disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just manipulate them for my own personal enjoyment.
rating: *this fic is not yet rated*
feedback: it's necessary to live...so, yes!
warnings for entire fic: shounen-ai/yaoi, angst, duo/heero torture, language, small lemon-ish spots(?), AU (AC 200)
pairings: odd....can't explain but it involves heero and duo and 3X4 implied.
notes: another one that came to me in dreamscape. yes, i know, i have weird dreams. you should see what happens after i eat pepperoni pizza ^_~
:: duo's thoughts ::
momentary lapse of reason
Heero sighed deeply and reclined back further into the chair. "What the
hell am I thinking?"
The nine days that passed since Duo's accident had taken their toll on
Heero. While he was certainly not the only one affected by the events,
he carried the additional weight of his love for their braided friend,
the fact that he had kept his emotions to himself only served to make
matters worse. He knew there was no way he could admit to his friends
now that he was in love with Duo. Had they known, had he told them or
even hinted at it, he wouldn't have to hide from them just how much he
was truly hurting.
If only he had told Duo.
Heero choked back his tears as he thought about the last four years.
He had put both himself and Duo through such needless emotional pain.
//Why did it have to take something like this to make me fully
comprehend what I've done?// He loved Duo and he knew that Duo returned
his feelings...... or at least that he used to.
Growing weary as he rehashed the past, the what if's having no real
pertinence; Heero refocused his attention on the immediate issue.
He was being given a gift...... pure and simple. A gift that had come
via the way of the man he loved nearly losing his life. It was an
opportunity to make up for everything he had managed to screw up between
him and Duo. A chance to start at the beginning again and not have to
apologize for all of the things he had said, all the things he had
done...... not to have to beg for Duo's forgiveness. Heero wasn't sure
he could bring himself to ask this of him..... he wasn't certain that he
deserved absolution. 
Heero was disgusted by his own thoughts. He tensed as the feeling of
desperation began to rise within him, but he was unable to steer himself
//God forgive me, Duo.//
Looking down at his watch, Heero made his way to the nearest payphone.
It was 11:50 and Heero was glad he would be able to catch the others
before they left for lunch.
Depositing several coins, Heero dialed.
"One moment, please."
Heero shifted nervously from one foot to the other as the phone in
Quatre's office rang, rehearsing his part of the upcoming bittersweet
"Quatre, it's Heero. Duo is awake." He began.
Quatre's voice rose a few octaves "That's great, Heero!!!" he replied,
Heero smiled, he could visualize the joy on his friend's face. "Trowa,
Duo came out of his coma!!!"
"Quatre...." Heero called into the phone with no response, the blonde
obviously still exchanging words about the news with his lover.
"Quatre!" Heero called again more loudly.
"Sorry, Heero, I was just telling Trowa and he went to get Wufei. This
is such wonderful news! How is he feeling, Heero? Did you tell him how
much we've missed him and...."
"Quatre..." Heero interrupted him, the blonde rambling as he got further
caught up in the excitement the news brought. "There is something else I
need tell you." Heero began, Quatre immediately noting the change of
tone in his friend's voice.
"What, Heero? What's wrong?"
"Duo has lost his memory. The doctor say's it's only temporary... a
side-effect of the head trauma he suffered."
There was dead silence on the other end of the line. "Are you still
there, Quatre?" Heero asked.
"Yes, Heero. I'm still here." came the response, Quatre's spoke softly,
his voice low. "Have you seen him yet? Did you talk to him?"
"Hai. I've seen him." Heero did not try to hide the sadness their
initial interaction had caused him. "We haven't spoken yet. I'm on my
way there now."
"We'll be there at 6:00. Anything you want us to bring, Heero?" Quatre
"No....just yourselves." Heero replied, his voice a bit sorrowful.
Having shared the news, Heero wished for the comfort he knew only his
three friends could provide.
"Do you want us to come now, Heero? We can be there in an hour." Quatre
Heero thought for a moment, still hoping the Doctor's warning of the
possibility of Duo rejecting him would not come to pass. "No. I'm fine.
6:00 is perfect. He's in room 102. I'll see you then."
Hanging up the phone, Heero headed toward Duo's room.
Uneasy about the upcoming encounter as he made his way down the hall,
Heero took several deep breaths before he entered Duo's room. There were
no longer nurses scurrying around the bed, as Heero would have
preferred, hopeful their presence would serve to significantly diminish
Heero looked over at the young man seated in the bed across the room.
"So. You must be Heero." Duo spoke softly as he stepped inside. "Dr.
Skinert mentioned that you would be back soon." he added.
Heero stepped closer to the bed, offering his hand to his charge. "Yes,
that would be me." he replied, remaining silent beside the bed after
their handshake had concluded.
"Have a seat, Heero." Duo told his guest, his hand motioning toward the
small metal chair at his bedside.
Heero sat and looked up at the young man who was now propped up into a
seated position, several pillows between him and the metal headboard.
"Did Dr. Skinert tell you about the accident you were involved in?"
Duo nodded. "Yes, she and I had a long talk." Duo lowered his eyes. "I
pretty much understand what happened…. and why I have no memories."
There was no way for Heero to know what the young man before him was
feeling, but he tried to imagine himself in his place for a few
seconds. The fact that he had chosen to lead a solitary life in vivid
contrast to his braided friend's choice of lifestyle, in no way
deflected the wide spectrum of emotions he sensed a situation like this
might bring about. Duo was incapable of drawing even the smallest
comfort from his past experiences. It seemed a minimal requirement…..
everyone needed to be able to rely on at least that one rudimentary
support….. it was as vital as air.
Heero watched Duo carefully as he spoke. "I'm here to help you in what
ever way I can." Heero offered. He looked up to find mournful violet
eyes bound to him, hanging on his every word. "I'm not certain where to
begin. I guess we need to start off with some basics."
Duo looked expectantly toward him as Heero paused, still in silent
thought. "Yes...please…" Duo asked, his voice trembling as his eyes
began to fill with tears.
Swallowing the unexpected lump in his throat, Heero directed his gaze
away from the pain in Duo's beautiful eyes.
"Your name is Duo Maxwell…….."
 This is a direct reference and is meant to pay homage to one of the
finest pieces of Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ever written. The fic I refer
to is entitled "Absolution" as was written by the amazing author
SteelSong. Please visit her site at www.steelsong.com and read it if you
haven't already done so.