For You I Suffer
Heero hissed with an uneven breath and the same fingers that had been tormenting me so wonderfully just minutes before delved into my hair, holding me to him. I am hard put to describe in words how eagerly I savored his taste. I longed to take him even deeper down my throat, so that the only air I could breathe was that which came from his cock.
A ridiculous fantasy, I know, but that was how desperately I loved him. I neither wanted nor needed anything but that which he could provide. The sun rose whenever he looked upon me and darkness threatened whenever we were apart. My baron had become the entirety of my life and I wished for no other existence. I could not express this using anything as clumsy as language. So I spoke with words of desire and love, expressing myself instead with sucking lips and a caressing tongue.
Heero pulled my head even closer, pushing himself yet further into my mouth. I whimpered as my cock throbbed in response. I tried to move my head up and down his shaft, having to struggle against his iron grip until he realized what I was about. He loosened his hold and allowed me to worship him as best I could. Strong fingers massaged my scalp, urging me onward and I accepted the challenge.
I did not employ any of the subtle tricks that Quatre had used on me in the garden. At that moment, I had not the fortitude or patience for finesse. My only intent was how quickly I could bring pleasure to my lord.
Licking at the blunt head of his cock, I probed into the tempting slit with the tip of my tongue. Heero bit back a groan, which only spurred me to repeat the action again and again. Soon, his hips were moving, thrusting in an imitation of the power of which I dreamed and hoped to witness before too long. I moved my hands further up the backs of his thighs, grasping at the clenching muscles of his ass as he moved. He pressed against my lips seeking entrance and for a playful moment, I denied him. But I could not reject him for long; my own passion was too great. Slowly I opened my lips, allowing him entrance once again.
He began to thrust more forcefully, filling my mouth and moving ever deeper until a less devoted man than I would have choked and gasped for air. All I wished, however, was that he might spill himself into my mouth so that I could taste his sweet nectar once again. His movements grew faster and I suspected that his end might be near. But instead of the flow of his essence across my tongue, I instead felt the hand in my hair tighten and my head was abruptly lifted away from the thick shaft on which I'd been feasting.
I actually thought to protest, so far gone was I in my own lust, yet any ill-conceived notions of dissent were silenced as he claimed my lips and devoured them whole. Heero chased my tongue into my mouth with his own as he pushed against my shoulders until I lay flat on the bed. I was trapped, caught as he moved over me and laid atop my quivering body. I was being crushed into the bed as I suffered his full weight and I thought I might die from joy. Every bit of my skin was covered by every inch of his and it was almost too much to bear. Never before had we been so close and it was just as wonderful as I'd always dreamed it would be.
I could not remain passive beneath the force of his passion. My tongue sought out his and together, they danced and mated in imitation of what lay before us. I brought my legs up, wrapping them around his waist, determined that he should never again be free of me. For to lose him was to lose myself.
Those moments, lying in his arms fully and completely for the very first time, linger in my memory as both a blur and as a recollection of singular clarity. Every sensation in which I drowned seemed unbearably sharp. The smell of his sweat, the sight of his beautiful eyes, the sound of his beating heart. I drank it in — drank him in — as a man dying of thirst would beset a glass of cool water.
Heero never relented in his efforts as he charted every hidden corner of my willing mouth. His hands skimmed up my heaving sides before diverting to my clamps and removing them without ceremony. I thrashed against him as the blood coursed through my freed nipples. I moaned at the tingling ache of renew feeling, the cry stifled against his lips. But even the pain was something to relish in those perfect moments.
And my baron was kind enough to distract me from my suffering, though no such redirection was needed. Even as I forcibly quieted my struggles, I was tormented anew, though Heero's latest assault was far more agreeable than the former. This time, I succeeded in shouting my pleasure, tearing my lips away from his when his rough palm wrapped around my stiffened cock. As his lips latched onto my bared throat, he began a steady motion up and down the sensitive organ until my shouts threatened to turn to screams.
"Please! Please!" I begged, hardly knowing for what I pleaded. My tender nipples seemed to swell and throb as they were kneaded by delightfully careless fingers. My head had flung back of its own volition, further exposing my neck to the lips and teeth that sucked and nibbled over the pale column. One of my hands burrowed into his thick hair so as to prevent any untimely cessation of his indulgence. The other clutched frantically at the pillow beneath my head, needed to ground myself lest my trembling form fly apart.
It was so very hard, but I struggle to maintain what composure I could, determined not to disappoint my master and embarrass myself with my own pathetic lusts. But gods! What torture it was to not just succumb to the fire that burned within me, clawing at my insides and my aching cock, demanding liberation.
Suddenly, Heero raised his head just enough to look into my wide, feverish eyes, his hand never stilling in its maddening movement over my arousal. His gaze traveled over my flushed face, lingering over the sweat dotting my brow, the pinkness of my parted lips. All was silent, save for the rasping of my own breath in my ears. So dark, so blue; I'd never seen anything to match how his eyes appeared in that moment. I shivered as they pierced me, imagining that only his foes were ever cursed enough to have known that look. And yet, contrary to my musings, there was no malice in that focused regard. Instead, there was something that made my speeding heart beat all the faster and threatened to disintegrate whatever small control I still maintained.
"Now, you are mine."
Any response I may have given was lost in an incoherent cry as he slid my cock ring free and plunged into that place which had been so carefully prepared. I had been correct in my assessment of his virility: even the largest of my dildos proved paltry in comparison to his sheer magnificence.
Yet there was not the slightest pain or regret. There was nothing save the exquisite fulfillment of both my professed and secret longings. My baron took me, claimed me, and possessed me with all the assured mastery which served him as he ruled over his vast realm. I was no less conquered than any enemy he might meet in battle, but I felt infinitely more precious.
His shaft commanded my acquiescence, filling me without mercy. Pain and pleasure mixed into the perfect sensation as my body stretch to take all of him. Even with all of the care that had gone into preparing for this moment, my baron's prodigious arousal still threatened to rip me asunder. But no care or hesitation marred the joy blossoming in my heart. Every inch of my inner walls was subjected to his maddening caress as he pounded into me, claiming my body as well as my soul. I could feel him with every inflamed nerve, as though it was not just one part of me he touch but ever corner of my being. It was as though he wished to imprint himself on me so that no one would ever again look upon me without knowing exactly to whom I belonged.
My arms embraced him as tightly as they could, pulling him close so that he lay flush against me. Sweat formed by the violence of our exertions pooled between us and heat poured from our bodies as though we might combust. Heero's thrusts grew more impassioned and the press of his belly against my throbbing cock tore breathless cries from my lips. Use me, my heart cried. Fill me! Tear me apart!
"Take me," I whispered, the ability to utter a louder sound lost in the flood of overwhelming passion. "Take me until there's nothing left!"
I can't say in which dark corner of my heart the debasing request was born, but as my master reared back to pierce me with his gaze, I knew that I would never regret the appeal. With this final act I had given myself to him utterly and I made certain that he knew of my offering.
In that moment, I finally understood what I had seen in Heero's eyes as he'd breached the final defenses of my body and my soul. It was the desire to claim and possess that had darkened and honed his gaze, for the same need to be thus seized filled my own heart. With a single action, he had proclaimed me his and I vowed, then and there, that I would forever remain willingly shackled by the fetters he'd placed around my heart.
The bed shook and groaned beneath us, barely able to withstand the force of Heero's powerful thrusts. He grabbed my wrists, holding them above my head with such strength that I couldn't have broken free had I tried. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh as he came into me again and again should have been vulgar and coarse. But instead, it seemed to me as a beautiful harmony, blending seamlessly with his quiet groans and my louder, breathier cries.
"Heero!" I shouted, his name a mantra upon my lips. "I love you!" came the heedless confession, drawn from me by the sensation of his thick, hot staff caressing my quivering passage. I tightened my legs about his waist, pulling him even closer as though I would meld into him if I could. My flesh pulsed around his shaft, grasping and clinging, for there was no part of me that ever wanted to let him go. It is indescribable, the feeling of being so completely invaded, so thoroughly dominated. My shouts lost all meaning, even his name failing on my lips, becoming only punctuating cries that I uttered in time to his pounding thrusts.
My skin had lost any hint of self, the sheen of my sweat becoming indistinguishable from his, the scent of my body subsumed completely by his luscious, masculine fragrance. All vision was lost and all sound became naught but the buzzing of white noise, the entirety of my being aware only of my lord and master.
Heero's movement soon abandoned any semblance of rhythm, becoming a primal expression of his dominion over me. He pressed his face into the side of my neck as my own sought refuge against his. I bit at his shoulder in a vain attempt to stifle the shouts that threatened to ruin my throat. I was adrift in the maelstrom of his desire, consumed by the sheer power of his passion. And then, his hips snapping forward almost viciously, he suddenly plunged his proud cock into me so deeply, it seemed he was trying to bury himself in my body. The blunt tip pressed against the burning center of my need, spurring me to exquisite new heights. My lips fell open on a silent cry as Heero stiffened against me and shuddered, my wrists bruising at the strength of his gripping hands.
I would never have heard the word, which was murmured in a deep growl, if it had not been made right against my ear. It was but a small sound, yet it echoed through my heart as the loudest of shouts. My voice rose in answer, letting loose with his beloved name as his essence filled me with copious surges of fantastic heat. I responded in kind, the need that had been twisting and wrenching within me bursting forth from my cock and covering us both with shocking sprays of white.
The pinnacle was reached and we plummeted beyond it into glorious release, until at last all was hushed and still. For a long while, Heero just lay against my heaving chest and I was quite content to have him remain. I could feel the slightest of trembles in his broad shoulders, unknowable to the naked eye, but transmitted to my perception by the multitude of overwrought nerves that lay just beneath the surface of my skin.
Slowly, I came to accept what had just occurred between us as truth. My gasps turned more vehement and I tried manfully to stifle my sobs. I could scarcely fathom the depths of my own ecstasy. At last, after enduring so many trials and humiliations for this man's pleasure, he had granted me my most desperate longing. How many more times, I wondered, might I know this bliss? My heart beat heavily with the wish that he might always be with me thus. Though not bold enough to speak my desires, my body was not satisfied with such timidity. Slipping my wrists from his hold, my arms stole about his shoulders – slowly so that he might remain unaware of my daring – until they lightly encircled him.
Before I could let my brave limbs rest against him and achieve their audacious endeavor, Heero shifted, his muscles stiffening and bunching as he pushed away from me. I instantly felt the cold chill from the absence of his solid warmth. I shivered, grateful when he pulled the covers over us and we sunk beneath them. All of this solicitation was accomplished with his back firmly directed towards me, however, and I could find no comfort in the cozy, feather-stuffed duvet.
His graceful back remained the only part of him to satisfy my sight as he settled down. Perhaps he's just tired, the reasonable side of my mind offered, trying not to conclude any intended snub. But when I reached out to lay my greedy hand against his shoulder, he pointedly pulled away from my touch.
Logic instantly fled, replaced by the all too familiar companions of disquiet and doubt. I lay stunned, watching my master as his breathing evened out into the deep steadiness of sleep. Had I displeased him? Had I disappointed? I turned over those incredible moments, examining them and searching frantically for any error or misstep on my part. But I could only remember how wonderful it had been. Suddenly, I was desperate to rekindle that closeness and my hand again traversed the distance between us, gravitating towards him like a pebble towards the earth.
But even in sleep, my baron was formidable and the memory of his rebuff was still too fresh in my thoughts. My hand fell to the bed and remained where it lay as I finally gave in to exhaustion and fell into slumber. My pillow grew dark with the tears of bitter rejection that spilled from beneath my lowered lashes.