a change in the weather
There are only so many moments of bliss one can enjoy before the desire to clean up takes over. I rolled Duo off to the side, purposefully ignoring the sounds of displeasure he made as I shifted from beneath him. I cleaned myself off in the bathroom and returned to the bedroom to find him fully awake with his head propped up on one elbow and carefully regarding my approach. I offered him the wet cloth I was holding and he smiled as he took it from me.
"That was nice." He purred as he cleaned himself off.
"Very" I responded as I sat down on the bed next to him.
"Is it that way with Vincent?"
I just started at him. Disbelieving my own ears. His question was unexpected; very much unwanted and was just wrong. I had no intention of answering him.
I moved to sit at the edge of the bed and bent down to retrieve my jeans from the floor. I could not believe that he had asked me that question; I found it even more remarkable that he was now insisting on an answer. I bunched up my jeans so that I could step into them and pulled them up, turning around to face him only after I had succeeded in closing the zipper.
"It's different." I told him.
"It just is." I told him as I looked away. "It's really none of your business, Duo."
He chuckled. I found it disarming. I turned to face him again, before giving him my reply. "I don't question you about your love life."
"No." He replies, adding to it just a split second later. "But I would probably answer you if you did."
I did not know whether his assertion could be considered valid or not. It was an easy thing for him to say, given that he was not the one in this particular position.
"Maybe you should see if tall, dark and leggy is interested in bottoming for you."
I was smirking inside. Not only at the physical description he had given, but also because he just assumed that my role in bed with Vincent was the same as it was with him. I was tired by this point and growing somewhat cross and irritated by Duo's insistent prying. "What makes you think he is top?"
I had expected him to laugh, or perhaps reveal an amused expression. He did neither though and I felt myself grow tense at the total lack of capacity I had to gage his reactions. It seemed to take several minutes for my words to sink in and for him to formulate a response. "Mm.. now that is definitely something I'd like to see."
My voice was loud as I turned sharply to face him. "What!?!"
He laughed and grabbed me by my wrist, pulling me back down onto the bed next to him. "What? Don't think Vincey would be interested?" He purred.
I seriously could not even begin to speculate on that. "*I* am not interested." I snapped back.
"I could just sit and watch, yanno. I don't necessarily need to participate."
I glared at him. "Duo."
He sighed and rolled over onto his back and tucked both of his hands beneath his head. "Fine. But I think you would enjoy it too."
He could have been right about that. I could not deny the fact that I liked putting on a show for Duo. This was entirely different story though. I quickly banished the unwanted images of the scenario that my imagination had seen fit to generate.
"I'm going to take a quick shower."
Whatever emotions I thought I had been feeling for Duo after we had finished having sex were gone. There was little left now but anger, and I sincerely wished that I had not invited him to spend the night with me.
I stepped into the shower and closed the sheer plastic curtain before turning the water on, not really caring that the temperature was a good 10 degrees colder than I preferred it. I must have been crazy to think that tonight had changed anything. I had misread him so many times before. I cringed as I thought about it. It was clear to me now that I was seeing only what I wanted to. I wanted there to be more between us than hot sex, dinner and an occasional movie. I feared that I was falling for him, or worse yet, that I already had. Tonight was pretty much all the proof I needed that my growing affection for Duo was not, and probably never would be returned. I would only be torturing myself by keeping things going between us now that I acknowledged that my relationship with him would never be what I thought I wanted it to be. I did not blame him for it; it was just the way he was. And I, unfortunately, given the current circumstances, was the way I was.
I returned to the bedroom a short time later, pleased to find that Duo was already asleep. I reluctantly crawled into bed beside him and gave the whole matter another few minutes of reflection before eventually rolling over onto my side and closing my eyes.
If I didn't think that he would question me about it in the morning... I would have slept on the couch.
I woke a good hour before Duo the following morning. I put the time to good use, thinking about what had happened last night. It still bothered me, but a great deal less. I attributed the marked difference in my attitude to that fact that I had gotten a decent night's sleep. I would have far preferred convincing myself that it did not bother me at all.
Still dressed in just a pair of cotton pajama bottoms, I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down in front of my computer. Duo was still sleeping on the other side of the room, but I quickly decided that my presence would most likely not disturb him. I downloaded and proceeded to sort through my e-mail, noting that most of it was junk and simply deleting it. Duo stirred in the bed behind me, making me acutely aware that we would need to deal with the aftermath of last night's revelations very soon.
It concerned me most, I think, that I sincerely doubted that he even knew there was anything wrong. It wasn't just his inquiries regarding my relationship with Vincent, though that was certainly the major portion of it. I had an overwhelming urge to come right out and ask him why he had seen fit to write our sexual roles in stone and if he had done the same with his lovers in the past. I surmised the answer was a resounding yes, since he had acknowledged he always took the dominant role; the question was why.
I figured it was partially my ignorance about relationships that rendered me unable to come up with a suitable explanation for what was or was not happening between us. I came to the conclusion that it had something to do with male ego. Being that there were two of those involved didn't add to the dilemma; I was very confident that the issues were strictly Duo's.
"Mmm.. You make coffee?"
I turned to find Duo moving to seat himself on the edge of the bed and nodded. "I have been up for over an hour."
He looked over at the clock. "Shit. It's almost noon." I smiled. His reaction was pretty similar to my own when I finally woke at just before 11.
"Anything you want to do today?"
"Actually, I have plans." I lied. It was more my desire for solitude that caused me to lie, rather than not wanting to be with Duo; though there was that too. He seemed unaffected and headed off into the shower with a clean set of clothes. A quick cup of coffee and two bowls of Cheerios later and he was ready to leave.
"I'll call you, k?" He asked at the door.
I nodded and accepted his kiss. There was more than a week left of winter break. Despite everything, I dreaded the idea of not seeing him, more than I did seeing him.
By the following Saturday night, I had come to the conclusion that Duo had not called me because of the events that had taken place the previous Sunday night. I could have been wrong. I somehow doubted that he was thinking about it as much as I was, if at all. It would have been comforting to have someone to talk this through with. Vincent seemed the likeliest candidate, but given our involvement, his name was immediately stricken from the very short list. I looked over at the clock to find it approaching midnight and wondered if Cynthia would still be awake. She knew me better than anyone; the fact that she also knew Duo could only add to the insight I was sure she could offer me. I eventually decided I needed to think more about it and that if I chose to speak with her, that I would take the trip back home in the morning, rather than do it on the telephone.
I woke to a loud and rather insistent banging on what I soon determined to be front door of my apartment. I squinted and checked the clock as I reluctantly climbed out of the warmth of my bed to answer it. "4:00. Who the hell could be here at this time of night?" I muttered. The knocking persisted.
"I'm coming!" I called out in irritation as I made my way through the living room in the dark. The knocking ceased then and I reached for the light switch on the wall just before opening the door.
The sight that greeted me was not exactly a welcome one. Jay and another of what I recognized to be Duo's friends had Duo positioned between them. From the looks of things, holding him up.
"I'm really sorry, Heero." Jay told me apologetically from the doorway. "He insisted that we bring him here."
I stepped aside to let them in. It became clear to me then that Duo was not walking on his own volition. I watched as the two pretty much dragged him across the living room and dropped him unceremoniously on my couch. "Heya, Heero!" he grinned up at me.
I fought the urge to smile at him and failed miserably. "Duo." I turned toward Jay then. "Just how drunk is he?" I questioned. I was more concerned about him getting sick than anything else.
"He's totally wasted." Jay informed me. "We can wait till he sobers up and bit and take him back home, if you want us to."
I looked over again at Duo and sighed. "No. You can leave him here. I'll take him home tomorrow."
Jay nodded and then politely asked if he could use my bathroom. I gave him my permission and proceeded to remove Duo's winter coat. I sat beside him on the couch and unzipped his coat, shifting his dead weight and slipping his one arm out of its sleeve. I accepted the unspoken offer of help from Duo's other friend, while introducing myself to him. "I'm Heero." I told him, proffering my hand.
"Dan." He smiled at me. "I've heard a lot about you."
I think I might have blushed then. I didn't know what kind of a social drunk Duo was, but I would have wagered anything that it was not the silent type. Hopefully most of what Duo had mentioned about me was not too personal in nature and had not been done tonight. I found myself at a loss for words and simply continued my task of rolling Duo over onto his side and finished the task of removing his jacket.
"Are sure you'll be okay?"
I turned to find Jay standing next to us. "I'll be fine." I assured him. I wished then that I felt as confident as I sounded.
We said our goodbyes at the door and Jay apologized yet again for waking me in the middle of the night and leaving me with an unexpected and very inebriated visitor.
I turned my attention back to Duo once they had left and just stared at the sleeping figure sprawled out on my sofa. I wondered why he had asked them to bring him here. I had twice had the displeasure of dealing with Duo in this state and knew I was not emotionally equipped to handle it, even when fully awake. I am guessing that Duo failed to mention this to either one of his friends.
I sat on the very edge of the couch took off his boots, sitting them side-by-side under the coffee table and headed into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I had the feeling that Duo would need a cup eventually: I needed one now.
I gave myself an hour to fully wake up and ventured into the living room to find Duo in much the same position I had left him in. He looked rather uncomfortable and I speculated that aside from sporting a major hangover in the morning, he would be suffering from various other aches and pains as well, if he remained like that for long. Not wanting to wake him, I got an extra pillow from my bed and attempted to slip it under his head without disturbing him.
"Mmm... that you, Heero?" I was pleased that he was still able to recognize me.
"Yeah." I told him. "Lift." He rolled over onto his side and I slipped the pillow underneath his head. "You might want to move down a little." I suggested, patting him on the leg as I spoke.
"You gonna make me sleep on the couch again?"
That was my intention. I did not think he was capable of walking into the bedroom on his own and I had no desire to carry him. I was not planning on going back to bed though, so it didn't really matter to me where he slept. "Can you walk?"
"I can try."
He slowly rose from the couch and I stood close by him just in case. He reached his right arm out and laid it across my shoulder, smiling at me as he did. "I'm reeaaaally drunk, Heeero."
I could not find anything appropriate to say in response, so I remained silent, guiding him with one arm around his waist and taking small steps toward my bedroom. "You hate it when I get drunk." He told me with a slur.
I did. "Yes."
I maneuvered him to the side of my bed and bent down so that he was sitting on the edge of the mattress before letting go. "I made it!" he admitted with glee as he fell back onto the mattress. I couldn't help but smile: he looked so pleased with his accomplishment. I helped him settle in, assisting him in getting his head on the pillow and his feet at the foot of the bed. "Mmm... much better." He mumbled. "Wanna join me?" he asked, patting the empty part of my king sized bed as he looked up at me. His eyes were glassy and he appeared to be struggling to keep them open. "Hmm?" he pressed.
I shook my head 'no' and got a spare blanket from the closet to cover him with. He pouted and reached up to take hold of my wrist. I could easily have pulled away, but chose not to. "You angry with me, Heero?"
I do not know what I did, if anything, to give him that impression. I shook my head again to let him know I was not angry: disappointed, perhaps, but not angry. "Go to sleep, Duo." I suggested.
"I'm awake now." He informed me.
"Wanna fool around?" He asked while reaching out to tug at the waistband of my pajamas.
"You're drunk." I reminded him.
"Uh huh... and horny." He amended. I allowed him to guide my hand beneath the blankets and to his crotch. He moaned as he rubbed the palm of my hand over his arousal. I kept touching him after he had taken his own hand away, enjoying the feel of his stiff cock and the sounds of pleasure he was making. I unfastened the button and lowered the zipper on his pants, reaching inside to draw his erection out.
"Mmm.. that's nice."
I could hardly disagree while finding myself becoming aroused by the situation we were in. I teased the head of his cock, sliding my fingers over it to spread the slickness and grasping tightly around what I could of his length. He moaned continuously as I touched him, lifting his hips up off the bed to enhance my strokes. He turned over onto his side and brought his right hand down onto my lap, grinning as he discovered my erection. "You want to fuck me, Heero?"
It took me all of two seconds to blurt out my one word answer. "No." I do not know which one of us was more surprised by my reply. Even in his current state, Duo managed to look rightfully confused.
"No?" He asked me with a fitting amount of disbelief in his voice.
I pulled back my hand and stood, still looking down at him and I could feel myself trembling. He stared back up at me for only a few seconds before his eyes started to roll back in his head and eventually closed. I found myself silently urging him to fall asleep so that we did not have to talk about this tonight. I got my wish and bent down to switch off the lamp beside the bed before exiting the room.
I was wired to the brim with caffeine now and had nothing to do but think. I quickly decided that for the sake of my own sanity I absolutely needed to speak with Duo about this in the morning. I looked over at the clock on my DVD player and amend that thought; it's nearly 6am now. It will probably be well into the afternoon before he woke up. A small part of me held out hope that he would not be able to recall what had happened. That is a genuine possibility given that he was very intoxicated.
It did not take me long after that to fully comprehend the opportunity this odd turn of events had provided me with. If for some reason Duo did not bring it up, I would. I blatantly ignored the fact that the outcome of our discussion would, in all probability not be a good one.