Disclaimer: See all the others; status unchanged.

This is a sequel to 'Lapse'
Pairing: vague 1+2(+1)
Rating: R
Contents/Warnings: hints at Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV.
Word Count: 500

AN: Written for [ gw500 ] challenge #30 - 'laundry'. Continuance of the 'Road to Recovery' micro-series.


Clearing the Mind
by kebzero


In retrospect, I shouldn't have been so surprised. I hadn't done much of a job in hiding how I felt, even if I hadn't blurted it out aloud.

At least not while reasonably sober.

I never thought he'd really dare ask me - or even hint the question, like he had just done. Deep down, I had probably hoped he would, though. That way, I wouldn't have to summon up the guts to confess all on my own. Maybe it was easier this way; cornered, practically forced to answer, or struggle to maintain an eerie silence for several hours - not an easy thing to do while trapped together in a small tin-can out in space.

It still felt decidedly uncomfortable, though. A big, heavy lump gathered in my gut, and it felt like something had clamped down on my chest too. I took a deep breath, trying to break the spell I'd caught myself in.

Minutes must have gone by before I raised my eyes to meet his again. I hesitated, not only because I had to get control of myself, but also because I was terrified there'd be judgement in his eyes. It's easier to live with the uncertainty of hope, than the certainty the hope was unfounded.

My relief knew no bounds when I saw nothing but nervous softness and anticipation on his face. I tried to smile, but it must have looked really sheepish. Or creepy. Embarrassed, I turned away again. "Yes..." I mumbled.

A quick glance was enough to read he wanted a better answer than that. He didn't ask, just waited for me to speak.

I mustered up all my courage. "Yes, Duo. I l-" I choked down that word. I wanted to come clean, but I feared that word would be too much for him right then. "I... like you. I really like you, Duo."

Yeah, subtle as a brick. It was what he expected to hear, so I figured I might as well give it to him.

I briefly wondered if there were bars on L2, and if some cheap place would be open when we got there. My throat had never been as dry. I swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump rising in my throat.

Duo reached inside one of the compartments, fetched a bottle with a valved straw and tossed it to me. "Here. It's water."

I accepted and sipped from the canister, looking at him. It was my turn to wait for an answer.

I suppose I knew it wouldn't be what I wanted it to be. He wouldn't magically light up, throw himself at me and confess how much he loved me too, proceed to kiss me silly and- That train of thought headed straight down a dirty track, flashing images at me. A mental headshake was in order, if not an outright brainwash. Lacking the means for the latter, I did the former, and waited.

The way his face hardened shattered the promises of fantasies.

owari

on to 'crumb'

back to 'road to recovery' page

back to fiction

back to kebzero fiction


back home