Disclaimer: not mine

This short ficlet was inspired by the lovely [ youkai_tsuki ] and a recent post she made about a song by The Bloodhound Gang ... this song is the epidome of raunch... but, I was asked, and this was what got coughed up - like a hairball.

Just to make sure it's covered, implied heero/duo, and touched wufei/trowa. heavy sexual innuedo (not of my own making for a change!)

Bloodhound Drabble
by Merith

Wufei shut his eyes, wishing against fact it would shut off sound as well as sight. Four straight hours, and still it continued. He rubbed at an achy spot on his forehead with stiff fingers, and wondered if he could plead temporary insanity. Eyes snapping open at a particularly vulgar line, he glared at his partner and was certain of it.

"Retrofit the pudding hatch ~ ooh la la ~ with the boink swatter," Duo sang along to the music in his head.

A glance to his watch confirmed pick up would occur any time. The absolute silence of his apartment was all Wufei wanted. The mission, if it could be called that, had been anything but peaceful. If there'd been any other way out of it, he would have taken used it to his advantage – honor be damned. The resistance and fighting they had encountered was not the kind he preferred, though highly physical. Rubbing at his head again, he longed for home.

"Vulcanize the whoopee stick, in the ham wallet," Duo crooned. His palm tapped out a beat against his thigh.

There, down the vacated street he saw it. Their pick-up had arrived. Wufei went to assist Duo to his feet. His partner had suffered more than one injury, and had sagged to the ground leaning against the brick building as soon as their duty was complete. Insisting he'd have it looked at soon, Wufei didn't realize how badly swollen the agent's ankle had gotten. He could barely put weight on it now.

A soft thump to the back of the man's head, Wufei mouthed, "Ride is here. Shut up NOW." Duo's hearing had been severely affected by his close proximity to the blasting decimals. Duo's answering grin and mimed zipping of the lip did not assuage. The car had pulled to a halt at the curb, and Wufei all but carried his limping, half-beaten partner to the back.

Dropping into the front seat with unaccountable gracelessness, Wufei leaned back with a sigh. At the driver's amused chuckle, he scowled. "What took you so long? You're nearly two hours late. We could have walked back."

Tossing his hair out of his eyes, Trowa grimaced. "Had to drive around for a bit before the drop could take place. The location was being cased and there was no opportunity to change drop sites."

Duo chose that moment to break into song again. "Marinate the nether rod, in the squish mitten. Power drill the yippee bog, with the dude piston." His hand held a blood stained handkerchief to a cut on his brow.

Trowa whipped around, startled, making the car swerve. "What the hell is he singing?"

With a long-suffering sigh, Wufei explained, "He's been doing that since the target pick-up."

"Have you told him he sings off-key yet?" Trowa squinted into the rearview mirror and winced at another round of bad lyrics. "What happened to him anyway?"

"He tried to stop the fangirls who broke through the barrier." Wufei took a quick look back. "He was trampled."

In a massive effort to keep from laughing, Trowas asked, "What are we going to do with him?"

"Swing by his house. He said Yuy would take care of patching him up." Wufei closed his eyes, a hand massaged at his temple.

Several minutes passed; Trowa worked to find the quickest routes as Duo would alternate shout out words to a song. Nearing Heero's residence, Trowa nudged Wufei's shoulder.

"You have plans for tonight?" Wufei arched a brow.

"Plans are for silence, a long bath and bed."

"Batter dip the cranny ax in the gut locker..." came from the backseat.

"Want some company?" Trowa shot him a quick glance and turned back to the traffic.

Wufei stared at Trowa for several long moments before saying, "there's a spot on my back I can't reach. You could help with that." He laid back against the head rest, closing his eyes.

Trowa smiled, and repeated a few words of lyrics silently as Duo sang, "If I get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then, in the lieu of innuendo in the end know my intent though. I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically obvious I don't want to beat around the bush." He pulled up in the driveway, Heero appeared and but he and Duo sang the last sequence, "Foxtrot. Uniform. Charlie. Kilo."


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