told her.
The next thing I know she's got her purse dumped all over the table and, while I'm chasing lipstick around the entree, she's calling someone.
She waved her hand at me. "It took you three rings to answer the phone." My jaw dropped. I had never heard her use that tone of voice before, at least not since the Eve Wars. She kind of reminded me of Une when she had the buns in her hair and put her glasses on. "Prepare yourself. Be here in thirty minutes." She frowned at the receiver for a moment, then rattled off my address. Did someone just kick my butt through a rabbit hole when I wasn't looking?
"What in the--? You didn't just hook me up with another loser, did you?" Please no, please no, plea--
"No, just the answer to all your fantasies."
It was worse. I could just see it now; Dorothy was my hot chick in red latex. "What did you do?!"
She refused to answer. Instead she paid the bill, hit on the bus boy, dragged me through the restaurant, selected the cabbie by the size of his nose (you know what they say about the size of a man's nose), and dropped me off at my place. I thought she would go with me, but no, she just jumped into the front seat and told the cabbie to take her to heaven.
Hopefully there would be no one there. If I were really lucky, Dorothy's idea of my sexual fantasies was sitting in his underwear, watching the game, and drinking a beer. At his house, not mine.
Mrs. Clovis stepped off of the elevator and slapped her hand over her mouth. Instead of the general disapproval she usually preferred to affect when dealing with me, her eyes twinkled. "You sly devil. How did you manage to do it?"
What in the hell was the old bat talking about? "Do what, Mrs. Clovis?"
"You know what. The young man."
"The plumber? It's about time, the commode won't stop running."
She tittered and dropped her hand. "The naked one in front of your door. When he's done with your pipes, send him my way!"
"He's not, I mean, I'm not, Mrs. Clovis!"
"I'm old, honey, not dead. Whew."
I had a sudden nightmare vision of Mrs. Clovis telling me about her "pipes." I pressed the button to my floor and smiled weakly at the old woman when the doors closed. Oh hell, what had Dorothy done?
Sticking my head carefully around the corner when the doors binged open on my floor, I saw him. Just about passed out cold, too. I leaned against the wall next to the elevator bank and jerked the cell phone out of my backpack.
"Dorothy," I hissed, "there is a man in my hallway."
"Oh good, he's there."
"He's supposed to be wearing a leather g-string. Check, will ya? Oooh, do that again, baby."
"Dorothy! There is a naked man kneeling in front of my door! Mrs. Clovis wants him to clean her pipes!"
"I'm sorry, I dropped the phone, what?"
"The man is kneeling in front of my door!"
"Good, he's supposed to."
"You said that you wished you had a sex slave to wash your hair. So I got you one. Oh my God, baby, is that all you?"
"Doro?" I heard a masculine moan and then she hung up. "Dorothy!"
God dammit. I shoved the phone into my pack and peeked around the corner. He hadn't moved. What was I going to do? I considered calling HQ for backup before one of my other neighbors went out for an evening constitutional and found a naked, kneeling man wearing a studded, black leather collar in front of my door and did it for me. God only knew what Wufei would say about this. I was so not in the mood for a justice rant on top of a naked man kneeling in my doorway. A naked man. Naked. In my doorway. Kneeling in my doorway! Naked!
Okay, Maxwell, breathe. It's just some guy. Naked.
"He's only doing what he's been told to do," I muttered. Like that made it all better. "Yeah, but what kinda guy shows up--naked, I might add--in front of a perfect stranger's doorway just because Doro told him to?"
That one had me stumped. Obviously, he was Doro's sex slave and Doro was lending him to me. A sex slave. A sex slave. For me. People like me just didn't meet real sex slaves. Oh, I knew there were people into that, but the only sex slaves I ever knew of were victims and since Criminal Div dealt with it, I never actually met any.
"It's only for the night. It's not like I have to potty train him or anything." Put like that, it sounded perfectly reasonable to march down the hallway and swoop the man into my apartment.
I peeked around the corner again. He was looking in my direction. Holy fuck! Shit! It was Heero!
I jerked back, pressing against the wall, and took a deep breath. So he knew I was there. I stiffened my spine and marched resolutely down the corridor before I could think the better of it and run screaming down the stairs. I tried very hard not to look at Heero, instead, I found my keys and stared at my doorknob. Blase. Nonchalant. Like there were utterly gorgeous, naked men that I seriously crushed on in my youth kneeling in my doorway all the time.
He wasn't naked. He was wearing a studded, black leather g-string; a studded, black leather collar; and holding what appeared to be a studded, black leather leash in his left hand. He was kneeling on an overcoat. Nonplused, I missed the doorknob with my car key a few times before I figured it out and opened the door. He stared at my feet; I stared at the top of his head. Should I invite him in? Send him home?
"Um...." Normally I couldn't shut up. Now I didn't know what to say. "You wanna come in?"
"If you would like me to, Sir."
"Well." I chewed on my bottom lip and tried to figure it out. The dinging of the elevator sorta helped me along. "Come in. Hurry up before anyone else sees you."
Heero rose gracefully to his feet, like ballet dancer mixed with construction worker. He shot me a look from the corner of his eyes that made me feel like he was staring up at me even though he was bigger than I was. Then he was inside of my apartment. He stood in the center of my living room, looking around with his head bowed, and didn't say anything. He didn't even shift his weight around. He just stood there. Waiting. Perfectly still. Perfectly formed. Almost perfectly naked.
I quietly shut the door and threw the bolt. Trying for some sort of normalcy--as normal as possible with an utterly gorgeous, nearly naked Heero Yuy wearing only a collar and a g-string in my living room--I dropped my stuff on the table by the door and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. Reality and me must have parted ways on the elevator. That is the only rational explanation for any of this. "Tequila would be better," I muttered.
He cocked his head in my direction. "Did you say something, Sir?"
"Would you like something to drink?"
"If you would like for me to, Sir."
"Um. Shit. It's been a long time." I twisted my fingers around the glass, then figured what the hell and got more water. I fetched down a glass for him, too. He watched me, from the corner of his eyes. "I haven't seen you in a couple of years."
"Hey, buddy, my name is Duo, remember?"
He didn't look up from the floor. "Yes, Sir Duo."
"I am called slave, Sir."
I blinked. I tried to push the idea of Heero together with the idea of slave and just couldn't get my brain to perform the necessary mental gymnastics. I wanted to shake my head, but I didn't want to look like a pole-axed Golden Retriever in front of Heero, either. "By who?" Wow, such genius, such glibness!
"Mistress calls me slave."
He ducked his head. "You are displeased with me, Sir."
"I'm just really weirded out here."
"Will Mistress Dorothy be here soon?"
"I doubt it. She's kinda busy with her cabbie."
He flinched. "Thank you, Sir."
Interesting. Verrrrrry interesting. "What's the story with you'n Doro? I didn't know she was into the slave master thing. Or you, for that matter." I frowned. "Though, come to think of it, she's all fucked up that way."
"Mistress Dorothy has been training me for a little over a year." That would put it right around a year after the end of the Mariemaia Uprising. His feet suddenly seemed to be incredibly important to him. "Before that, my last Master was Dekim, before the Eve Wars."
"Dekim? Dekim Barton? That insane motherfucker? The one whose bloody little uprising you put paid to with a beam cannon? That Dekim Barton?"
"Fuck." If that wasn't an understatement I didn't know what was.
The conversation sort of ended there. I pretended I held mezcal and slugged back the water. He watched me silently from beneath his eyelashes and didn't say anything. The oddest thing was that he stood perfectly still, comfortable in his balance. Not even Chang "the Dragon Master" Wufei could stand still like that. It was all zen in a way sexy way. You couldn't help but see that perfect control and wonder what else he could do with it. Not to mention that the man's body was gorgeous. Not just in the way it was put together, but in the way he used it. I could watch him stand around doing nothing for hours on end. Hell, I used to watch him sit around and do nothing type for hours on end.
"So, what do you do when you're not wearing a collar?"
"I always wear a collar, Sir."
"You walk around all day in that thing?"
"No, Sir. Mistress Dorothy gave me a necklace as a collar suitable for outdoor wear."
"Oh." That made sense. I couldn't think of anything to say. That was such a rare event, it shocked me into considering the notion of being speechless. I decided that I didn't much care for it.
"Mistress Dorothy is with a cab driver, Sir?"
"Apparently he's got a big dick."
"I see, Sir."
Huh. Gorgeous slave Heero seemed so sad.
"Hey, don't feel bad. It's probably not much bigger than yours. Dorothy doesn't go for anything under nine inches. She's sort of perfected the art of picking them out." Of course, I never knew if I should be relieved of insulted that she hadn't glommed onto me. I chose to pick relieved most of the time.
He blushed and shifted his weight.
It took me a few moments, but I finally got the picture. "Well, you know what they say. It's the firing of the pistons not the size of your crankshaft."
He gave me a look. One of those looks that everyone gives me from time to time. I think one of those looks pointed at me was the first thing that ever broke his infamous concentration. I'd been pretty fucking proud about it, too. Whatever. People are so weird. I must have looked annoyed because he quickly apologized and stared at his feet.
"How serious are you about Dorothy?"
"She is my Mistress."
"I kinda figured that out. She did call you up and send your almost naked butt here."
He blushed again. God, that was so adorable.
"You're not like thinking forever and ever amen with her are you?"
He didn't say anything.
The suddenly lack of complete stillness clued me in that he was somewhat annoyed with me. "Was there something you wanted me for, Sir?"
"I want to hear more about you and Dorothy. I mean, what's it like? Do you do this whole slave thing all the time with her or just on weekends or what? Does she, like, whip you and stuff or is it more the sucking her toes thing?"
He looked completely uncomfortable. It was like the need to obey was fighting with the need to protect his privacy or something. I frowned and he opened his mouth. "Stop." Damn, now I sounded like Une after the hair and the glasses thing. I moderated my tone a little. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"Thank you, Sir."
Now what? I could definitely stand there all night looking at him. He was masculinity perfected, only more naked. He was peeking at me from the corner of his eyes again, like some infinitely patient statue waiting for me to tell him what to do. I couldn't just let him stand there.
"Sir? May I ask what I am here for?"
"I guess Doro didn't tell you."
I squared my shoulders and went into the living room with him. If he was going to kill me, he'd've done it already. I sat on the couch and gestured to a chair. "Please, sit."
He sat on the floor.
"I meant in the chair."
"Chairs are for Masters, Sir. I am a slave; I sit on the floor."
"Look, I'm not a master."
"Mistress Dorothy sent me here, Sir, so you are my Master until I am told otherwise."
I opened my mouth and shut it again. I looked like a freaking trout. I tried again. "Okay, I'm not anyone's master. I'm a Preventer, okay? We serve and protect, not whip and chain."
He gave me another look.
I dropped down to the floor to sit next to him, though somehow he made it feel like I towered over him anyway. I glowered and tried not to look like I was pouting. "I made a mistake, okay? I told Doro one of my fantasies and she sent you here without even asking me. She just did it."
"Mistress Dorothy wants me to fulfill your fantasy, Sir?"
"Uh-uh! I don't care how fucking gorgeous you are, you are not getting into a shower with me!" I'd die of either a heart attack or an aneurysm or loss of blood in my brain. It was hard to tell through his perfect slave boy poker face, but I just knew he was grinning at me. I blushed clear to my toenails. "I don't get naked with people on, uh, oh hell, just say I'm shy and leave it at that."
"You've never been shy, Sir." He grew a little bit bolder and looked me directly in the face, sort of, a slight smile playing around his mouth. "You're really a Preventer?"
"They gave me a gun and everything." Like Doro and Wu-Wu didn't make a big deal out of how stupid they were for doing that at least once a month.
"May I ask what your fantasy is, Sir?"
"Um, well, I just, um, thought about, um, someone to, um, wash my hair." The last came out in a rush. I can't believe I just admitted that to Heero's perfectly sculpted pectorals. "Are you an underwear model these days?"
He treated me to another one of those looks. "No, Sir."
"You ought to be."
He blushed again. It made me want to pull him into my lap and cuddle. Shit, this was Heero. Even if he was in a leather g-string with a friggin leash attached to his collar. Okay, this was nothing short of flat surreal. It was time to end this lil' daydream and wake up with my face in my microwaved TV dinner fake ass mashed potatoes. "Well, I don't want you to get in trouble with Doro or anything. She sounded like Commander Une ragging on someone's ass, if you know what I mean. I've got the early shift tomorrow, so I need to get some shut eye. I'll tell her you were a good slave or whatever you like to be called so you can go on home now."
"Mistress Dorothy wants me to fulfill your fantasy, Sir." Heero sounded absolutely miserable.
Maybe just a little shower time wouldn't--
"Mistress Dorothy would be pleased if I fulfilled your fantasy, Sir." Mr. Gorgeous Slave Heero peeked up at me through his messy bangs, somewhat hopefully.
He looked good enough to eat. Dear God, yes, he did.
Maybe if I wore my swim trun--
What in the fuck was I thinking? Heero wanted to be my sex slave for the night. And this is a bad thing, why? I thumped myself in the forehead with my palm, to rattle my brains back into this little thing we like to call reality. Slavery was outlawed, for one. For two, I didn't even know this Heero, other than the fact that he still had the best fucking six pack I'd ever seen, bar none. Even better than Wufei's. No! Bad Duo! This Heero was completely at odds with the Heero I'd experienced and he wanted to put his hands in my hair. No one touched the do and lived to tell about it, fantasies fucking aside here.
"Look, uh, Heero, I was just whining. You know, that stupid complaining shit girls do about their hair all the time. It's a bitch to wash, you know? But it's my hair and it's really important to me." I hugged my braid to my chest. "I don't just let people touch it. Ever." More like touch it and draw back a bloody stump. "If I had any idea Doro would do this, I would've kept my mouth shut. I just thought she'd, you know, sympathize."
Oh, no, not the you-just-kicked-my-puppy face. No one could top Heero in the you-just-kicked-my-puppy face. Not even Quatre.
I shoved my hands through my bangs and pulled on my hair just to feel the sting in my scalp. "I dunno why Dorothy did this. She knows how I feel about--" you "--my hair."
"I-I'm sorry, Sir," he said softly. He turned his face away from me, minutely. "I'm not a very good slave."
I blinked. The man had shown up at what he thought was a stranger's apartment dressed like that and knelt there, in public, for however long and he didn't think he was a good slave? "You are a good slave. You did what you were told, right?"
"And you're still trying to, right? It's not your fault I'm an uncooperative bastard, is it?"
He looked even more miserable. "No, Sir."
"God, not the kicked puppy face again."
He peeked again, eyes widening. "Kicked puppy face, Sir?"
"You looked like you were a puppy I just kicked. You know, sad and pitiful and innocent and stuff." If he kept it up, he was gonna be in my lap and snuggled. Last time I'd met up with Heero, he put the I'm-gonna-kick-your-fucking-ass in the phrase 'violently anti-snuggle'.
He blinked, holding eye contact with me for once. He had gorgeous eyes. Deep and blue and slanted, like a cat. I could just stare into them all day. He dropped his gaze microscopically and I had to stop myself from ordering him to look at me just so I could melt.
I shifted my weight uncomfortably. "I didn't mean to insult you."
"I wasn't insulted, Sir."
"Then what's with the looking away stuff? What'd I do wrong?"
He looked vaguely horrified.
"Hey, calm down, Heero."
He blinked again. "You can see?" His voice quivered. Heero's voice actually quivered.
I grinned, even though I didn't really feel like it. "Yeah, kinda got to, to be a Preventer."
He shook his head. "No, you can see my expression?"
"Well, yeah. You're doing the deer-in-the-headlights thing."
He furrowed his brow slightly. "Deer?"
"Shock. It's a metaphor."
He faced me fully then, back straight, shoulders square. "Mistress Dorothy says I'm expressionless."
I snorted. "Shya right. She's probably only looking at your dick anyway."
I grinned. "Still kinda shy? Hey, no, I think it's cute, ya know?"
His blush deepened. "She was looking at my face."
"You're not calling me sir."
He visibly flinched and shrank on himself again. "I'm sorry, Sir!"
"Don't sweat it, Heero. I'm not into this master thing. It's freaky enough to see Doro doing it. She might think she's the boss of everything but she's just not master material, y'know?"
The slave didn't say anything. He seemed to be waiting for me to do something, or order him to do something, so I opened my mouth. "How in the hell did you end up being Doro's sex slave?" Well, I hadn't expected that to come out. Yes, I was thinking it, and no, I hadn't planned on asking him. I was gonna grill Dorothy.
He looked pained and that war between privacy and obedience started up again. "After Mariemaia, I was Miss Relena's bodyguard for a while, but her security was competent and my presence was causing problems. Mistress Dorothy offered to be my Mistress. I accepted, Sir."
And if that wasn't any help. I yanked at my braid. "So, whattaya do these days? Job? School? Just hanging out?"
"I stay with Mistress Dorothy, Sir."
He ducked his head the teeniest bit. "Yes, Sir."
And to think that Commander Une had been shitting a ring around herself trying to find Heero to hire him on and all this time he'd been right under her nose. "Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of, 'Ro."
The eyes that met mine almost demurely before dropping again were smiling, so I smiled back. The relaxing line of his shoulders told me quite plainly that I'd pleased him. Good.
"If you don't mind me asking, why do you think you're not a good slave? I always thought you were good at anything you wanted to do."
He looked briefly pained.
"Hey, don't answer if you don't want to."
"I'm gay, Sir."
Well ho-lee shit. Before I knew it, my braid was in my lap and I as wringing its neck to beat the band.
"And," he jerked his head until he was looking almost over his left shoulder. That had to hurt. "And I don't really want to obey, Sir."
"Well obey this one. Quit calling me Sir. Call me Duo. Duh-ooo-oh."
"Heero!" For some ungodly reason, I thought that was absolutely hysterical. I got a smirk for laughing.
Suddenly, Heero turned serious. "Your fantasy, Sir. I am required to fulfill it."
I groaned and dropped against the couch. Not this again. Visions of a naked, wet Heero, his skin sleek and lathered as he massaged-- Argh! "I thought we went over this already."
He had that stubborn, mission accepted clench in the jaw. "Mistress Dorothy sent me here to fulfill your fantasy, Sir."
That did it. I may have been all over the idea of a little skin on skin shower action, but not because Dorothy said so. There was only one way to put a stop to this. Other than getting naked and in the shower and all slippery hot and wet with a--argh! I practically jumped across the room to drop down next to the nearest vidphone.
"Sir?" He looked mildly alarmed.
"Hey, Dorothy, done with the cabbie?" I said brightly.
"You don't look showered."
I rolled my eyes. "Doro, babe, you know the do is sacred. Anyway. He didn't do the hair because I wouldn't let him, but he's been a model, um, you know--"
"Slave." Bitch was laughing at me.
"Yeah, that. He's been an absolute peach."
"Then what's the problem?"
"He's got that whole ninmu ryoukai thing going on about the hair. You know Heero and missions." I shrugged. What can ya do, right?
She twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "Actually, I don't."
"Oh. Well. He's trying to fill the mission to please you, right, but I don't want him to."
"Is he disobeying you?"
She suddenly smiled sweetly at me. Sweet and Dorothy go together a lot like Trowa and big game hunters do. "Can I ask you a favor, Duo, my wonderful dear friend?"
I narrowed my eyes.
"You know I'm off to a weekend party with Relena at her country estate."
"Yeah, you made me go shoe shopping with you for the stupid thing. I'm still pissed about that."
"I'll make it up to you, gorgeous, I promise. At any rate, I can't take Heero along, Relena still has this thing for him, you understand, and I don't want to leave him by himself here either." She waved her hand to shut my up. "I know, I know. He's perfectly able to entertain himself, but he really needs someone around to take up the leash."
She said that just to watch me squirm. I know she did. I glared at her. "Yo--"
She smiled even more sweetly at me. "You're a prince, Duo, an absolute prince. I'll drop some of his things off tonight and I've got a list of instructions, mostly about proper handling and his diet, for you. I'll be back Tuesday night, at the latest."
"And he gives the most divine shiatsu massage. I recommend you try it."
"Dor--" The bitch hung up on me!
I gaped at the blank screen while it all suddenly gelled in my head. My boyhood, might as well admit it, permanent crush, who was currently sitting on my floor almost naked, would be staying with me for a week if Doro had her way. Oh, and leave us not forget that my utterly gorgeous crush was also a sex slave on loan to me and gay and wanted to fulfill my fantasies. In the shower. Naked.
I didn't know whether to cry or jack off.