a change in the weather
by jana and kelroni
Duo dropped me off at Penn Station at half past ten, apologizing yet again and kissing me soundly; making me vow to call him.
It had taken me nearly four hours to get home between waiting on line to buy tickets, getting information and switching trains. Having slept no more than four hours the night before, I returned home very much in need of rest. I would have crawled immediately into bed had I not been thinking about Duo's journal on and off all the way home.
I took off my socks and shoes and turned the heat up a few degrees as I passed through the living room. I reached up onto the top shelf of the hall closet and took the long hidden package down. I made my way into my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed to tear the brown wrapper from it, opening the heavily taped cardboard box inside and removing the neatly folded t-shirt and sweatpants from it. Beneath them sat the book Duo had referred to as well as several drawings. The book was small; a 4X6 dark green double spiral bound sketchbook, bound at the top. I took it out first and set it aside, reaching back into the box to pull out the sketches.
There were three of them; two I immediately acknowledged were ones that Duo had not previously shown to me. The first was a fairly detailed drawing of me asleep in one of the lounge chairs out by the pool. I smiled. He could have done this one on any number of occasions during the latter half of the summer. The second was sketchier than the first and was of me at my computer. I was again unable to determine when he had drawn it or if he had simply done it from memory.
The third picture was one I vividly recalled him working on and one that I thought he had left with me at the end of last summer. It was of me naked from the waist down and very much aroused, kneeling in the center of the guestroom bed. I was not touching myself and I recalled that this had been one of the last times, if not the very last time he had asked me to pose for him. I remembered feeling more self-conscious at that sitting than I had at any of the others and thinking it odd then, that I was more comfortable masturbating while he drew me than not.
I flipped the cover of the book open and lay back on my bed to read it.
i am genuinely flattered that she felt compelled to speak for my duo. writing this fic strictly from heero's pov has not been an easy task. i am extremely thankful for her efforts in letting us have this very important glimpse into duo's head.
*HUGGLES KELLY* arigato.....
This summer is gonna SUCK!! That was my first thought last year when my father made a deal with an old college friend for ME to spend my summer at their place as A POOL BOY! Geez, I mean, come on! I am rolling my eyes at the prospect of taking care of some rich guy's swimming pool. I was told that I would have free use of said pool, and a place to stay at their guesthouse, but I shudder at the thought of wasting nearly THREE MONTHS of time I could spend wasting on my own! Dad has good intentions - he thinks I am taking the wrong path in life, but what he doesn't realize was that I am simply making my own way. So... after tons of persuasion (i.e., arm twisting), I packed my belongings into my Dad's Volvo and headed off to hone my skills in the fine art of pool cleaning.
What I didn't know was that after that summer, my life would never be the same again... and so my journal begins... it's not dated, but the events are all there, for the most part...
I figured that I'd take the scenic route from my home in Manhattan to arrive at the Yuys' home in rural Pennsylvania right on schedule, at approximately 6pm Sunday evening. I met Heero, my father's college buddy's son, for the first time at dinner upon my arrival. My first impression of him is that he was damn good looking, but not the most social person I had ever met. Thankfully Cynthia, the family's housekeeper stuck around. She was very nice... but Heero left me feeling really strange... in a good way.
I've been here a few days, and figured I'd try to start up a conversation with Heero at the swimming pool... I asked him if he knew where his family bought pool supplies, chemicals and such - I know, it was a dumb question, but I figured I'd get some kind of a reaction or answer from him - he pretty much blew me off by telling me to ask Cynthia. Oh well, at least he answered me...
Later, he followed me into the guesthouse to use the bathroom, he asked first, of course, but I shot back with my own smart-ass retort... something like "it's your bathroom." He exited then snapped back something about me not liking him, and I called him a condescending snotty little brat... geez, that went extremely well!
I can tell he's doing something to me... or for me. Thoughts of him headed straight to my groin. It seemed as if all I had been doing since that little verbal exchange was masturbating... If I didn't do something soon, I was going to have blisters on both my hand and my cock!
I found out that he had been harboring the same thoughts about me, because today, he seemed to be trying a little too hard to ignore my presence... I was cleaning the pool dressed in a black speed-o, exposing my other piercing... a small gold ring on my belly... he kept squeezing his eyes shut... then he ran to the bathroom. I went in to see if he was all right, because I could hear him moaning... I thought he was sick. I opened the door (I wished I had knocked - NOT), and caught him literally red-handed... jerking off and moaning my name! After seeing that, I knew that that I definitely had a chance!
After yesterday's not-so-little discovery, I felt the need to turn things up a notch. I decided that a little get-together was in order. Nothing fancy, just a little food and drink with a few close friends, and Heero, if I could persuade him to attend... I was hoping for some sparks to fly.
I decided that a little reconnaissance was in order... I went to Heero's room to borrow some CD's from his collection - what better way to find out exactly what his interests were. I was surprised to find out that he was also a Tool fan (I think I might have misjudged him - I had him pegged for more of a classical music type)! Another common point... I was hopeful that I could pull it together and that he'd drop in.
The party started, but Heero still hadn't arrived. I took matters into my own hands (heh!) and went up to the main house. Cynthia was there with Heero, watching a movie. I mentioned the party again, and re-extended the invitation and Cynthia told me that she would send Heero over after the movie ended (did I say how much I liked that woman). He didn't look very happy about it, but at least he was going to show up.
Within an hour, he was at my door. I ran over and greeted him, took him by the hand, and introduced him to my friends. He seemed to get along great with everyone, and he ended up sitting with my best friend, Jay. I wished I could have hung out with them more that I did, but as the host of the party, I was obliged to make sure everyone was having a good time. I guess that's the one thing that sucks about hosting a party - You can never really sit and enjoy it. I guessed that Heero felt a bit uneasy, I also found out that he didn't drink, and he thought I had been drinking too much. Again, more words got in the way, and I walked off, pissed at what he implied, leaving him in the kitchen. That went well...
I was hoping to test the waters with him tonight, to see if he would respond to my advances. Oh well, to paraphrase one of the songs from my old man's generation: "If you can't be with the one you want, find somebody else." Not exactly the same as the lyrics, but that was what I got out of it. I grabbed the first guy I saw and pinned him to the wall. Things started to get pretty heavy between us when I felt someone watching me. I broke free from our lip-lock, and there stood Heero, looking like a deer caught in headlights! He stood there for what seemed like an eternity, even though it was for only a few seconds, then turned and ran for the door. I think that his reaction turns me on even more.
I sort of slept in this morning... damn... Hangovers suck! I lost count of how many beers I drank last night. I also remember what happened between Heero and me. I have to talk to him and find out if last night's little incident affected him the same as it did me.
Yanno, I think Heero is trying to avoid me. I stopped by twice later that morning and Cynthia told me that he left earlier and she didn't know when he'd return. She promised that she'd leave him a note telling him that I stopped by, and I went back to the guesthouse.
Later, I noticed that Heero's car was back in the driveway. I made my way to his house to return the CD's I borrowed from him the day before. I went upstairs to his bedroom and knocked on his door. He seemed tentative, and when I attempted to apologize for last night's little scene, he acted like he didn't want me to spell out what happened. I think we need to work on our communication skills, because somehow things always get messed up whenever we exchange words. He finally let me get my apology out, and he said he was sorry as well, for leaving so abruptly. I said something about how the person I really wanted wasn't available... I just told him that I got caught up in the moment and grabbed the first guy I saw... and he told me that I should have invited that person I wanted to be with... that was when I blurted out that I did, and HE didn't seem interested. I left his room, with Heero standing there with his mouth hanging wide open. I don't think there were any communication problems that time.
It wasn't even a half hour after I left his room that he was at my doorstep. I guess my instincts were right on the mark. He seemed a bit nervous, deservedly so, if he came here because of the little bombshell I dropped in his room earlier. I offered him a drink, he took water (why did I ask), and we sat down on the couch. He didn't beat around the bush. He asked me to kiss him. I finally got what I wanted, and now I'm nervous - not the scared kind of nervous, I guess that 'excited' would be the right word. Our first kiss, WOW is the first word that came to my mind, what mind I had left after that. (Then he asks me to kiss him like I kissed my friend at the party... hell yeah!) I took him by the hand, pinned him to the wall, then proceeded to grab him and take him to the edge... he grabbed my cock too, imitating my moves. When we got close to that point of no return, I took our hands away and just used good old fashioned cock to cock friction... the closeness made things even hotter! He fell first... hard! I went about a minute later. It was even better than I expected. I love the way he moans... so responsive... that alone would get me aroused. This will be an experience that he won't soon forget.
Nothing more about our encounter was mentioned today, we just settled in and watched a couple of movies. I didn't really want to say more, but I was curious about whether or not our explorations would continue... I remained hopeful, though.
Many questions about yesterday's session were answered today. The next day I showed him how I felt, literally (or rather, he showed me first). Talk about a fast learner! I know I am his first for everything up to this point. I definitely was NOT disappointed when I saw him nude - like I would have been anyway! I had to work hard at maintaining my cool. Going down on him was as much fun for me as it was for him and when he reciprocated, all I could think was, DAMN!! I did say that he was a fast learner, didn't I?
Being around him has re-kindled my creativity. I started to draw again... I am hoping that Heero would agree to allow me to draw him a bit.
I did ask Heero if I could draw him... he reluctantly accepted and I did it with my usual flair... I drew him while he was masturbating!! I think they came out very nicely... literally... I also drew myself the other day. Talk about difficult! It involved a mirror, my hand and pencil and my sketchpad... I think they turned out great, if I should say so myself!
I know I have been remiss in my entries of late. Our further explorations have gone from simple to downright kinky. I don't mind, but I'm afraid that I'm starting to have more than just a physical attraction to him, and that scares the shit out of me. He wants to top me, and for reasons I can't rationalize even to myself, I can't allow that to happen!
The summer is coming to a close, and I have to go back to reality and another year of college. I think it's for the best. I am so confused... I think I masked it well around Heero, though. We had one more night alone and then I left... I told him I'd be around for breakfast, but I'd decided that it would be better if I just took off after we finished. I left a folder with my drawings for him. I couldn't keep all of them... the pictures would just bring back too many memories, and I need to move on.
Heero is a drug, and I needed to quit cold turkey... I tried dating others, male and female, but he has spoiled me for everyone else. I thought for sure that being away from him would put him out of my thoughts. Boy, was I wrong... by Thanksgiving I was about ready to climb the walls... I ended up calling him and we got back together just before Christmas... I told him that we should "out" ourselves to our parents at his house since they were all going to be there. After leaving, I had second thoughts about that. I just made a lame excuse to my parents and didn't show up. I'm sure he is pissed... I guess I'll figure out what to say when he calls.
No call from him. I tried to make amends... I left several messages attempting to explain myself, but I think he just erases them. I need to talk to him again. It's already after New Year's, and I haven't made things right.
I showed up at his door... he answered, but seemed distant. I put that out of my mind and tried to remain cool. Like all of the other times before, I had problems communicating with him. He seemed to get more irritated with each word that came out of my mouth. He just told me to come back by for dinner at around 6. Then this guy came out of his bedroom in nothing but his boxers... that explains why he was acting so strangely... I guess I have competition.
I messed around town for a few hours, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. Why would I expect Heero to wait? He didn't expect that of me... that other guy was so good looking, though. It would have been easier if he were just average. What can I say? I'm allowed to be superficial here...
I got to his house when the delivery guy came with Chinese food (Heero can't cook worth crap, or so he told me). I paid and tipped him and took the boxes to the door. We had a nice dinner, even after I brought up his new "friend," among other things. I asked him why he never answered any of the messages I left and he responded by asking me why I stood him up at Christmas... I just told him that I thought it was a bad idea, telling all over a happy family occasion. I couldn't bring myself to apologize at that moment, even though I should have. After dinner, we hung out, and I asked if I could stay overnight. He agreed, since I had a long drive back to Manhattan. I figured the evening would end with us falling into bed, just like old times. Wrong again. He gave me a pillow and some blankets and shut and locked the door behind him. Denied...
The next morning I woke up and decided to fix something for breakfast. I knew he loved French toast... I figured it would make a nice peace offering. He came out of his room freshly showered, and set the table. I finally apologized to him for the whole thing at Christmas. He accepted my apology. I also told him that the French toast was my way of seducing him. It worked. As I have said before, Heero has a gifted mouth... I've missed it so much. I didn't know how much until he had it on my cock... and watching him touch himself after he had finished with me...
He invited me to spend the rest of the day and night. We spent the day refining what we had started with his computer game. I think it could end up turning into something, if it gets into the right hands. I love the way his mind works.
Later that day, we decided on dinner and a movie. That turned into us shopping for ingredients for pasta and a salad. We got the movie first... then we headed off to the store to get the groceries. I got a chance to steal another kiss from him there... the talk of fresh garlic did something for me... not to mention any excuse to kiss him in public (did I just say that?). Things were definitely looking up.
We got dinner started a bit late, and we were starving. I was starving in more ways than one... Heero does that to me. He was standing at the stove cooking the pasta and I couldn't wait any longer. I stepped up behind him and showed him how I was feeling, rubbing myself up against his ass. He allowed me access to his cock and I proceeded to make him come right there, in front of the stove. I swear, no one has ever had this kind of effect on me, and I don't think anyone else ever will.
Dinner came out great. About half hour into the movie, things got pretty hot. He asked if he could top me. It almost wrecked the mood... almost. He was pretty damn insistent. It pissed me off... I let him know how much I just can't bring myself to be bottom (if I only knew why... I can't put my finger on why I can't bring myself to do it). This could become a problem for me... or more likely, us.
Heero was obviously upset about my response, but thankfully, he was still interested. I ordered him to the bedroom; I walked in and saw him there, laying on the bed, cock in hand... I will keep on saying and saying it... I love watching him. I had him get up on all fours... my favorite starting position... we did end up face to face later... seeing his face when he comes really does something for me.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you said something and you wish you could have taken every word back after saying them? I had one of those moments right after Heero and I had sex... I asked him if his other "fuck buddy" could be his bottom... damn, was that question a mistake... because I didn't really want to hear the next little bit... he then informed me that he was TOP for this other guy the most part. That wasn't THE actual moment...THAT was when I asked him if I could watch them. Geez... what a moronic question to ask. must have been the smart-ass in me again (something I definitely need to work on). Needless to say, he was NOT amused, and we got into a huge argument. I ended up leaving that next morning (if I hadn't, he would have kicked me out anyway), and I have no idea of when I'll be seeing him again. I really screwed up... I have to say it one more time... DAMN!
I have really fucked it up for myself. It has been a week since I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I don't know how I can fix things... I'm unsure of how I can make us both happy here... but all I can think of is that I must prove to him that I want him to take me, but I don't have the courage to do that right now. Maybe if I have a few drinks in me, I'll be able to muster up the balls to tell him so.
I went out to a bar with my buddies one night, they got tired of my rambling on about Heero, so they brought me to his door, stinking drunk. He opened the door and let my friends and me inside, had them put me on the sofa, then he removed my coat and boots and told my friends, Jay and Dan that I could stay there. After they left, I asked if I could sleep in his bed... I managed to get there with Heero's assistance... I tried to confess to him that I wanted him to fuck me, but he refused, saying that I was drunk.
The next day went even worse... on top of waking up with the Mother of all hangovers, we argued over last night's events... and Heero pegged me... he SAW exactly what my fears of being bottom were... and the control issue... he fucking saw right through me. The only thing I felt at that point was rage. When I put my brush back on the glass shelf, I slammed it down and broke it, cutting my hand... I couldn't get the damned bleeding to stop ... Heero wanted to look at my hand, but I couldn't let him get that close to me at that moment... I needed to get the hell out of there, and I couldn't have him take me home... I ended up taking a cab home (and going to the emergency room instead of directly home... it took 5 stitches to close up the wound on my hand - damn, when I do stupid things, I go all out). I hoped that wasn't the last time I ever saw him again, but it sure seemed like it was all over... Damn, double damn... all I really wanted to do was to confess my feelings, but I couldn't seem to do it... WHY??? Am I in love with him?? God damn it!! I'm so FUCKING confused!
I have decided to send you my journal up to this point. I have enclosed a couple of sketches that I had originally thought to keep as mementos to enclose with it, along with the clothes I borrowed. If this doesn't say how I feel at this point, I don't know what else will. I just want you to know how I feel in my own words... and then maybe you'll see the "me" that I won't let anyone else see... including myself. I hope it works... this could be my last chance...