Love Me Still
As soon as I slammed the door to my room, I quickly unbuttoned my shirt, dropping it carelessly onto the ground and loosened my slacks. My entire body felt aflame, like being in the middle of a sweltering summer day, but the heat was coming from inside rather than out. He had done something to me on that dance floor. Maybe it's just because I've been abstinent for so long that my body was overreacting. My frenzied body quivered slightly, feeling weak as I staggered to my bed.
I flung myself onto the bed face first feeling the cool sheets on my skin. He was tormenting me with that beautiful body and all I could remember were the times I made him look that ecstatic; His eyes glazed with passion while I'm deep inside him; His heavenly sighs as I felt his body. I gave a miserable groan as the pressure between my legs became to be too uncomfortable. Flipping on my back quickly, I got rid of the restrictive pants and relished in the freedom. "Mmn"… the coolness of the air and sheets felt good, just not good as…
My hand crept mindlessly, to tease myself, playing along my hard length, before I grasped it firmly. I let out a sigh, knowing that the touch was a catalyst and I couldn't stop until I finished the job properly. Slowly torturing myself, I began uneven, soft strokes to relieve that almost painful feeling. I bit back a sob of pleasure or desperation as I brought myself down to this level, masturbating like this, dreaming of man I could never reach-- a man who belonged to someone else now.
I imagined Duo's hand instead of mine. I pictured his sultry mouth running along my length and sucking like he wanted to consume me. The mental image burned in my mind and I let out a loud moan, remembering how Duo loved it when I was loud in bed. He always requested it. It drove him wild and made the both of us even hotter, more needy.
The next sound I made was of desperation; a small unsatisfied whimper. This wasn't enough, my hand pumped in a desperate rhythm, tightening a bit more. I needed HIM, Duo. But I'd just have to make do with what I had. I brought two fingers to my mouth to suck, wetting my index and middle, my tongue running sloppily over them before I spread my legs, feet firmly apart, flat on the bed. Feeling whorish but unable to stop myself, I cried out as the wet fingers penetrated me. I've missed this foreign feeling inside me, but I wanted it to be Duo. I moved my fingers, searching for that sensitive stop of flesh. My body jolted and I wailed when I found it. Helplessly, I thrust my hips into my pumping fist as my fingers dug inside. I needed this so badly; I needed Duo.
Too busy writhing and moaning on the bed, I couldn't notice anything else. I went rigid when I heard him calling my name.
"Heero." My eyes flew open to see my fantasy standing in the room, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed casually across his chest. As he made his way to the side of the bed, I froze in this vulnerable position; my entire body shuddered as I saw his deep indigo eyes rake over my naked self.
"…How did you get in?" I croaked feeling utterly embarrassed, yet even more aroused now that Duo was in the same room, watching me.
Duo raised a thin eyebrow as if he expected better of me. "I picked the lock, of course." Of course. "You were too busy to notice when I came in. I'm glad I didn't miss the show though." I felt my entire body flush in mortification as he continued smirking at me. "But I'm guessing that you weren't fantasizing about a certain fiancée, hm?" Bending down, he covered my hand with his cool one, "especially when your fingers are pretending to be something else." I pressed my head back against the mattress moaning his name when his hand pressed firmly against mine, forcing my own fingers deeper inside. "Who were you thinking of?" I didn't answer; I couldn't. My mind was going blank as his other hand wrapped around my sex and began slow, lazy, but firm pumps. "Heero?" He asked again, his deep, honey voice coaxing me.
"You, Duo." I confessed in a gasp. Always you. Never anyone else. Giving a satisfied smile, he slowly withdrew, forcing my hands away from myself. I noticed a dark glint about in his eyes but said nothing because his lips pressed firmly against mine. I haven't touched him in so long, haven't kissed him in months. I moaned desperately into his sweet mouth. I've missed this so much and I could hardly believe it was real when he climbed atop, covering my body with his, continuing this fierce, desperate kiss. His hand ran along my naked body, eliciting goose bumps when his fingers touched me in a ghostly fashion.
Luckily, he didn't show any signs of leaving, instead, every time we had to break for air, he returned to the kiss with twice the passion. A nagging feeling was in my head. What was he doing here? His lips danced against mine, yielding and insistent at the same time. I readily met his slick tongue and let my own tongue move willingly when he sucked on it gently, leading it into his warm mouth. Why was he here? I had numerous doubts and suspicions but they disappeared almost too easily when he pressed his hips against mine, letting me feel his hard, clothed length.
He was breathing heavily when we stopped and drew back far enough for me to see his eyes clearly. They looked ablaze, lit by an internal fire and shining with a little something else. I shivered under him even though I was so hot inside. He had a determined look blending with a passionate, lusty one. He wanted me and I wanted to give. Despite the idea of being the very masculine Perfect Soldier, I enjoyed being bottom sometimes. It feels absolutely amazing, it does a big job on me mentally, but it also let's me lose my control. It was a sense of exhilarating freedom. And… I'd give anything to Duo. Anything he wanted.
My sex twitched when his low voice asked, "lube?" I blushed as I nodded slightly. He moved, allowing me to go and retrieve it.
By the time I returned to the bed with the lubrication, Duo had already stripped off his clothing and was sitting up against some pillows and the headboard of the bed. He smirked at me as I drank in the sight of his form. Lean and firm in the perfect places; tan and smooth, but decorated with a few battle scars. I felt myself unconsciously licking my lips when my eyes finally settled onto his lap. He let me stand at the foot of the bed, becoming further aroused as I committed every detail to memory.
Then, Duo beckoned me with a curt, "Come here". I nodded, slowly getting on the bed, crawling over before I settled in front of him between his lean, spread legs. He held my chin, pulling me closer, making me bow - almost toppling over him- as he gave me another heated kiss. I trembled against his lips, anticipating minutes into the future.
I gasped for a small breath of air before moving forward again to kiss once more, but he pulled me away slightly with a hand on my neck and nudged my head down. Glancing down to see his hard, demanding member, I knew what he wanted from me. I looked into his eyes once more before obliging. I'll give you anything you need.
I lowered my head, decorating his body with a trail of short, wet kisses until I could nuzzle his hip and smell his musky scent, making my nostrils flare. Holding his length in one hand, I lavished it with kisses and slow, languorous licks. Feeling its hardness against my hand and tongue, I suddenly had the urge to please him as though it were my only salvation. I wanted to please him in any and every way. After all I had done to him, I wanted to show my remorse and sorrow. I brushed my cheek against the smooth head and ran my tongue slowly across the slit tasting his bitter sweetness, making Duo moan torturously.
It was just the two of us, nothing else. No time, no worries, not past nor furture. We were just there for the moment. I took my time, tracing a vein and feeling the heat of his length against my lips and kissing and flicking my wet tongue quickly on the skin between the base of his penis and his heavy sac.
Without any warning, my head was painfully pulled up by the hair and his full lips pushed hard against mine in another unexpected kiss. I only returned the hungry kiss with equal fierceness. It nearly turned into a savage kiss, me trying to suck and lick every crevice while he tried to dominate me. I moaned into his delectable mouth, running my hands up his smooth back before clutching his thick braid in one hand and using the other hand to pull his head closer to mine to kiss deeply. I could feel his hands, roughly stroking my posterior before cupping a buttock in each hand and giving them a firm squeeze. The kiss felt like a contest of will. I whimpered in response as his tongue swept against mine, pillaging my mouth, demanding my submission. I've already given in since the beginning. He abruptly pulled away from me again, a line of saliva still between us before thinning out and breaking. We sat, gasping for air trembling slightly at the intensity of the kiss.
Taking a deep breath, he growled out, "Don't be a cock tease, Heero." He gave me an expectant look before giving me the order again, "Suck it." My keen ear caught a tremble in his voice. Maybe from need? God, I could feel goose bumps rise on my skin, prickling me everywhere in eagerness. Something about his tone excites me. It's not often that he acts like this in bed. Call me a masochist or whatever, but it's exciting sometimes, a thrill.
Still breathless from the kiss, I lowered my head again, kneeling between his smooth thighs. Not wanting to disappoint him, I slowly darted my tongue out and ran it along his length, holding the base of his shaft. I wanted to be his best lover. Better than any lover he'd ever have. Better than Wufei. With a sense of competition, I was determined to do this. Trying to remember the techniques Duo had used on me before and trying to remember how Duo loved it best, I slid the head of his cock between my lips and circled it with my tongue, tasting his delicious flavor again. Bringing the other hand down, I massaged his fleshy pouch, playing with it between my thumb and forefinger.
I felt triumph when a sigh of pleasure escaped his lips. You are MINE, Duo. No matter who you are with, I'll always be your best. Mine and no one else can make you feel this good. A perfect soldier does everything thoroughly, perfectly, even a blowjob. Can he make you feel this way, Duo? I moaned slightly and felt his length pulse in my mouth. I'm going to be so good that you'll only think of me whenever you bring any other partner into your bed. I can be your perfect lover.
He laid a hand on my head, practically petting me. I weighed his length on my tongue, feeling it heavy with need and finally devoured him greedily, fully into my mouth. Duo let out a loud gasp and his hand fisted in my hair tightly as I sucked on him with fervor. Leaning back against the pillows and headboard, he gave small moans, once in a while pumping his hips. I was proud of pleasing him, proud that I could make him moan and groan so wantonly and make him throw his head back and swear with holy words as I used my teeth a little to play with him. Pleased at the result, I smiled slightly around him, closing my eyes and concentrated on pleasuring him with my mouth.
So lost in the new mission, I barely noticed my own aching need. I didn't notice when his hand left my hair. But I did notice the new touch quickly. Making a mixture of a yelp and moan, I lifted my hips higher as I felt two, long, lube-slick fingers press and enter me. He hunched over me, fingers stretching the tight ring of my entrance and I moaned, trying to concentrate on his length between my lips. It was hard though, because those fingers were teasing me into a frenzy. I bucked and cried out when his fingers touched a sensitive spot. A few more nudges and I was losing my mind.
"Mmnh, Duo!" I let go of his sex, fully distracted with pleasure. Drawing up, I knelt onto my knees, holding onto his firm shoulders for balance and composure. Those fingers were touching me insistently, making pleasure course though my mind and body. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, burying my head into his neck and rocked my hips against those long, graceful fingers. When I gasped for air, I was assaulted with his wonderful scent that was an oxymoron itself. It both calmed and excited me; a mixture of citrus tangerine and serene lavender. Duo's beautiful, amethyst eyes were staring straight into mine. He had turned his head to watch my expressions as he finger fucked me and our mouths were barely an inch away. We could kiss, with only our tongues touching in a sloppy, slippery kiss, but I couldn't because I was biting my lip, trying to control my shaking body. His breath mingled with mine and I could feel his hot and feverish body. He wanted… needed me? Like I needed him.
"Oh… God" I moaned to him. My body was tight against him, precum smearing onto his abdomen from my length, trapped between our hard bodies.
"You want me to fuck you, don't you?" He asked in a heavy, raspy, whisper; his fingers dug in and pressed firmly against that nub and I let out a mewling sound of pleasure. All my Perfect Soldier façade was gone by now and I was a weak… needy… uke. Only for Duo though. His pink tongue suddenly touched my shoulder, licking a hot, slick trail from my shoulder toward my neck up until he reached my ear where he bit gently before continuing, "Answer me, Heero. You want me to take you right now, fill you to the hilt?" He spoke so low, yet seductively that I felt a sudden shudder of delight.
"Yes. God yes…. Duo. I need you." I stared into his amethyst eyes. "I need you so much." I chocked out, flexing against him. I saw his eyes slit slightly when I tightened around his invading fingers. "I feel like I'm going to die if I can't have you!" Only Duo could affect me this way. I've never shown anyone else this much desperate emotion. You are mine Duo, but I am just as much yours. We both have so much power over each other.
I pulled away from him. Lying onto my back, I spread my thighs invitingly. "Please." I mouthed to him. The expression on Duo's face made my sex pulse. There was determination, lust, wild passion, and desire. He crawled over me, body covering mine. His cry echoed mine when I lifted my hips and rubbed his length against mine. He moved slowly, trying to gain composure, letting just a bit of his tip in. I pleaded for more, my voice hoarse with want. Kissing the inside of my wrists before pinning them down on either side of my head with his own hands, he held me down, effectively trapping me. I know I was strong enough to break from his hold, but…why would I want to? I was giving myself to him. I wanted this. I didn't struggle. Instead, I spread my legs, encouraging him further.
I cried out loudly and arched my back off the bed when he moved fully into me in a swift, deep thrust, filling me so suddenly, paralyzing me for a short moment in some kind of shock.
"Heero." He called my name and it was "like an angel sighing". He bent his head to rub his cheek against mine and kiss me softly as he ground his hips in small circles, trying to move deeper. "It's always so tight in you." He told me huskily. "Very warm," He began thrusting, gradually picking up the pace as he whispered his words, "and feels good. Nnh, It always feels so good in you, Heero."
Each pump of his hips drove me higher making me shudder inside, like electricity coursing throughout. I reveled in the feel of his length moving inside of me; his hard sex rushing inside and hitting my prostate, making my entire body quiver and shake involuntarily. This was just too good. I tossed my head back and fourth unable to control everything my body was feeling. I almost couldn't bear this pleasure.
Duo's breaths were heavy as he began thrusting fiercely into me, hips moving at a frenzied pace. I moved against him, urging him. My entire body was heating up, quickly reaching the boiling point. "Harder, Duo. nnnh….Harder." I begged when he buried his face and groaned my name into the crook of my neck. I begged again until he got to that perfect pace- he learned after our year together. The right pace that created perfect friction and heat along my inner tissues, tickling the nerve ends and making me cry out in bliss. He prodded me in all the right places and made my agonizing, hard length pulse like I could feel pressure upon it.
He moved, finally letting go of my wrists to rest onto his elbows, giving small but quick and deep thrusts. Perfect. Duo was cursing, moaning and groaning in that baritone voice of his, making it vibrate within my own chest. His abdomen ground against my sex, creating burning friction.
"AH! Christ!" Duo moaned hoarsely under his breath, throwing his head back in ecstasy, revealing his graceful neck. He jerked in a particularly hard thrust and his body shuddered atop me.
"No!" I bucked me hips and begged him desperately when I felt his thrusts slowing. "Duo! Don't stop!" He couldn't stop now! I was so close! He couldn't leave me hanging like this! He nodded shakily and managed a few more hard shoves and I reached down to pump myself quickly and roughly. I couldn't give warning as I felt my sac tighten and my whole body tense in orgasm. I exploded, arching as close to him as possible, feeling my climax spurt in-between us. Not wanting to wake up the entire floor, I did the only thing I could: I settled my teeth onto his broad shoulder. Trying to swallow my scream of rapture, I bit none to lightly.
He grunted at the sudden sting of pain, but continued to move slowly, shallowly and each push caused another wet shot of his cum to hit me inside. Tremors still running lightly throughout me, I moaned lowly with him, riding both of our orgasms and watching his euphoric expression as he climaxed inside me. Such a god beautiful face; Absolute pleasure was written on it.
He froze for at least a minute before collapsing in a boneless heap atop me, the both of us gasping for our breaths, still trembling slightly after our violent, overwhelming climax. Wrapping my arms around his back, I embraced him closer to my heart, using my sticky essence like glue to keep him with me.
Climbing down from my ecstatic high, I stroked his smooth back, feeling his jackhammer heart beat against my ribcage. I've missed this feeling so much, not the sex, but the way our souls seem to join together for just one moment; that nothing else in the world mattered. Suddenly, I bit my lip gently in thought. Now, I should apologize now and tell him what I meant to say months ago.
Taking a deep breath, I bent my head closer to his ear, "I love you, Duo."
To my surprise, he tensed against me for a moment and then jerked away like he'd been stung. "Don't say that." He told me in a harsh tone. What? He withdrew from me, causing the both of us to hiss in pain as it hurt our raw skin. Itai, dammit, what was he doing? I winced at the burn in my bottom and looked at him in confusion. He was angry with me? I don't understand!
"Don't you fucking dare say that again" he cursed. "You don't even know what it means." He used the bed sheets to sloppily cleanse himself of me. I know what it means, Duo! I've spent days and nights thinking about it!
He grabbed his clothing and began dressing. "You're just a goddamn whore, Heero. What the hell do you know about love?" He half muttered and seethed. He wouldn't even look at me, eyes shaded under his long bangs. That struck me in the heart. How could he say such things to me?
"I'm NOT a whore, Duo." I defended. "Does loving you make me a whore?" I sat up quickly and felt his essence spill out of me slowly.
He turned around to stare at me for a moment. I recognize that glint now. That fire in his eye I couldn't figure out before. It was anger and hatred. "You don't know what love is you heartless bastard." I flinched at his cruel words. "If you loved me, you would have never slept with her." How many times could I explain to him that it was an accident? How many times would I have to apologize before he'd truly forgive me? "If you loved me, you would have NEVER left me." He almost wanted to spit in disgust.
He made it sound as if I had a choice. I bit my lip in frustration and grief, "If I loved you…" I repeated bitterly. "If I loved you, would you still be running around with Wufei just a few months after I left you? I thought you loved me."
He turned abruptly and before I could react, he had slapped me hard, throwing my head to the side from the force of it. "Don't you DARE bring him into this. For all you know, I could just be using him to get back at you." You wouldn't Duo, wouldn't use people like that just to hurt me would you? "Does seeing him with me make your blood boil with jealousy?" He was taunting me. "Do you think about the naughty things I could do with him and wish it were you again?" I clenched my hands into bed sheets. He was right though. Even though I had no right, I had been jealous and almost possessive.
"He wants me, you know. At least he wants me a helluva lot more than you did." No, you can't even comprehend how much I want and NEED you, Duo.
"You. You didn't love me." He accused. "You just fuck or spread your legs for anyone who wants you to. First you cheat on me with HER, and then you cheat on her with ME! Love doesn't work that way!" I frowned slightly; it wasn't like that at all, was it? I only did this because I loved him. I didn't want to cheat on him! I was surprised when he nearly knocked me down as he pushed against me in a brutal kiss.
What the hell are you doing?! I stared wide into his eyes as he kissed me. As bewildering as his actions were, his kisses felt warm. I was unknowingly responding to his lashing tongue. How could I not? Duo was kissing me. There was a sudden, sharp, burn and I drew away in pain. Tasting the metallic tang, I brought a hand to my lower lip and stared disbelievingly at the blood on my fingers. He bit me!
"You're disgusting, Heero." He spit out and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, getting rid of the red blood on his lips. "The way you open your mouth like a whore. It makes me sick. Do you want me that much? So much that you beg like a bitch in heat?"
He had made me beg for him. Beg for It. I exhaled deeply, shakily suddenly feeling so mortified.
"Does it hurt to know that you'll never have me again?" Never. Never again.
He pulled his shirt on violently and made his way to the door.
"I hate you." He informed me. "I hate you for ruining my life, for making me weak. I hate you for using me. I hate you for making me look like some fool, humiliating me beyond words. I hate you and I'll hate you 'til my very last breath." I couldn't breathe all of a sudden. With each statement, it felt like I had shattered in dismay; like my lungs collapsed and hurt inside my chest. He didn't turn to see my cracked image on the bed.
"Wait…" My voice cracked when I spoke up. He didn't even pause, slamming the door after himself. Kami-Sama…. God, God, God, God….. I choked on a cry of shock and fell back onto my bed, curling into a small ball, hugging myself. I couldn't believe I'd been abandoned like that, like I had just been sentenced a life of loneliness and hell. There was a burning sensation in my eyes and I shut them tightly, feeling something crawl up my throat. I let out a small sob.
Note: Um, hehe, ja, it's weird how my lemons are always longer than any other chapters in the story LOL. Yes, well, it's a bit of an unrealistic lemon to. You'd have thought he had gone to heaven and died or something huh? Gomen, these things are hard for me to write L
Uh, I usually see Heero as an emotionally vulnerable character for some reason. So if you think I wrote Heero kind of weak in this part, u're right. I think he's still childish in some ways, unsure and confused about everything when it comes to emotions and expressing himself.