For You I Suffer
Now we had come to it, and even after the reassurance of his profession and the drugging pleasure of his kisses, I was still afraid. And yet, I could not stop myself from demanding the truth.
"Why did you send me away? Why did you tell her you never wanted to see me again?"
"After what happened with Dorothy and then the thieves in the forest, I was convinced that I was the cause of all your pain. It was my own carelessness that provided her the opportunity she had clearly been seeking. I still cannot believe just how very blind I was when in retrospect her hatred of both you and I, and indeed for all of Calderash, was painfully obvious. And then to have you fall into the hands of those bandits.... When Quatre and I found that you had disappeared, I nearly went mad with fear that I might never see you again. Relieved though I was when we found you relatively unharmed, my guilt refused to be assuaged. I asked Quatre to take you back to his room rather than have you return to mine because I felt that I did not deserve even to look upon you after all of the pain that my carelessness had caused you.
"But even before those tragedies befell you, I suffered under the knowledge that it was I who sent you to Treize to torture and abuse. That blames can lie at no one else's feet but my own. Panicked though I was that you wanted to leave me for Trowa, at the same time, I was afraid of what else might happen to you if you stayed with me. And I feared that, whatever danger might present itself, I would be unable to protect you. So, in a moment of weakness, I admitted to my aunt that I would rather never see you again than have you suffer anymore because of me. Lady Une prayed on my fears, reminding me that if I had never brought you to Windshire, you would even now be living here on your farm, with your bride and your future. Unscarred. Happy.
"You did not deserve what we did to you. Treize, Dorothy, and me. I will never forgive myself for listening to my aunt when she scolded me for the inappropriateness of my feelings for you. I should have just ignored her and all of her bloody-minded devotion to family and duty. But instead I treated you abominably. I will always bear the shame of knowing that I listened to her instead of to my heart, and that, when you needed me most, I was not there for you. And that is why, though it caused me such grief that I feared I would go mad, I knew that the best thing I could do for you was to send you home." Blue eyes looked down at me, dark with self-loathing and shame.
"But I am a selfish creature, Duo, and I have come to realize that without you, I cannot live." The backs of his fingers brushed gently over my scarred cheek. "Every mark upon your beautiful skin should have been mine. If I could take them upon myself and suffer them for you I would do it in a heartbeat.
"Please say that you will come back with me, Duo. Please say that you will let me love you like you were meant to be loved. As I was born to love you." For the first time since I had known him, his face was absent of all reserve, with everything that he was feeling emblazoned across his face. His eyes spoke to me as eloquently as his tongue. "Please say that you will be with me."
For the first time in longer than I care to remember, I felt like I could breathe again. The long cold of winter had finally surrendered to the life-giving warmth of spring. I lifted my hands to his head and dug my fingers greedily into his thick hair. They curled, relishing the feel of the soft, dark strands, as I pulled his head down to mine. I pressed a kiss to his eyelids.
"If you had not taken me as your dorei, I would never have known you beyond that first brief meeting. From the first moment I saw you, I could not stop thinking about you. Even when I had convinced myself that I should marry, Hilde, you were always there in my thoughts, in my dreams." My arms wrapped around him in kind, erasing any hint of distance between us. "The only thing I would ever have regretted was if you had not summoned me to Windshire." I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his shoulder.
"I never stopped loving you. Even when I thought you hated me, I would have given anything just to have you look at me. You meant everything to me then, and you still do, try though I did to deny it these many months." I looked up at him, hating the tears that blurred my sight of him.
"Heero, there is nothing to forgive, as long as you promise to never send me away again." My throat was thick with emotion, yet he heard me all the same. The words had barely left my lips before they were covered by the warm firmness of my master's kiss. My hands curled into the thick fabric of his doublet as though fearful that he might try to pull away. But all Heero did was groan and deepen the kiss until the need for air forced us apart.
"Duo, come back with me to Windshire," Heero begged me between kisses. "You will sit by my side as my equal. No one will ever dare raise a hand to you ever again. And I swear that I will kill anyone who even casts a covetous glance in your direction." The low growl of his voice enflamed me nearly as much as the hot sweep of his tongue along my own.
Even in this vulnerable moment, he was still every inch a man who was used to having his commands heeded without question. I smiled, amused and pleased that he was unable to separate his natural expectation of ordering everyone about from his desire to beg me for my favor. It was that very strength that I had always admired and craved, and I would never presume to change that about him.
"All I want, my love," I whispered against his lips, "is to be your slave."
Time became a meaningless abstraction, the passage of it a concern only for those who had not found their heart's desire. We kissed in the flower-strewn meadow, warmed by the light of the brightly shining sun, content that we could remain thus for all eternity and never need for anything more than the touch of hands upon heated skin. The thought dimly crossed my mind that we were out in the open, completely exposed should anyone happen to pass by. But I had long abandoned such quaint considerations of modesty and Heero seemed most eager to join me in my inhibition.
Exclamations of annoyance were scattered amongst uttered moans and gasps as we dealt with each other's clothing, frustration as the material hampered our efforts met with merciless rends and tears. But though the well-made pieces put up a valiant fight, they faltered beneath the burning fervor of our desire.
I groaned as Heero's tongue delved into my mouth, the deep strokes stoking a fire in my blood as he endeavored to relearn the once familiar terrain which the months since our parting had rendered new. His leg pushed between mine, his thigh pressing against the swollen flesh of my cock. I found myself riding his leg in a desperate attempt to relieve the throbbing ache in my groin. Caught up completely in our passionate embrace, Heero did not seem to notice as my weeping cock painted his leg with lewd wetness. I clung to him as he ravaged my mouth, my fingers drawing deep furrows along his back as I strove to etch myself into his very skin. Answering my unspoken plea, Heero endeavored to bring us even more firmly together, his own hands reaching down and grabbing the firm globes of my ass to hoist me higher upon his thigh. I moaned helplessly as he kneaded the mounds of flesh, pulling them apart so that his fingers brushed at the small, hidden pucker that gaped and clenched in greedy anticipation.
More than anything, I longed for Heero to thrust his hard length into my willing body, to ease the burning need that smoldered in my core and claim me for his own once and for all. But I did not want this glorious reunion to end too quickly. Seizing the initiative, I unsealed my lips from his and gasped unsteadily for breath. He leaned back toward me, his stormy expression clearly showing that he did not appreciate the interruption of his attempt to map my tonsils with his tongue. I felt a sly grin spread across my lips, and marveled at my own audacity as I evaded his grasping hands and slid to my knees, running my own hands down the length of his torso as I went.
Heero's annoyance quickly turned to a deep groan of appreciation as I took the length of him down my throat without hesitation. I held on tightly to his tightly muscled rear, bringing him back towards me every time he pulled away. Though it had been a long time since I had performed this act, my throat relaxed with little coaxing. Indeed I relished the feeling as the bulbous head of his thick shaft buried itself deep in my throat in an ever increasing rhythm. Heero trembled in my grasp as I employed every skill I had perfected toward driving him insane with need.
Long fingers tunneled into my hair, destroying the final remnants of my braid that had survived thus far in tact. My hair floated free over my shoulders, and I shivered as wispy tendrils drifted over my back in a soft caress. The sensation of air replaced the brush of my hair as the mass was lifted and moved to one side. I felt a thumb trace slowly over the symbol etched into the back of my neck, and a thrill of fear succeeded in penetrating my lust. I looked up at Heero, nervously anxious to see his reaction at what, as far as I knew, was his first sight of my brand.
But the small, pleased smile on Heero's face erased my worry even as my eyes widened in surprise. I wanted to ask him why he seemed unphased by the mark, but the enigmatic grin and the sweet caress of the thumb against my neck cured me of my ill-timed curiosity. But before I could decide whether it was the proper time to demand answers, a hazy memory flitted through my mind. The feel of Heero's fingers moving lightly over the design was hauntingly familiar, though the recollection seemed to hover just out of reach. Though my curiosity was intense, at that moment, the taste of my lover's dripping cock was more intriguing than even such an enticing mystery. Letting him know with a look that I would be demanding answers to my questions, I reapplied myself eagerly to the task at hand.
Heero murmured approvingly as I licked and sucked hungrily at the hard rod that filled my mouth, his thumb faltering in its obsessive task as he immersed himself in the pleasure of my mouth. My tongue savored the viscous stream of fluid that leaked from the tip of the broad, round head as it pulsed in and out of my throat. I refused to let him move far, and every time he withdrew, I pulled him to me, my fingers digging into his ass as I tried to urge him even deeper. Not that Heero seemed to have any wish to resist me. He moved only a few inches in either direction, as though loathe to abandon the wet, massaging pressure of my swirling tongue and twitching throat. I could barely breathe as he fucked my mouth, but this time, I felt no fear, only the fervent desire that he never stop.
The scent of his arousal wafted up around me, the aroma strengthening along with his body heat. It made me dizzy and needy and harder than I could ever have believed possible and I breathed it in deeply like a drug. I moaned as my nether entrance spasmed in protest at being denied what my mouth was so urgently devouring. The vibrations from the sound proved too much for the baron. With a shout that frightened not a few of the chickens running loose in the yard, Heero shot streams of delicious heat down my throat. Finally offered the treat I had sought with such dedication, I swallowed every drop, unwilling to let any of my lover's essence escape.
The sudden heaviness against my arms was my only warning, and I reached up to grab Heero as his legs gave out and he fell to his knees in front of me. His head drooped against my shoulder with an audible thud, and I laughed, delighted at the evidence of his weakness as his arms raised a few inches from the ground in an effort to hold me only to let them flop back to his sides. He objected to my amusement with a heartfelt groan, mustering enough strength through sheer force of will to glare up at me with a single, baleful eye.
"So, you think that it is funny to suck a man's brain out through his cock, do you?"
He grunted as I laughed even harder, my joy fueled by no little pride that I had managed to fell such a great personage as this. My hilarity turned to a surprised gasp as I suddenly found myself lying flat on my back. Heero leaned over me, suddenly looking quite recovered as he eyed me up and down with careful attention. I could barely feel the blades of grass against my back, and the abrupt reminder of my mangled flesh filled me with mortification. I turned onto my side and raised an arm to cover my face, trying to hide my face away from Heero's searching gaze even if I could not likewise hide my body. But the baron was not fooled as to my intention and refused to allow me such a cowardly refuge. He pulled my arm away and leaned over me until I was forced to look at him.
"I will not allow you to hide from me. You have no need to do so. I once said that I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you, and to that I hold. But even if you were somehow to become to most hideous thing that the gods indulged to walk the earth, I would love you still. For you have blinded me to all else but the beauty of your heart."
I tried to ignore the tears that suddenly stung my eyes, but the sweetness of Heero's vow overwhelmed any attempts to maintain my composure. As he kissed me, I marveled yet again at my fortune to love such a great man. Trowa had said something not wholly different to me that fateful day at his cabin, pleading with me not to conceal my wounds out of some misplaced sense of humiliation. But where the gamesman had cajoled, the baron demanded, and I was never one to refuse him.
A shuttering sigh whispered from my lips as Heero pressed a soft kiss against them. One kiss became two and then three, and soon I lost count as I surrender to the light caress. I instinctively shifted away from the hand that ghosted down my side, wanting to squirm as it lingered over the ridges that betrayed every place where Dorothy's lash had fallen. But Heero merely deepened the kiss until I melted beneath him. My shyness turned bold as I pressed up into his hand as his aimless exploration grew more pointed. Soon I was writhing in earnest, not from shame, but from the fingers that plucked at my peaked nipples. Only when the nubs had hardened into tender pebbles and I was begging him never to stop did they drift downward. His fingers paused to tease at my navel before continuing lower, only to hesitate at the strip of flesh right above the thatch of hair that shadowed the space between my legs.
"Heero," I breathed, whimpering as his lips left mine and traveled a similar path. The rasp of his light beard sensitized my skin until it seemed to glow with warmth. I moaned as he took one nipple threateningly between his teeth as his other hand toyed with its neglected twin. Clutching at his thick crown of hair, my fingers worked fretfully against his scalp as though uncertain of whether to draw him away or urge him to continue his relentless attentions. His teeth closed upon the vulnerable nub and I shouted in a confused mixture of encouragement and protest.
His tongue followed quickly, swirling over the pebbled peak and soothing the small hurt. I melted, reveling in the attention even as my wantonness painted a blush across my already flushed cheeks. My hips shifted restlessly in a silent plea, and my lover did not leave me wanting. Before I could fully comprehend his intention, Heero lowered himself until his face was even with my spread thighs. He fit himself neatly between the gaping appendages, and before I could guess at his intent, a shout forced its way from my throat as my balls were suddenly bathed in the wet heat of his mouth.
"Ahh, yes!" I shouted as he took my dripping shaft into his hand, all the while sucking at my balls as though they held some treat he was determined to discover. My legs lifted to wrap about his shoulders and keep him where he was so mind-numbingly employed. Not that Heero had any desire to cease his feast. He made excellent use of his mouth to drive me utterly insane, shifting back and forth between my balls and then my cock, drawing it deep into his mouth, only to pull back and lap at the nectar dripping from the tip. As though still afraid that he might leave me, I tightened my grip on his hair, barely retaining the presence of mind to ease my hold when his slight grunt of discomfort reached my ears.
But my hips were not be so easily tamed. They seemed to move on their own accord, thrusting my swollen shaft ever deeper into Heero's mouth. I could think of nothing but how wonderful it all felt and how I would die if his stopped. Heero held me just enough to keep me in place, not letting my cock stray far from his eager tongue. My heart raced in my chest, the pulse in my throat beating in time with the pounding throb of blood that enlarged my already engorged cock to even greater dimensions. My head fell to the side, the rich scent of dirt and grass filling my senses like an intoxicating incense. The breeze blew over my skin like the soft caress of a lover, bathing away the lingering shame of my exposed flesh. My balls tightened, as Heero's thorough, loving attention brought me ever closer to the edge. And yet, my undoing came only when Heero pushed my knees into my chest and thrust his tongue into my twitching hole as his hand moved in a blur along my stiff length.
"Ahhhh!!!" I cried as I exploded. Heero continued to fuck me with his tongue, loosening me even as my entrance clenched helplessly around him. I released my passion into his waiting hand. The prodding and stroking continued in counterpoint to my uncontrolled outpouring of lust. And then, when the last, white hot drop of passion had been milked from my spurting cock, I collapsed upon the grass, heedless of the crushed blade that tickled my cheek.
"Are you done in already?"
I barely had the energy to crack open my eyes to gaze up at Heero blurringly. I realized why I could not see him well when he kissed me, his nearness accounting for my unfocused vision. He lingered about my lips, pulling back only after a long moment of gentle reacquaintance. But my awareness quickly returned along with the reawakening of my cock when I felt Heero's fluid-slicked hand rubbing up and down my shaft.
"I see that all of my careful training has gone to waste. Your endurance is all but non-existent." He chuckled. "We will have to work on your stamina." I laughed and shook my head.
"Clearly you are mistaken, my lord baron. See how quickly I return to full attention?"
Our sexy banter was like a soothing balm over any doubts that may have still festered in my heart. They vanished under the sweet press of my lover's lips over my face. I did, however, find myself wondering what Heero was about when he moved over me and positioned himself over the rigid shaft rising up yet again from between my legs. I stared up at him in confusion as his gaze pinned me where I lay. But my heart stuttered with disbelief when he began to lower himself onto my cock. I grabbed his arms, trying to give my brain a chance to find meaning in his actions.
"Wh-What are you doing?" My brain simply could not fathom what my eyes were seeing and my body was feeling more and more with the passing of every second. The very thought that my master meant for me to take him was so far beyond my wildest fantasies that I began to panic. "No, my lord, you mustn't! Not for me. It is not my place...."
My protests died as Heero silenced me with a searching kiss. All thoughts dissolved before the bold sweeps of his tongue. Every part of me was a puddle of boneless goo when he finally released my lips. My arousal was the sole exception, and Heero took full advantage of its turgid state. He looked me in the eye, challenging me to accept the full meaning of this glorious moment as the tip of my cock pressed against the forbidden territory that I had never dreamed I might someday touch.
"Duo," he said quietly, a slight tremor in his voice the only hint of the strain he must have felt as the rounded head sought admittance into his untouched passage. "You have mastered me as surely as I ever dared to master you." His gaze narrowed as the muscular ring of resistance gave way. "You own my heart. Nay, my very soul." He closed his eyes for a moment, his breath catching in his throat as he paused to acclimate to the incredible sensation of being filled for the first time. The quickness of his recovery put my own virgin attempt to shame, for it was but a moment before he looked back down at me and continued that long, torturous slide down my cock.
"It is not for me to claim you, it is we who must claim each other. And as you have offered me the trust and care of your body and your heart, I now offer you the keeping of everything that I am."
At last, his ass came to a rest against me, flesh clinging to sweaty flesh. My fingers dug into his arms as his body gripped my cock in a tight, hot fist. I wanted to weep from the intense flood of joy that set me tingling from head to toe. And when Heero bent down to breath against my lips, I sobbed again his mouth, unable to find the words to articulate such an overwhelming rush of emotion.
"I love you, Duo. Make me yours."
Perhaps my very soul had been created to obey him for I gave him what he wanted with every ounce of devotion I could express. Inch by torturous inch, Heero had proved his mastery over the entirety of my very being. He began to ease himself up and down my length, starting off slowly but moving faster with every stroke. The indescribable, almost painful tightness of his body as it massaged my cock was too much for my poor body to resist. No sooner had he established a rhythm in earnest, the powerful muscles in his thighs bulging as he labored over me my body had reached its limit, wanting nothing more than to celebrate this miraculous occurrence by spewing forth its joy into the burning sheath that pulsed so marvelously around my aching hardness.
With more enthusiasm than grace, I flipped us over so that Heero was beneath me. Afraid that I had hurt him, I stared anxiously into his beautiful, blue eyes, but he just smiled that mysterious smile that made my heart race. I was despite to move, to pound into him and take what he was so willingly offered, but I was wary of causing him pain, remembering how long it took for me to become accustomed to this most intimate of invasions. Heero perceived my concern and dissuaded it with a kiss before whispering against my lips.
My master ordered and I obeyed, pulling my hips back until only the tip of my cock remained inside of him. I closed my eyes as the muscles of his inner walls griped me, refusing to let me go. Without warning or seeking further reassurances, I surged forth, marveling at the incredible friction I tunneled into that dark, hot place to which I knew only I would ever be granted entrance. There was only the slickness of my own spent passion to ease my passage, and I could feel every bump and ridge of his body as I thrust myself into him in increasing abandon. He shouted his approval of my boldness, and once I had determined that the sound was indeed one of satisfaction and not pain, I surrendered to the urge to claim what had been so graciously offered.
Even now, I cannot find the words to fully explain the true significance of those precious moments as I took Heero for the first time atop the pastoral expanse of my childhood home. The peaceful serenity of our surroundings and the pure brilliance of our love cleansed away all of the hurt and pain, all of the blame and recriminations, all of the betrayals and torments that had colored our relationship for so long. All that remained was the blissful awareness that our love could never be contained by anything as menial as human concerns. Whether we were kings or peasants, rich or poor, young or preparing for the release of death, when all else lost all meaning and purpose, we would have each other. Of that, I would never again be in doubt.
But now, we were indeed trapped by more mortal concerns, and they were threatening to rob me of all sanity even as my overjoyed shouts had stolen my voice. In a mirror of my earlier action, Heero's fingers pressed hard into my back, and I was pleased both that he did not feel the need to be overly solicitous of my scars and that I was fully recovered so that I might accommodate his demanding passion. He whispered ceaselessly in my ear, urging me to go faster, to thrust harder, to burrow myself into him so deeply that I would never be able to escape. My mind surrendered to the blinding rush of lust that closed my eyes and ears to all but the man writhing so temptingly beneath me. But if I could be certain of anything, it was that I would ever again entertain such a foolish notion as to leave him.
Need, surprise, desire, love - each of these emotions and more flitted across Heero's bewitching face. Having gone so long with the impression that he never allowed himself to reveal anything, I watched him with minute attention so as not to miss the smallest nuance. Spreading my legs, I rose up slightly on my knees in order to tilt Heero's hips upward. Indeed I had learned my erotic lessons well, for I achieved my aim with the next thrust of my cock.
"Duo! You bastard!" Heero's cursed devolved into a needy groan as my cock pressed against his center of pleasure again and again until he was quivering, pleading with me and berating me by turns.
I growled with a man's pleasure at seeing his mate well-satisfied and applied my teeth to Heero's throat as he tilted his head back with a helpless moan. I cannot explain the urge, but I wanted to mark him as I was marked, so that everyone who laid eyes on him would know that he was mine just as I was his.
If I could have made this last forever, I would have, but I began to feel a clenching tightness where Heero and I were intimately connected. It spread up into my stomach and into my heaving chest before moving into my arms and legs, causing my limbs to tremble violently. I pleaded silently with my body to give me more time to enjoy this wondrous moment, but when my balls suddenly drew up into my body, I knew the end was nearing rapidly. I held Heero tightly as I hastened the pace of my thrusts, my pounding heart forcing ever more blood into my throbbing cock until I feared it would burst.
Shaking though he was, Heero wrapped his legs and arms about me and held me as close as he could. The hard plane of Heero's chest and stomach pressed against my torso, his impressive member trapped between us. He groaned his approval as his member was worked and squeezed as we moved together.
"Heero," I moaned, feeling that I was approaching something of such awesome power that I was almost frightened to reach it. But there was no denying it, and I rushed headlong toward the precipice, tottering on the edge of madness. Yet, even then, there was one thing I need to hear before I could let myself go.
"Come for me, Duo."
As always, Heero knew what I needed even when I remained clueless. Only with my master's permission could I fall into the bliss of release, and even across the span of our separation, my body remembered the admonishment. His approval granted, I abandoned myself into the white-hot oblivion of paradise.
I cannot say how long I lay in Heero's embrace before consciousness returned. The experience had been so profound, the gift that Heero had given me was so precious that I knew it would be a long time before I could appreciate it fully. But I was more than willing to spend every moment of the rest of my life contemplating the miracle of Heero's love.
The reassuring beat of my lover's heart beneath my ears and the hand stroking gently over my hair lulled me back towards the first restful sleep I had had in many months. We were still outside and I knew that, eventually, we would need to move into a more sheltered environment. Hilde's father had become a regular visitor since his daughter had married, seeking out a sympathetic ear to listen to his empty nest laments. I was rather fond of the old fellow and knew that he would have a heart attack should he come over to find me lying naked in the arms of another man. Still, I was hard-pressed to find the energy to move.
Later, I promised myself, enjoying the soothing caress of Heero's fingers against the side of my face. But before I could relax completely, my lover's voice rumbled beneath my ear.
"So, what did you decide to name your horse?" I groaned at both the interruption of my impending slumber and the reminder of my neglected duty.
"I could not think of anything. Every time I looked at him, I...well, I remembered things I wanted to forget at the time."
Heero was silent for a long while. Just as I was wondering whether he was insulted at the admission that I had been reluctant to think of him, or perhaps had merely fallen asleep, he spoke.
"Would you mind if I made a suggestion?"
"Of course not." I shivered as Heero ran a finger over my lips.
"Name him Ai."
"Ai?" I repeated, unfamiliar with the foreign word, though I guessed that its origins could be found in the land from which Heero's mother hailed. I glanced up at him, never lifting my head from his chest. "What does it mean?" Heero lifted his head enough to press a kiss against my forehead. As he lay down, once more, he rested a hand atop my head and resumed the soft, rhythmic caress of his thumb against my cheek.
Smiling, I felt myself succumb to the gentle touch. As I fell asleep, comfortable in my lover's embrace, I considered the fact that, while my life was soon to change, much of it would remain the same. Although I would formally be a member of the baron's court in public, in our intimacy, Heero would be my master once more.
Through many trials and many torments, I had suffered for him, but at long last, my sacrifice had borne fruit. He was mine. I was his. I would love him forever, and with that simple truth, I would be forever content.