Another Version of Events
by Karan Seraph
"So... You're just going to say that to me then go to sleep?" Duo demanded.
Heero opened his eyes again and turned his head, without getting up. "Duo, sincerely, I did not want you to feel pressure to say the same thing to me. I just wanted to let you know how I felt." Heero thought he sounded sincere. He meant it.
"Oh." Duo settled against the sheets. There were seconds of near silence, or rather, no one spoke. They still had music. Then Duo spoke again, "Dare yori mo suki da." He was speaking slowly as if unsure of which words to use and it wasn't entirely because he was speaking in a second language. Duo was carefully choosing his words in order to keep from lying while he tried to impress upon Heero that the feelings were mutual.
He was trying to say that Heero was liked, maybe even loved, more than anyone. That wasn't quite the same thing. But, maybe 'I love you' sounded hollow to Duo for its overuse in English language.
Heero closed his eyes again. Maybe he should have said it in Japanese. Duo would understand. Of course, that really would have pressured Duo. If he wasn't ready for a dresser drawer then he must not be ready for that rare 'aishiteru.'
Heero thought that was what it was. He turned onto his side and looked through the cool dim light. Duo probably wasn't asleep yet, but he had his eyes closed. He looked beautiful. He had parted his hair in two halves and drawn them over his shoulders and his arms were laying on the sheets above his head.
When his eyes were open they were lovely, but closed Heero thought the brows quite attractive. He had noticed them before, because when he looked at Duo, real details registered and remained as something other than points with which to identify a target or opponent. Sometimes Heero saw the faces again. Not all the time anymore, but when he had been in his dark mood or in a nightmare he saw real people he had killed. Many had been people inside a machine and even though Heero regretted that the war had been necessary and his art in it, he did not feel bad about those deaths personally. But the one's whose faces he had seen or come to know, those kept him from falling back to sleep after a bad dream.
Duo's face haunted him in a completely different way and it outshone the other faces. It always appeared so fully rendered and detailed. It was always beautiful.
Heero liked his lips too. Duo had washed the makeup off his face in the bathroom and it just looked smooth and clean now.
Heero tried to think of his research if there was anything that told him what to do before or after the sex. Porn movies were of no help. They said things that Heero was certain would not get anyone into bed in real life. Heero thought of the erotic novels. He thought of the books he had read and movies he had seen in general. What did lovers do?
They had witty flirtatious banter with each other.
Right now didn't seem the time for that.
They said sweet, endearing but meaningful things sometimes.
They'd tried talking about poetry and art and love already tonight.
They slept in the same bed or coffin... in certain books they had coffins... and they woke up in each others arms and that was usually described as pleasant.
"Duo," Heero whispered.
"Should we sleep in each other's arms?"
Duo spasmed, curled in on himself and then went into a fit of laughter.
Was it so funny? Heero waited patiently, staring at the ceiling, trying to think of other examples of lovers he could recall and what those people had done.
After a while Duo scooted over to him. He came very close, so that his chest touched Heero's arm and his knees touched Heero's leg. "I am sorry," Duo said softly, "but you said 'should' as if there was a script or a plan. You learn that working phones, people hate an obvious script."
But he didn't know how to be... unlike that. Not about this. "I don't know how to be with people," Heero rasped.
"You're just socially awkward is all. I know I got mad at you for this kind of stuff before, but I can see now how it isn't your fault. And you know you have this shortcoming and you made the decision to improve. That's really important, ya know? That you are trying."
Duo was talking down to him, like he was a child. Heero didn't like it. He'd never been told trying was important. He'd always been told success was important.
"Do or do not, there is no try," Heero quoted from a Star Wars movie. "That's what I was taught. You can't just try to pilot a variable mobile suit. You can't try to complete a mission successfully. You just do it! Or you fail! And failure..."
"People die. I know." Duo sighed. He moved his left hand across Heero's chest and then to his face. Heero remained unflinching and unblinking as Duo's thumb smoothed his eyebrow. "When you were really small, did someone take care of you? Brush your hair? Dress you? Play games with you?"
"I took care of myself mostly. Adin provided funds and negotiated for our needs. He was stern. He did not dislike me. I think he liked me, but I can imagine now I am older that when he looked at me he might think: 'what am I doing by letting the kid stay with me? What kind of man am I that I let him help me in my work?' Then, he wouldn't smile, because when he looked at me, he didn't express that he did like me he only expressed guilt and sadness."
"You didn't play with other kids ever?"
"Not really. There was this little girl... I killed her. And maybe this is why I seemed to be attracted to Relena, as you claim: she was the first child or person my own age that I actually knew. I saw her before she left for Earth. She was here with her father. There was an order to kill him, he had outlived his usefulness to either side. I watched him. I saw he had a daughter. And I thought, if I killed him, that girl, Darlian's daughter, would be sad. So I didn't do it. And then, the man who turned out to be her brother shot me down and Relena was the one who found me washed up on a beach. Duo, she was the first person I really knew besides Adin and J. And, she was nice to me. If it had been you, wouldn't you have had some attraction or curiosity?"
"Heero," Duo stroked Heero's cheek with his fingers as he spoke. "It is not your fault. You just had no one to teach you or be an example. You know that Relena and I are both your friends and even though we're human and can get angry and say things we don't mean, most of the time we do understand. No one else gave you the mission to be more social. You gave it to yourself because you are acting on some lacking that you feel. You are only following your heart, and you are doing the right thing. Still, when you sound like you are reciting or working from a script, I am going to laugh. I just am. It's more sad than funny, but laughing is really more healthy than keeping feelings contained and I'd rather you didn't see me cry too much."
Heero turned away from Duo. He felt he could cry. He just wanted to be able to make Duo happy. Of course he cared about his own happiness, but things were going well for him, except in this social area. He even thought he was making friends.
"What I mean, is," Duo said slowly. He put his hand on Heero's arm and rubbed it. Up and down his arm, rhythmically. It was comforting. Duo knew what to do. He knew just what gesture Heero needed from him. "It's your mission, right, so you make the parameters. You set the time schedule. Maybe you just need to give yourself more time to work."
"I just wanted to say the right thing and do the right thing to make you happy. I want to be able to do it now. Midii knows that I am awkward about some things, but it doesn't hurt the same way when I know she is amused. She helps me. She gives me helpful suggestions for how to improve!"
"Heero." Duo pressed his lips to Heero's shoulder. "Heero, please calm down and listen to me. It's important."
"I am listening," Heero whispered hoarsely.
"Midii is a friend and as far you and I are concerned she is a confidant and conspirator to you. That's fine. I am happy you have made friends. Heero, I was so impressed with you tonight. I bet you never had an intimate dinner with so many people in your life."
"No. I had not."
"And you carried on discussion and shared opinions and flirted and shared food... six people enjoyed your company. That includes me. So, you aren't failing. But..."
"You offered me a drawer. You bought me dinner. You told me you loved me. I can't also be the person that gives you tips for how to make me happy?"
"I just can't."
"You could," Heero insisted. "I made a list of all the erogenous zones I am aware of on my body. I'll give it to you and then you will know how to please me. You could just tell me what to say the next time and then I would know."
"Heero." He sounded amused.
"Heero. Remember the model car? You do right. I said it was more fun for me to just figure it out? I don't want a manual that tells me how to get Heero Yuy off and all the secret codes to throw at him to get him to do what I want. You get it? You're my model kit. I don't want the directions. I want to figure you out."
"What?" That was so illogical.
"However our relationship turns out, whether we are, at any moment, friends or lovers or enemies, I will be content with the relationship at that moment because it is what we made. We might have a really dysfunctional relationship, but it will be ours."
"That is so ridiculous. If people have dysfunctional relationships they go to counseling to find out what they did wrong so they can fix it! There are right things to do, you have to know them, then you do the right things!"
Duo sighed. "OK, I clearly got you off on a tangent when I chose 'dysfunctional.' That was not the best thing to say. Now, here's me thinking about it and everything I observe about you. You see me? Thinking about you and me and what we are to each other. Thinking about what we've been doing just now. No benefit of a therapist. I'm going to say something: Heero, what do you feel right now?"
"Mmmn, what else?" He kissed Heero's shoulder again.
"When you kiss me and move your hand there it feels comforting and I am not quite so angry," Heero admitted.
"Mmmn Hmmn." Duo kissed Heero's shoulder again and continued caressing his arm. "I knew from experience that this had a chance of being comforting, so I tried it. Now I observe that it works I can continue and I can try again some other time you are distressed. You see how that works? I am not giving you a list of erogenous zones, Heero. You'll just have to systematically stimulate every part of my body until you find them. Don't worry, I'll give you some kind of clue when you find them. Just because I don't want to read the manual, I do expect we will communicate when we know that we are very pleased or very displeased with each other."
"I know you can communicate very well when you are displeased," Heero said flatly.
"I'll communicate being pleased too."
"What do you feel now, Duo?"
"Little agitated, little happy too, pretty sleepy."
"May I try holding you as you sleep?" Heero asked.
"Well..." Duo yawned. "I have only tried that with Hilde in recent years. I guess I could try it with you and see if I like it."
Heero shifted, turning toward Duo and leaning back on an elbow. "How should...?" No, that was wrong. Heero had tried that. It had not gotten a positive response. Access denied. Another time Heero thought it was possible he would find the challenge more enjoyable, but he had felt failure with Duo and it hurt. Still, he went back, so it must be love.
"Could you maybe tell me how you usually sleep, or fall asleep? I know that humans have been observed to shift position many times after falling asleep." How did it work? Two bodies entwined in sleep? In zero g and floating it might work very well, or for twins in amniotic fluid. It seemed the surface of the bed got in the way of moving, as well as the other body.
Duo was smiling, smugly, but his eyelids looked heavy with sleep. He knew.
"It's not always comfortable is it? You might kick me or put your elbow in my face or I might wake with a crick in my neck?"
Duo leaned in, his cheek gliding across Heero's cheek. "Think about it."
"Shared body warmth, intimate human contact... I read that waking up in someone's arms is pleasant, I would like to try to increase my chances of that happening so that I can see if it is pleasant."
Duo chuckled. "I usually fall asleep on my side and I don't mind having my arm raised and folded, because that is just how I learned to sleep, not always having a pillow when I found time to sleep."
Heero pictured how he could fit with Duo if Duo wanted to be on a side. "I usually fall asleep on my back, though."
"Well, let's try," Duo said as if it was ridiculous for him to have to say so.
Heero settled on his back again. Duo moved close to his side.
"Is it comfortable for you to fold that arm?" Duo whispered.
Heero folded his left arm so that the lower half lay across his stomach. "This is OK."
Duo folded his right arm very close to Heero's head. He lifted hip and repositioned. Duo lay his head down on his own arm and put his left arm over Heero's left arm so that his fingers touched Heero's fingers. That wasn't so bad.
Duo lifted his arm again to pull the blanket over them. He kicked Heero's legs apart with his foot, just a little, and then folded his left leg over Heero's. Duo's hand slid under the blanket and when Heero felt Duo's hand come close this time he reached with his fingers to weave Duo's fingers into his.
This wasn't yet perfection, but it was nice. Heero counted backward, memorizing Duo's level of warmth and scent and breathing pattern. He hoped that he could recognize Duo subconsciously and not do anything threatening if Duo happened to wake him suddenly.
As Heero got to the low numbers He was distracted as Duo's hand moved. The fingers carefully disengaged from Heero's fingers. Duo's hand moved up Heero abdomen and onto his chest. Duo's thumb stretched and came millimeters from touching Heero right nipple. Duo's breath stopped for a second.
Heero thought, if he asked, I would do it now, promise or not.
Duo breathed again. His hand remained still for a minute. Then Duo retracted his hand. It slid over Heero's arm and then settled on his hip. Heero reached the lowest numbers and Duo had not moved again. He fell asleep.
Heero woke aware that he'd just been having a very erotic dream. It had involved Duo and some ice cream and then some ice cubes and, Maybes, it had been hot! Surreal. Heero had been lapping ice cream up from Duo's skin and it seemed the more Duo was tortured with the cold things against his skin the more his breaths became gasps and he cried out affirmatives and... there had been a bear with a pouch.
Yes, that had been surreal. A small bear had somehow reached inside itself and drawn out a small tube of lubricant, which it handed to Heero.
He had needed that, because in the dream, Heero had put his mouth on Duo's erection and treated it as if it were the most delicious and fragile ice cream cone or candy stick he had ever tasted... and Heero's hand had strayed lower and then pressed inside. That was when the bear had appeared.
The dream had continued and Heero thought Duo had begun to beg Heero to fuck him. Outside of dreams when Duo had last indicated he had wanted that things had gone wrong. Heero had woken before he gave Duo an answer, either in words or in action.
But except for waking at such an awkward moment, it had been such a good dream.
Heero awakened fully. He was laying close to Duo, but they did not hold each other. They were close enough that Heero felt warm on the side where Duo slept. Heero turned to his side to face Duo. He was still asleep and lying on his back.
Heero thought Duo might like to wake up with someone holding him. He scooted closer to him and then put an arm across his stomach.
"Love... you," Duo said.
Talking in his sleep again. Did that mean what Heero hoped it meant? He better not assume. Duo could have been saying something like, "What do you know about love, you bastard?"
He was still asleep. Duo's respiration was even calmer than it had been a moment ago. Duo shifted, turning his back. Heero carefully lifted his arm to allow Duo to move and then let his arm settle on Duo's hip.
He was left staring at Duo's back. Well, he was doing this for Duo, not himself, not really. Heero sighed. So much of Duo was covered since he still wore a shirt. His arms were bared but that was normal. And above the torn neckline of his shirt Duo's hair was collected in two halves and drawn forward over his shoulders to reveal a small triangle of pale skin.
It was doing something for Heero. He didn't know why. He never saw this skin revealed because it always was covered by his hair. Maybe that was it. He was able to see something he usually wouldn't be able to. Maybe no one saw this. The sun didn't. This skin, where his vertebrae protruded slightly was white.
Heero leaned in and kissed Duo's spine.
"Awake?" Heero pressed his lips to Duo's neck again, before he could answer.
"Oh, yeah, I'm up," Duo said, voice even lower than usual with sleep... or lust.
Heero's lips smiled against Duo's skin. He slid his handover Duo's hip, faked toward the waistband of his skirt and then dug his fingers beneath the hem of Duo's shirt to reach his skin. Heero moved his hand beneath Duo's t-shirt, up to his chest, where he rolled Duo's left nipple beneath his fingertips.
Heero lifted the blanket from both of them as he sat up. He swung a leg over Duo to straddle him and then pressed Duo flat on his back. Their eyes met. Duo looked anxious and needy and trusting. Heero smirked.
"I want you," Duo said.
Heero adjusted his position, using his right hand to push Duo's legs apart and lift his skirt just enough to clear a space between Duo's legs for his knees. Heero was on hands and knees both then, looming over Duo.
Heero freed his hands with a slight shifting of weight to his knees. He burrowed both under Duo's shirt. He was still a little weak on communication, but he was going to try. Heero quickly went over his mental list of clinical terms and slang and all the positions and acts he had noted in books or graphics files or porn movies.
"Duo, you said I had to know how far I would go before I started."
Duo's head moved up and down before his eyes settled on Heero's again.
"I don't know what I will do exactly, but I am absolutely sure I am willing to do something for you that will... get you off. Do you want that? Duo?"
"No hints then? I am going to have to learn for myself slowly and systematically... what gets you hot?"
Duo's respiration quickened and there was a slight shift in the dilation of his pupils as his skin went hot beneath Heero's fingers. Heero decided that there was something about the slowness or else Heero's exploration that really excited him.
That excited Heero.
He'd found, though the trick wasn't 100 percent reliable, that if he put himself in a certain mindset and visualized certain things that he could hold off feeling things as intensely and keep the final ejaculation at bay for quite a while. Heero psyched himself up, telling himself that this was what he had waited for and that it might involve more waiting. He was going to make sure Duo was the one that orgasmed first. He was not going to blow it again and have a break down and abandon Duo.
Duo feared abandonment. It made him angry.
Having steeled himself for the task, gladly, Heero tugged at Duo's shirt, pulling the hem up over Duo's head without removing the shirt, so that Duo's face was covered, he was blinded for the most part and his arms were forced to remain above his head.
Heero watched for a second to make sure Duo was well. A indentation appeared in the dark surface of the fabric where Duo drew in air. He didn't fight the light form of restraint at all, and he could have, if he wanted, easily removed the shirt himself. Heero had done nothing to prevent Duo freeing himself.
Good, Heero thought. That is like surrender. For now, that is very good.
Heero bowed over Duo. He got his teeth around one of the silvery rings and tugged lightly.
Duo's breath was drawn in a hiss, which made Heero think he might feel pain. But then Duo said, "Oh, yeah..." Heero thought even if there was some pain, Duo liked it. That he had the rings made Heero suspect Duo did enjoy some kind of play on his nipples. Heero went over his mental notes again. Nipping, blowing, sucking, licking... there were so many options. Which did Duo enjoy?
Heero tried licking. He got the warm salt taste of Duo's skin and the metallic ring. Duo's body arched slightly and he moaned. Heero tried blowing then.
"Uhhn, Heero," Duo said very softly.
He had been right, he would communicate pleasure.
Heero closed his mouth over one of Duo's nipples and sucked lightly. Duo shivered. It seemed a good sign. Heero tried moving to the other side of his chest. He noticed there was no hair. Duo's skin was completely smooth.
Heero lifted his head. "You had hair."
"Aw, shut up! Later for that. Don't stop!"
Heero wasn't planning on stopping. He lowered his face to Duo's chest. He fastened his mouth to Duo's left nipple and sucked metal and flesh into his mouth. Heero's tongue moved through the ring. He could feel the hardened nipple on the underside of his tongue as his lips glided moistly over Duo's skin. As Heero did this, he pinched and twisted at Duo's remaining nipple with his fingers.
"God! Don't stop that!"
Heero felt dizzy with arousal. Duo really liked something he was doing! He was pleasing him. He wasn't such a freak that he couldn't make someone feel good. He wasn't alone. He wasn't selfish.
Heero drew himself up for a moment. "I want you so much, Duo."
Heero lapped at Duo's chest. Duo hissed breaths again. There was so much more of Duo to explore. Heero took one of his hands from Duo for a second. Then he thought that wherever he wanted to move his hand, inefficient as it was, Heero should move along the surface of Duo's body rather than to lift his hand and bring it down elsewhere. That was more sensual, Heero thought.
Heero replaced his right hand on Duo's chest and then moved it, fingertips gliding over ribs and abdominal muscles. Hipbone. The shape of Duo's thigh through his skirt.
Heero found the hem of the skirt along Duo's left leg and slid his fingers beneath. His hand was on Duo's bare knee then, warm skin and soft fuzz of hair. He moved his hand along the outside of Duo's thigh, naming the muscles over the femur in his mind and thinking of pressure points on Duo's body where he knew how to inflict pain or debility... but didn't because he wished to use his body and his knowledge only to pleasure Duo.
Heero had to admit to himself, he felt very aroused as he thought about the ways he could be murdering Duo now but did not. He was not suffocating him. He was not abusing knowledge of pressure points He was not snapping his neck. It felt so good to have Duo trust him with his life and to be someone who deserved that trust.
Duo moaned when Heero slipped his hand from thigh to buttock. Heero raked his nails over the soft flesh, not too hard, enough that he was aware of the dense muscle close beneath the softer layers. He liked the way Duo felt, not quite cut in a way that only muscle was visible, but hardly fatty or feminine either. Just overall well rounded and smooth. Heero really liked the way Duo flexed beneath his hand as he shifted weight to feet and shoulders.
Heero felt he should communicate his appreciation, but he was afraid to sound stilted again, as if he recited. Heero did his best. "Feels good, Duo, I like your body."
"Feels best when you're touching it," Duo said.
Heero felt disoriented and high again. Duo knew just what to say. Heero wasn't aware of that sounding practiced. Duo wouldn't lie to him.
Heero moved his hand off of Duo's body to move it this time. He reached between Duo's legs and then touched him. "What's this," Heero asked, playful in tone, he hoped.
Duo hissed a breath again. And then he expelled air in a bitter reply, "My ass, you ass!" He still hadn't moved his shirt.
Heero smirked, "Duo-chan, I meant, what terms are you most comfortable with calling it... I wouldn't want to be too vulgar."
Duo lowered his arms, wrinkling his shirt into a band across his upper chest. He looked at Heero strangely, one eye seeming larger than the other, but not winking.
Since he did not answer Heero increased the pressure of his finger against Duo's anus. "Duo-chan."
"In or out, Baby, stop teasing the asshole," Duo said in a strange accent.
"Thee asshole? Does that mean it's mine?" Heero smirked.
"No it's 'you asshole' if you interpret it that way. Thou asshole is thine and my asshole is mine." He whispered then, "Would have been 'thy' if it didn't begin with a vowel. And I was just using the special sort of 'the,' ya know. The one in question. Jez...!"
Heero smirked again, watching Duo's head fall back and his hands pull at his braids as Heero moved his hand. "And this?"
Duo's fists struck the mattress. "Balls. The balls!" As Heero stroked them with one finger Duo scraped the sheets with his nails and a sort of singing sound came from him, like, "Aah... ah... aah."
Duo shook his head.
No real change.
"Terribly exciting because you feel so vulnerable?" Heero offered.
Duo struck the bed with one fist.
"I'll take that as a yes, Duo-chan. Now, what about... this?"
"Oh, yes! Yes! Touch me!"
"Touch you... where?"
"I want your hand on my dick, Heero!"
Heero moved his fingertips along the surface of Duo's dick as he moved to press the palm of his hand against it. It felt good, warm and hard in his hand. Heero didn't have a doubt at all that he could go through with having sex with Duo. There were men who were willing to penetrate other men that would never let another man's penis penetrate any part of them, because they thought it weak or something... Heero was sure he was not like that.
He trembled just thinking about all the things he and Duo could do together. He couldn't stop from trembling. His hand shook as he focused on moving it up and down the length of Duo's dick. Heero didn't like that word, but he had decided he would try to use Duo's words for things that were Duo's... even if Duo was his.
"Let me up," Duo said softly.
"I didn't mean to," Heero said of the trembling.
"It's not that, honestly," Duo said. His voice was surprisingly sweet, and genuinely so. "Just let me go."
Heero withdrew his hand but he remained leaning over Duo. He was losing confidence. He'd been so close...
"Pazhálusta, Heero. I am not leaving the room. Just give me a minute, OK?"
Heero rolled awkwardly to the side. He watched Duo pull his shirt over his head and thus draw his hair to his back. "Why?"
"I need to get something." Duo moved in a crawl toward the foot of the bed.
Heero was still trembling but he reached out and caught Duo's arm. "What do you need?"
Duo stopped, knelt and then turned to look at Heero apologetically. "Actually I thought I ought to get a condom. I really hope you don't have a problem with that... shit, you don't have a latex allergy or something, do you?"
"I have some condoms!" Heero said quickly.
"Lots. And other products as well... oh... Duo... are we leaping?"
It seemed to take him several seconds to understand. "Jez-us! You said you were ready!" Duo softened his voice to that sweet tone again, "Heero, you said you were..."
"I'm ready," Heero said, quickly, but shocked at how breathy and low his voice had become. He put himself in Duo's lap and kissed him. He stopped trembling completely when he felt how eagerly Duo returned the kiss.
"I am ready." Heero sucked at Duo's mouth again. "Duo... I read that if two people are not ready to discuss whether they need to have safe sex then that aren't ready to have sex. I don't know if that is true, but... I don't know that it is not, in which case, it would be negligent not to mention it... I wouldn't want to disappoint you again."
Duo gaped. His mouth hung open.
"Is that wrong?" Heero asked. "I want you so badly it hurts." Heero thought of some phrases he had learned and then spoke rapidly, and nervously, "I want to go down on you and suck you off and give you a blow job and I guess you meant you wanted to get a condom so we could do that, even though some people thing oral sex isn't very risky, but maybe you didn't, but I'm not sure which would mean I am failing to communicate again and I am trying so hard to do that because I just want to please you very much and if our communication is bad and you get disappointed again then I will just want to die again because what am I going to do if you don't give me a third chance to do it right?"
Duo rubbed idly at his dick through his skirt and spoke slowly, "I would love for you to go down on me. I think we should use a condom for that and if you agree, I think we should just do that now and talk about why or if that will ever change afterward. You were absolutely right to bring it up."
Heero sighed. "I agree, but, understanding your urgency, trust me, I do have two minor questions."
"Ask then." It kind of annoyed Heero that Duo was touching himself like that and right in front of him, but he couldn't fully blame him, because he was aching himself. And then Heero realized Duo wasn't just staring into space, he was looking at the mirror. The angle of his gaze said he was looking at Heero's reflection, not his own. Somehow, it was more exciting than annoying then.
Heero clenched his fists to avoid touching himself and looked at Duo's reflection. "Do you think we should either agree what type of protection to use or what brands are acceptable or have a system for one of having their choice? I think it would be good, because then... not that I think it would... if anything bad did happen, accidentally, one of us wouldn't blame the other, because we had both agreed on the system previously and accepted responsibility."
"That's a fuckin' good question," Duo said, "No one ever asked me like that before, but I think there's this sort of etiquette, at least with people who have manners, that the person who is being pleasured provides the stuff while the person who would seem most at risk gets to choose which one it is... I guess that does leave a lot of gray area. Sorry. I usually just pick one and ask, 'Is it OK if I use this?' and no one's ever said, 'no,' to me. But then there have been people who got all up on me without making the offer and I had to say, 'Can I get this on ya?' and usually they were OK...'cept this one time someone tried to talk me out of it. I left his ass wanting. I mean, I just thought: who has he convinced." Duo laughed sadly.
"Then, what can we do?" Heero asked.
"I'm thinking. What was the second question?"
"What if I wanted to... I mean... should I wear gloves."
"Finger fuck me?" Duo smirked. "Do you even have gloves?"
"Then do what you think best for you. I don't think there's much risk otherwise, to anyone, well... I like my nails grown out just a little bit and my hands get pretty beat up, so if it was the other way round, I'd wear a glove for ya. You don't want fingernails scraping you in there anyway."
"You get some of your stuff and I'll get mine. OK? We'll just have to agree unanimously for now. OK?"
"Khoroshó." Heero crept to his dresser and opened the top leftmost drawer. He took out all the items that qualified as condoms and a think package of gloves just in case and one container of lubricant that he thought was good. He piled the things atop the dresser while he continued to look and then scooped up the entire pile and transported it to the bed in his hands. By then Duo was already sitting on the bed and holding a bear in his lap.
It was so surreal. Heero had dreamed there was a bear. And, now he looked at it, Heero recognized the bear. It was the bomb bear!
"Mmmn. You recognize it? See, no bomb?" Duo tipped the bear forward to reveal the new strips of Velcro closure where the bear had been previously sliced open and resewn. There was no bomb, only little packets and tubes and what looked like pieces of cloth. "Kewl, huh?"
Heero just looked at the bear and wondered how he possibly could have dreamt of the bear. He had experienced many strange dreams before...
"You went to that clinic," Duo half-accused in a whisper.
How did he know? "I went to a doctor," Heero said honestly.
Duo picked up one of the packets from the futon. "It's settled then, we'll use yours. I know exactly where you got them, and even though they give them away for free to patients and sell them dirt cheap to visitors they're actually a very reliable brand... taxpayer dollars at work ya know?"
Among the assorted packets Heero had acquired at the Sex House the others stood out as a group. They were not all the same exactly type, but they were all the same brand and where a clear side of the packaging was turned Heero could see they were all blue. Well, he knew they came in different colors, he just hadn't noticed these were all blue before. That must be how Duo knew.
"So, ya wanna do me?" Duo asked. He was leaning back on his hands, legs sprawled, the bear fallen beside him. The very corner of the condom packet was held in his teeth. That's nice, Heero thought, the condom will match his eyes.
Heero bit his lip to keep from smiling wider. He gave a nod and crawled to Duo. He went for the waistband of his skirt and tugged.
"You said you'd be gentle with me," Duo said in falsely innocent tone.
Heero couldn't think of any witty banter. They were past that. Maybe not so urgent they were going to get in a fight like the week before, but urgent they were.
The skirt was pulled down past Duo's feet and he was naked then. "You are beautiful," Heero said. He thought for a moment Duo would suspect he was only saying it be cause he wanted sex. Duo had already agreed...
"Thank you," Duo said softly.
Heero snatched the packet in Duo's teeth with his lips and then dropped it into his hands. He commanded his fingers to open it. Heero could feel Duo's hands touching his neck and shoulders.
"This is going to be so kewl," Duo said, "I'm sure you'll do fine. You might not have to work very long, ya know."
"OK," Heero said, for lack of anything better. He heaved with a breath, his hands feeling unsteady. "Oh, Duo. No problems with microcircuitry, but..."
Duo lifted a hand to Heero's hair and massaged the back of his head with his fingers. "Go on, you can do it."
Heero had practiced this. It wasn't difficult, just place and then roll, basically. He had practiced blindfolded. But, it hadn't been Duo when he practiced. Heero managed to place the condom over the head of Duo's erection. He rolled it down as far as the end reached, to the base and soft brown curls of hair.
The blue might take getting used to, if he looked at it.
Heero sucked in a deep breath.
"Oh wait, I can give you something else," Duo said.
"Here." Heero raised his eyes to the small tin in Duo's hand. Duo dipped his smallest finger into the tin and then brought it slicked to Heero's lips. "It's just a lip balm, it's totally compatible with the materials in condoms and completely non toxic to humans too, of course. It'll just help it taste better and protect your lips. Wouldn't want my Heero's lips all chapped."
Heero gave his lips a lick. Vanilla. He could really start to like vanilla, it reminded him of Duo so much.
Duo smiled warmly. "Just go for it, when you're ready. I know you'll figure it out!"
That was encouraging, truly.
Heero sucked in another large breath and then bowed his head to Duo's lap. He gave the latex wrapped erection a first tentative touch of his lips. Duo's fingers combed his hair away from his forehead.
"Need you," Duo sang. "Just remember what I told you."
Heero remembered everything. He closed his eyes, the images and text flashed in his mind. He'd seen porn actors do this, read the detailed descriptions of the act within novels, been aroused just listening to Duo talk about ice cream. It was really Duo!
Heero stopped thinking. He was aware, somewhere in his mind, of his lessons, but he didn't calculate this time. He didn't think about what step one or two was. He just did what felt right, using his knowledge and Duo's responses as a rough guide.
It was like learning to kiss. When Duo made a really great sound, Heero did whatever little trick he'd happened upon again. When Duo seemed more withdrawn, Heero tried different approaches to see if one got a better response.
Most of the time Heero kept his left hand loosely curled about the base of Duo's dick, he felt it helped him control the angles of things better. He kept his elbow propped on the bed to steady his hand so he would not slip and hurt Duo. And his mouth, it worked everywhere above that. Everywhere that Heero knew was most sensitive.
He had been too light in his pressure at first, afraid to use all of his strength and hurt Duo. It was, after all a very sensitive part of the body. Heero knew. He closed his lips around Duo, and moved his head back and then down again, increasing pressure.
Heero found the level at which Duo felt more pain then pleasure, and afterward he stopped himself short of that every time.
There was a sort of latex taste. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. Heero thought the lip balm and the overall scent of Duo kept him from really caring about the rubber.
And then, Duo would cry out... and Heero felt he would tolerate a whole lot worse tastes for him.
At first there were almost sentences, though they were even more slangy that usual. "Hi natural!" Duo would say and, "damn, Baby, shit!"
His hands had been in Heero's hair, and then at some point Heero was aware of Duo being more distant. He had Duo's dick in his mouth, but he felt more distant when he wasn't hunched over them both.
Duo had fallen back against the bed, his shoulders at the edge, his head lower than the rest of his body and touching the floor. He lifted his feet and then his heels massaged Heero's back in erratic forceful strokes.
As much as Duo claimed he did not believe in God, he called on God and Jesus often enough. Well, God and Jesus could come down here, but they would not be able to save Duo from Heero. No. Heero wasn't giving him up!
His hands were sweating. Heero took his hands from Duo, wiping them on the sheets. The slight distraction caused him to give Duo's dick only the lightest touches of his lips.
There was a decidedly awkward silence then.
"Fuck me," Duo said. He sounded pleading.
Heero didn't know what to say, and besides he was afraid to take his mouth away from Duo completely.
"Heero?" A pause. "I'm not asking you to go all the way or last all day or anything. You could just do a finger... or two. I think I just want you to do it."
In the dream the bear had given Heero the lube. Heero reached for the bear with his left hand. He lifted his head and put his right hand on Duo's erection in its place, lightly working over the head with his thumb.
"Oh... that feels so good. I bet you could give amazing hand jobs."
Maybe, Heero hadn't really thought about it. He pulled a tube from inside the bear. This was really, well, surreal. He'd dreamt this all and it had only been slightly different. "I can use this?" Heero read the words on the tube.
Heero opened the tube between his hand and teeth and then extended fingers of his right hand to squeeze the gel onto them. That done, Heero licked his lips and out his mouth on Duo's dick again. He felt like he wanted to taste it, but after they'd gone though so much effort to be safe, actually doing it would have been insane.
Heero reached for Duo's hand with his left hand. Duo felt hesitant to him, at first, and then his fingers eagerly curled into Heero's.
Duo hissed his breath. "Won't take long like this, but I want to feel it even if it's just for a little while."
Heero felt Duo arch and tense. And then with an exhale he seemed to sink into the bed completely. His feet on Heero's back fell either side of Heero's shoulders.
Heero closed his eyes. Seeing wouldn't help him. He took as much of Duo into his mouth as he ever had and then took more, working his fingers together. He listened for Duo's breaths, felt his way, and then drawing his lips up with a pressure that almost hurt him, Heero entered Duo with a single finger.
He wanted to be kissing Duo and holding him. He wanted to see his face. Instead Heero just tightened his grasp on Duo's hand and hoped that his tongue was strong enough to show Duo how he felt.
Slowly in. slowly out. A beat and then slowly in again. Heero tried to picture the pamphlets and the cut away pictures and wondered if he could manage to find that gland at all. Duo must want that.
Three things at once, completely independent movements of each hand and his mouth. It was a good thing Heero was a Gundam pilot. If he could pat his head and rub his stomach at the same time or coordinate the limbs of a Gundam in a protracted duel, he ought to be able to pleasure Duo in every way that he needed it.
Duo's quiet was starting to worry Heero. Maybe he wasn't doing it right after all, he thought. Then Duo called to him again. "Heero... nnnn... just a little longer."
Heero felt he should said something, so he just sort of hummed a response and hoped Duo guessed what he meant to say.
"Don't think long and slow is going to work... long... go faster. You... can... you were faster before..."
Faster. Heero acknowledged the request. How fast? He wondered.
Heero tried making the movements of his head and hand shorter and faster. He had this powerful urge to replace his finger with his aching erection. The slight friction of leggings and bed were not enough to give him climax and not so little that it would just fade.
Another finger. Maybe Duo would like that. Heero wanted to try. As much as he ached, it made him nervous and unsure to think of pleasuring himself by penetrating Duo. He... was not ready. He had to just get through knowing that he could make Duo orgasm at all. Several times he had promised it would not take long and every time it seemed like forever. The seconds all stretched eternally.
Heero added another finger.
"More," Duo said, even as the fingers plunged in. Heero didn't know if he meant more fingers or more action. "Oooh..."
Faster action, Heero decided.
He was superhuman. He would have smirked if he could.
He would do this! He would have a purpose. He would serve a function. He would be a perfect lover, even if it was not today. There was no try. He would do it. He needed to do it!
He could do it for Duo!
How fast was too fast for him? Heero was confident he could increase his speed without being any less precise about his movements.
Fingers in at a certain angle and then in again, because they had already been drawn out. Lips closed in a tight circle as the movement of his head took Duo in and then in again.
He was aware of Duo screaming. It was not pain. Heero registered that. "Yes," he was saying yes.
Duo was announcing what he was about to do. And then he did it and the universe shifted.
Seconds passed like many slowly shifting still frames.
There was intense heat.
Heero was everywhere and he was nowhere.
He was nothing. He was everything.
He wanted nothing. He felt... bliss... contentment... peace.
There was peace.
There was thought: Not, him, please not him! I have wanted him for so long! We hardly did anything and it was fucking awesome! No, I can't do this! It's just sex. It was more than sex. Not again. It hurts! It feels so good! I love him. No! I don't! I just wanted someone to fuck and he's physically perfect! I think I really love him. No, I can't! But... how do I not love Heero?"
They were not his thoughts!
The seconds passed at no strange pace and Heero was aware of being collapsed on his bed holding a hand to his chest. He was aware of wearing damp leggings. He was aware that Duo was curled in a ball on the bed, naked, shivering.
Duo, Heero thought, I need to help him!
What had just happened? What was that? It felt like, maybe, he had orgasmed. But he hadn't felt that close, not at all.
The bed was a mess. Heero removed his pants and wiped himself with them. This was getting dead embarrassing, being with Duo and ending up soiling his pants like this. He found a PMT that had spilled from the bear and wiped his hands clean.
Heero lifted the blanket and whipped it free of the items spilled on the bed.
He crept over the litter to Duo and sat down at his back. Heero draped the blanket over Duo's body. Duo definitely could use a reassuring gesture. Heero reclined behind Duo and then put a hand aside Duo's spine and rubbed his back.
"Did you have a dream about me this morning?"
"Did... did I talk in my sleep?"
"Maybe. Just tell me the truth, please. Did you have a dream about me involving ice cream and ice cubes?"
Silence. Tension. "Yeah."
"And in the dream, which did I decide to do, to fuck you, or not?"
"Mmmn, you fucked me," Duo said dreamily.
"And last week. Before you woke up with an erection and masturbated thinking about me, did you have a dream about me then?"
"And in that dream I was on top of you and I fucked you then?"
"Yes! Heero! How do you know?"
"Because, Duo, both times we slept together we had the same dream."
"I don't understand. Why are you telling me this now?"
"I was not absolutely sure until now, and, something else just happened. Duo, I felt your orgasm."
"Well, I gave enough signs."
"No, I mean, really." Heero pressed his body close to Duo. "Feel anything hard?"
Duo chuckled, "yeah, your bony hip!" He turned around then, smiling. "Think you can stop that from happening, whatever it was, 'cause I was gonna do all my best tricks for ya, and you haven't given me the chance yet."
"Believe me, I did not do it on purpose. I would love to see those tricks. You know... if you wait approximately eight minutes, we may both get what we want."
"Eight minutes, you got it timed?"
"My calculations may be off given certain variables, but, eight is a possibility."
"You really came because I did?"
"You really were in my dreams?"
Duo sighed. "It's OK, my most secret tricks don't usually work when I want them to, only when they want to, or I get really emotional." Duo smiled then, "Well, wake me up in eight minutes then, Heero, 'cause right now, I gotta get some sleep!"
"You slept last night," Heero laughed, but he saw Duo was already folding an arm beneath his head. He was really going to sleep. Usually, it was Heero sleeping while Duo kept on talking. Heero smiled to himself. He leaned over and kissed Duo's face and said, "Sweet dreams."