Our Leather Clad World
The click of the restraint almost made me jump. Almost, but not quite. I'd been anticipating it, but had allowed myself to fall into a lull.
"You will count after each stroke. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Sir!" Another restraint clicked, and his hand rested briefly on my calf.
"You will say each number in a loud clear voice. No mumbling, no getting lost. If you forget, if you stumble, I will begin again. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Sir!" One more click as he worked his way around the table. Almost done.
"And you will tell me if I've reached your limit. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Sir!" This was the ritual. He would not continue if he couldn't lay down the rules. And always, I had to let him know.
He crouched by my head, his eyes too serious for his face. He weighed my response, gaged it for my acceptance to his rule. "I will not hurt you. Do you understand?" His voice was softer now, but no less commanding.
"Yes, Sir." I answered in kind, showing him with a look how much I trusted him, how much he could trust me to follow his rules.
His knuckles brushed a cheek, a momentary give in his role before he stood and moved out of my line of sight.
It wasn't always like this, you know. See, I don't think most couples believe they'd end up like Heero and me. Heading down a certain path together, knowing the destination if not the sights of the journey. For us there'd been a fork in the road, and we paused for the longest time unsure of the direction to take. Choosing the one we did, well, it was the same destination, just different scenery.
A hand on my leg let me know it was about to begin, and my nerves tingled in anticipation. I waited for it... waited for whatever Heero had in mind for me this time.
And another. "Two."
Heero and me had a friendship most people envied. Oh, I was close to Hilde, but she didn't get me the way Heero did. It'd piss her off to no end when I wouldn't explain one of my stories or jokes. But hell, what's the sense in telling 'em if no one gets 'em? Heero did. He connected to me like no one else did.
After the Mariemia fiasco, I headed back to L2, investing in Hilde's family's salvage yard, and we'd made it a pretty successful venture, if I do say so myself. We had two full time guys on the payroll, and at least a dozen more who'd drop whatever they were doing to help out on the larger jobs we'd land. Heero made his home where ever he dropped his duffel. Not to say that he was a bum - he would have been one of the richest fucking bums ever known - but he never spent more than a couple weeks at any given place. Often he'd stay with me, or one of the other guys. Mostly, though, it was some remote location. He stayed in touch, and that was the important thing.
One day more than two years into his traveling, he showed up on my doorstep. I can't say it was out of the blue, because his last email had been sent from a satellite in the L2 cluster. He'd told me that he was tired of moving around all the time. That he wanted to settle down and could he stay with me while he thought of what he wanted to do and where he wanted to settle. I said yes, of course.
As I said earlier, we were close, we connected. So it wasn't a surprise as the days and then weeks passed, we touched each other more. Touches that led to caressing and kissing. And kissing that led to sharing a bed and becoming lovers. We slipped into being an us and our lives settled into a semblance of a routine. Heero was going to school, still trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, what he wanted to be. And I continued to make money, hand over fist, at the salvage yard. I was good at what I did, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.
He paused. "Are you at your limit?"
"No, Sir!" My voice was stronger, clear and loud in the room.
"One more and I start over. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Sir!" Even as I responded, he made another. "Eleven."
"Good." His hand caressed my right cheek.
Like any normal couple, we did normal couple things. We had friends over, visited friends, took vacations, cleaned, paid bills, bought a house, had sex, and fought. Nothing physical, nothing violent, just normal daily arguments. You see, Heero got it into his head he had to tell me the correct way to do things. And me being me, well I'd object to that. It didn't always make sense, seeing as the way Heero would suggest nine times out of ten would be the better way. But I'm a stubborn fucker and I'll be damned if I'd let him tell me what to do all the time.
I guess it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd just tell me why his way was correct. But he rarely ever did. He'd assume I'd do it just because and leave it at that. Remember when you were in school and you had to show your work at arriving to the answer on a hard-assed trig problem? I never did. Didn't have the patience for it. I could look at a problem and know the answer without knowing how I got there. Heero, though, even if he knew the answer like I did, he still had to write out the steps to show how he'd gotten there. That didn't mean he'd explain those steps, just that he'd done the work.
Most times I'd tell him to fuck off and do it my way. He'd let me and when something broke, or needed fixing again, or I'd get so frustrated at not making it work my way and give up, he'd give me that look. And that would set me off. We'd argue like mortal enemies instead of lovers. Most fights ended with me slamming the door behind my ass. I'd always return an hour or two later, after I'd cooled down some.
One fight escalated to the point of name calling, dragging every bad act out of the closet and throwing it in the other's face. I'd started it by calling him a thief. He raised the stakes by pointing out that I'd shot him. I countered by saying I'd rescued him. He brought it to a draw by reminding me he'd done the same.
"But you punched me!"
"Only after you punched me first!"
"You told me to!"
"Would you jump off a bridge if I told you to?"
I didn't answer him but turned away and left. I had to bite my tongue because I'd almost answered with a yes. What the fuck was up with that? No one, not even Heero, controlled me. I was my own man and I'd be God damn if I'd let him command me around, telling me what to do. But...
Inside the idea churned. And I remembered. There'd been times when Heero would command me to do something and I'd do it. No questions asked. It always thrilled me to be the one he'd turn to get the job done. And when he issued directions during sex, more than thrills happened. So what's my problem? Did I really want Heero to control me and protested only out of pride? That couldn't be it. I didn't want anyone dominating me.
"Twenty-two." I wanted to gasp now, but restrained myself. I knew Heero would stop if I gave in too soon.
I'd been walking blindly, and had to stop in order to think. Sliding down the nearest wall, I crouched off the sidewalk, head lowered to my hands. Life was good with Heero for the most part. We were good together, good for each other. The arguments were getting old, though. The absolute childishness of our final words only fed my desire of making them stop.
A pair of boots entered my field of vision, distracting my thoughts. Something about them stirred me; a sudden shot of hormone sending blood straight to my dick. Black leather molded itself to firm thighs, the crotch pulled tight highlighting the package it barely disguised. Finding it hard to raise my eyes higher, I demanded, "Yeah?"
"Get up and follow me." The boots turned away.
I was on my feet and had taken a step before ... what the fuck? "Hey! Get lost asshole. What the fuck to you think I am?"
The man turned back to me, and he was big, chiseled, and fucking gorgeous. His shirt did little to hide the definition of his pecs and abs. Bodybuilders didn't really do much for me, but this guy was more toned than muscle and my libido was out for a merry dance. He smile derisively as he looked me over, though, putting my back up. "A fuckin' sub who needs a man to show him how to behave." His glance swept over me again. "A real man."
"Fuck you! I'm a real man. I have a real man! Now get the fuck out of my face before I kick your ass!" He did walk away, but the sound of his laughter sort of ruined the mood.
"Thirty." I let out a little gasp just to show I was close and was rewarded with a soothing touch.
It hadn't been until I turned around that I found out what sort of place I'd been leaning against. No wonder the guy approached me. A deviant adult store. Just perfect.
But what the hell. The man commanded me and I was ready to obey him. But damn! His voice hit me in such a way... the leather, his smell, his look. I couldn't not obey. He'd called me a sub. A submissive? I wasn't no one's damn slave. He could shove this sub shit up his ass. But I'd reacted to him like a sub would. Just like I do with Heero at times. Heero. Shit. I'd almost, well, maybe not almost, but fucking nearly thought about cheating on him. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I entered the shop because, frankly, I was curious. Never having been in a place like this before, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. The woman behind the counter looked me over by way of greeting. I think I would have been offended if she hadn't smiled like she did. I hesitated, scanning the shop, looking for something that'd give me an idea on how to resolve my little problem.
"Help you with something?" she asked, suddenly by my side.
Embarrassed didn't quite describe it. "Uh, no thanks. I'll just look around."
She seemed reluctant to leave, but giving me another once over, she offered, "Just let me know if you need a hand." She took a step back. "With anything." And winked.
Not that she was bad looking, but I couldn't help wonder how many other customers she'd offered. And how many had taken her up on it. Putting her behind me, I scouted around the store. It turned out to be larger than I'd first thought. After wandering around for a bit, a section caught my attention. A legless mannequin stood on display, proudly wearing a leather strapped harness with gleaming metal studs. Seeing how it pulled tight in certain areas, stiffened certain areas of my own body.
Heero paused, and I took that respite to catch my breath and relax the tensed up muscles I'd been clenching. When he began again, I nearly missed my count. He'd started something new; something not on the agenda.
"You'd look really hot in that." The clerk appeared at my side. "It's a full-body sub harness. Would you like to try it on?"
I stepped away from her and the harness display and snapped, "I am not a sub!"
She rolled her eyes and headed back to the front of the store. "Whatever you say, butch."
The need to be home suddenly overwhelmed me. I wanted to be out of this shop, away from these people who thought I was something I didn't think I was. I wanted to be with Heero. I wanted his presence to reassure me we were okay, and that life would be good again. I grabbed the first thing my hand landed on, and bought it. I had to get out of there.
Heero met me at the door and I fell into him. Several kisses later, apologizes were made on both sides. We stood in the entry hall, holding on as if afraid to let go. I wanted to tell him what had happened while I was out, but thought he would take it badly. I wanted to forget it happened. Later, I tossed away the bag from the shop.
"Six." Though clear, I was panting. Heero didn't stop and I guessed he assumed this wouldn't be as easy for me to handle and let it slide.
My curiosity didn't end at the store and whenever I could, I used the opportunity to surf the internet for more information. Most of it I threw out for the trash that it was. Some of the reading on the roles and relationships of basic doms and subs, made me want to barf. Though there were a couple of sites that held my interest. It helped me understand the instinctive need to follow directions given in a certain way. Still, the idea of giving in to someone, letting them dominate me, made me queasy.
I'd even given thought to visiting one of the clubs I'd seen advertised. Leather bars, fetish clubs and even some sort of bondage parties. Not sure I'd feel particularly comfortable in either, but maybe, just maybe they'd show me something I wasn't seeing.
"Ten." It was becoming harder to stay still. Even with being restrained to the table as I was, I squirmed. Heero was nearing my limit already. He must have sensed it for he slowed his pace, calmed me with soothing hands. When he felt me relax once more, he started again.
"Good," he murmured softly.
The days passed in an almost honeymoon atmosphere between us. The daily tussles had declined, and the weekly arguments stopped. I wanted to believe that the both of us had grown out of it, but didn't try hard to delude myself. We weren't uncomfortable being together; there wasn't a strain between us. Life went on as it always had, and still I wondered.
A minor event brought home how fragile the truce had been. Hilde had gone to Earth to negociate a government contract, and bookkeeping fell to me. Two days before she was due back, and I hadn't done a thing since she'd left. Knowing she'd skin me alive if I didn't at least get the first week's worth of accounts entered, I'm lugged the mess home with me and settled in for a night of data entry and invoice billing.
Heero watched me struggle with it while he made dinner. He waved away my offer to help with dishes and clean up and suggested I rethink my plan of attack. I didn't even spare him a glare but went back to work. After cussing a blue streak at the third loss of data I'd just entered, Heero told me what I needed to do to get through the piles without the losses I'd been having. I only glared at him, reminded him that I'd been the one who helped designed the stupid program and I knew how it worked.
It escalated from there. He started in, calling me stubborn and resistant to doing things the right way. And me returning the barbs with control freak and mister perfect. I'd knocked off a stack of inventory sheets in my anger, and told him to get the fuck out of my face. Heero looked like he was going to argue some more, but left abruptly leaving me standing there ready to lob another at him.
"Seventeen." My limit was quickly approaching even as I strained to maintain control.
He'd left me grumbling, picking up and reorganizing the sheets. This was so not my night. I slammed things around for a bit, moved the portable processor again, and thought how much sense Heero's idea had been. But, I couldn't give in, not yet anyway. I had my pride to bolster up.
I heard the bedroom door open, but ignored it. Thinking Heero had forgotten something, was going to get a glass of water, or hell, leave, I didn't want to face him just yet. I wanted Hilde back doing her job so I didn't have to. I probably would have gone on doing a bad job of ignoring him until morning light if he hadn't spoken.
The words 'fuck off' were on my lips to utter, but his tone hit me somewhere near my balls. Papers forgotten, I looked up. He was in leather. Black leather. Boots, pants vest, the whole she-bang. My chin hit the table and my eyes locked somewhere at his midway point.
"Don't make me repeat myself."
I didn't even know I was moving until I stood before him. I wanted to grin, I wanted to laugh, I wanted to grab him, throw him to the floor and discover just how a codpiece worked. But I only stood waiting for his next command.
"Listen to me for I'll only tell you once." I nodded, not raising my eyes above the tantalizing tuft of hair at his waistband. "You will go into the bedroom. Strip. Kneel on the floor facing the door with your hands clasped behind your back and your right cheek planted to the carpet. Do you understand?"
I started to nod, but remembered what the 'proper' response was supposed to be. "Yes, Sir."
"Good. Now go." I didn't get far before he stopped me once more. "Wait." I turned back to him, and he held out a wide black leather band with crome studs and fittings. "Put this on after you strip." I took it from his hand, my look asking the question. "I fished this from that bag you threw away - from Leathaca." It made sense now.
Trying not to think too much about what I was doing, and why I was doing it, I did as he'd commanded, leather collar and all. The room was warm, but not too warm, and the carpet plush under my legs, under my cheek. I wasn't too surprised to find myself hard and I wondered what Heero had in store for me. Only three, maybe four minutes had passed before he came in, but it'd felt like hours. Being able to only see his boots, I wanted to look up, to feast my eyes on him again but kept myself from moving.
Heero told me then, of how he'd noticed the way I'd respond in certain ways depending on the tone of voice he'd use. He avoided using it, feeling it was too much like manipulation and he didn't want that with me. And then he'd found the collar, and saw some of the websites I'd visited. He discovered an interest as well, but most aspects of the culture held little appeal for him. He'd even visited a speciality club and talked with some of their members. Finding out that dominance did not have to go hand in hand with inflicting pain. That the basest idea to being a dom was care completely for another. It was a role he could undertake.
"Sir," my voice trembled. Heero instantly stopped. "I'm at my limit, Sir."
He nuzzled a cheek against the back of my leg. "Good boy. You've done well today." He began releasing my restraints; first my legs, then waist and finally my arms. Crouching down in front of me, his hands glided on each side of my face, his fingers cupping behind my neck. "You deserve a reward. Do you want it now? Or would you rather wait?" His voice was low, husky and he no longer commanded, but still held the control.
Still laying flat on our specially made table, I could see the bulging hardness hidden behind the leather of his pants. Not licking my lips as I wanted to, I gave the only answer expected, "What would you rather me do, Sir?"
A quick smile, and I was rewarded instantly with a kiss. And not just a peck on the lips either. He descended on me openmouthed, tongue probing, the taste of me coloring it all. Heero swore from the first day he'd never raise a hand to me, never hurt me and never cause me pain. His lashes came not from a whip, but from his tongue. Strokes of a cane were never felt by me, but strokes of a feather drove me insane. Heero tortured me in ways rarely seen in a sado-masochism world.
"Assume the position," he commanded and I obeyed instantly.
On my knees, hands clasped behind my back and my cheek pressed to the table padding, I stifled the desire to quiver. I knew what was coming, and Heero knew it. He took pleasure in prolonging my anticipation, adding to it with touches, kisses and gutter words. Locking the table halves took a moment, and he climbed up behind me, his hands sliding over legs, exposed ass cheeks, and along my arms. I heard the snaps and zipper on his pants, and resisted the temptation to back into him. He was going to fuck me, but it was going to be his way. His tongue had done a number to my ass, coating it, readying me for what my reward would be.
In his role as dom, Heero fucked with his pants on. The feel of leather on skin only added to the excitement. The dark feeling of being dirty, nasty, being screwed while he was still clothed, added bonus points. Exposed, vulnerable in my nudity, or nearly so dressed only in my leather harness and velco codpiece, sent me over the top. It was my reward for being a good sub, for obeying his commands.
It isn't about control, not really. It's about trust. And I trusted no other like I did him. It wasn't about him telling me what to do or how to do it, it was trusting him to be right in his decision for me. And if there were ever a time a decision didn't feel right, well, I had a way of changing his mind. Not manipulation, but creative prevention. I didn't want what we'd had before - the fights, the stormy uncertainty. These days, it's security, trust, comfort and love. Oh, and a lot of lust.
"Count for me," he commanded, and I did.