Another Version of Events
by Karan Seraph
Heero sat in his tiny bathroom, on the toilet; the lid was down. He had washed up, even brushed his teeth, cleaned his face of smeared lipstick, and combed out his hair. He was wearing the costume still, though the shoes were gone with the hair accessories. The garter belt was attached to the stockings again, but now Heero had a pair of his own undershorts pulled over the belt, below the skirt.
Koi looked up at him, with sad puppy eyes, literally; the dog seemed quite sympathetic.
"Yes, well, we will see what happens if you find a mate," Heero said to Koi bitterly.
Koi said nothing, of course, and put a paw on Heero's left knee.
"I wanted him, Koi," Heero whispered. He was certain Duo could not hear. Last Heero had seen him Duo had been happily looking up recipes online, in the kitchen, wearing Heero's apron over that nagajuban. "And he knows it. Duo knows that I could not make myself say it."
Heero was not sure which unsettled him more, not understanding the way his own mind was working, or that Duo knew about it and... he was not angry. Heero was sure he had sensed it. Duo was fairly content and something Heero could not quite sense.
"It's like... Duo knows that he will not help by asking me to tell him about it or pressuring me, but it is just... eerie, ne? It is also unsettling that he is being so selfless and he is in that garment that I cannot help but find him attractive in... and he is fixing dinner!"
Well, it was not as if Heero expected Duo to be selfish. Duo was a person who gave a lot to others. Maybe it was paranoia or embarrassment, but now Heero felt like Duo was patronizing him. Maybe he was not, but there he was, making dinner, as if Heero needed to be treated with extra care.
It was just strange. People did make meals for each other. A boyfriend likely would, but Duo was doing it dressed up and with his hair loose except for a bow to keep it away from the food, and looking so happy.
"Of course he looks happy. He knows for certain I want him fucking my ass," Heero said dryly, "all he has to do is wait for me to say I want it."
There was no comment from the dog.
"He looks so good in that. It seems like something that would be made for a woman, but Sake clearly tailored it to fit Duo. He only ends up looking very tall and broad-shouldered... and it is such thin, fine quality silk... I want my hands all over him." Heero shook his head. "Sometimes I want to be mad at the way he makes me feel. I want to think that it is a trick, that he has some way of knowing all my fantasies and that is why he always looks like he stepped out of one, but I do not tell him about those things, not in detail, yet he just is everything I want him to be."
That sounded crazy.
"That is crazy, to feel upset that I am with someone that just naturally is everything I want. I know that I never would have thought it would be Duo in the past, but it is Duo. He is mine now, for real, and he is everything I want."
What if I lose him? Heero thought.
"What if I lose him?"
Heero swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat.
"I do not want to be dependant on anyone and I do not want to be controlled."
"You think?" Heero asked. "You think suspecting the problem is enough to fix it? It is not just one thing. I want him to not be perfect. I want to not be afraid to lose him. I want to know that I was not attached to him enough to give him everything. I want to not give him everything. I want to know that he has no power over me. I want to know that I am free now."
Heero pounded the wall with his fist. "Fuck!" he shouted. He stomped on the flooring with his left foot. His foot hurt a little, but he hurt more inside.
"I wanted a partner. I wanted to be his friend. I did not know all of this would happen! I was not prepared for all of this! He is not making it easier. He is not! He has been different, ever since last week."
Heero closed his eyes, right hand reaching for the ring at his throat. At least since last week. He just came into that room...
"It is not only that, if it has anything to do with it, right?" Heero asked. "It must be very normal. I know I want Duo, but I do not have that much experience. I am still discovering what I want. That is to be expected. I thought I needed someone to serve, to please, but then I did not need that very much. I like taking care of him. I must have some protective or nurturing inclinations in me. That is normal. I give him orders. I can do that. I like it. He shuts up because I say so. I like that he trusts me. I do not especially enjoy having him in restraints, but I think I must like planning out how I will do it. And I do like that it makes him feel good. Maybe I did think... because he told me he did like being fucked, that... well I know I was wrong, but I did believe that he would feel different about me, or not want me if I wanted to be fucked just as much as he does. I do not even know if I like it more or less."
He would not find out on his own. Heero did not think controlled experiments would yield realistic results. He needed to try it with Duo.
Duo was telling him that he wanted to try as well. And if they did, Heero had no idea what would happen. He had no idea. With the other stuff, Heero had already had some idea where things would go. Duo had let him know.
Duo had adequately communicated what he wanted next, but nothing of after that.
"I am no good to him when I feel lost."
Heero stood up. He stepped to the sink and looked at his reflection in the mirror above. He looked more like himself without the lipstick and hair accessories. He looked like Heero in a schoolgirl costume. He looked scared.
Heero ran cold water and then splashed his face. He shut off the water and dried his face with a towel.
Heero opened the bathroom door. Duo's blue bondage gear was lain out on the bed. He had done it himself, made sure to collect all the pieces into his bag last they were together. He had planned that he would meet Duo in the other room. He had planned to bring Duo into the bedroom.
He planned a lot of things. Heero frowned and went to take his pad from the floor beside the bed. He had been looking over a list he had copied to it earlier in the day.
Heero still did not know what would happen. He was terrified. He hated being afraid. He hated that he failed to trust Duo completely. But Heero knew he had to face Duo. As much as he was uncertain and hating it, he knew that he loved Duo. Loved him, sometimes felt full of lust for him, felt crazy because of him, and right now he needed the Duo who was still his best friend.
He needed that guy who would not let him get drunk and would still let him spill his guts and not say a word.
Heero opened the bedroom door and walked out into his living room with Koi at his heels. Koi promptly bounded for the kitchen, having been shut inside the bedroom since Duo arrived.
Duo was in the kitchen, Heero could hear him, but he was hidden behind the curtain. Heero supposed Duo was working at the island. He was talking to himself. "Heero appreciates functionality. It doesn't have to look pretty. It's totally edible."
"What did you ruin?" Heero asked.
Duo leaned to the side to look at Heero around the edge of the curtain. "I didn't ruin anything. I made you dinner."
"What is it?" Heero asked, more kindly, as he approached the kitchen area.
"It's a salad. A cucumber salad, because it's main ingredient is cucumbers," Duo answered as he was arranging the salad on two plates. Heero could see him now. "You did have the cucumber in the fridge so you could eat it?" Duo asked, grinning madly.
"Of course. What other use would they be put to?"
"Wicked use," Duo replied, "Not by me of course. You've seen the toys I have."
Heero laughed. "Yes."
"If you would carry these plates, I can carry the rest," Duo said.
Heero took the plates. The salad seemed only to consist of two ingredients, well, cucumbers and carrots plus a dressing. He carried them to the table and then sat down. The carrots were not exactly slices, shreds, or curls. The carrots looked like shards.
Duo removed the apron and then came to the table, carrying forks and cans of soda. He sat down opposite Heero and offered one fork and Coke. Heero took the items.
Duo smiled. "Let's eat. You want me to go first? I already tasted some in the kitchen. I swear it's edible."
"I trust you," Heero said. He stuck a slice of cucumber with his fork and then put it in his mouth. The dressing was good, probably sushi vinegar, soy sauce and just a few other ingredients. "It tastes good. Thank you for making dinner."
Duo just smiled.
Heero passed the pad across the table. "You can look at this when you are ready."
Duo eyed the digital pad. "It's not some kind of depressing letter you wrote to me just now, like you're breaking up with me?"
Duo laughed. "Then, sure! I'll take a look at whatever it is after I eat."
"Why did you say it like that?" Heero asked. "Why did you ask if I was breaking up with you?"
"Sorry, black humor," Duo warbled, "wasn't in the best of taste."
"Oh." Heero popped open his Coke and then drank some.
"You have a choice," Duo said seriously.
"Every day, if you want to be my boyfriend or if you don't. You are entirely free to make up your own decision. I have no right or power to make you do anything, unless you chose to give it to me." He said it so matter-of-factly.
"Duo, you do not want me to leave you."
"Of course not. I would be hurt if you did. Still... your choice. If you care about me and do not want me to be hurt, then please be with me, but only if it does not hurt you to do it."
"I do not... I could say the same to you. You could break up with me."
"Yes, that is in my power, but I know that I won't. I choose for all the days in the future not to break up with you. I chose to make that choice, and I did. You do not have to do that. It is not expected by me or anyone that a boyfriend has to make a choice like that."
"Because sometimes people who are boyfriends leave or get left and then they have new boyfriends or girlfriends."
"Yeah. It is special. It means you should not be with anyone else now, but it is not generally permanent or in any way legally binding."
"But you do want me to stay with you?"
"Of course, and I am pretty sure you want to stay, and that you want me with you, I'm just saying that you don't have to walk around with this look on your face like you are the last hope for saving a planet. You have no obligation to the future. You just have to decide what you will do now. I fucking love you, but I don't want you to feel like... well like I expect something of you and that pressure is enough to make you unhappy being with me."
"And I was not trying to speak in code or use analogy. I was just talking about being boyfriends. I'd just be, like, a tragedy if I went from... what I was... to being some horrible, clingy, needy boyfriend that everyone hates." He laughed. "I mean, there's the normal levels of bonding and longing and then there's the people who say they'll kill themselves if you don't stay with them and that is not healthy for anyone. I mean, I would be hurt if I lost you... so hurt... but if I ever make some manipulative threat like that, I hope you would just smack me."
Duo sucked in a breath. "Sorry, got a little... off on a tangent there... what I need to remind you of now is that it is not a competition. I am quite guilty of having all sorts of competitive urges when I have been with you, but there is no competition to see who can be most devoted or committed. Besides, if there were, you would have been in the lead for a very long time."
"I do not think so."
"I agree to disagree."
"You are different."
"I feel different."
"What is it?"
"You ever suddenly realize you are pretty good at something, and just feel good?"
"You mean pride?"
"Yeah, I guess," Duo said, eyes swimming to the ceiling as he wondered, "Well, a healthy amount of pride. Pride, yes, but not arrogance. It's a good feeling, right? Well, I just sorta discovered something I was good at, and it's making me feel good. It also... I used to think I could only be good at this other thing and then I realized I could do both."
Duo did not seem willing to say, but Heero thought Duo was talking about having previously considered himself a good lover but doomed in serious relationships and then realizing that he could be in a relationship and be happy and make someone happy. "I would like to remain your boyfriend today. Probably into tomorrow."
Duo smiled. "That's good. I hope tomorrow you decide to stay my boyfriend for another day. I think I could make you pretty happy if you let me."
"If I let you, you could."
"Yeah..." Duo said slowly, "I guess there is one more thing I need to make sure you know. You don't have to say anything. I just want to know that I told you this stuff, that you understand."
"Yes. I am sure you realize that I am trying to figure something out. Thank you for... for not asking questions. I know that you are only trying to remind me of what you think is important. You are a great boyfriend."
"I should have asked."
"Not lots of questions. Permission. I honestly did not think it was a big deal, but technically speaking, I did something new, something you never gave consent for, because I never took a second to ask. I mean, I think it'd be pretty ridiculous if we had to ask permission for everything, 'Can I touch your arm, Heero?' and stuff like that, but I guess there is like this line, and the trust and consent inherent in being someone's boyfriend does not cover stuff on the other side of that line. I just didn't think..." Duo laughed nervously, "But I do know that some people are seriously turned on by rimming and others totally squicked."
"Rimming," Heero repeated. That was one of the words he had not remembered.
"Do ya think I did it right?" Duo asked then quickly added, "No, you don't have to answer."
"I enjoyed it," Heero said simply.
"You did?" Duo smiled.
Heero only nodded and ate some more salad.
"I wasn't exactly sure how to do it. I mean, I sorta..." Duo coughed, leaving out the details of what he had done in the past and with whom. He lowered his voice to a confessional tone, "You think you're supposed to more flicker your tongue around the hole, or actually push your tongue in? I have to admit, it's not one of the things I have much experience with."
"Maybe we could look in a book."
"You can never be sure those writers are not girls," Duo scoffed.
"Maybe I could try it and you could tell me what feels... correct."
Duo grinned. "Seriously?"
Heero nodded. "Did it taste?"
"You mean bad?"
"You know I would not be getting intimate with anyone who was funky and nasty, Heero."
"Thanks for sparing my feelings," Heero deadpanned.
Duo laughed. "I guess you could describe it as bitter. It's not bad. Actually, when I tried pushing inside I didn't taste very much. My tongue was curled."
"What do you mean?"
"Like this," Duo said and then he leaned across the table and stuck his tongue out of his mouth. It looked rolled into a tube.
"That is what you do sometimes, if we kiss or... can everyone do that?" Heero tried to curl his tongue inside his mouth, but he was not sure what it was supposed to feel like.
"You gotta practice in front of a mirror and notice what your tongue looks like compared to what you are feeling. Then you learn how to feel if you are doing it. It's just a muscle. You can train muscles."
"I will have to do that."
"A lot of stuff they have kids do is actually good preparation for kissing and oral sex. Like, lollipops, ice cream in cones, blowing bubblegum. When we had carrots, I used to just eat whole carrots." He laughed. "Like Bugs Bunny!"
"I thought the carrots were in lieu of cigars."
"And what are cigars in lieu of?" Duo asked. "Gotta have a fix for the oral fixation."
"Tobacco smoking is more complicated than that. It involves physical and chemical addictions."
"Yeah, yeah, I don't touch the stuff myself. Anyway..." Duo sighed, blowing his bangs up from his forehead.
"Did you like it?" Heero asked quietly.
He shrugged. He sighed. "I did it on impulse. I was going to save it for marriage. I wanted to save something. I guess I just thought there would be this other sort of reaction if I did it."
"That is not an answer to my question."
"Maybe I wouldn't mind doing it another time if you asked me."
Heero nodded understanding. Duo was overall contented, but he had not liked Heero's reaction. Heero thought that was understandable.
"Hey," Duo said so that Heero looked, and then he just smiled. "You about done? If you're hungry there is stuff we could eat out of the boxes."
"I am fine. Thank you for dinner. I will clean up."
"That would be nice," Duo said. He leaned back from the table and put his weight in his hands. "What do ya wanna do tonight? We could watch a movie or play some games."
Heero smiled to himself. Even the way he had been feeling, he still wanted Duo. If it was hormones, so be it. He thought about sex with Duo a lot. Heero loaded the dishes and forks into the washer and put the cans in the recycling compactor. "We can watch a movie and play games," Heero said.
"In bed," Duo said, amusement in his voice.
"And my shoulders have not felt right since you felt possessed to claw at them, if you can follow a recipe, you should have no trouble with the book on massage."
Duo laughed. "Whose fault was the clawing really? You didn't soundproof this room. I had to do something."
"Thank you," Heero said, taking the compliment.
"Bring me a bottle of water?"
Heero took two bottles from the refrigerator and then tossed one to Duo as he walked toward him. Heero watched Duo catch the bottle easily. He then lifted the pad from the table and looked at it. Heero stood behind Duo, just watching.
"It's a form listing holidays?"
"You said to just pick which holidays to celebrate so that I could have my own traditions."
Duo laughed softly. "But you want me to help you pick?"
"I compiled a list of known holidays and festivals from the cultures we might have connections too. You really need to help me with religious celebrations. The various Catholic churches do not all agree on which days are to be officially observed. That does not make sense to me."
"Well, it doesn't make sense to me much either," Duo said. "So do I check the ones I would like to celebrate or x the ones I have no interest in?"
"Check the ones you have interest in. That way I will be able to complete my research and know if I am to show up with gifts or invite you to a dinner or observe some other peculiar custom."
Duo laughed again. "How 'bout I just load the list onto my mobile and edit it, with notes on which customs I am aware of."
"That would be acceptable."
"If you like."
"Hey, how are you doing on your homework? Did you locate your book yet?" Duo asked, climbing slowly to his feet. He was in the light cast.
"I downloaded a copy. I started reading, but only had time for a few pages so far."
"How is it?"
"Unusual. Clear past possible-future elements. They have a device of some sort that influences their moods, which is the Science-Fiction possible-future part of it, and they say 'dial up,' which indicates that it is a future conceived in a past time period. They do not say they will punch up a mood, key in a mood, give voice commands, use psy interface, command via wet wiring, or manipulate virtual mood controls. Clearly, this was conceived in the era of game paddles, rotary phones, video jog wheels, and TV dials. Most devices went push button after that. There was a resurgence in switches during that period and there was a rotary fad later on, but today we mainly have keys and voice command. Wet wiring, virtual controls and psy interfaces are possible."
"You thought all of that just from reading a few pages?" Duo asked, leaning in close to Heero.
"Reading 'dial' interrupted the flow of the narrative for me," Heero whispered. "I think kitchen appliances must also have had dials then."
Duo laughed quietly. "Adin's pulling out his hair trying to read A Clockwork Orange."
"I read an excerpt online, as I did with the books you will read. It is written in rather nonstandard English, even for the period it was written in."
"Yes. A first person narrative in very non-standard English. I told Adin that you guys could take as long as you needed to read the books. I'm an understanding professor."
"Hn. What about your trilogy?"
"I decided I wanted to own paper and I ordered some used copies. Why do PTO when there are still used copies in circulation? Saves more trees. They should arrive at the other apartment soon." Duo bowed his head, his nose touching Heero's nose. "You will wear this again when you turn in your assignment?"
"I was not aware there was material to submit." Heero felt Duo's hands on the small of his back where his skin was bared.
"Aa. Hentai-sensei." He circled a finger about each of Duo's nipples through the silk garment he was wearing.
Duo laughed. "And what kind of teacher are you?"
"Just what I need."
"So... you want to come into a soundproofed room with me and let me restrain you to my bed?"
"That sounded so scary. Yes!"
Heero took Duo by the arm and towed him into the bedroom. He closed the door, leaving Koi outside, just for Duo.
Heero looked to the lighting fixtures on the wall, either side the mirror. "Thank You. I got tired of viewing everything by monitor glow at night. I like the paper shades."
"Baby... what are you talking about?" Duo asked.
Heero realized then that Duo's head was bowed and that he must be looking down his shirt. Bra. Of course. "Sometimes, if I just hear something... never mind."
Duo shook his head, not quite laughing.
"You want to see it?" Heero asked, fingers gathering the edges of his sweater.
Heero pulled at the halves of the sweater, rolling his shoulders free of the sleeves.
"Slowly," Duo whispered.
"I know." Heero kept his eyes on Duo's face, even though Duo's eyes fell lower on his body. He slowly rolled the sweater sleeves from his arms, revealing the crisp white shirt knotted just beneath his breastbone. The sweater hit the rug softly.
"Take off the shirt."
"I will take one more garment off after you take one off," Heero whispered.
Duo smiled darkly; there was just the barest glimmer of teeth between his lips. Heero wanted to see his eyes. Duo lifted his hands to the ties of the red under kimono he wore.
Heero watched the silk slip from his skin. Duo's skin looked gorgeous in the warmer light from the sconces. He looked more the way he would feel. Heero raised a hand, but he did not let himself touch Duo yet.
Heero smirked. He pulled the shorts from under his skirt. A wriggle of the hips and they were on the floor.
Duo was only wearing the uncharacteristic pair of briefs. He raised his eyes to look back at Heero. Heero met his eyes for a instant before he gave into the temptation to focus lower. He could see that Duo wanted him when he looked, but he thought he missed the less sensible looking bikinis Duo usually wore, and the way his dick might peek out when hard, apparently without Duo being fully aware it was uncovered.
"Be a good boy and take those off for me," Heero said.
Duo smirked himself. He turned around, showing his back to Heero with his hair falling against it. His thumbs hooked the briefs and then Duo bent to pull them down his legs. His hair swung off his back as he bent, giving Heero a look at his ass as Duo was stepping out of his underwear.
Heero knew that was calculated and he appreciated it. He had known he wanted Duo, but now he really felt it. He wanted to...
Duo stood and then turned.
"Yeah. Will ya take off the shirt now?"
Heero put his hands to the knot in the fabric and carefully picked the shirt tails free of each other. The shirt hung open as Heero worked the buttons from the holes on the cuffs. Finally, Heero hung his arms and let the shirt fall.
"Oh, God!" Duo moaned.
Heero stepped forward. He put his right hand to Duo's dick, and with his other hand, he reached up quickly and took the scarf from Duo's hair. "You have nothing more to remove, so I do not need to remove anything else," Heero said.
"You don't need to," Duo whispered at his ear. "What you are wearing really works for me." He put a hand to Heero's chest. Duo then pulled at one of the bra's lace cups until he had exposed enough skin to be able to reach Heero's nipple with his tongue.
"Get on the bed and put your tokens on, Duo-chan."
Duo moved slowly away from Heero, his right hand remaining longer than the rest to stroke Heero's stomach. Duo's arm fell to his side and he climbed onto the bed.
Heero turned and took his mirror down from the wall. He leaned it against the dresser, and then turned the rectangular shape so that the shorter side touched the floor. Duo would be sure to be able to see him this way.
Heero stepped onto the bed and then knelt. Duo had put all six of the pieces of velvet covered bondage gear onto his body and he looked at Heero expectantly. Heero lifted his right hand to touch Duo's hair; some of it fell forward over his shoulder. "My parents will be out all night," Heero said.
"All night?" Duo asked, playing along.
"Yes. We can do whatever we want, here, in my room. You like this bondage gear? I saw some boy at school wearing some. I thought it looked really kewl."
Duo almost laughed. He smiled. "Really?"
"You know what it's for?" Heero asked.
"Something really kinky?"
Heero leaned across the bed and fished one of the cords from beneath the bed's platform. He attacked the end to a ring on Duo's belt. "It's so you can show me how much you trust me. You wear this stuff, and then you let me bind your hands or strap you to the bed or restrain you in any position I want. Once you are in bondage, you will not be able to do anything unless I let you. Do you trust me? Do you think that turns you on?"
"Yes. Oh, yes."
"Are you sure, Duo-kun?"
He nodded enthusiastically.
Heero pushed at Duo, gently, so that he moved his body to face the mirror. Heero reached for the end of the cord on the other side of the bed and hooked it to Duo's belt so that he had slack enough to change position or move a slight distance backward or forward, but he could not leave the bed without getting out of his belt.
"What are you going to do to me?"
Heero lifted two pillows from the bed, revealing a small tube of lubricant he had previously concealed. He tossed one pillow in front of Duo. "I want you to lay down. You can put these under you how you like, to be comfortable."
Duo stretched his legs out behind him, doubling the pillow in his hands and then pushing it under his hips. Heero handed him the second pillow and Duo put that at the foot of the bed, where he could rest his head or his arms.
"I think I need to bind your hands too."
"What are you going to do to me, Heero-chan?"
Heero leaned over Duo to reach the cord beneath the foot of the bed. He attached the hook to the rings in both Duo's cuffs. "Did you ever let another boy fuck you, Duo-kun?"
"No. Once I almost let this older boy do it..."
"Do you want me to do it?"
"Y-you're not going to make it hurt are you? It started to hurt when that boy tried it. I think you're supposed to use something..."
Heero laughed softly. He did not know what answers Duo would come up with when he played these roles and Duo's choice to role-play inexperience was amusing him. Heero supposed Duo had experience with playing out inexperience; he had just said his lines in a higher pitched voice. Heero lifted the tube from the bed and shook it in his hand. Duo watched in the mirror. "This."
"What is that? Where'd ya get it?"
Heero laughed again. He spanked Duo lightly for taking the conversation this way. "I bet you really do know. You probably fuck other boys, Duo-kun. Are you lying to me?" Heero spanked him again.
"No! I didn't! The boys at our school are all so straight. I sucked off these college guys I met, that's all!"
"Well, I know you are very good at that," Heero said, "There must have been quite a lot of these college guys."
"Yeah, but some other kid with green hair knocked off like two thirds of them," Duo said, "I seemed to be second choice."
Heero spanked Duo's butt hard for that one.
"I'd rather be with you, Heero-chan, that hear twenty guys tell me they want me and I'm good."
Heero glanced to the mirror to make sure Duo would see him and then lifted his skirt with his left hand. He managed to squeeze lube onto his right hand using just the one hand and then he smeared the stuff over his cock, with Duo's eyes watching from the mirror. "So, you saw me blow the forty guys at that frat party?"
"Uuuh, that was you? I didn't think, because you weren't dressed like a girl!"
"I was imagining it was you with every one. You were always my first choice. I wished that you had recognized me and wanted me and that I could have taken you into the other room instead of that jerk with the long blond hair."
"Hey!" Duo protested at the description of the hair.
"I know that I can make you feel really good, if you ask, but if you do not, I can just get myself off while you are bound there."
"No! I mean, please, don't. I want you fucking me. I want your cock."
"Show me. Your legs are not even spread yet."
Duo's lips smiled in the mirror. He slid his legs over the sheets to spread them wide, his right leg drawn up, slightly, at the knee.
"Wider." Heero moved directly behind Duo.
Duo lowered his shoulders to the bed and looked up into the mirror over his arms. He managed to get his legs spread a little wider.
Heero held his skirt out of the way to satisfy himself that he was in a good position. Once he entered, the skirt was forgotten along with everything else for several seconds. Once before they had done this without a condom. It really was intense. Heero supposed that was the point. It made sense that humans should evolve such that the moment of sexual penetration felt intense to both involved.
He supposed he was grateful.
"I love you," Duo whispered.
Heero did love Duo, but he thought it would sound false if he said it when Duo chose to say it. Instead, he made himself a little more comfortable. The way they were positioned, Heero could lie on top of Duo, really put weight into his body. It felt good, Heero thought, having Duo's firm body beneath him. He rested his forehead between Duo's shoulder blades. His hands could roam over Duo's sides and onto his arms.
Heero could touch Duo's hair. He lifted it off Duo's back and pushed it toward his left.
"Heero, have we done it... just like this before?"
"Not precisely in this position," Heero whispered, recalling his mental catalog of everything they had tried with each other. "Does it feel bad?"
"This feel rather good for me," Heero said honestly. "I could do this for a long time. Do you know what I mean?"
"Oh, yeah. Yeah! Baby Bear, Baby Bear."
"Uh, yeah. You wanna do it long 'n' slow, Heero?"
"Yes. I want to see if I can do it for a long time... this time."
"OK with me. Fuck. Nnnn. Aaah, fuck me!"
"I will try to do that again."
"Baby... I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to hit it every time. That ratio of yours is high as it is... oh, fuck! I love you!"
Heero smiled. It had felt good for him as well. Sometimes, it seemed like, he knew when he had hit the right spot. It was not physical, exactly; he just felt something. "I will go deep as often as I can," Heero said quietly.
"Yes! Oooh, that is what I need from you."
Maybe Heero would figure out for certain why he had been having reservations, but if he needed a lot of time, it was reassuring to remember that Duo really did enjoy being the one who was fucked. He liked it a lot.
An hour passed before Heero permitted himself to finally orgasm. Duo had come hard, as promised, and shouted that he belonged to Heero. When Heero let go and really let himself feel everything it completely blew his mind.
He did not stop breathing, but he apparently collapsed atop Duo mindlessly.
"Please don't take Heero," someone was saying, but Heero knew it was only inside his head. Duo. Duo was praying. "Please let him understand. I can't help that I want to fuck him sometimes. His ass is perfect. But I'd never... force him or leave him over it. Please, don't fuck with me again. I really don't wanna be some weak, needy bitch, but I kinda do need Heero."
Heero squeezed Duo's shoulder to reassure him and then slipped into sleep. He woke to the sound of Duo's voice. The first thing Heero understood as language was, "I think I am going to be sore."
"You woke up. Hey, you know you never used to say you were sorry to anyone? I imagine if you killed someone's grandfather you wouldn't even say 'sorry,' you'd just say something like, 'I would not mind if you took your revenge now and killed me.'"
Heero picked himself up from Duo's back and gave Duo's shoulder a shove with the palm of his hand.
"Sorry! I forgot that really did happen to you!"
Heero just groaned. "Fifteen minutes?" he asked as he realized the time. "Why did you wake me?"
"I'm still tied up here… well, buckled. I totally appreciate the desire to sleep after all that…"
"I could only manage to doze. I still feel kinda sweaty and stuff and you fell asleep with your arm on my hair and…"
Duo was still talking but Heero tuned him out for the moment. He focused on reaching the cords that held Duo to the bed and releasing them.
"You could have escaped," Heero told him as Duo scooted off the bed.
"I could have eventually freed my hands," Duo admitted, "but it would have been tricky getting off the bed without waking you. And then you would have caught me trying to escape. Better to wait for you to release me."
"You did the right thing, I suppose. A good pet would wait, but then a good boyfriend might have let his boyfriend sleep."
"You must be tired. I just told you it would have woken you, what I would have done to get off the bed. Synapses not firing at their usual speed?"
Heero shook himself in effort to wake. He had tuned out the part about Duo needing to use the toilet and the information had only just registered. Thus Duo couldn't have waited much longer than he did to wake him. "I am just tired," Heero called into the bathroom. "Recent physical…" Heero stopped. He had wanted to move into the place Duo's body had been but his hip had come into contact with something damp.
Heero snarled at the offending pillow and shook it free of the soiled case. His shoulder ached as he shook the pillow.
Heero ran fingers through his hair and growled. "I think you really injured my shoulder!"
Duo peered around the bathroom door. "I often end up with all sorts of marks and bruises after I've been with you, Lover. You are unnaturally strong."
"I did not mean…"
Duo looked…dreamy. "I think I like it though. You are just gentle enough, ya know? If you come in here and get a quick shower with me, I'll take care of that ache in your shoulders for ya!"
Heero got up from the bed. Slowly, and walked into the bathroom.
"It might just be the bra straps," Duo said, smiling.
Heero reached behind his back, but he could not manage to separate the bra's fasteners. "Help me?"
Duo grinned. He reached one hand under Heero's arm and behind his back. Heero felt the strap across his back loose.
"That was fast," Heero said as he pushed the shoulder straps down his arms.
"Lucky you have a boyfriend that goes both way, ne?"
Heero did not answer except to roll his eyes. Heero managed to figure out the fasteners on the garter belt on his own. Finally, he peeled the stockings of his legs.
Duo was already running the shower then. He glanced to Heero to see if he was ready before stepping up into the shower's compartment. He really was beautiful. Heero wondered if the reason he had not felt attracted to Duo during the war was that Duo had not yet grown into this body. It caused a sort of heavy feeling in his gut just to look at Duo some days. It felt like there was an invisible cord anchored in the core of his body and that Duo was reeling it in from the other end.
Heero stepped into the shower and closed the doors behind him. As the warm spray hit him, Heero was already reaching for Duo. He resisted Heero for a moment. "Thought you were tired," he said.
"I am," Heero agreed, but he still drew Duo's head down to his. He still wanted to kiss him.
Duo did not resist. He did use his weight to shift them both toward the wall. And then Duo felt along the shelf for the soap so that as his hands traveled Heero's body he was washing him.
Heero stepped away from Duo, leaving him panting as he did a turn under the water. Heero left the shower to towel off. He switched on the heat lamp as he moved around, straightening up the bathroom and bedroom. He opened the bedroom door to allow Koi to move in and out and then he set his mobile computer and phone near the bed, in case he had calls incoming or wanted them when he woke.
Heero was resting on the bed when Duo came from the bathroom, still combing out his hair.
"Give me another minute with the hair and I'll take car of the back, as promised."
"OK," Heero agreed. Warm as the shower had been it had only woken him. And then moving about and having time to think…Heero felt he needed sleep but he was not sleepy anymore. He had hoped Duo might agree to rub his back. He thought it might help him go to sleep.
"I'll be right there," Duo said a little later. Heero was still laying on his stomach along one side of the bed, arms loosely draped above his head, head resting on his small buckwheat pillow. He could hear Duo moving around, gathering things, or putting other things away.
That Heero was not on his back, was a request for Duo to carry through with the massage. If Heero had meant to sleep, his position would have been more guarded.
He felt a towel thrown across his buttocks and then Duo straddled him. Heero remained still, listening to Duo flip through pages of a book on the floor and then squeezing oil onto his hands from a bottle.
"Can you make your neck more straight?" Duo asked quietly.
Heero put his forehead to his pillow.
"OK, just try to relax. You know I wouldn't snap your neck."
"Saying, 'snap your neck' is not very conducive to relaxation."
Duo sort of snorted a laugh and then put warm, oiled fingers to Heero's neck. "How can you always be so tense. It's a bit disappointing, all the great sex I think I'm giving you and then you're still tense. Not just today."
Well," Heero said, "for example, having sex with you earlier was mentally relaxing, but it was not really physically relaxing. It was like work."
"I am not the one who decided to go for over an hour, Baby!"
"It was not over an hour. It was just an hour."
"Whatever. Heero, that is way longer than necessary, for anyone. Man, I don't know if I said this before, but girls would kill me to get to you if they knew."
"I think girls would be disappointed by me. Not only am I not interested in having sex with them, but I would have to kill them for what they did to you, that is, assuming a mob of sex-crazed girls could manage to take you."
Duo laughed. "Yeah, well, I'd have to be dead to let them get past me. Still, an hour. You know I'm spoiled for anyone else now, considering your obsession with 'the ratio.'"
"You say that…as if it is a bad thing," Heero said slowly as Duo worked on his shoulders.
"It wasn't bad, but I would have been as satisfied with a shorter duration. I don't mind the soreness, it's a nice reminder, it's not like I feel raw or bruised much. I'm just saying, you know…that usually you hear girls complaining about guys not lasting long enough, but the way feel, it's like if you can make me feel what I want to feel in just a few minutes, then you don't need to be able to endure. It's not like you're on some drug that you can't come in a shorter time."
"It's not a complaint, you understand, I was loving it at the time."
"Yes. You were."
"Uh huh, and I admit it. But you could call it 'Long and Slow' and do it for like twenty minutes. Besides, you'll give me a complex trying to measure up."
Heero laughed softly. "I bet you could do it."
"I never wanted to. Never came across a partner it took me that long to please. Hell, emotionally stunted girls barely responsive to sex don't take that long to warm up."
Heero thought that might be a joke, at least half a joke. "So, what is your complaint, exactly?"
"Do you actually enjoy it, Heero?" Duo asked quietly, "Or is it just like you give yourself a mission?"
Heero pushed himself up and looked over his shoulder. Duo was looking back at him, nervously. "If you really think that…then maybe there is a problem. I can see how, one hour is excessive, but I feel good knowing I learned that through my own experience. I wanted to know if I could do it, and now I know, and I know, that it is unnecessary as well."
"I didn't mean you had a problem, exactly," Duo whispered as Heero lay down again.
Heero lay his temple to his pillow and spoke to Duo. "I enjoy it, Duo, every time. My body felt like I would orgasm after…a few minutes, maybe less, and all the rest of the time I was fighting it, through focus and will."
"That's just it. It's not a 'problem,' but I don't understand it. The point of being able to make yourself go longer is to be sure you are giving your partner what they need, but…I guess you'll have to trust me on this one: I am a very responsive lover, Heero."
"Responsive," Heero repeated.
"Yeah, you touch me and I'm totally feeling it. I can just tell that you know my body and you know what I like. If you tried, you could have me spilling two minutes after I walked I the door!" He laughed, "I admit, I'm more playful than that. I do want to mess around for a bit before we get to who's makin' whom cum."
"I know all that. I do know what you like, Duo."
"Yeah, but you're still missing my point here, Baby."
"You are not being clear."
Heero understood. Duo was trying to be kind. He was worried. He liked how Heero made him feel, but he worried that Heero was not as affected by what they did. "I am responsive, to you."
"I do not even want to be having this conversation. We are just having a bad day. I know it. It's just, the whole mood of the day got disrupted and I know it's making me get upset over every little thing. I guess you're pretty pissed too."
Heero sighed. "I felt like Trowa really did suspect me. Trowa. He is my friend and he was so…well, I felt sorry for him. He even questioned Quatre. At least with Wufei, I felt like he really was doing it because he had been told to. Even when he seemed almost convinced that I had not done it, he asked me for information about who had."
"Yeah. I heard that Trowa had been guarding him, though. That can't have been easy to start, and then to have him shot? Maybe he felt better imagining it was one of us who got the better of him."
"Sometimes he just becomes all soldier. It bothers me, Duo. When he does it, I wonder if that could happen to me sometimes. I think it makes me sad. The wars are over, yet they are never over."
"I know exactly what you mean!" Duo said.
Heero sighed again. "That feels good, Duo. I do not feel so tense."
"I think it was more the talking than the massage. Maybe I should not have asked to forget about it all. I just thought I could push it away for today."
"I thought so too. Duo… if I seemed cold to you…"
"Forget it. I think I really understand now. There is nothing wrong with you, Heero. Maybe I'm the jerk for thinking that everyone should just have sex to solve their problems. I kept telling Trowa to do it…"
"He did need to have sex, Duo, so that he could realize he had some harmful preconceptions about sex. Trowa and Quatre are OK now. I know."
"I'm glad of that."
"Duo, you make me feel a lot. So much that…"
"I know." Duo rubbed Heero's back once more and then lay down at his side. He put one hand to Heero's back again and continued to move it alongside Heero's spine. "I really understand better now. Sometimes I just assume that everyone is like me, and that's wrong. We have a lot of things in common and I think we understand each other, but we are different."
"But at the same time, you don't. I love you, Heero, for a long time before I could make myself admit it to you aloud. I can guess how you felt, waiting. But I know that it was important for me to deal with that. You understand, right? It was not a silly thing at all. It was something that my mind really needed time to process. I guess there's things that, in life, people just need to deal with at their own pace."
"I know there are some things that may always haunt me. And some things that used to terrify me, just don't anymore."
"I'm not inside your head, ya know, so tell me if this is pushing, but do you think maybe you could think of some kind of sign?"
Heero turned his head from the other side to look at Duo. "What do you mean?"
"Well, would you rather I just asked every once in a while if you were interested…or is it really better if I just assume you are not interested at all and never mention it? Some people just aren't into it. I guess that would be OK."
"Duo…" Heero moved his hand over Duo's hand where it lay on the bed. "listen to me."
Duo looked at him intently.
"I know that I want you to fuck me, I just do not want you to do it now."
Duo smiled, then made himself stop. "So, will you just tell me when you feel ready?"
"How about…when I feel like I am ready to tell you… I will… dress entirely like a girl again."
"So, if you're dressed like a girl, that's the warning, but I should probably still go kind slow, huh?"
"Maybe, probably, I suppose."
Duo laughed. "Sex is different when you love someone. I never felt so totally concerned about whether someone enjoyed it as much as me."
"Duo, you have me. You had me not caring that I was dressed like a girl. You had me enjoying it. You had me on a desk! Moaning, dragging my heels over your back, gripping the desktop! No one gets to see me like that but you. You had me fucking you for an hour! I wanted to see if I could do it, but what really kept me going was that you kept telling me how good it felt. Every second of that felt amazing! And when I let go, it was perfect. It was perfect and I was with you. Don't think that I am not into you."
"Mmmm, but you don't say it. You are so quiet. I like when you tell me it really was good. Maybe you could file naughty mission reports or something?"
"I think I can come up with something that will satisfy you."
"That would be so kewl! Do you think you could refer to me by some important title, like Your Excellency or something, when you write the reports?"
"Prince of Kink?"