disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just manipulate them for my own personal enjoyment.

rating: *this fic is not yet rated*
feedback: it's necessary to live...so, yes!
warnings for entire fic: shounen-ai/yaoi, angst, duo/heero torture, language, small lemon-ish spots(?), AU (AC 200)
spoilers: none
pairings: odd....can't explain but it involves heero and duo and 3X4 implied.

notes: another one that came to me in dreamscape. yes, i know, i have weird dreams. you should see what happens after i eat pepperoni pizza ^_~

//heero's thoughts//
:: duo's thoughts ::

momentary lapse of reason
part 17

It was a relatively chaste kiss, lasting only seconds and there hadn't been a repeat performance of it, the two using it as the gateway into their new relationship. It was indeed a turning point and the small changes in their behavior toward one another did not go unnoticed.

"You and Heero seem to be getting along rather well today." Quatre smiled.

Duo sat across from Quatre inside the den. The small blonde hadn't waited more then 10 seconds after Heero had left on his shopping expedition to confront Duo with what he had been observing for most of the day. Duo knew that Quatre had more than a vague idea of what was going on between him and Heero and he provided him with little more information than he had to.

"We had a nice talk this morning. Everything is fine. No need to call for an assistant." Duo told him.

"I'd say things were more than fine....." Quatre smiled, looking expectantly over toward him.

There was a knowing smirk on the blonde's face that Duo could not ignore. He smiled back and winked at Quatre.

It was all the proof that he needed.


"I'm warning you, Heero, back off."

Heero stared at Quatre for a moment, purposely not glaring at him, though he ached to. "This doesn't concern you, Quatre. It's between myself and Duo."

"Everything that involves Duo concerns me. You aren't the only one that cares about him." the blonde paused before continuing." As a matter of fact, up until his accident, you couldn't give a damn about him, Heero."

As intended, Quatre's harsh words hurt Heero deeply, but they didn't come as a surprise, it was what he outwardly projected. It's what everyone thought....... even Duo. Heero remained still and silent, not meeting the accusatory blue eyes of his long time friend.

Rising several minutes later, Quatre once again spoke, the blonde's words biting. "I will tell him everything, Heero, even if it hurts him. What you are doing to him is far worse. End it, Heero! And that is not a threat...... it's a promise."

With that, the blonde took leave of the room. Heero reclined back into the cushioned leather sofa, one fist gripping tightly at a lock of his hair.


Watching Quatre storm from the room, Duo made his way inside, finding Heero still seated on the couch. "Heero?"


"What was that all about? Why was Quatre so angry?"

Heero looked over at Duo, his confusion prompting Heero to make his way to his side. Taking Duo's hand in his, Heero smiled. "He doesn't think it's a good idea for us to get involved." Heero told him softly.

Duo squeezed Heero's hand as he looked into his eyes. "Why not, Heero? Why would it bother him so much?" he asked, his confusion over the blonde's actions written all over his face.

Brushing his lips lightly against Duo's, Heero looked up into his eyes and softly responded. "I don't know, Duo. I honestly don't know."


Slamming the door behind him, Quatre threw himself down on the bed.

"What's wrong, little one?"

Trowa's voice startled him. "I knew there was something going on between them." Quatre started, sitting to face Trowa.

"So they admitted it." Trowa mused. "What did Heero have to say?"

"He said it was between him and Duo." the blonde started, "It's wrong Trowa! Why is Heero doing this? Doesn't he know how much Duo cares for him?" the pitch of his voice raising several octaves as he spoke. "What the hell is he thinking?"

"Maybe Heero cares about more than we think." Trowa responded.

"I some how doubt that, Trowa, but even if he did, that doesn't change the fact that what he is doing is wrong... it's just dead wrong."

Trowa nodded, his lover's head dropping, sighing deeply into the quiet room.


Several days passed, Heero and Duo keeping their displays of emotion for one another out of viewing range of the others. Duo did not understand why, but acknowledged the anger their relationship caused Quatre and blindly followed Heero's lead in hiding their small shows of intimacy.

Tuesday afternoon, found the two in their room. Heero sat at Duo's desk before his laptop while Duo stood in front the mirror brushing his hair. "Do you think either of the casts will come off on Friday?" Duo asked, curious as he looked at his reflection.

Heero turned toward him. "Probably not, hopefully smaller ones to replace them."

Duo nodded and continued his task, Heero watching him carefully. Setting the brush down, Duo reached forward, picking up the golden cross that Heero had left lying atop his dresser. Looking down at it, Duo wrapped his hand around it, his eyes closing as he brought it to his chest. "Sister Helen" he whispered softly.

"Duo?" Heero asked, rising to cross the room.

"Hm?" Duo asked.

"What did you just say?" Heero asked, the violet-eyed boy's words were spoken so softly that Heero was uncertain if he had heard him correctly.

"I...I'm not sure..." Duo started, looking over at Heero. "It just.... came out..... Sister Helen, I think. Does that mean something?"

Heero smiled and nodded, taking the cross from Duo's hand. "Yes, Duo... it does." Heero replied. "Sister Helen gave you this... when you were a child." Heero continued, laying the golden crucifix around Duo's neck. Clasping it closed, Heero looked into the mirror at Duo's reflection, his hand once again wrapped around the cross. "I remember her, Heero.... I remember Sister Helen..... and Father Maxwell too." Duo smiled, turning around to face Heero. "It's all starting to come back."

Heero wrapped his arms around Duo, kissing him gently on the lips. "That's great news, Duo." He smiled, releasing him. Taking both of Duo's hand in his, Heero looked up into his smiling eyes. "I can't wait to have you back."


Heero thought about those very words as Duo lay sleeping across the room. His afternoon naps gave Heero time to think, but that wasn't always a good thing, this instance being one of those times.

Today marked the first of what Heero knew would be many of Duo's flashbacks, the recognition of the cross almost instantly bringing with it the flood of memory, that entire portion of his life returning to him. It frightened Heero.

//how much longer until he recalls the war? the things that have taken place between us? how i've treated him? how i've hurt him? //

Heero lowered his head and looked over at his sleeping friend.... or was it lover?

There had barely been any intimacy between the two since that morning..... several small kisses, tender embraces, gentle touches, special smiles reserved for one another, but nothing more; it seemed to make no difference to either of them. They were content in knowing they had captured each other's hearts. There would be plenty of time to take things further once Duo was more himself, physically as well as mentally.

Today's event brought with it Heero's greatest fear, the one thing that could take the violet-eyed boy from him.... Duo's memories.

He had every right to be afraid.

on to part 18

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