disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just manipulate them for my own personal enjoyment.
rating: *this fic is not yet rated*
feedback: it's necessary to live...so, yes!
warnings for entire fic: shounen-ai/yaoi, angst, duo/heero torture, language, small lemon-ish spots(?), AU (AC 200)
pairings: odd....can't explain but it involves heero and duo and 3X4 implied.
notes: another one that came to me in dreamscape. yes, i know, i have weird dreams. you should see what happens after i eat pepperoni pizza ^_~
:: duo's thoughts ::
momentary lapse of reason
The three young men had honored their friends wishes to be left alone for the most part. There had been no improvement in his condition during the past two weeks and their concern grew. Duo's unwillingness to speak with them about his current frame of mind sending the braided young man further into isolation.
Quatre had once again suggested to Trowa that psychotherapy might be a useful tool at this point, as their attempts to draw Duo out of his misery were unsuccessful. His mention of the idea to Duo drew its expected reaction. They had all undergone some form of therapy after the war had ended, none with less success than Duo.
"Absolutely not! There's not a damn bit of good that'll come from me going into therapy... or have you forgotten?" Duo asked sharply. He felt little guilt as he dismissed their concerns, the tone of his voice reflected the anger he felt over what he was beginning to see as their meddling. "I appreciate that you are trying to help here, but we've been over this before. I need to work this out... on my own... alone!"
Quatre and Trowa looked toward one another as Duo addressed them. He had remained seated facing the large window in the corner of his room as he spoke, never once turning to face his friends.
Hearing the room door close, Duo sighed deeply and his thoughts turned once again to Heero and the mess he now found himself in. It was all he ever thought about....all he ever dreamed about. There was nothing new he could add to the now standard redderic, yet he let the ideas mull about in his head. Actually he didn't let them, he didn't want them to, they just wouldn't stop.
Once again contemplating what Heero had done while he was ill, Duo considered the actions that had brought them to this point. He hadn't previously given much thought to *why* Heero had behaved the way he did, instead choosing to focus on the anger his behavior caused.
He rationalized that it was entirely possible that Heero had merely submitted to his advance in an effort to aid his healing. Duo recalled how adamant Heero had been in his assertion that there was no prior relationship between the two.
:: did he feel sorry for me? is that what it was? pity? ::
Duo shook his head. He had all too vivid memories of the affection that he had shared with Heero for those few shorts day, the tenderness in his cobalt eyes. "No..... it was more than that."
:: maybe he liked the *new* me ::
Duo frowned. Following the accident and his memory loss he was much less talkative, therefore less annoying and certainly less active..... all the things about him that seemed to irritate Heero.
The last thought that entered Duo's mind was the extremely remote possibility that Heero actually cared for him. As ridiculously far-fetched as it sounded and with absolutely no proof to back the theory up, Duo was still unable to dismiss it..... it all made too much sense to him.
Duo lie in his bed, awake and exhausted staring up at the ceiling. It was how he spent a good portion of his time these past few weeks. He hadn't gotten dressed in almost two weeks. An occasional shower and a change of bedclothes more than satisfied his current hygiene requirements.
He rarely left his room, as there was no need. His meals were now brought to him and had been since his refusal to join the others a few days after his flight to seclusion.
He appreciated his friends concern, Quatre more than the others had stopped by his room...... several times a day. But what he really wanted was to be left alone. He usually dismissed Quatre shortly after his arrival, several times feeling more than a modest amount of guilt for turning his friend away; after all, he did understand the blonde's worry over his current situation and frame of mind.
They all probably would have been even more concerned had they actually known how far into depression Duo had actually sank.
With the possibility that Heero actually cared about him once again in the forefront of his thoughts, the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. He knew that what Heero had done to him had justified his actions toward him, but part of him now understood the desperation that Heero felt regarding his emotions. Not that he was sanctioning the act, but he once had feelings for someone that were so intense that he could see himself nearly driven to that same point of desperation.
A greater part of Quatre's decision to take some time off to spend with Duo stemmed from his guilt. The small blonde's decision to keep Heero's last contact a secret from Duo and the others was still one he stood by, though his firm belief in what he had done did nothing to diminish the sorrow his friend was experiencing.
"See you tonight, little one." Trowa smiled, kissing his lover at the door.
Quatre waited until the Jeep had backed out of the driveway before closing the front door. "Day One.. Mission Duo." he smiled, making his way toward the kitchen.
First clearing the table of its dirty dishes, Quatre put on a fresh pot of coffee and set about preparing Duo's favorite breakfast, hoping he would be unable to refuse it. Tray in hand, Quatre carefully climbed the steps, setting the tray down on the floor outside of Duo's room.
Knocking lightly, Quatre opened the door to find Duo sitting in the large chair by the window. "Good Morning." he smiled. "I figured you still be sleeping."
Not turning his gaze from the window, Duo shook his head. "Couldn't sleep."
"I made you breakfast." The blonde told him, moving out into the hallway to retrieve the tray. "Pancakes with raspberry syrup." he smiled as he made his way toward the still motionless young man. "Your favorite."
Duo turned toward Quatre, his eyes red and swollen. "Sorry, Quatre. I'm not hungry."
Quatre sat on the edge of the bed closest to Duo. "You have to eat something." he told him, the young man turning away again. "Please, Duo. You haven't eaten properly in over two weeks. You're going to make yourself sick."
Duo lowered his head and shook it. "Doesn't matter, Quatre. I'm already sick."
"You need your strength, Duo, please?" the blonde pleaded.
Duo nodded and turned to face his concerned friend. Offering him a weak smile, Duo reached for the plate Quatre held out to him.
Taking several forkfuls, Duo set the plate down on the nightstand and turned toward Quatre. "What are you doing home today, Quatre?"
"I thought you could use some company..." the blonde smiled. "..and a little TLC."