For You I Suffer
The warmth of Trowa's lips lingered as I bore Quatre home. I ran until my breath burned in my lungs, desperate to escape the sensation. Yet I was unable to forget the firm press of his mouth against mine. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to be with my master, to sit at his feet and catch whatever crumbs of attention he deemed fit to cast toward me. We reached the castle's stable yard in record time. I shuffled impatiently as I was freed from the carriage, eager to return to the baron's suite. Both the stable boy and my trainer threw me odd looks at my restless fidgeting, but I was too preoccupied to concern myself with embarrassment.
As soon as the last strap had been removed, I set off toward my goal, going as far as the edge of the stable yard before I remembered that I should wait for Quatre. He caught up to me shortly, huffing slightly from running after me.
"Duo, what is your hurry?" His aquamarine eyes were stretched wide in surprise, and I was grateful that the emotion overruled any inclination he might have had to be angry with my erratic behavior. I bowed my head, chagrined and forcing myself to regain a subservient posture.
"M-my apologies, my lord. I am, um, rather hungry from my work with the gameskeeper, and I greatly desire a bath and a meal." My words picked up speed as I became more comfortable with the slight deception. My stomach conveniently chose that moment to announce its emptiness, lending my story credence. My blush was the result of both the humiliation and relief. Quatre's puzzled expression smoothed into a wry grin.
"A man's work, indeed, eh?" He laughed and reattached the golden chain to my collar. "Let get you fed then before you decide to attack one of the horses like some ravenous beast." I smiled at his joke, more than willing to be the butt of his teasing if it distracted him from my earlier conduct.
The blond continued his fun as we made our way through Windshire's endless passages. Though careful to maintain my smile, I ignored him for the most part, focused solely on my goal. Perversely, my shame and guilt had stoked my lust. I wanted nothing but to feel my master's hand upon my skin, his demanding lips against my own. My cock hardened from the bent of my thoughts. By the time we finally reached the baron's quarters, I feared that it would take nothing more than one smoldering glance from my master to undo me utterly.
I had kept my gaze directed to the stone floor as Quatre led me through the castle, so the first thing I saw when the guards opened the door to the baron's suite was the warm, dark brown carpet. Before I could raise my head, the sound of a high pitched laugh brought it up with a speed that threatened injury to my neck. The pink hue of her dress announced her attention even before my gaze reached her face. My heart sank as I stared in disbelief at the pleasantly domestic image of Heero sharing an intimate meal tête-à-tête with Relena.
As my master was reaching for the food on the low table situated before the couch on which they sat, it was the girl who saw me first. She gasped, causing Heero to look up. His gaze caught mine, holding me fast even as Relena leapt from the couch and bounded over to me as quickly as her complicated assortment of petticoats would allow. She took my hand in a most inappropriate manner given the disparity of our stations. Her grin was brilliant and welcoming, but I still found it nigh impossible to repress that she might be overcome with some sudden and violent illness that would force her to leave.
"Duo! Just when I thought that this evening could not be improved. First dear Heero grants my silly request to join me for dinner and now here you are. How wonderful!" She pulled me toward the couch with surprising strength for such a proper young lady. My emotions were in turmoil. I had wanted nothing more than my master's sole attention and my cock had not yet realized that all my yearning was to be for naught. At that moment, I wished to be any place else.
Deep blue eyes seared into me as I fell to my knees, and I feared that I might break down at any moment and beg Heero to send this horrid girl away so that he might ravish me in peace. But eventually the disapproval darkening his gaze pierced through the haze of wanting and I realized that I had allowed my expression to reflect my utter distaste for his choice of dining companions. Mortified, I fixed my gaze back toward the carpet as my skin warmed from the blood rising beneath it.
Insensible to the undercurrents swirling around her, Relena regained her seat and, plucking a piece of meat from a plate on the table, reached out and popped the morsel into my mouth. Ravenous as I was, I chewed and swallowed the offering, though it tasted of naught but sawdust to my pallet. I was grateful when Quatre joined us, hoping that he might divert some attention from me.
"My lady," he said, bowing to Relena by way of greeting. "It is lovely to see you as always." She smiled but refrained from speaking as she had just taken a large, rather undignified bite from the hunk of bread in her hand. I was amazed at the complete sincerity on his face as he mirrored her expression. I was certain I could not have been so gracious faced with such an unaccountable lack of manners. My trainer reached down to remove my chain, glancing at my face briefly before addressing the baron.
"Will you be needing me further this evening, my lord?" he inquired. Good breeding dictating that he finished chewing before answering, it was a moment before Heero replied.
"No, I believe we can manage. Thank you, Quatre." The blond bowed, his demeanor more formal that I had ever seen him express toward the baron. I wondered at it at the time, only later understanding that it was his subtle way of expressing his disapproval of Relena's presence. But at the moment, I could only stare up at him in confusion as he straightened. He tossed a wry smile in my direction, and after caressing the top of my head with a gentle touch, he turned and departed, leaving me with my company both wanted and despised.
My attention was not to remain unengaged, for Relena seemed determined to monopolize it while she had the opportunity. Citing to her envy as she had watched Noin fuss over me like a favorite pet during the fateful garden party of a few weeks past, she demanded that I sit by her so she could pamper me at her leisure. Or at least that was what she termed it. As for myself, it was nothing but abject torture. I wondered what deity I had thus offended that I was punished with the smothering notice of a person I wished only to avoid while being ignore by the person I desired above all others. Heero seemed content to allow Relena to enact a three-sided conversation all by herself, barely deigning to acknowledge either of us as she prattled on and on about nothing at all.
The getting of food and drink was apparently not enough to keep Relena's hands occupied. Instead, she used every moment that they were not otherwise engaged to touch me. My hair, my face, the parts of me below my neck that she should have had the shame not to bother with, nothing escaped her wanderings. Her endless fawning and petting during the hour of our dinner would have been enough to steal my appetite completely had I not been so famished from the emotional and physical strain I had experienced at Trowa's. And the thought of the gameskeeper brought back the force of my guilt in full and made me long for Relena's absence all the more. Though it seemed interminable, eventually all the food and drink that could be consumed had been. Finally remembering at least some of the lessons of propriety that were the province of every well-born lady, Relena made ready to leave. Her reluctance to depart was palpable, however, and she made every excuse to delay.
"Heero, thank you ever so much for dinner. It was truly lovely!" She leaned over him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Jealousy flamed hot in my chest, and I almost missed the complete disinterest with which he allowed her presumption. She turned to me next with a similar intention. I nearly cringed away instinctively but the sudden weight of Heero's gaze stayed the reflexive motion. I remained kneeling next to the erstwhile dinner table as Heero rose from his seat and escorted Relena to the door, fighting the urge to wipe away the wet residue of her kiss from my cheek. She never stopped chattering, still trying to overextend her welcome I thought uncharitably, until Heero opened the door and moved her into the hall with a polite but firm hand on her arm.
I finally noticed the unfamiliar face of one of the guards flanking the doorway. I had missed him earlier in my determination to reach the baron's suite. My guess as to his identity was confirmed when he bowed toward Relena and took up a position at her side as she finally left with a rather disgruntled expression on her face. I suspected that her pique would not last long as she anticipated the prospect of lording over her young, female sycophants with the tale of her coup in gaining a private dinner audience with none other than the baron, himself. I refused to contemplate what part I might play in her self-aggrandizement.
But when the door closed with a muted thud, all thoughts of girls overly fond of gossip and pink were shut out. There was no one but my master and myself, and as fervently as I had longed for just such a scenario, the reality of it left me with a tied tongue and a stomach in knots. Gone was what little rapport that had once existed between us. No more were the days when I might have felt able to approach him with shy flirtatiousness and to make my desire known. Now I could only remain where I was, kneeling with the weight of the room's heavy silence pressing against the back of my neck and shoulders, forcing my gaze to the floor.
I felt the stir of air as Heero moved away from the door and ventured deeper into the room. My ears discerned his path, and I dared raise my gaze just far enough to track him as he walked to the bath chamber, shedding his clothing as he went. It was fortunate that I had found at least that much courage, else I would have missed the expectant look he tossed over his shoulder just before disappearing into the other room. At the knowledge that I was to attend to his bath, the knots in my stomach twisted into butterflies, my fingers twitching at the prospect of touching his bare skin under such a convenient pretense.
I nearly tripped as I rose to my feet, anticipation making me clumsy. I started to follow when a sudden knock at the main door distracted me. I glanced toward the bath chamber, but Heero did not reappear, nor did he call out any instruction. I had never answered such a summons, as there was always someone with greater authority than I to monitor the traffic in and out of the baron's private suite. But alone as I was, I presumed to act as my master's gatekeeper. I hesitantly called out for the guards to admit mysterious the visitor, and my curiosity was quickly assuaged when a pair of robust footmen entered carried two large, steaming pails apiece of hot water. I blushed slightly as they leered in my direction, but I merely pointed toward the bath chamber and followed behind them as they went to fulfill their task.
The baron was still mostly clothed, only his outer doublet and vest lying unheeded on the tiled floor. I snatched them up before the footmen could unwittingly trample on the fine cloth. Instinctively holding them before me as a shield against unwanted attention, I moved to the side as the tub was filled. When I realized what I had done, I glanced nervously toward my master, fearing that my show of modesty had displeased him. But he was sitting at the dressing table, leaning back in the chair with his eyes closed. Once again, his exhaustion called to me, and my heart swelled with the need to offer him what relief I could. I barely noticed as the footmen departed, trusting the guards to see them out. Instead I relinquished my burden atop the dressing table and knelt before the baron to finish what he had begun.
The tugging sensation at his shirt garnered Heero's attention, and he watched me silently as I undid the laces with my teeth as I had been taught. He remained silent as I turned to the fastening at the waist of his breeches, motionless but for the blue eyes that noted and measured my efficiency. Finally I had done as much as I could without my hands and reached for his waistband, tugging insistently at his breeches until he shifted his hips enough so that I could pull them down his legs and past his feet. Standing, I took hold of the soft cotton of his shirt and pulled it over his head. I had done all of this with the confidence of experience, but my surety abandoned me as his head emerged from the neck of his shirt and I inadvertently met the full force of his shuttered gaze. The breath caught in my throat as my cock responded urgently to the silent provocation. He stood and I forced my feet to move so that I might give him room. He headed toward the bath and I took a deep breath, hoping that I might survive what was to come without embarrassing myself like some callow youth.
Giving myself a moment to gather my reserve, I fussed with his clothes, smoothing and folding them so that they would not become creased.
The unexpected command startled me, and I turned to obey before I had even formed the conscious thought to do so. He was already in the large tub, submerged neck to foot in the steaming water, eyes closed as he rested his head against the curved edge. I felt a moment of irrational anger toward the water for obscuring my view of him. Ashamed at my pathetic neediness, I struggled to maintain an outward façade of calm as I took up a sponge and bar of fragrant soap. A brief dip of the sponge into the water to wet it followed by a swift application of soap, and finally, I was able to indulge myself in tactile abandon.
Heero groaned quietly as I began, the soft rumble setting my cock to quivering as though it were a tuning fork fashioned to resonate to that very sound. The retreat of blood from my head to my groin and the moist heat of the water joined to make me light-headed. I braced myself with one hand against the side of the tub and I moved the sponge over his firm chest and up one side of his neck. I increased the pressure of my hand upon feeling the tightness of the muscles there even through the sponge, and a full-body sigh was my reward. I reached over him to repeat the treatment on his opposite side, nearly swooning as the enthralling scent of him, liberated by the hot water, filled my senses.
I stared down at the broad expanse of skin teasing me with glimpses from beneath the water. I wanted so badly to surrender to my longing for him, to just bend down and place my lips against even the innocuous skin at his shoulder. But the unspoken awkwardness between us kept me from closing that final distance. My hand, however, knew no such restraint. Responding to my errant fantasies, it strayed downward over his taut stomach, honing unerringly on the rod of flesh between his thighs. I realized what I had done only when his eyes suddenly flew open, catching my gaze and refusing me leave to deny my guilt. But rather than abandon the pursuit, I instead abandoned any pretense at self-control. Giving myself over to the temptation he presented, I continued massaging his cock with the sponge as I lowered my head far enough to press my lips against his throat.
The taste of Heero's skin was more intoxicating that any wine I had yet imbibed, and my tongue slipped out to better appreciate all the subtle nuances. I breathed in his masculinity, the heady aroma filling my body with a lance heat to rival the temperature of the bath. The sponge fell from my fingers as they rejected the barrier it presented. I took him fully in hand, stoking him slowly, not to tease but so that I could better appreciate the texture of warm skin over steel. Intent on charting the sexy tendon cording at the side of his neck, I trailed my lips in that direction. But no sooner had I reached my goal than a strong hand clasped the back of my neck, its twin closing with a hard, almost painful grip on my arm. I had only a moment to register my surprise before I was summarily hauled into the tub. Water displaced over the sides, splashing onto the tiled floor. But I no notice of the mess as Heero pulled my head down and lifted his down until our lips met in a violent crush.
There was an almost angry undertone to Heero's embrace as he pressed me against him, some underlying reluctance and sense of blame that translated into the roughness of his hold. But that niggling sense of disquiet still paled in the face of the passion that flooded me as I absorbed the feel of my master's naked skin against my own. A warm tongue invaded my mouth, thrusting forward and seeking out my own. I whimpered as he engaged me in lingual battle, submitting eagerly before the impassioned onslaught. Heero seemed not to be in the mood for foreplay, and fortunately I needed no such accommodation for I immediately felt the probe of his hardness at my entrance. But the dildo was still in place, as per Heero's own order, and the growl that transmitted his irritation as he was thwarted sent a frisson of heat down my spine.
I moaned as insistent fingers probed at my tender orifice, seeking out the edges of the carved wood. I did not know if Heero would actually be able to pull it out on his own, though he seemed determined to try. My stretched flesh quivered at the feel of his insistent fingers, spasming and threatening to pull the dildo even further into my body. Fighting through the lust fogging my consciousness and the acute mortification the act always engendered, I strained against the invading object, moaning against Heero's lips at the effort. Though I was hampered by the absence of the thick cream that my trainer usually employed to facilitate the process, the water eased my struggle sufficiently so that I was able to dislodge the dildo far enough for Heero to finally get a hold of it. He pulled it out without ceremony, causing me to hiss as the slight pain of its abrupt passage. But discomfort soon turned to ecstasy as it was replaced with some larger, hotter, and far more insistent.
Heero's lips lost their claim on my as I arched helplessly as his throbbing cock invaded my welcoming sheath. A cry echoed against the tiled surface of the room, but I was incapable of recognizing it as my own. There were no seductive words or gentle kisses, only the forceful thrust of the rod of flesh impaling me again and again. My fingers curled where they lay against his shoulder, digging into the firm muscle and drawing a small grunt of protest from the man claiming me so determinedly. But I was unable to muster an apology or to loosen my grip. It was all I could do merely to hold on as I met every upward push with a graceless downward thrust.
As forcefully as he moved within me, somehow it was still not enough. The tip of his arousal teased at the patch of bundled nerves, the glancing pressure hinting but never satisfying. I moaned as the erotic torment continued, wondering if I were being punished for some oversight I was unaware of committing. But I slowly came to the realization that the shifting water was affecting Heero's ability to move and causing his fingers to slip from where they were clasped at my waist. I thought of how the situation might be rectified, but though I was unable to find the breath to voice the suggestion, Heero seemed to read my mind. Though he did exactly as I wished, I was still caught off guard, unable to hold back a surprised yelp as the room seemed to spin. Rather, it was I who was spinning, for Heero lifted me from him and swiftly turned me around so that I was on my knees facing the foot of the tub. Even though I immediately took hold of the edge, my purchase was threatened by the force with which he reconnected us. Leverage once again on his side, it was all I could do to keep from falling out of the tub entirely as my master bent over me, grasped my hips, and relieved the sense of emptiness that overcame me whenever we were not thusly joined.
My master fucked me hard. Even now I am unable to employ a more genteel phrase for what passed between us. Heero fucked me until my throat protested the further voicing of my approval at his single-mindedness. The only contact between us was his hands at my hips and the pounding force of his cock. I was nothing more than a convenient receptacle for his lust, and I nearly wept from the joy of it. Savage though he might have been, for the first time in so long, I sensed no restraint or pretense from him. There was nothing but the unfettered passion that I craved even though I might have been any faceless, nameless whore for all the care he took.
My heart might have cried for the harshness of it, but my body called it a fool and accepted him without reservation. Heat pooled heavy and insistent in my balls, heralding the onslaught of the release that was hovering just beyond my grasp. I felt a sudden wet slickness at my abused entrance, easing the way as Heero neared his end. I wanted so desperately to reach down and remove the ring holding back my fulfillment and take my pleasure into my own hands, but I had been too well trained to perpetrate such a breach of protocol. Instead I let my head hang between my braced arms, praying that my master might show mercy. I feared my silent plea would be for naught as the trickle became a flood as Heero roared behind me. But before the first tears of thwarted frustration could fall, fire exploded in my nipples and cock without warning as my clamps and ring were removed in rapid succession. My balls tightened and a gasping shout was ripped from my chest as flames seemed to spread out from my freed nipples and travel straight down into and out of my pulsing cock. My ears rang from the volume of my strident shout as my passage closed with rhythmic violence around my master's hardness.
With a rush, all remaining strength left me, and I collapsed against the edge of the tub, the cooling metal a welcome relief against the flush burning my sweat-covered cheek. My struggle to breath was hampered when Heero's weight increased against my back for a moment as he, too, paused to recover his strength. But far sooner that I would have been able, he moved away, causing me to shiver as cooler air brushed over my damp back. I heard small splashes in the water that had survived our escapade, and the rising smell of an unmistakable scent told me that Heero had found the submerged soap and sponge. His movements disturbed the air around me as he washed away any lingering traces of the memory I was even then desperately striving to hoard away. The sensation of rough fibers against my arm bade me to open my eyes and I saw the sponge that he was holding out toward me. I took it and looked over my shoulder, but he had already turned away. A heavy ache grew in my chest, but I fought against it as I gathered what strength I could and followed his example.
He was already out of the tub before I had completed my toilet. I moved to do likewise, groaning at both the twinge in my ass and the hopeless condition of my water and sweat soaked hair. Heero had found a towel and had nearly finished drying off before I found the strength in my legs to quit the tub. He tucked the cloth around his waist, beads of water still clinging to his shoulders as he left the bath chamber, attesting to his uncharacteristic carelessness. Deciding that dealing with my hair would have to wait, I hastily grabbed a couple of towels - one for my hair and one for my body - wrapped them around me and stepped out of the humid room, trailing in Heero's wake.
He remained several steps ahead of me, discarding his towel as he reached the bed. I was barely quick enough to watch as he climbed beneath the covers and buried his face in his pillow. I hesitated for a moment, but soon realized that any interaction between us was finished for the evening. As quietly as I could, I rounded the edge of the bed, climbing in on the other side. The leather and fur collar was still fastened about my throat and I hoped that the water had not ruined it completely. I fumbled with the clasp, my clumsy fingers successful only after several minutes of focused effort. I laid it out atop the bedside table so that it might dry. My head fell to the pillow as the full weight of the day's events caught up with me. I felt uncertain and off balance, reassured by the physical contact my master had given me, while at the same time unable to dispel the sense of hurt at his continued coldness.
Turning my head on the pillow, I found Heero's silhouette in the low light from the banked fire. I let my gaze caress his back longingly until exhaustion and the pain of futility beckoned me to sleep.