disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just manipulate them for my own personal enjoyment.

rating: *this fic is not yet rated*
feedback: it's necessary to live...so, yes!
warnings for entire fic: shounen-ai/yaoi, angst, duo/heero torture, language, small lemon-ish spots(?), AU (AC 200)
spoilers: none
pairings: odd....can't explain but it involves heero and duo and 3X4 implied.

notes: another one that came to me in dreamscape. yes, i know, i have weird dreams. you should see what happens after i eat pepperoni pizza ^_~

//heero's thoughts//
:: duo's thoughts ::

momentary lapse of reason
part 4

Heero stood for a minute in the center of the now empty hospital room.

There had been too many times in the past he stood as he did now. But this time it was more serious, Duo having sustained more injuries any of them had during the war. With the exception of his own attempt at self-destruction, which he obviously was not witness to, Heero could not recall seeing any of his fellow pilots so gravely wounded.

Heero struggled with the unfamiliarity of his current emotions. Despite his attempts to suppress them, his thoughts took him far beyond where he was willing to go. Looking down at the blood that stained his hand, Heero cringed and collapsed down onto the cool tile floor, reality striking him a brutal blow.

Heero Yuy realized that might very well have been the last time he would ever see Duo Maxwell again.


Collecting his scattered thoughts and temporarily tucking his emotions away, Heero made his way down the hall to the nurse's station. Waiting patiently for one of the several women to address him, Heero looked down at his hand, the vision of Duo's limp form flashing before his eyes. Taking his handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped away what he could of Duo's blood from his palm.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Yes, I'm here to give blood."

The nurse smiled and made her way from the behind the desk. "Follow me."

Walking several feet down the hall, she stopped and motioned for Heero to enter the small room. "Someone will be with you shortly. Have a seat."

Heero looked across the room, the several chairs lined up against the far wall reminded him of school, the small tabletop attachments bringing back some fond memories that he hadn't thought about in years. A weak smile made found its way to his lips and he crossed the room to sit.

Unbuttoning the sleeve of his dress shirt, Heero carefully folded the stiff cuff upward, continuing to turn the crisp white fabric up onto itself until the bluish veins of his inner arm were visible beneath his skin. Heero let his fingertips dance over the protruding vessels for a moment. Sometimes it felt that life came down to just this, reducing us to little more than the blood that coursed through our veins. Heero closed his eyes. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

His thoughts interrupted just seconds later, Heero directed his attention to the rooms other occupant.

"I see you're ready." he smiled. Gathering several glass vials, a needle and some tubing the young man crossed the room. Taking a seat beside Heero, the young lab technician touched his fingertip to Heero's vein, pushing down slightly.

"Should be easy. You've got good veins."

Heero rolled his sleeve up higher, allowing the young man to stretch and tie the clear rubber tubing securely around his upper arm.

Heero watched intently as the needle entered his vein, unaware of the small pinch he knew accompanied the steel's entry. His eyes focused on the glass tube, the large vessel slowly with the thick red liquid. Oddly, Heero found the experience to be a pleasant one. While it certainly served to remind him of his youth, there was something entirely different about it that he enjoyed.


Accepting a small glass of orange juice from the lab technician, Heero rolled his sleeve back down and made his way into the waiting room. Digging into the pocket of his pants, he pulled out some coins and crossed the room, pausing before the pay phone on the wall. Fingering the change in his palm, he took a quarter into the other hand and taking a deep breath, removed the receiver from the hook and dialed.


"Quatre Winner, please."

"One moment."

Heero returned the remaining change to his pocket, his hand remaining to fidget nervously with the thin coins.

He could hear the phone ringing on the other end, one....... two....... three.......

"Quatre here."

Heero heard Quatre's voice and he felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow. "It's Heero, Quatre." he spoke softly, his voice beginning to show signs of his anguish.

"Did you find Duo? Quatre asked.

Heero nodded into the phone.

"Heero? Did you find Duo? Quatre asked again.

"Hai." Heero choked out.

Quatre could hear Heero's labored breathing on the other end of the line "Is he okay, Heero?" the blonde asked softly, Heero's silence frightening him.

"HEERO? Is Duo okay? He asked again, his tone urgent.

"I'm at the hospital now. Duo is in surgery." Heero explained, "He's in pretty bad shape."

Quatre was silent.

"There's nothing you can do here. I'll call you when I know something more."

Heero hung up the receiver and made his way over to the padded metal chairs. Dropping slowly into the bright orange cushioned plastic, Heero Yuy buried his head in his two hands and cried.


It seemed like only seconds had passed when Heero felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Heero?"

Heero looked up to find the concerned faces of Quatre, Trowa and Wufei standing over him. Rising, he wasted no time in relating what little information he had on Duo's condition to his very concerned friends.

"He's still in surgery." Heero looked down at his watch, realizing he had fallen asleep and had remained so for almost three hours. "He should have been out by now." he commented, making his way over to the nurses station, the others following closely behind.

"Excuse me. Is Duo Maxwell out of surgery yet?" he asked.

The older woman looked down at the schedule on her desk, her finger following the line across the length of the paper. "No, He is still in surgery. Someone will let you know when he is out." She replied.

"Dr. Skinert said it would only be two hours. It's been over three." Heero informed her, his tone reflecting his deep concern and agitation.

The elderly nurse could see clearly read the worry on the young man's face. "Would you like me to see if I can find out what's going on?" she asked.

Heero nodded. "Thank you. I would appreciate it."

The nurse smiled warmly at him and exited the waiting room through the two green swinging doors.


There wasn't much in the way of good news coming; Heero could see it in the gentle woman's face as she made her way back into the waiting area.

He rose to meet her.

"Mr. Maxwell is still in surgery. There were some complications. He should be through in about an hour."

"What kind of complications?" Heero asked.

"The Doctor will discuss that with you when she is through." she offered "Why don't you go get something to eat in the meantime. You've been sitting here for hours, you must be hungry."

Heero shook his head. "I'll wait."

Returning to the seating area, Heero reclined back into the chair next to Wufei.

"Do you want me to go get you something to eat, Heero?" Quatre asked, "It may help, you look terrible."

Heero sat forward in the chair and looked over to where Quatre sat. "I don't think food will help."

"Try to relax, Heero. I'm sure that everything will be fine." Trowa offered, his arm surrounding Heero's shoulder.

Heero fixed his gaze straight ahead and addressed his friend. "You didn't see him, Trowa."

The tone in Heero's voice relayed more about the gravity of the situation than his words ever could have.

on to part 5

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