(This all started when Teena Maxwell-Yuy on GWML challenged for a fic with Heero singing from "The Age of Aquarius")
LW: I came up with two ways to do this without getting Heero drunk. The other wasn't nearly as much fun. Scary part is, now that the hentai solution is out of the way, I think I may end up writing the other one too. Imagine a semi-serious fic with Heero singing "Aquarius". Teena, this was a wicked idea you spawned. *evil grin*
D: Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram.
EMH: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
LW: Computer, deactivate EM, uh, Hologram. (Yeah, don't want Computer to goof up and deactivate EMH on GWML.)
D: But I need a doctor.
H: Duo no baka. You knew you were going to lose.
D: Yeah, but it was fun.
H: I smell those steaks Quatre promised.
D: *disappears in the direction of the kitchen with a speed belying his complaints*
H: *follows him*
LW: Uh, anyway, read on, unless you're easily offended, in which case you might want to get while the getting's good.
(Note, single quotes ' ' enclose thoughts.)
MiniFic 1 -- The Aquarius Challenge
by LoneWolf ( kodoku na okami )
[The Scene: A living room/kitchen with breakfast area. Around the kitchen table are: Wufei, eating toast and drinking a glass of orange juice; Quatre, sipping a cup of tea; Trowa, holding his coffee, watching it steam, debating whether or not he wants to take a sip yet; LoneWolf, leaning back in a chair, looking at the ceiling, trying to visualize the next shot in a vidfic. The boys chat quietly to avoid disturbing the great director. ]
"AH!" LoneWolf scribbled a few notes on the page in front of him, then returned his gaze to the ceiling as Heero walked in with a purposeful stride. He stopped next to LoneWolf and surveyed the others carefully. "Ninmu ryoukai," Heero said, looking over his shoulder.
Lonewolf glanced at him, trying to get the _next_ image right and saw Duo peering around the corner at them. He shrugged and looked at the ceiling again.
"Hi, Heero," Quatre chirped. "Want some tea?"
Heero ignored him. "When the moon is in the seventh house."
LoneWolf's eyes squinched up. 'A new William Shatner Priceline.com commercial?', he thought, then mumbled, "Who turned on the TV?".
"And Jupiter aligns with Mars."
'OK,' LoneWolf thought, 'this had gone too far.' There was no way he could finish the vidfic if they were going to have the TV on. "Turn it--" He saw three mouths hanging open opposite him. "What?" He followed their gaze to Heero.
Heero's eyes narrowed into the Ice Glare, aimed directly at the hapless director. "Then peace will rule our planet." A sweatdrop appeared on Heero's forehead.
Four mouths hung open now.
"And loo~ove will steer the stars. This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius."
LoneWolf began sweating. Blood spouted from both of Wufei's nostrils. He slumped, unconscious in his chair. Quatre placed his teacup on the table with trembling hands. "Duo must've slipped some LSD into my tea." He looked at Trowa and saw that Trowa had pushed the bang aside so he could bring both eyes to bear on Heero, surely the one was wrong. Quatre noticed the bloody, unconscious Wufei and set about trying to wake him. "Wufei?" He pulled Wu's leg, carefully avoiding the blood. Anything was better than facing the fact that Heero had gone waaaaaaaaaaaay of the deep end.
Heero's eyes narrowed again. "The Age of Aquariuuuuuuuuus," he belted out directly at LoneWolf.
"AAAGGGH!!!" LoneWolf fell over backwards in his chair and passed out.
"Ninmu kanryou," Heero said smugly as Duo raced in.
"Hey, LW, LW, wake up," Duo shook LoneWolf, patting his face, "Hey, wake up, will'ya." Heero grabbed Duo's braid.
"Duo, are you behind this?" Trowa asked, letting his bang fall back into place, hoping Duo was somehow behind this. 'Because if Heero is gonna take up a singing career he's gonna _have_ to find a new place to live and I am _just_ the one to show him the door -- I mean, even William Shatner sings better than that.... almost.'
"Ooohhhh! What a strange dream," LoneWolf opened his eyes and saw Duo hovering over him, Heero standing with that smug look on his face and Wufei beginning to regain consciousness. "It wasn't a dream." He let his head fall back to the floor. "Ouch!" He rubbed the back of his head.
"I won the bet," Heero said, smugger than ever.
"What bet?" LoneWolf mumbled as he sat up.
"That I could knock you out without touching you." Heero gave a quick tug on the braid. "Pay up, Duo"
"Yeah, yeah," Duo said, helping LoneWolf up. "Here." He handed Heero a thin, paperback book.
"He sang 'Age of Aquarius' for a _book_?" Quatre goggled.
"A book," Wufei mumbled, finally back among the living. "Kisama! Where is justice?" ('At least Wufei is OK,' Quatre thought.)
Heero smirked and pulled Duo's braid again, drawing the other boy close. He wrapped both his arms around him so he couldn't get away, then began thumbing through the book, looking at it over Duo's shoulder. Duo sweatdropped. "Uh, well, it isn't just _any_ book." Violet eyes grew wide as Heero pointed to a page.
Trowa's eye caught the title. "But you can buy a copy of 'Kama Sutra' at any book store." Heero smirked again, pointing out another page. Duo winced. "I'd forgotten about that one." Wufei grabbed his nose to prevent another further blood loss.
"What's... Oh, yeah, that book you-- mmph." Trowa's hand clapped over Quatre's mouth. "Not in front of Wufei," Trowa whispered.
"Kisama!" Wufei muttered, but it sounded odd with his nose pinched closed.
LoneWolf put one and two together (1+2, haha?). "What was the rest of the bet?" he asked, glaring at Duo.
Wufei gulped. Heero smirked yet again, drawing Duo tight against him. "Ummm..." Heero bent and slid his arm under Duo's legs, picking him up. "Oops. Gotta go." He winked. He was looking forward to paying this bet.
"Don't worry koi, I'll make sure you enjoy every minute of it," Heero murmured softly.
Blood burst past Wufei's fingers. He passed out again. Quatre moved to wake him, but LoneWolf signaled him to leave the poor boy alone.
"Uh, yeah." Duo grinned his silly grin. "Hey, Quatre, can you bring us dinner in bed this evening."
"Breakfast tomorrow morning."
"Naaniiii?" Duo gasped. "I'll starve to death!"
"You'll be too busy to starve."
Everyone's eyes grew wide.
"There are advantages to being ... 'more than just plain human'." Heero smirked at LoneWolf, who regretted writing that particular line in that particular story. Heero was never going to let him forget it. (Then LW remembered it was a Duo line and decided Duo was getting his just deserts.)
"Steaks for breakfast, medium rare if you don't mind?" Quatre nodded, to dumbfounded to do anything else. Duo mouthed "Oh shit!" to the crowd as Heero carried him out of the room, but he was grinning as he said it. A door down the hall opened and then closed.
Quatre looked at Trowa. Trowa looked a Quatre. Both looked at LoneWolf. All three looked at the unconscious Wufei, then at the TV remote. "Mind if we watch a little TV?" Quatre asked, trying to look innocent, but not quite succeding.
LoneWolf grabbed the remote and punched the buttons. "I knew that surveillance system would come in handy." All three ran from the table, jumping over the back of the couch, landing on it...
They looked at the screen. "Oh my," Trowa muttered. "What edition do they have?" He laid his head left at a painful angle, then right. "Is that possible?"
"Turn on the VCR," Quatre whispered. "I might need to review this later. Look at that! Trowa, do you think-- mmph."
LoneWolf felt someone lean against the back of the couch. "Kisama!" Wufei breathed, staring at the screen with wide eyes 'Hmm, maybe he _is_ faking those nosebleeds.' LoneWolf thought.
D: You video-taped us?
LW: Yep. But don't worry, we only made a few copies. *sweatdrop*
D: *dangerous glitter in his eyes* How many?
LW: Oh, one for Trowa and Duo, and one for Wufei in case he ever loosens up, and one for... everyone on GWML.
D: AAGGGGH!!! *almost drops steak -- much worse than any nosebleed*
LW: Just kidding! *laughing* Serves you right.