Disclaimer: This is fanfiction based on the characters and universe of Gundam Wing.

Another Version of Events
by Karan Seraph
Chapter 57

Heero leaned against the railing, arms folded across the top rail and right knee slightly bent and positioned between uprights. He was wearing his jeans and Duo's gray sweater, but both had been purchased by Duo second hand. They would probably not see whales this early in the year. Or, perhaps they might. They were here in summer and in winter migrated toward Hawaii. Heero was unsure of what latitude they would be found at in late spring, but that migration seemed like a pleasant life.

In water, communicating with distant friends through song, summers off Alaska and winters off Hawaii.

"It is beautiful here, but I also like the islands. It is so green in Alaska. I did not think that it would be green, but I should have."

"I think instant transfer of information and flickering screens have spoiled my mind for the attention span required to enjoy this. I want to see ice fall into the sea already!" Duo said at Heero's ear. He had moved out onto the balcony after Heero and he was only wearing a pair of borrowed shorts. He clung to Heero for warmth, wrapping his arms around Heero's waist.

"It is early in the season yet," Heero noted.

Duo said nothing. His chin dug at the flesh above Heero's clavicle.

"It was green where my house was. Actually, it is still there."

"Why haven't you sold it?" Duo asked quietly.

"I suppose I wanted to have a place to run back to if I was disappointed in the Colonies."

"So, you think you want to stay in the Colonies, now you've returned?"

"Right now, that is where my friends are. I returned to the colonies hoping I would find friends still there. I did not intend to stay in that apartment forever. I meant it to be temporary, until I settled."

"So... you haven't settled?"

Heero thought about that. "I do not need to be there for business. Midii only moved because I was going there. She still has an apartment in Neo Tokyo."

"I hear it is nice there."

"Nice in the way that dense cosmopolitan urban environments can be," Heero said.

"Oh, so you don't actually want to live in a city?"

"I live in a city now. I would not want to live in a city on Earth. I do like to visit them, but if I were going to live on Earth, I would hope for something with more greenery around it. More land. That is the thing they have that we do not really have in the Colonies. Otherwise, what is the point? I could stay in the Colonies and live in the middle of a city in a tiny apartment."

"If you could have a house with land, would you want to live on Earth more than in the Colonies?"

Heero considered that. "Not alone."

"So... you really want to live in a house, with land around it, with someone?"

Heero shrugged one shoulder, the right, not disturbing Duo whose head was bowed over his left shoulder. "I suppose that is true. I have not really thought about it recently. I have a house with land now, but I was lonely there. I know that if having the house on Earth means I will be alone, that I do not need the house."

"So, if you could live with someone that you wanted to be with, would you agree to live in a city on Earth?"

"I do not know, Duo, unless you are asking me now. I think it might depend on the circumstances. I would prefer not to live in a city here. I suppose it should not matter a lot. My job may require me to travel throughout the Sphere."

"I wasn't inviting now. I was just... you know... curious about you."

"You are just curious."

"More than just curious," Duo laughed.

"I would live in the Colonies with someone. I would live there with you if it could be worked out. I could live with you on Earth, if that were something you would ever do. I imagine you would prefer a city. I just feel that, being somewhat famous, there would be more opportunities to feel hurt by rumors living in a city. And they have traffic here."

"Yeah. I mean, I guess you can always live outside a city and go downtown when you need something. I kinda like having everything within walking distance."

"I like having things I order online delivered to my door. They can deliver parcels to rural addresses as well as urban. Of course, my house would be wired for everything, plus there would be trees. You wouldn't even have to walk to find things, just go online."

"I guess I just like the social and tactile aspects..." Duo admitted.

"When I feel like that, I do go downtown. I would still visit cities, if I did not live in one. And being social is a healthy, advantageous and... fun. I would have friends and neighbors to be social with. If I had a house with a real yard or garden, all my friends from the colonies would want to visit."

"I guess they would." Duo laughed. "So... since you thought of it, you'll do that? Are you going to move to Earth, Heero?"

Heero turned from looking at the bay. He put his hands to Duo's waist and side. He felt cold. "You should get clothes on."

Duo flashed a grin then turned. Heero's fingertips grazed his back before Duo moved inside. He went to the wardrobe to find clothes. Heero stepped into the room, leaving the doors open behind him. "The person who is having your child lives in the Colonies. Right now, you are living there. I told you that I wanted to be with you. I promised to do it..."

"Until the end of the year," Duo said, but he did not sound bitter or sad as Heero had feared he might. When he looked up Duo was smiling at him. "I'm glad you'll stay with me."

"Yes," Heero agreed.

"I told you what I wanted, but ya know, people have to take care of their own happiness first on some level. You and I can understand that, right?"

Heero nodded. They understood because they each had needed time to each work out issues on their own before they had been able to honestly say they loved each other or been able to promise each other they would stay together. "There is that balance to find, between being selfish and being so selfless you become the one that needs help. Even a weapon must be kept in good working order."

Duo laughed. "Your sense of humor is frightening."

"Same to you."

"But you understand my point?"

Heero gave a nod. "If I needed to live somewhere or under certain conditions, to keep myself well or to support myself, you would understand me doing that, even if it meant being distant from you."

"And you'd understand if I moved?" Duo asked.

"The respect should go both ways. Of course."

Duo smiled, but there was something. Heero sensed something. It felt like he had just missed something that he should have noticed. He could not think what it might have been.

Duo had dressed in a loose pair of black pants and a snug red t-shirt. He walked to the bed then sat down. "I think I'll just rest for a while. Maybe you could get some of your work done?"

He could. Heero went to the sitting room and looked through his gear. He took a digital pad and his camera with him and a few small tools in a wallet. Heero went into their bathroom to put the contacts in his eyes. When that was done, he quickly assessed his appearance in the mirror and then went toward the door to the hall.

"I will be back in approximately one hour. Would you like to get lunch with me when I return?"

"Sure," Duo said from the bed where he was lying with his arms folded behind his head.

"See you later."

Heero left the room and moved through the ship, following the schematics he had stored in his pad. He found that there was adequate video surveillance to deter or make difficult attempts at accessing the water filtration systems. The area where the video was monitored was constantly manned and the cables were within walls. Nothing short of assault would succeed in disturbing the operation of the ship, and that level of force would be detected and emergency procedures would go into effect. One person could not secretly poison all the ship's water at the source without it being known that the source may have been contaminated.

So far, Heero had not observed any glaring lapse in security. There were security officers dressed in the manner of the crew and staff, but obvious from the gear they carried. There might be some slight chance that a person could be robbed and murdered in their hotel room but that danger existed anywhere that people lived in close quarters.

The rooms were not soundproofed, Heero had noticed.

Screams would be heard and struggling. Whether it was recognized and reported was another matter. The passages and decks were under surveillance. Abduction, or removal of a corpse would be difficult once leaving the private rooms.

Thievery might be more of a problem. Small things could be taken from ship or passengers and if there was a worry of being searched, Heero thought that containers including goods and homing beacons could be attached to floats and dropped overboard to be collected by accomplices, especially when close to port. There was some risk of lose that way, but considering some of the passengers might have been unwise enough to pack jewels, perhaps that risk was worth it.

Heero would ask about it. Duo had learned more about stealing out of necessity than Heero had and might be able to advise him. That was why Heero felt justified in listing Duo as a consultant. Heero really did appreciate the help Duo gave him. Teamwork had advantages. Sometimes that extra brain perceived things that the first did not.

Heero returned to the room they were sharing and picked the lock; the key had been left with Duo. When Heero opened the door he saw Duo lying on the bed where he had bee before, but evidently he had moved since then and Heero suspected he was faking slumber. The wig was on, so Duo must have moved to fit it. And Duo's experience would not allow him to sleep deeply enough to miss his door lock being picked when alone.

"Ready to go to lunch?" Heero asked.

An eye cracked open. "Ready," Duo said quietly.

Heero returned his gear to the sitting area. "Maybe, after lunch, we could just sleep together."

Duo sat on the bed. "Sleep?"

Heero straightened from leaning over the table and smiled at Duo. "It seems a pastime normal people would do on holiday."


"Tommy, you know I would say 'holiday.'"

Duo grinned. "I just gotta put my shoes on."

They left the room together to get lunch. They agreed to go to the ship's buffet style restaurant. The round tables were large and seated eight, to promote conversation between guests, Heero suspected. This likely went over well when the ship was used for singles cruises, but it meant that Heero and Duo had to watch what they said more closely if they could not find a table that was vacant, or when they were joined.

When a Canadian couple on a second honeymoon sat with them, Heero ate quietly and listened to Duo tell them how he and Max had only just met during the excursion to Sitka and that they had been caught in the rain and how agreeing to lend Maxwell dry clothes had led to other things. "It was forward of me, but I do not think he minded," Duo said and lifted Heero's nearest hand from the table.

Heero realized that he was expected to say something. "Not very forward considering how I held him to keep him from shivering in the rain," Heero said, and then to give the others something to talk about he added, "He had me when I felt his fingers comb through my damp hair. Tommy's a famous hairdresser."

Duo loosed Heero's hand and laughed lightly. "Not a famous hairdresser, just a hairdresser to famous people." As Heero suspected, the others asked Duo whose hair he had done and he told a fictitious history. Thomas had grown up in some wretched tourist village near Loch Shin where his father had been a local pastor and his mother had been a hairdresser. A famous pop star who did not want her name revealed had come to Loch Shin on holiday, when Thomas was a teenager and working with his mother, and had visited the salon after a debauched night of kinky sex involving edible substances that dried hard. Thomas had fixed her hair, pretended not to know her and even given her a new color, that later was imitated by many. Long story short: the only Lairds and Ladies in Scotland now were the royalty of pop music and movies that lived in the old castles and manors in attempt to escape the paparazzi and most of them trusted Tommy to do their hair.

Heero did not know how Duo thought this stuff up. He was not even sure there was a lock Shin or whether pop stars did live in old homes in Scotland.

"One of them had planned to take this cruise with someone, before they broke up, and the tickets were already paid for by then, so they arranged for me to take their place. Lucky me. I wouldn't have been able to afford my room if I had to pay for it."

The others at the table, now four of them, seemed at once scandalized and entertained.

When they had eaten their lunch, Heero and Duo excused themselves from the table and placing used dishes in the appropriate receptacles took the long way back to their room, to take advantage of the view off the deck they were on. They were still in the bay, but heading back toward the mainland. They would be in Skagway the next day and afterward makes stops in Juneau and Ketchikan, before ending their voyage in San Francisco.

Heero had researched the ports they would make for in a general fashion and thought that tomorrow he would attend the destination lecture, after Yoga.

"Can we go to the casino tonight?" Duo asked.

"It would be wrong to cheat," Heero said.

"Who said I was going to cheat?" Duo asked innocently. Heero could not tell at the moment if the tone was more true or false.

"We likely have the abilities to cheat... a lot," Heero said quietly. He casually glanced to see if anyone was within range of hearing. "There are some rules and laws I am not morally opposed to breaking, but I think it would be wrong to compete against people with such an advantage."

"I kinda like card games," Duo said, perhaps thoughtfully, "You could probably read people without trying to actually get into their minds. Ya know? The old fashioned way!"

Heero gave a nod. "Probably."

"So, can we go later? You might even have fun, and win money."

Heero smiled. He liked to see Duo happy and excited, as he seemed now. "Yes, Pet, we can go to the casino tonight."

Duo literally jumped toward Heero, nearly knocking him down as he threw his arms around Heero. Heero took several steps backward, to steady himself, not to fight the contact. Duo's lips kissed his. It was just flesh touching flesh, but lips had so many muscles attached and were strengthened by years of sucking, eating and forming words that there was really so much more to a kiss than touching another's skin. Sometimes an arm pressing his back or shoulders was enough to do something, to cause that electric feeling that made touching other people a good thing. Kissing did more than that.

Heero was never going to tire of kissing Duo.

He felt Duo's hands on his chest, through the clothing he wore. Duo wanted distance, but the hands made Heero want to stay close. Hands could do even more than lips. Hands were a brilliant evolutionary adaptation; they enabled use of tools. A chimpanzee could use tools, but human hands were even more adapted to manipulating tools. Heero knew whose tool he wanted to manipulate.

"Croft!" Duo grated.

Heero went still, but for his right hand, which was at the crotch of Duo's pants. He looked Duo in the eyes. Duo really did have beautiful eyes.

"Don't ya think we should go to our room?" Duo whispered.

"You started."

Duo made a small cough. "I'll finish if you come back to the room with me."

Heero brought his hand to his chest. "As you wish."

Duo grinned as he turned his back, then called to Heero, "I love you."

Heero knew he was absolutely in love with Duo. He did not think he cared why it had happened; he just enjoyed the feeling. Mind, body and soul, he thought to himself. Heero smiled. Right now, he especially loved Duo's body.

When Heero reached the room Duo was locking the doors to the balcony. He asked Heero to make sure the other door was locked. Heero confirmed that it was and then went to remove the contacts from his eyes. When he had done that, Heero saw that Duo was sitting on the bed, taking pins from his hair.

"I really had been planning only to sleep, earlier."

"I know," Duo told him, smiling. "I'm sure you could give me a reason to sleep."

Heero pulled off the sweater he was wearing. He folded it as he walked to the bed.

Duo looked up at him, his hair falling in a twist against his back as he pulled the last pin. "Um, do you think you... I mean..." another small cough, "What do you have in mind, Baby?"

Heero leaned toward Duo as he stepped out of his shoes. "I am going to fuck you."


"And you are going to love it!" Heero whispered.

"Really?" Duo asked as Heero was tugging at the rings in his ear.

"Mm." Heero lifted his head to whisper to Duo again. "You get off on this."

"What...? Are you? What do you mean?"

"You love that you are the one I want. Not yet. Other people have wanted you, but you were not the only one they wanted. You do get off on knowing that you are the one Heero Yuy wants and the only one that can make him... me... feel this. Duo, I want to feel you. I want to please you. I want..."

"Touch me!"

Heero put his right hand to the small of Duo's back and then slipped his hand beneath pants and underwear. He kissed Duo as he did it, sucked hard at his mouth, on his tongue. "You taste like spinach."

Duo flashed a smile. There had been spinach on his sandwich. Heero saw one eyelid shut and then Duo was flexing his arms to show his biceps.

Heero touched the skin of Duo's arm where it stretched over the muscle. He sighed. "You do not always look very strong in your clothes..." Heero wanted Duo to take his shirt off. He wanted to fuck him. He wanted to taste him again.

"You like this," Duo said.


Duo grinned at him, smugly. "Maybe it's true I like being the one Heero Yuy wants to fuck, but you had my interest before I learned what you were calling yourself. Besides, it's a symbiotic relationship, Yuy. Not like you're doing me favors. You like this body!"

He did! "Aa... yeah..." Heero was feeling that strongly right now. He shifted his hands and Duo felt backward to the mattress. Heero reached for the hem of the small red shirt Duo was wearing and pushed it up over his ribs. There was no question anymore. Heero could not even imagine a more gorgeous person than Duo.

Heero licked his lips then closed his eyes. He could still see Duo inside his mind, all that pale skin over that not-too-hard, not-too-soft shape... as if Goldilocks had tried Baby Bear's porridge, chair and bed all to her liking then been woken from her nap, not by the Bear family, but by Baby Bear's love slave, who was trained to serve whoever slept in that bed.

"No fair. You got to share naughty thoughts."

Heero maneuvered Duo's shirt up over his head, though it left his arms trapped. He bowed over Duo then and whispered to him. "Tell me I am your Baby Bear again."

"You-you are my Baby Bear..." Duo stammered. "Um, but do you think you are in the mood to do something for me?"

Heero shook his head, not to deny Duo, but because it was so silly that Duo doubted him. "Say that you are Baby Bear's pet," Heero said firmly.

Duo complied. "I am Baby Bear's pet."

Heero placed a kiss to Duo's jaw. "Say that Baby Bear is exactly what you need."

"Baby Bear is exactly what I need," Duo whispered.

Heero looked down at Duo and smiled. "Now tell me what you want."

"Rim job?"

"Heero shook his head again. "That was a question, Duo-chan," he said sternly. "My patience is fading."

Duo sucked in a breath and then looked into Heero's eyes directly. "I want your tongue on my ass, Heero. I want your tongue in me... and then I want your dick in me."


"Yeah..." Duo sighed.

Heero nipped at Duo's chest then lifted his head slightly. "Remove our pants and I will give you what you want... happily... if..."

"If what?" Duo whispered, his hands already opening Heero's jeans.

"Let me practice."

"You mean...?" Duo paused, moistening his lips with his tongue. Heero knew what meant to ask.


Duo chuckled. He pushed the jeans and shorts Heero had worn down toward his knees. "You'll so be converted!"

"I will hope that I like what you have to offer as much as you say you like what I have given you," Heero said seriously. Then Duo's hand touched his cock and he no longer felt very serious.

Duo pulled himself up from the bed and whispered at Heero's ear in a very low voice. "I suspect we're a good match either way, Baby. I've been paying attention, Heero. When you let go, when you decide to switch, you're going all the way! Bigger, faster, harder will feel good to you. I think you might even want me to get a little rough."

Heero's mouth gaped. He closed his eyes. Duo's hand was still teasing his cock, but the images that flashed through his mind were all of Duo fucking him. Heero realized, these were not Duo's fantasies. He had made no effort to tune into Duo, and the connection was not active. It was all him. He was creating these images and he knew, right at that moment, that Duo's insight was correct.

He had not been ready to tell Duo what he wanted before, because he had not really been sure of what he wanted. Now, Heero had a much clearer picture of what he would ask for. He was tempted to ask, but he knew, as he was tempted that it was not time for that yet.

Duo wanted him, now. He wanted to be fucking Duo.

And Heero was not ready to admit that Duo had read him so accurately with no benefit of superhuman abilities. Perhaps, Duo could win money at cards. Heero would not trust him not to cheat at dice.

Heero felt Duo's tongue fill his mouth and he opened his eyes. "Help me out of my pants," Duo said as he pulled his mouth from Heero to offer his neck instead.

Heero bit down on Duo's neck once then moved to strip Duo of pants, under shorts, shoes and socks. Heero crawled back up along Duo's legs then. Duo had fallen back to the bed again and was tracking Heero's movement with his eyes. "How are you feeling?" Heero asked.

Duo said nothing, just looked at Heero, and then sucked fingers into his mouth.

Heero bowed and took Duo's dick in his mouth. Duo hissed a breath, but he was relaxed, so Heero did not stop.

"I should have listened to you, Heero," Duo whispered. "It's kinda sore... but it feels good when you... mmmm... makes me not really mind the pain."

Heero was even gentler than he would usually be, Duo was already punished with soreness for not listening and Heero was motivated only to show him kindness while he recovered. He wanted to stop. He felt that his own body was in need and that this longing was poison and logic demanded that the urge be satisfied to preserve overall function, or sanity of the system.

Heero thought about his body and his emotions like that sometimes, in terms of requirements to meet and operational guidelines. It helped him to get through the bad days and it felt safe. And, it did not hurt anyone. Happiness was not a need, but it made everything else work out better, so it was advantageous to do things just because they made him happy. He did not have to give up logic entirely.

He wanted Duo happy, but he really wanted to get to fucking him. It always felt good, like he was doing something he had been created to do. It was satisfying. He would have begged, but Duo saved him from it. He pressed his palm to the top of Heero's head and his desire was communicated.

"Turn over," Heero said quietly.

Duo turned and then crawled over the mattress toward the head of the bed, where he reached for the drawer beside the bed. Heero reached for Duo's ass. He felt Duo shudder at the contact.

Heero hesitated, tongue working over his own lips.

"Don't be shy, Baby," Duo encouraged him. "It's jus' you an' me; we can do anything. Give me want I want... I'll return the favor."

"Yes," Heero agreed, his voice weak, "I was just..." He paused to swallow. "Duo, I want to get inside again, to feel it."

"You know I trust you," Duo rasped.

Heero closed his eyes and willed himself to receive Duo's feelings and his sensations. He felt in control. Heero had received more than this with success, and he had received while remaining active. He was confident he could be active while receiving this much data.

"Oh, you really want me," Heero said.

"Fuck yeah!" Duo said, but there was no real need to confirm. But then, there had been no real need for Heero to tell Duo what he knew.

Heero put his tongue to Duo's asshole, and he felt it. He knew Duo's relief, satisfaction, and thrill. He felt it as if it had been done to him. Heero was aware that the sensation was alien, but it still felt real. He wanted more. Heero wanted, Duo wanted, and Heero had the ability to please them both. All he had to do was move his tongue.

Duo put his head to the nearby pillow and beat the bed softly with his fists. Heero's hands kept Duo's thighs and buttocks spread as he wished. "Oh, God, you're good to me! Don't you ever leave me!" Duo cried out.

He was not calling on anyone but Heero.

"I want..."

"You are ready," Heero said.

"Yeah, I..."

"Here." Heero moved from behind Duo to sit on the bed beside him. Duo wanted to put lube onto Heero himself; Heero knew it. Duo sat back on his heels. He turned his head and looked at Heero. His lips parted slightly. He loved Heero. He never wanted to be apart from him. The sex was great and he felt that Heero understood him. "Arigato," Heero whispered as Duo's hand worked lubricant onto his cock.

And then, to say he knew Heero was not only thanking him for the lube, Duo winked at him. "You're really feeling it?"

Heero nodded.

Duo grinned at him. He turned and moved backward, his legs drawn up before him. He licked a fingertip then touched it to his right nipple. Heero felt that. "Yeah? You really are. It's just hard for me to understand."

"Do it again."

Duo did not do exactly the same thing. He pulled at the ring through his left nipple. He knew that got to Heero, because it was not something Heero felt with his own body. Heero sensed the glee in Duo.

Heero lifted his gaze to Duo's face. "I need you."

"I know."

Heero smiled. He twisted and then crawled toward Duo. Duo slipped a pillow behind him before leaning back. He looked up at Heero, daring him to maintain eye contact. Duo's teeth scraped his lower lip.

Heero set himself to enter Duo, then he did it. He felt...


"I am hurting you," Heero whispered.

"No! Oh, don't stop! Don't stop! You're not hurting me."

"B-but... I feel..."

Duo shook his head. "Heero, please! Trust me. Move with me. Move for me."

"I..." Heero did what Duo asked. He pulled back and then pressed forward again. It felt... different. Maybe it was not pain, but it had not felt exactly good either. He was not sure how to describe that feeling.

"You're with me?" Duo asked breathlessly. "It's not pain, I promise. You just aren't used to it. You are my Baby Bear, I swear, I just tensed up or something. I don't want you to stop!"

Heero tried to be calm, or at least, only excited in a positive manner. He realized that he was no longer feeling his own shock, but panic from Duo. Duo feared Heero would stop. Heero forced the words out slowly. "I will not stop, if you do not want me to."

"Baby," Duo sighed. The panic was leaving him and as the panic left his body felt more relaxed. It did not feel like Heero was hurting him now. It felt...

"Oh," Heero moaned. He felt the sensations of penetrating and being penetrated at the same time. Rather, unlike his experience with Duo out by the railing after dinner, this was specifically anal penetration.

It feels like this, Heero thought. He was aware of his self and he was still aware of Duo's feelings and sensations. He could sense what Duo's body felt and Heero had his own reaction to those feelings. He could also sense Duo's emotions, and Heero knew that Duo's reactions were not his own.

Heero found the physical sensations pleasurable, his own and Duo's, of course, but he did not feel Duo's particular bliss or gratitude, he was only aware of sensing it in Duo.

This meant something. This meant that sex, or enjoyment of good sex, was not purely physical. Heero could feel the same physical sensations, and though they certainly quickened his body toward orgasm, he knew he was not getting as much out of the experience as Duo was. Duo was, one might say, getting off on a whole other level.

Duo knew what he wanted most and he had found someone able to give him what he wanted.

Heero thought he might be jealous. He forced himself not to know Duo's emotions. He focused only on the physical, on his body and on Duo's body. He was aware of the ins and outs. When that gland was struck, Heero knew it. Fucking Duo had been good when they had used condoms, and then it had become more intense... and this was more intense than that.

Heero did not want to stop, but the more things continued, the closer he felt to climax. He could only enjoy these feelings while they lasted.

He did, Heero enjoyed it all.


Heero groped for Duo's mouth. Duo was not supposed to say his real name so loudly.

Duo bit his fingers and Heero pulled his hand away from him. "Heero! God! Not so hard!"

Heero shook his head. He did not understand.

"You understand?" Duo said through gasps. "Don't stop. Just be more gentle."

"Too hard?" Heero asked.

"Heero? Are you doing it now? I can't tell. This isn't how it feels usually. You're very strong."

He was hurting Duo! He was not doing it right.

"Heero, look at me!"

Heero looked. He went still and looked down into Duo's eyes.

"I'm OK. Are you? You understand? Can you keep going?"

"I can keep going," Heero said flatly.

"I'm really OK, but it felt different and you didn't say anything at all. Does it feel better for you that way?"

Heero shook his head. He closed his eyes. It had felt better, but not because he wanted to fuck Duo that way. He liked the feeling of being fucked in that way. They had both been satisfied in the past. That way had seemed perfect. Duo was correct to question him. Duo didn't even like it this way. Heero was not pleasing Duo. "Gomen ne," Heero whispered, "I did not realize what I was doing. I will do it the way you like." Heero was sure to make his last statement firm, mostly to set his own mind to the task, though he also wanted Duo to know.

Heero opened his eyes and saw Duo was smiling. "Still the perfect Boyfriend."

"I cannot let myself tune into your sensations," Heero admitted in a whisper.

Duo lifted his right hand to the back of Heero's neck. "Sssh, Baby, it's OK, just move for me. Come for me and we'll find a safer way for you to practice." Duo lowered his voice further. "I don't need freaky psy sex to want to be with you." He smiled. "You having a cock like that and fucking me when I'm this close to begging is pretty much a requirement, though."

Heero nodded understanding and then, replanting his hands either side of Duo's body initiated a steady stream of precise pelvic thrusts that forced his cock into Duo and out again. It was very much second nature, muscle memory as it were. It took effort, but Heero did not have to think to do it. He did not have to think.

Heero's mind wandered as he looked on Duo. It was true his human senses were way above the average, possibly even beyond the known range. Even without the link to his mind Heero could read Duo well. He could see the darkness of his eyes and the color in his skin. He could smell his body chemistry and the perfumes that did not quite mask it. He could feel warmth. He could hear Duo's cries and even slight shifts in his breathing.

Heero was sure that Duo could, and was, reading him in the same way. His eyelids fluttered over his eyes and then his gaze fixed on Heero again. "How much longer can you last?"

"You tell me."

Duo's eyes closed momentarily and then his breath altered. He licked his lips and breathed slowly through his nose. It occurred to Heero that this was a variation of the Sufi Mother's Breath. Duo's eyes opened again. "I want to see you come."


"No! Ah, just a little longer."


"Mmmm." The breath faltered and then began again. Duo had shifted his breath in effort to keep from crying out. He deserved something for that, a reward.

Heero lifted his hands to Duo's legs and pressed his thighs toward his torso as he shifted his own weight forward. "God!" Duo cried, and then restored his full breaths.

"Hai," Heero said. God. He knew what Duo liked. Deep, but not so hard that there was loud slapping or future bruises where flesh had been forced between thrusting and grinding bones.

"Oh, fuck… come for me!" Heero did not need the words that time. He recognized the look of Duo's eyes and the involuntary tensing and facial contortion. And there was the ejaculation, but sometimes that did not happen. More evidence that human orgasm was much more mental that purely physical. Duo Maxwell did not fake.

All Heero had to do was speed his movements. He knew he could do it and his body knew the movements even when his mind was being consumed by pleasure. Quick and precise and the resulting sensation forced Heero over that point of no return. He was half aware of Duo's heels pressing into his buttocks.

Heero did not know why Duo was fixated with deep penetration, but he accepted it as something that made Duo Duo. He lay atop Duo and let himself be held there for as long as Duo wanted. He licked cum from Duo's chest, just enough to taste. Heero really was not interested in ingesting it if he did not have to. He did like to taste, though.

Duo stretched his body and Heero moved to his side where he lay on his back. "Man, hit some turbulence there, but we made it through, huh?"

"Aa, turbulence." Heero smiled.

"It was probably my fault for encouraging you…"

"We do not have to talk about it now."

Duo was quiet for half a minute. "We could still do the other practice sessions. Me trying to escape and you doing your thing."

"Yes," Heero agreed.

"We end up taking even more showers this way."

Heero smiled. "Aa."

"You'd want to live somewhere with good water facilities…I mean, if you ever moved."

"I could live with sonic showers. I did it before."

"Do you ever think about what you would want if you could live anywhere?"

"Do you?"

"I lived without a home before. It's hard not to be grateful to just have a place with a door that locks where I can fit a bed and some clothes."

"But you have more than that now, with Hilde. I have seen where you live. You covered the couch in a fabric you would like. You collect things that you find attractive and display them."

"Well, I think that the architecture would not matter so much to me. I would be more picky about what furniture I lived with. So, do you ever think about that?"

"I want a separate bath and toilet. Also, I would like a kitchen that has a lot of functional storage so that the room would never look cluttered and disorganized. If possible, I would also like a place to do work that is separate from other rooms. And if we are speaking hypothetically then I might also like to have another separate room that could be used for meditating, or just doing quiet peaceful things."

"You want a house like you are. Clean and strong with room for peace inside."

"What kind of house would you be?"

"One with Hayden Christiansen inside," Duo laughed.

Heero knew that name, but he didn't understand the connection between him and a house. He smacked Duo's stomach with the back of his hand anyway.

Duo still laughed. "It's just a safe sort of fixation, ya know? Thinking about actors who lived centuries ago and who probably weren't even interested in guys."

"Aa, where 'thinking' is read as 'fantasizing'," Heero said flatly.

"Doesn't hurt anyone just to look, if they're going to flaunt it for the camera."

"Yes. Does not hurt," Heero agreed.

"I'd much rather have you sunbathing on my roof."

"I take it he sunbathed on the roof of a house in some movie?"

"Guess you missed that one. Yeah. Though, it's not really a happy movie. I mean, it's the kind of movie that almost makes you feel guilty for thinking of him as eye candy."

"He is eye candy," Heero said. He laughed softly. "He just happens to be eye candy that can act."

Duo sighed. "I'd have probably have gone Vader on you all by now if not for you."

Heero thought about that. Duo did have a lot of guilt and anger in him from the war…from the killing. At times, Heero had even seen flashes of hate in him. He seemed all right now, but that might be because was a strong enough positive influence. He kept Duo hoping and from slipping into anger and guilt. Duo helped himself a lot too, but Heero's presence might convince him that he had someone to bring him back to the correct path if he swayed. "Yes and my motivations for loving you actually make sense."

Duo laughed. "You're such a geek!"

"You are too; you just make it look good."

Duo chuckled a laugh. "I know." He waved his hand through the air. "You want to take a shower with me."

Heero shook his head, smiling. "Once I was a weak-minded tool, but no longer."

"Yeah, I'm kinda ahead of you in some ways." Duo laughed. "But, you know I don't approve of slavery, Master. You do want to take a shower with me."

"Yes, I have a strong will to be naked and wet with you," Heero growled.

"Maybe you could help me up. I am without my walking stick."

"Yes, you could never run and jump on that leg," Heero deadpanned. "You can stop now."

Duo sat up. He pouted.

Heero rolled his eyes.

Duo started singing. "Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place. Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace."

Heero smirked and joined in, such a he could. "Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste."

Duo beamed a smile at him. "It all revolves around you," he said softly.

Heero surrendered his last shreds of dignity and attempted to sing. Predictably, Duo joined in. "And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide, sing out this song and I'll be there by your side. Storm clouds may gather and storms may collide, but I love you…"

"I love you."

"Until the end…"

"Until the end."

"Of time." Duo was singing with him again, or Heero was singing with Duo. Duo had the stronger voice. "Come what may. Come what may. I will love you until my dying day. Oh, come what may. Come what may. I will love you…"

"I will love you… suddenly the world seems such a perfect place."

"Come what may. Come what may. I will love you until my dying day."

Duo fell back to the bed again, rolling with laughter. Heero felt as if he must be blushing. "We are so singing that at our wedding! I'm getting it on video and everything!"

"No, we are not," Heero disagreed, laughing slightly.

"Oh, yes we are. Eventually. And you will sing and I will get it on video. Then we'll get older and totally embarrass our kids by watching it over and over while we sit on the couch and hold each other possessively!" He rolled with laughter, but Duo was not joking.

"What happened to living in a shack with guns and knives?"

Duo turned onto his side, away from Heero. "I can't think like that," He said quietly. "I'm not even 18 if you count by the day I picked as my birthday."

"Mmmm, you are barely legal."

Duo laughed half-heartedly. "I'm going to be a father. I didn't choose it exactly, but I understand that it will help no one if I dwell on what should have been and just feel angry about everything. I just gotta do the best I can, right?"

"Yes. Everyone just does the best they can in life."

"Hilde said she didn't need me, not all the time I mean. But you know how it is. I just am responsible, or I must be. What if something happened to her? I must be the kind of person who could provide. I should have…security." Duo sat up. "Let's just get a shower."

Heero felt like Duo had wanted to say more. He felt Duo had been about to tell him what he meant by 'security.' "But you would not marry someone just to provide a stable home for a child?"

Duo stood and walked to the bathroom. When he got to the door, he turned and spoke. "No, not just for that. If you remember, I became OK with the idea of marrying you before I knew about the baby. But…you don't have to be OK with it just because I am. It's kinda one of those unconditional things."

"I am happy you can feel that way about me," Heero said. He was not certain that Duo heard. He might have been able to if he was listening, but he had already gone into the bathroom to start the shower. "The war aged us, Duo, but we are young, really. I do not want to hurt you. It would be cruel to say it and then take it back. I have to be sure…that I am capable of making a promise like that to anyone." Heero was sure Duo was not listening he could hear the water running. "It was not long ago I thought about killing myself. I have to be sure, completely sure that we will not hurt each other that way. You have already lost families. I would not want to be the cause of that kind of pain, Duo. It just would not be right."

Heero pressed his lips together. That was all true. He just had too much doubt to be able to say what Duo could say. Faith was new to him. He had learned that sometimes one had to believe in people, trust them, but it was easier to look on the world as facts and measures. Heero was not even sure there were Powers.

He trusted Duo. Duo was honest and loyal. He would protect whom he said he would protect. He would probably kill or die for Heero. Heero would probably kill or die for Duo, though he did not want to kill anymore. He was not certain he could live for him.

Things seemed so good now and Heero wanted to be alive, but things had not always been so. Change was natural.

How could Heero know for certain that they would not hurt each other? Really? He wanted to believe there would be no more turbulence, or at least no turbulence they could not ride through together. Heero could not say he fully believed they could get through anything.

Many things… but he was not sure that was enough. Things always seem so certain and clear when he kissed Duo. The sex could be confusing sometimes. Life confused him.

Heero shrugged his shoulders once then rose from the bed and walked to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and washed out his mouth at the sink. Heero wiped his face and then turned to the shower.

He was wearing socks. He had been wearing them all this time; it must have looked so silly to Duo. Heero stepped on one sock with the other and pulled his foot out. He stepped on the other sock with his bare foot to remove that one.

When he got into the shower Heero saw Duo with his hands against the wall, leaning into the spray of water. He called to him. Duo turned, blinking water from his eyes. He smiled, a little.

Heero stepped in closer. "I need you to kiss me."

Duo did not ask why. He did what Heero needed. Construction code provided for a bar along the interior of the shower and Duo grasped it with his right hand. His left arm slid around Heero and pressed against his back. Heero lifted his arms to Duo's shoulders. His left hand gathered the hair at the back of Duo's head.

They stood in the water kissing each other, for a long time.

I need to trust myself, Heero thought. I need to trust myself enough to say all the things Duo needs me to say. I would be a crazy hermit by now if not for Duo. I really need to trust myself to not hurt him.

I will be strong enough for him. I will learn to trust myself not to hurt people. I will not fail.

on to chapter 58

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