disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just manipulate them for my own personal enjoyment.

rating: *this fic is not yet rated*
feedback: it's necessary to live...so, yes!
warnings for entire fic: shounen-ai/yaoi, angst, duo/heero torture, language, small lemon-ish spots(?), AU (AC 200)
spoilers: none
pairings: odd....can't explain but it involves heero and duo and 3X4 implied.

notes: another one that came to me in dreamscape. yes, i know, i have weird dreams. you should see what happens after i eat pepperoni pizza ^_~

//heero's thoughts//
:: duo's thoughts ::

momentary lapse of reason
part 18

The next two days brought with them more awareness, Duo pleased by the returning past, his exuberance over it infectious amongst the five. The mood in the large house was quickly returning to its former state of cheer, the violet-eyed young man once again touching their lives in a way only he could.


Trowa lay in the bed, his head propped up in his hand as he watched his lover across the room dressing for bed. The blonde appeared to be more relaxed the past few days, his conversation with Heero regarding his relationship with Duo apparently bringing it to a close. The expression his lover wore tonight, prompted Trowa to address him. "You look exceptionally happy tonight, Quatre."

"I am, love." Quatre smiled, turning toward him. "Everything is returning to normal. I'm so happy for Duo."

"I think things will get even better after tomorrow." Trowa began, "Duo's Doctor appointment." he reminded his lover. "He is hoping for smaller casts. Must be pretty rough getting around with the ones he has now."

"Yes and once that happens, Heero can go back to sleeping in his own room too."

"That still bothering you? I thought that your talk with Heero straightened things out." Trowa asked.

Quatre crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. "It did, Trowa. Whatever was going on with them is over." he smiled, "But I'll feel better about it once Duo is more on his own, less dependant on Heero, you know?"

Trowa nodded, pulling Quatre down onto the bed beside him. "You are such a worrywart, little one." he smiled, lifting his head up to kiss his koi, "But you are *my* worrywart." he whispered, capturing Quatre's lips again.


Duo woke early Friday in an upbeat mood. Looking over to find Heero still asleep, Duo climbed from the bed and made his way over to where Heero lie. It was rare that Duo woke before him and he took a few minutes to watch Heero as he slept. As if sensing the eyes above him, Heero rolled over to find Duo standing at his side.

"Is something wrong?" he asked nervously, quickly sitting up.

Duo shook his head. "Couldn't sleep." he smiled.

Heero looked over at the clock. "Doctor in two hours, nervous?"

Duo shook his head. "Nope. Can't wait to get these huge things off. Then I can hug you with both arms."

Heero stood and pulled Duo into his arms. "I'm looking forward to that as well." he smiled, kissing the tip of Duo's nose.


As was hoped, Duo returned home, the cast on both his right arm and left leg significantly reduced in size and therefore in weight, allowing him increased mobility. The two had spent the better part of the day out and the wear showed as Heero helped Duo into the house. "You ought to go lie down for a while."

"No argument here." Duo smiled, gripping Heero more tightly as they stood at the foot of the stairs.


Sleep came easy, the braided young man's head barely hitting the pillow before he found himself in dreamscape, a place he'd yet to go since waking from his coma.

His dream found him inside the cockpit of Deathscythe, frightened as battle raged outside the split windshield of his Gundam, the barrage of mobile suits before him inflicting considerable damage to his machine. He felt the pain as his young body thrashed under the viscous assault and the warmth of his blood as it ran down the side of his face. He blacked out at that moment, his recall now finding him in considerable pain as he lie on the small cot, already bandaged and sutchered.

The door of the room opened and a figure strode toward him. "What the hell were you thinking? Don't you realize you almost jeopardized the entire mission with your foolish stunts?" The hurt of the words registered and Duo saddened. The voice continued to speak for a time, its tone icy. Duo found his voice amidst the pain. "Are you quite through?" he asked, looking up. The figure above him remained silent, his face revealing nothing but contempt for the injured boy, hardened cobalt locked in a stare.

Duo woke from the dream, his breath heavy.

"The war." he spoke aloud. ".....and Heero?"


Heero was pleased to find Duo awake. "Did you sleep well?"

"Actually, I had a dream... a flashback I think.... from the war."

Heero could see that Duo was frightened by the images he had seen and sat on the edge of the bed beside him. "If it makes you feel any better.... we all still have those from time to time, Duo." He told him, his arm gently surrounding Duo.

A frown overtook his face and Duo stared down at hands.

"Sometimes it helps to talk about it." Heero told him. "Want to?"

Duo shook his head. "I'll be fine." Feeling Heero's arm tighten around him, Duo rested his head on Heero's shoulder and closed his eyes. The confusion he felt over his dream passed quickly as he lay in Heero's embrace, unable to believe his earlier visions were in fact a glimpse of his past.


That night the dreams came again, plaguing Duo with yet more bloody battle scenes; each segment of the flashback more terrifying than the last, his eyes still shut tight as he screamed out.

Waking to the shrill cries, Heero rushed to Duo's side and pulled him into his arms. "Shhh.... Duo... it's okay." Heero's voice was soft as he cradled Duo to his chest, his upper body rocking back an forth as he held the frightened young man, Duo's arms surrounding him tightly in return.

The door to the room flew open, Trowa and Quatre breathless as they stood in the doorway. "Is everything alright, Duo??" Quatre asked. Trowa flipped the light switch on and Quatre called out in surprise at find the two locked in an embrace. "Heero!" He looked up at the two, pulling the trembling young man closer, Duo's head now resting in the crook of Heero's neck. "He was having a nightmare."

Quatre's eyes narrowed as he viewed the scene on the bed, the two in clearly what he viewed as more than a friendly comforting embrace. "Let him go, Heero." Quatre told him.

Heero looked up. "He's frightened, Quatre."

"I said let him go. I warned you, Heero."

Duo felt Heero's body tense behind him and he reached out to hold him still. Heero rose, sharply twisting his arm from Duo's grip, to stand mere inches before Quatre's face. "Stay out of this, Quatre. I've told you before.... this doesn't concern you." He warned.

Trowa reached forward, laying his hand on Heero's shoulder in attempt to calm him down. "Heero..."

Heero forcefully removed Trowa's hand from his shoulder and turned to face the two. "I want you both to get out and leave us alone. NOW." he shouted.

Duo watched the three, confused by their actions, taken back by anger on Heero's face and in his voice. "Heero.. what is going on?" he asked timidly.

Quatre and Trowa turned to leave. "I'm not through with this yet, Heero. We'll talk first thing in the morning." the blonde replied flatly.

Heero closed the door behind them and made his way back over to Duo. "I'm sorry about that, Duo." Heero's voice was softer now as he sat down beside him.

"Why was Quatre so angry? And what did he mean when he said that he warned you? Warned you about what, Heero?" Duo asked.

Heero stood and looked down at Duo, "You and I haven't always gotten along well, Duo... in the past. Quatre thinks we should hold off on our relationship until your memory returns. Is that what you want, Duo?" He asked, searching Duo's eyes for a response.

Duo shook his head. "No." Duo thought about how he had just witnessed Heero's temper, the sheer anger in him..... like in his dream. "I don't think so....." He looked up at Heero. "I can't remember anything about us..... about how we were together." his violet eyes sad. It seemed so vital that he be able recall this part of his history now. "People change, right? I mean.... we're not the same as we were back then. Were things that bad, Heero, between us I mean?"

Heero shook his head as he looked down at Duo. "Quatre is overreacting. He feels as if he is protecting you."

Duo looked sharply up at Heero. "Protecting me? From what, Heero..... you?" he smiled, the look on Heero's face causing his smile to quickly fade. "Heero?"

"We'll talk more about it in the morning, Duo. Go back to sleep now, okay?"

Duo watched the young man carefully as Heero helped him settle back down into the bed, covering him with several blankets. Bending down, Heero kissed Duo's forehead. "Sleep well." he whispered, turning off the light and settling down into his own bed.

Duo lie staring up at the ceiling, replaying the last 15 minutes over in his head. Having initially dismissed his dream involving Heero as some bizarre figment of his imagination, Duo couldn't help but notice the similarity between the angry boy in his dream and Heero's emotional outburst this evening. He closed his eyes tightly.

:: it's not possible... it can't be ::

Duo remained awake for some time; extremely frustrated by his lack of memory and the realization that perhaps Heero wasn't being completely honest with him.


Dreams once again overtook the braided young man's sleep, but this time there were no mobile suits, no smoking guns... there was only anger inside a small room where two young boys were engaged in an all-out shouting match. Voices escalated and the fight turned physical, Duo fearfully backing away from the other. "That's enough dammit!!" he shouted. "Cut it out!"

The youth advanced quickly on him and before Duo could stop him, his arm was pinned tightly behind his back, an incredible pain shot through his arm as his ears met with the crisp sound of his bone snapping. Suddenly hurled to the floor, the weight of the other boy on top of him, Duo cried out in agony; answered only by the fury burning in the cobalt eyes above him.

Tossing wildly in his bed in attempt to escape the horror of this latest nightmare, Duo's cries woke Heero, who wasted no time in making his way to his bed.

Duo opened his eyes to find Heero standing above him. "Duo." Trembling, Duo looked deep into Heero's cobalt eyes, they were tender now, but he recognized them..... the very ones he had just seen in his dream.


A loud scream pierced the room's thin walls and Wufei awoke with a start.

"Stay away from me!!!" He cried, his voice filled with terror. "Just stay away!!"

Heero remained motionless in the center of the room as he watched Duo continue to move across the bed, the young man not stopping until he had tightly wedged himself into the corner. Heero made no further movement toward him, yet the fear in Duo's eyes grew as he looked toward him.

"He was having another nightmare." Heero told Wufei as he entered.

Huddled beneath his blankets, Duo's sullen eyes focused on the raven-haired boy and Wufei crawled up onto the bed, taking Duo into his arms. "What is it, Duo?"

Duo looked up at Heero and back at Wufei. "Heero?"

Duo nodded.

"Do you want him to go?" Wufei asked.

Duo nodded again and began to lightly sob, burying his head in Wufei's neck. Drawing Duo closer still, Wufei looked up to find Heero already making his retreat from the room. Ignoring the concerned faces of Quatre and Trowa just outside the doorway, Heero made his way downstairs and into the den.


Neither Quatre nor Trowa followed him; they had seen enough to know what had transpired. "Is he okay, Wufei?" Trowa asked from the doorway.

"I think he'll be just fine. Won't you, Duo?" he asked, looking down at the young man cradled in his arms.

Duo nodded and looked up. "It was him, Quatre..... it was Heero in my dreams....and he...." Duo covered his mouth with his hand, still not believing his own words

"We know, Duo." the blonde reassured him. "We know."


Heero had waited several hours before returning to Duo's room, giving him more than enough time to think about how he was going to proceed. He had hoped that the memories that obviously presented themselves tonight would have come at a later time, allowing Duo to first recall some of the warmer feelings he had held for Heero in the past. Holding only a slight hope that Duo hadn't totally abandoned his newly found emotions, Heero headed upstairs, pausing at the rooms entrance.

The violet-eyed young man lie awake and alone in the darkened room. Hearing light footsteps in the hallway, he focused his attention on the silhouette now framed in the doorway, recognizing it easily.

Heero crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed. "Duo....."

Violet eyes closed as his name was spoken. "Don't, Heero." he choked out.

"Please..." he began, his hand reaching out to caress Duo's face. "I'm sorry...."

Duo flinched as Heero touched him and he immediately removed his hand, acknowledging the finality of Duo's action.



The young man looked up at hearing his name. Releasing the doorknob, Heero set his suitcase down and turned to face Quatre, his eyes softer than they had been earlier. "Why?" the blonde whispered.

There were so many answers to that question, none of which mattered now and Heero bent, tightly gripping the handle of his suitcase. Heero turned away, "For all the right reasons." he replied as he stepped out the door and closed it behind him. +

+ *glomps a certain someone and runs away giggling*

on to part 19

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