Disclaimer: I dun own them. Hell I don't technically own this plot! This story is based on The Chinese Box, one of those low budget movies that I just happened to pass by. I didn't like it as all, so I rewrote it. And I don't own GW or anything.. 'cept maybe the plot changes. Oh well, this is my pride and joy, so have fun reading it!
Pairings: 1+3, so far.
Warnings: OOC, angst! There's, like, ONE lemon scene, a lot of cuss words ('cause Duo's a potty mouth), yaoi. Oh, there's a lotta bad things that happen to some of the characters, so you might get mad. The guys are around 25 or 26-ish years old. Except Duo. He's around 22, 'cause this is an AU story. Shonen Ai so far. Deathficcy Mebbe That's about it, I guess. ^___^
The L2 Box
I peeked into the bedroom. Duo was already awake, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling with a vacant expression. What was going on in his mind as he stared at the ceiling, never even blinking? I cleared my throat and entered the room, making his head turn in my direction.
"Good morning." He greeted, a little sullen. I settled down the tray of food I had been carrying. His eyes widened visibly. "You brought food for me? No one's ever brought me breakfast in bed before!" The little pleased look was quickly replaced with a depressed one almost too quickly. ".Ah, thanks for making it and all, but I'm not that hungry. Not to be ungrateful or anything. I just. lost my appetite recently." I didn't know what to say to him. It's not like I had any good advise in the love division, I have a crappy love life myself.
"Eat it, Duo. It's for you. It's good, I promise." I offered, trying to push the tray onto his lap. When Duo sat there with down cast eyes, fiddling with the sheets between his fingers, I cut up a piece of syrup covered French toast and brought it up to his mouth. He looked surprised. I'm surprised myself. I'm not usually this thoughtful towards others and he can guess it. Because it was a rarity on my part, he parted his lips to accept the food. After a moment of chewing, he complimented, "Mmm, it's good Heero," closing his eyes to savor the sweet taste.
"Good, since you like it, finish the rest of the food. Take a shower if you wish. I'll be down the hallway in my study." I told him firmly, leaving before he could protest.
He took my advice. I could hear the water rushing through the pipes behind the walls of the house when he took a shower. I didn't know why, but I was nervous. Taping my pencil against my desk began to annoy even me! I couldn't help it, it's a bad habit I have whenever I'm anxious about something. While Duo had been asleep and I was in the kitchen making breakfast, I was thinking long and hard about both Duo and Trowa.
I was getting confused. What the hell was going on with Duo and I? I felt like I was betraying Trowa somehow. I mean, I was practically obsessed with him for years! So, how could I just suddenly shift my attention onto another person? Especially in the time length of a month or two? It made me feel as though my love for Trowa was a lie, and I didn't like that. I reasoned that maybe I was finally accepting the fact that Trowa loved someone else. Duo just suddenly appeared into my life. I couldn't help it. You can't deny feelings! But just what exactly were the feelings I was having now?
First of all, I wasn't even sure if I was feeling love. Maybe I was just trying to be protective over Duo and I was confusing my feelings with love.
When I began learning more about Duo, I realized there was something complex underneath. I saw more than just his scar. The more I understood about him, the more I was getting this restless feeling near him. Was it love? That only made it worse. I didn't want a repeat of Trowa. I just didn't want to make it awkward for the both of us. He'd just gotten one hell of a slap of reality when he met up with Solo again. Now was definitely not the time to just blurt out that I could possibly have feelings for him. It wouldn't be right. It would probably confuse him as much as it confuses me right now. And, even if this was love beginning to blossom in me, what if I got rejected AGAIN? Forget it. I'm going to die soon. I don't need another heartbreak. I'm not even going to think about the possibility that Duo and I could become something. I'll just be happy with out friendship.
My reflections were interrupted when Duo came into my study. His hair was in a wet braid; skin still a little pink from the hot water in the shower. His face, though, was pale and somber. Looking like he had gone to hell, and come back again, and again. Of course, I wasn't sure which was worse, going to Hell or being in reality. Maybe they were the same thing
"God, that feels good! I haven't taken a shower that long without the water going cold in 3 minutes!" he said, a smile graced his face, but it faded.
"Aa, how are you feeling, Duo?"
"Like crap, to be straight forward." He answered, his face stoic, not a frown or anything, but I could see a hint of turmoil behind his dark, blue eyes.
" What are you going to do?" You're not going to commit suicide, are you? I wanted to ask. He had been wishing his death right before he passed out in my arms. Philosophers like Marcus Aurelius believed that life would never make us endure more that we are capable of taking. If the pain were too intense, humans would lapse into unconsciousness and no longer suffer. Were you hurting that bad, Duo? Were you hurting so bad that you had to faint? I couldn't tell what Duo was thinking. His mask was too perfect. It hid all emotions, so if there was a war raging in him right now, I wouldn't have been able to tell.
Duo shrugged. "I don't know." Was his only response. He walked over to the window and looked out, resting his head against the cool glass. I sat there silently, awkwardly, waiting for something more to happen. The silence made a huge gap between us. He kept staring out of the window and I just sat there. What else could I do? We just stayed there.. Trapped in out own musings, listening to the clock on my wall tick as the minutes passed by.
"Have you ever had your life crash down on you. and you feel so damn lost and alone?" Duo's voice pierced the silence. Yes, more than you know. I hadn't told him about Trowa. I didn't think he needed to know. I just nodded. "More than once?" Duo continued his question. I couldn't say that I have. There was more silence.
"I swear to god!" He startled me with his sudden outburst. "I can't believe my damn luck! Everything bad I can possibly think of happens to me! I was an accident and my mother didn't even want me. She should have aborted me so I wouldn't have to suffer all this shit." I could only stared at him.
"She couldn't even stand me and killed herself so she wouldn't have to look at my pathetic self for another day. My goddamn father rapes me. I join the prostitution brigade. I have no love life. I have a fucking scar on my face and no one can even stand to look at me except for little kids. Only 'cause they don't understand yet." His voice was growing very loud and bitter. I was almost afraid that he was thinking about jumping through the window and running onto the street to let a car run over him. "When they grow up, they'll probably realize that I'm a freak. And try to get away from me like everyone else. Like Solo.
"He probably DID remember me. He just didn't want to be near someone that looked so goddamn ugly like me." I got up from behind my desk and went over to him, hesitatingly putting a hand onto his shoulder to let him know that I was there, and he didn't have to say anymore. I didn't want to hear anymore of this self-loathing. I've been through it myself. I didn't want Duo to go through the same cynical thing. He kept on talking though, "I mean, I can cope with him falling in love with someone else. But he didn't even want to have anything to do with me! He probably pretended he didn't know me so he wouldn't have to be near me!" Duo's voice was cracking as he continued to talk and began to cry.
"And even if I go commit suicide and jump off a freakin' building, I'll probably survive and be handicapped forever, and everyone'll call me a gimp where ever I go and all I'll ever be is a blemish in the damn world, 'cause God's so fuckin' funny like that." His sentences were cut by short, small sobs. God, he was crying again. I could see the crystalline tears as they splashed onto the windowsill. One tear, two. three. I took Duo by the shoulder to turn him around to embrace him. His body sagged against mine and I could feel his body shudder with each quiet sob. "It's not fair, Heero. It's not fucking fair." I rested my chin on the top of his head. I made the little "shh-ing" noise as I stroked the back of his head like he was a little child. He held onto me so tightly, I almost couldn't breath.
"Duo," I finally spoke up after what I thought was 20 minutes. He had subsided his crying and tremors, but I could hear a sniffle from time to time. When I thought he was paying attention, I continued to speak, "Duo, I want you to stay with me. I have a guest room you can stay in." I didn't want him to go back home alone. When he'd sit in his cold, lonely apartment, he might get desperate and actually kill himself.
"You want me to stay with you?" He repeated. I nodded against his head.
"Hai, to keep each other company. Duo. You've been to hell before. And I know you've gotten past it. You've told me about all the things you've gone through. I don't think I could ever have survived if it happened to me. But you, you're strong. You survived. You can survive this to. I know you can. And if you think you can't, I'll help you." I murmured into his hair. He was silent, thinking about it.
"You'll help me? You promise?" He whispered.
"I promise." I assured him.
There was more silence as Duo contemplated the choices.
"Then consider me your new roommate, Heero."