disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just manipulate them for my own personal enjoyment.

rating: *this fic is not yet rated*
feedback: it's necessary to live...so, yes!
warnings for entire fic: shounen-ai/yaoi, angst, duo/heero torture, language, small lemon-ish spots(?), AU (AC 200)
spoilers: none
pairings: odd....can't explain but it involves heero and duo and 3X4 implied.

notes: another one that came to me in dreamscape. yes, i know, i have weird dreams. you should see what happens after i eat pepperoni pizza ^_~

//heero's thoughts//
:: duo's thoughts ::

momentary lapse of reason
part 21

Duo had waited several weeks before informing the others that he had located their missing friend. Saturday morning over breakfast found him ready to share the news.

"I found Heero." Duo began, "He's out in California."

Not sure if their apparent surprise had been caused by his sudden broach of the topic or something else, Duo continued. "He has been there since he left." Duo was confused at their reaction to his news. "Am I the only one that is happy I found him?" he asked, looking at each of the three.

"Duo..." Trowa started, "We are all glad you've located, Heero."

"You are?" he asked sarcastically, "So why the looks?"

"We weren't aware that you were still looking for him." Quatre replied. "You haven't mentioned it in months."

"Actually, Quatre, I never mentioned it." Duo returned sharply. "Now I think you can all see why."

Wufei looked up at Duo, the braided young man obviously angered by the reception his news received. "You can't expect us to just forget what happened here, Duo. I don't understand how you can forget it."

"I didn't say I had forgotten it, Wufei. I have no intention of forgetting it. I merely looked for Heero.... to be sure he was okay after how things ended. Is there anything wrong with that?" he asked.

The three held little of the animosity for their missing friend they had months prior, but there was still the matter of Duo. The protective feelings they had toward him had changed little since his accident, despite the fact that he outwardly appeared to have made a full recovery.

This latest discovery brought the questionable nature of his still fragile emotional state to the forefront of everyone's thoughts. They had not underestimated the effect Heero's actions had on Duo; the young man clearly still confused over what had transpired between the two. This morning's discussion only solidifying thier perception that Heero remained a threat to Duo.

Quatre shook his head "Of course not, Duo. I think we have all been concerned about him in our own way. We are far more concerned about you though."

Duo decided to drop the issue.

They hadn't witnessed his dismissal nor seen Heero's reaction to it..... no one understood the guilt he carried with him over it and his somewhat irrational fear for Heero's safety.

More importantly, Duo noted, none of them knew the anguish he felt over the fact that the greater part of his anger toward Heero had since fallen away, replaced once again by his deep yearning for the young man who was now further from his grasp than ever before.


Duo sat at his desk, distracted by the small red signal that flashed continually on the bottom of the screen as new data was being recorded. It served as a constant reminder of Heero. The idea of discontinuing the feed had crossed Duo's mind briefly..... but it was only a fleeting idea. Duo enjoyed the fact that Heero's activities were being fed to him every minute of the day. It provided him with an odd sense of comfort and he smiled as he watched the light continue to flash.


Upon arriving in California several months prior, Heero immediately identified the need to fully immerse himself in something that would successfully distract him from his actions and ensuing exile. He was not angered by how Duo had reacted to all that had happened. He knew full well that he deserved his contempt, as well as that of the others.

Not surprisingly, he had taken a job with a small computer firm in Silicon Valley. It hadn't taken very long for him to prove himself an invaluable asset to the firm. There were too many hours in the day that he needed to fill and he quickly allowed the job to consume him. His unintentional tenacity paid off and he soon found himself being offered a management position, which he accepted without reservation... but there was only so much void a job could fill.

Returning home after yet another exhausting 12-hour day, Heero stripped down to his boxers and threw himself down onto the bed in his tiny apartment. It was these few minutes of every day that Heero had come to despise. The passing time had considerably dulled the pain and he thought about it less frequently now, the memory of his former life and how he had screwed it up still disturbed him. He struggled again to fight back the tears and drifted off to sleep.


Duo lie on his bed, arms folded behind his head, the small crack in ceiling above the bed his focal point. He had risen before dawn and despite the fact that it was Saturday, he found himself unable to fall back asleep. Ever since his search had located Heero nearly a month ago, Duo had been sidetracked by thoughts of his former friend. Rising, Duo made his way over to his computer and turned the power on. He wasn't certain what he wanted from Heero, but he knew the first step was to make contact with him.

It was easier than Duo thought to hack into Heero's computer. Staring for a moment at the screen, Duo brought his hands down to the keyboard.....

[] hello

Hitting enter, Duo sat back and watched the flashing cursor, nervously awaiting a response, unsure of how Heero would react to his trying to re-establish communication.

Heero sat at his kitchen table, morning coffee in hand. Hearing a familiar beep, he turned toward his laptop to find one green word at the top of his otherwise blank screen. He ignored it.

Waiting several minutes, Duo typed again.....

[] are you there?

Laptop beeping once again, Heero was puzzled as he read the screen. "Who could have managed to hack their way into my system?" There was only one person that came to mind. He responded.

[] who is this?

Duo smiled and pulled his chair closer to the desk.

[] an old friend

Heero could feel his heart begin to race as he brought his fingers down, letting them hover over the home keys for a brief second before typing.

[] duo?

Duo nodded, "Yes, Heero.... it's me." he whispered, typing his reply.

[] yes

Heero read the one word answer, frowning as he did. He didn't respond. He didn't know what to say.

Duo waited several minutes, giving Heero time to absorb the initial shock he imagined Heero most likely feeling before he continued.

[] how have you been, heero?

Heero turned his face away from the screen.

//how have i been? he wants to know how i've been? //

Duo again waited for a reply, but none came.

[] are you still there?

Heero read the screen, again choosing not to respond.

//why is he contacting me after all this time? i'm just beginning to get over it..... over him...//

Duo clicked to open the monitoring program and finding that Heero was still logged on, continued.

[] why won't you answer me?

Heero closed his eyes after he read the last message.

//don't you already know? //

Duo waited patiently for a response, unable to imagine what might be going through Heero's head.

[] heero?

Heero turned his attention back to the laptop and rested his fingers on the keyboard. Duo's next message appeared before he had the chance to type anything.

[] fine. don't respond. i'll just keep talking anyway.

Heero almost laughed out loud.

//some things never change.//

[] how is the weather out there, heero? it's nice, duo. how is the weather there?

[] it's great, heero. thanks for asking.

[] and how are you duo? oooo.....i'm fine heero. glad to see you are concerned.

Heero slammed his fists down on the keyboard.

[] tijau450j

Duo looked at the screen, puzzled.

[] heero?


Duo frowned and hit F9

[] connection severed...

on to part 22

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