disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just manipulate them for my own personal enjoyment.

rating: *this fic is not yet rated*
feedback: it's necessary to live...so, yes!
warnings for entire fic: shounen-ai/yaoi, angst, duo/heero torture, language, small lemon-ish spots(?), AU (AC 200)
spoilers: none
pairings: odd....can't explain but it involves heero and duo and 3X4 implied.

notes: another one that came to me in dreamscape. yes, i know, i have weird dreams. you should see what happens after i eat pepperoni pizza ^_~

//heero's thoughts//
:: duo's thoughts ::

momentary lapse of reason
part 22

Duo sighed as he sat back in his chair, his gaze still fixed on his computer screen. Heero's reaction hadn't totally surprised him, but some part of him held onto the hope that Heero missed him, even if it wasn't in the same capacity or as much as he missed the former Wing pilot. The blank screen before him testament that that was indeed not the case.


Reaching forward, Heero shut his computer down and stared at it for moment, his thoughts now filled with his braided friend. //why now? after all this time....// Reminding himself that he had shrouded his activities up until recently, Heero smiled weakly, part of him pleased that Duo had tried to make contact with him.

Heero lie in bed that night, still attempting to sort out the confusion he felt over what had happened earlier in the day. He didn't know what Duo wanted, only that the emotions the contact had roused within him were unwelcome. He had struggled for months to suppress his feelings for the violet eyed young man. He was not willing to let them resurface.


Duo's desire to re-establish communication with Heero was not squelched by the earlier episode. Trying to put himself in his friend's place, Duo imagined that Heero was shocked by his actions. Giving Heero an entire day to mull over what had happened, Duo decided to try to make contact again, hoping that Heero would be more receptive this time.


Returning to his desk after an early morning meeting, Heero was met with a flashing cursor and two green words hovering directly over the blinking rectangle.

[] good morning

Heero stared at the screen for a minute.

//hadn't i made it clear yesterday that i didn't want this contact?//

Heero frowned. He felt no compulsion to be rude, but he did need to make Duo understand that he wished no further interaction with him.

[] good morning, duo

Duo smiled, he had been unsure if Heero would respond to him after yesterday's somewhat angry dismissal.

[] are you going to talk to me today?

Heero thought for a moment.

//no need to let this go any further.//

As much as he was certain it would hurt Duo, yet feeling it was best for both of them in the long run, Heero typed.

[] i have nothing to say

Duo frowned and sat back in his chair for a moment, his eyes filling with tears.

:: perhaps this was a bad idea ::

Moving forward, Duo typed his response.

[] gomen for the interruption then.


[] connection severed...

:: goodbye, heero ::


Breakfast on Saturday morning found Duo ready to share what had happened earlier in the week. He didn't know exactly why he continued to share the news regarding matters about Heero. The fact that their reactions to his broaching of the subject continually brought about a negative response, it had done little to deter Duo from speaking with them about it.

"I contacted Heero earlier this week." He announced, "I think I surprised him... I hacked into his computer." he continued, reaching for his coffee.

"Do you think that was a good idea, Duo? I thought we had agreed to just let it go." Trowa replied.

"No... YOU agreed to let it go." Duo snapped back. "Makes no difference anyway, he wants nothing to do with me." he frowned. "Excuse me, I'm not hungry." he spoke softly, pushing himself back from the table.

Watching as Duo left the room, Quatre turned his attention to Trowa. "Even Heero thinks it's a bad idea. Why is it that Duo is the only one that doesn't seem to understand?"

"It's obvious he still cares about Heero, in spite of all that has happened." Wufei told the blonde.

"I don't think it's fair to say that Duo is the only one who cares about Heero, Wufei. We all do, the five of us have been together for nearly five years. How could we not care?" Trowa saddened as he spoke, swallowing hard as he looked at the other two young men. "Duo's feelings for Heero just went way beyond friendship. We shouldn't assume we are able to put ouselves in his place."

Wufei and Quatre nodded solemnly.

"At least Heero had the good sense to not let things go any further." Quatre added. "It's better this way... for Duo."


Several weeks later, Heero received a package in the mail. He was hesitant to open it at first as there was no return address, but he had a pretty good idea who it was from. Letting the large box sit on the kitchen counter for nearly a week, Heero's curiosity had finally gotten the best of him and he decided to open it.

Inside were several personal belongings that he had left back in New York, at the house... at their home. It had been nearly a ten months since Heero left, slowly replacing the material objects he had opted to leave behind rather than face his friends.

Slowly reaching into the box, Heero drew out the first of the items, the corners of his mouth turning upward slightly as he removed it.

The small brown bear had been a get-well gift from Duo during the war, the bandages his friend had wrapped around the small animal, mimicking his own wounds at the time. Heero reached forward, turning around the tag that was affixed to the bear's ear. It had yellowed slightly with age, but the message Duo had written there was still legible. 'not the perfect soldier, are we?' Heero didn't know whether he should laugh or cry, instead choosing to answer his friend's question of so many years ago. //no, duo, not perfect at all.//

Setting the bear down on the table, Heero reached inside the box again, this time drawing out a small plastic container that held some of his computer disks. It wasn't his entire collection, but as he flipped through them and read the labels, he could tell that Duo had taken the time to include the ones he thought Heero might want the most. Heero sighed as he looked at the titles on the four remaining disks in his hands 'h.y. - personal'

Removing the first disk from it's protective sleeve, Heero slipped it into his computer and sat to watch.


Duo had given a great deal of thought to the items he included in the box he sent to Heero. He deliberately hadn't chosen anything that Heero would easily recognize as his attempt to coerce Heero into re-establishing contact, certain that Heero would gather the message he intended the package to deliver.

Two weeks passed since he had mailed it and Duo had left his computer on day and night in the hopes that Heero would hack into it as he had done, even if it was to say a simple thank you. Duo would even have been satisfied with a 'stop bothering me.', for at least it would have offered finality, the fact that nothing came hurt him tremendously.


Heero reclined back on the couch of his small apartment with his feet resting on the edge of the coffee table as he watched the five young pilots standing in the center of a large clearing. //that was such a long time ago.// He smiled, the genuine smiles on his friends faces warming his heart.

This particular video had been shot just after The Eve Wars had ended. Heero focused most of his attention on Duo, the highly animated braided boy merciless as he teased the others, laughing loudly as they eventually gave into his unrelenting silliness. He was highly contagious, there was something undeniably overwhelming about being surrounded by the joy that was Duo Maxwell back then...... and Heero continued to watch the young amethyst-eyed boy on the screen.

on to part 23

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