For You I Suffer
When I awoke the next morning, I laid quietly for a long moment, reluctant to open my eyes upon to the coldness of my master's gaze. But the sterile chill of the early morning air informed me that I was alone as I had only been once before since coming to Windshire. But on this occasion, my heart felt not the contentment of that previous rising.
My hand reached out, clutching the sheets atop which the baron had slept, trying to catch some lingering hint of his warmth even as I called myself a fool. Memories from the night before flashed through my mind, filling my body with fire though they stilled my heart with pain. My master had taken me, possessed me as I'd dreamed of since I realized such a thing was possible. But afterwards he'd pushed me away as though I were nothing but a nuisance. When I craved nothing more that the reassurance of his touch, he'd turned from me, stealing away all hope that I might thwart Lady Une's plan and instill within him feelings of the most tender sort.
My eyes were dry, all tears over Heero's snub spent into my pillow under the cover of night. Now sunlight flooded the room and it was time to face whatever this day might bring. I slipped out of my master's bed, that place no longer being the refuge it had become for me. Until last night I knew that no matter what difficulties I might face from the world at large, in this room, within the sure embrace of this bed, I could be at peace. But no longer.
I stood naked in the chilled air for I know not how long, seeing myself and my baron entwined upon the thick mattress as he claimed me for his own. Had I ever known such unspeakable joy as I had at that moment when he filled me with himself? Had I ever spoken any truer words as I had when my confession of love was forced from my lips on a helpless shout? Had I ever felt such crushing defeat as I had when he shunned me?
The sound of the outer door opening saved me from further contemplation. Whatever I'd done to kill my baron's affection would not be sussed out by losing myself in memories and dreams. I dropped to my knees as the bedchamber door swung open and Quatre's bright head poked into the room. His pleasant smile fell upon me and I welcomed the fond gentleness of the hand he placed on my shoulder.
"Good morning, Duo," he greeted me. "I trust you had a lovely evening." He said this with a smile, inviting me to respond to the understatement in kind. I could only manage the slightest movement of my lips, but fortunately, this seemed to satisfy him. He chuckled and caressed my hair, his smile becoming doting as I leaned gratefully into his touch.
We retired to the sitting room where Quatre had breakfast waiting. I nibbled listlessly at my food, neatly lapping up my morning tea more out of habit than any desire to appear graceful. Fortunately, my trainer didn't seem to notice my despondency for he chatted on as he normally did about the day's plans.
"Although the trade negotiations have been successfully concluded, Heero still has the rather onerous duty of entertaining the delegates from Slaburry until they return to their own country. So this morning he's taken them out on a hunt. They will be gone all day, I'm afraid, which leaves me with the question of how to most productively occupy your time, my dear."
My spirits sank upon hearing that I would be forced to spend yet another day away from my master. I feared a return of the aloofness with which he had treated me after I'd professed my love for him – I'd concluded at some point during breakfast that it was my impassioned declaration that had cooled his ardor. But even so, Heero was my obsession and I craved him with the single-minded desperation of a man who has fallen victim to his love for drink. Even if he spurned me and wished to banish me from his sight, I would cling to his foot and beg to be allowed nothing more than the privilege of kissing his heel. I frightened myself with how deeply I'd fallen in love with my master, but such was the truth and I could only acknowledge it.
"Is there no chance of me seeing him?" I asked my handler softly, striving to force the forlorn quiver from my voice.
"No, for the Windshire hunting grounds are vast and covering them will take some time. Moreover, Heero won't want to offend any of the ambassadors so they will all be afforded the opportunity to make a kill. Since the Slaburry party is large, I can't imagine that they will return much before the dinner hour."
I experienced a brief moment of relief upon learning the reason for my baron's protracted absence. I'd secretly feared that he sought to avoid me, that I'd disgusted him with my neediness. I was gratified to hear that it was due, at least in part, to his requirements as a host. But more than ever I desired to see him. I wanted to know, I needed to know, which was the true nature of his heart: the possessiveness that had burned me as he'd entered my body or the rejection that had cut me as he'd left it.
Helen came to prepare me for the day, her sharp gaze noting the tear-induced redness that had not quite faded from my eyes and the slight pallor in my cheeks that bespoke my discontent. But as ever she went about her task with a sure hand and hearty chatter, her curiosity as to my state of mind remaining unvoiced. I thanked her silently for her solicitude, my mood lightening somewhat as she brushed my hair with extra care. She pushed an errant strand behind my ear as she prepared to leave and favored me with a kind smile.
"All will be well, my boy. Don't lose heart." I gazed after her as she nodded toward Quatre and quitted the baron's chamber. Every day she became more and more like my beloved mother, always knowing what to say to ease my worries. But even her reassurances could not overpower the memory of my master pulling away from my touch.
Quatre waited for me upon the couch in the sitting room, my adornments ready in his hand. I knelt at his feet as he returned my collar, cock ring, and clamps to their rightful places. But before he could attach the golden chain to my collar, signaling the end of the morning's preparations, I stopped him with a cautious touch on the back of his hand. He looked at me, his blue-green eyes wide with friendly inquiry.
"I-I..." The request was surely the strangest I'd yet made and I found it difficult to reconcile my desires in even my own mind let alone speak them aloud. But my body made known its longing, aching with emptiness.
"I wish my last dildo to be returned to me, my lord. I enjoy the pleasure it gives me." I want to recapture in any way open to me the feeling of my master filling me and making me whole, even if it's only a false comfort. I had not the courage to speak the whole truth and so I could offer Quatre only the most superficial of reasons. Luckily my trainer required no further explanation. He laughed with unfettered delight, placing a hand against his chest as though to contain his mirth.
"Oh my, just when I was certain I was quite incapable of being surprised. But you, pretty one, you never cease to amaze me." Another chuckle accompanied a soft pat to the top of my head. "Of course you may if that is your wish. Wait but a moment and I shall retrieve your adored companion."
He returned quickly as he promised and I soon found my face pressed against the couch, hands grasping at the thick cushions as the last and largest of the dildos once again took up residence in my clenching orifice, its passage eased only by the liberal application of the familiar cream. I sighed through my helpless moans, enjoying the unyielding wood's relentless invasion and pretending that it was my master who was claiming me thus. After it was done, Quatre ran soothing fingers over my curved spine, assuring me that I was beautiful in my willing sacrifice.
"And now, my love, it's time to get on with the day. Since Heero cannot spare time for you, I've decided it would be the perfect occasion to take our lord gamesman up on his kind offer. It is a lovely day, perfect for a bit of honest labor, I should think."
All at once my entire body went as stiff as the length of wood resting within my bowels. The gamesman? I was suddenly overcome with the vision of a gaze as green as the forest and full of sultry intent. The renewed throbbing in my cock eagerly called forth the memory of the arrangement to which Quatre referred. Whenever my baron could not find time for me and when I was not to be otherwise engaged, I would be lent out to the gamekeeper for a harmless bit of farm work. Nothing about the situation should have been cause for alarm except that the gamesman, Trowa, was none other than the man who'd had filled me with a powerful lust that was only barely controlled by my shame at its very existence.
And for it to be today of all days that I would see him! It had been difficult enough to resist his inexplicable pull when I'd still been confident in my ability to hold my master's regard. But now, when I was so beset by uncertainty and doubt as to whether my love would ever be returned, I knew whatever defenses I'd been able to raise before against the gamekeeper's potent allure were severely tattered. Moved by a deep, abiding fear, I ventured to protest my trainer's design.
"But, my lord," I murmured, barely able to inject any volume into my speech, "I believe I'm feeling not all together well today, as it were. P-Perhaps I could be allowed to remain in the baron's suite?"
Quatre looked at me, his gaze alarmed at my false profession of illness. His looked into my eyes and caressed my cheeks with the back of his fingers. He laid a thumb against the pulse in my throat, which beat heavily from my lie, and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.
"You do seem to be a bit peaked, but you don't have a fever and do not seem otherwise indisposed. No, Duo, I think a bit of fresh air is just what you need." And so my attempted rebellion died a merciless death and I bowed my head resignedly as Quatre attached the chain to my collar.
"Now let us go to the stables. I think we'll both take a proper horse out to Trowa's farm so as not to over tire you before you begin whatever task he sees fit to give you."
It was, as Quatre noted, a very pleasant day. I sat behind the blond as we rode through the country side outside of Windshire beneath a hazy blue sky. The warmth of the breeze was gentle against my naked skin giving me no cause to regret my lack of attire. I'd never before ridden a horse without the benefit of trousers and was finding the experience both odd and shamefully enticing. The saddle blanket abraded my legs with it pleasing coarseness. The smooth leather of the saddle caressed the twin sacs hanging between my thighs. And every motion of the gelding jarred against the base of the dildo so that several times I found myself clinging to my trainer's jacket, gasping as the phallus pressed against some particularly sensitive spot.
The treacheries of my body I was willing to countenance and concentrated instead on mastering my fickle heart. I vowed that I would spend my time at Trowa's with my thoughts focused firmly on my work rather than the deep green of his eyes or the work-hewn splendor of his form. I had no time to spare for a gamekeeper when I strove to capture no less than the heart of a prince. A deep breath firmed my resolve and by the time the smoke stack of Trowa's cottage came into sight, I was feeling quite confident in my purpose.
I carefully studied the grounds, noting with a practiced eye the excellent construction of Trowa's stable and the sturdiness of his home. The fields were well-tended, though in need of plowing if they were to receive the year's seedlings. The peasant-ish bent of my thoughts diverted me enough so that it was a moment before I realized we'd reached our destination.
Quatre waved and, following the direction of the gesture, my gaze fell upon the exotic features of the gamesman before I was quite prepared. It seemed he was expecting our arrival for no surprise showed on his face. Instead he returned my trainer's greeting with a congenial nod before turning the full weight of his attention toward me.
I flushed instantly as our gazes met, his emerald regard burning against my bared flesh as it traversed every inch of me. I wanted to look away but the tiny smile that curved the corner of his full lips taunted, daring me to either run away and deny the truth or to accept his challenge and explore whatever it was that lingered between us. Perhaps at some point in my brash youth I would have easily taken the bait but, as Quatre slid down from the horse bidding me to follow, I wanted nothing more than to spur the gelding into a gallop and leave the tempting gamekeeper far behind.
"Good morn to you, Sir Gamesman. I trust you are well." Trowa returned the smaller man's welcome with a grin more genuine than that which he'd given me.
"Very well, indeed," he replied. "The baron and his hunting party should have a fine day of it; the game has been both lively and plentiful this season. He mentioned that they would be away all day so I had a feeling you and your charge might come my way."
Of course, I thought. He would have been responsible for arranging for the day's hunting so it was no wonder he knew that Quatre and I might visit. I chaffed somewhat at his presumption that, just because I was denied my master's presence, I would automatically be given over to him. Even though such a conjecture was clearly correct, it still grated that he apparently knew more about my activities than I did.
"Your perception serves you well, for that is precisely why I've brought Duo to you today. Since the baron will be otherwise occupied I thought it would be a fine opportunity for you to make use of Duo's talents." Quatre reached toward me and affectionately pushed my hair back from where it had fallen over my shoulder. I could not appreciate the attention, however, as his action had left me bereft of the slight covering my long mane provided and bared even more of myself to the gamekeeper's penetrating gaze.
"Yes," Trowa replied, his melodious voice engendering a most distressing tingling in my belly. "I'm sure I can find someway to make use of him." I looked up at the ominous pronouncement, wondering if his true meaning was as blatant as it sounded to my ears. Apparently, only I was aware of the less than chaste intent in his words for Quatre only clapped his hands and blinded the pair of us with a beaming smile.
"Splendid! In that case, Duo, I shall leave you in Trowa's excellent care. I trust he won't work you too hard." Quatre laughed at his own joke, not noticing the blush that colored my cheeks or the sudden sharpening of Trowa's gaze. "What time should I come to collect him, do you suppose?" my trainer asked, seemingly eager to abandon me to my fate.
"The fields are in need of planting," the gamekeeper answered after giving the matter a bit of thought. "So let me have him until the latest hour of the afternoon. We should be well on by then." Quatre nodded and turned to face me, lifting a hand to my shoulder.
"I'll be off then, pretty one. Enjoy your day and I shall come for you at the appointed hour." A brief kiss completed the ritual of parting and in the next instant my handler was gone, a rising cloud of dust the only remaining sign of his passing.
I looked after him until he was completely gone from my sight and then still I looked, not wanting to acknowledge the fact of my situation. But the gamekeeper foiled my attempt at self-delusion. I felt the warmth of his presence as he moved behind me, hovering just far enough away that air could pass freely between us. But that was all that could do so and I began to tremble at his nearness. I prayed that he wouldn't discern the helpless quiver but my wish was made in vain. A finger traced up my arm and replaced the lock of hair that my trainer had earlier moved, leaving it to brush teasingly against my chest. It glided over one of my restrained nipples and my tremors increased in violence until they could be kept a secret no longer.
"We have a long day ahead of us, Duo." I closed my eyes at the delicious softness of his mellow baritone. A long day, indeed. I wondered how I'd ever survive it with my honor intact.