Disclaimers: the characters of Shinkodusenki Gundam Wing are not mine, I'm just using them for fun and promise to give them back. I used text directly from the play, you'll probably notice. Occasionally, I managed a rhyming couplet or two of my own, but the good stuff is mostly Shakespeare's. This is probably plagiarism, but I think 'ole Willie would have had a good sense of humor about it, don't you? I think he would have gotten a kick out of my yaoi adaptation

Pairings: main are 1x2x1, 3x4x3, 6x13x6, I'm not giving anything else away. Some will be het and yuri!
Rated L for lemons.
Warnings: magic flowers, silliness, limes, lemon, repeated use of the word 'ass'. This was *supposed* to be PG13, but Heero and Duo had other ideas…

Author's Notes: Shakespeare translated for all to enjoy. My entry for the 2002 GW Addiction Fluff Contest. Voted second place in the popular vote! Shakespeare's farce + G-boys + Granate silliness = yaoi/yuri/het mishchief in the woods!   This is (hopefully) written and adapted so that all might enjoy it, but there may be added humor if you know the play (because you'll pick out all the ways I changed it). The biggest challenge this parody presented was that the play only gives me dialogue, all the "staging" and narrative additions are mine alone. Luckily, I've seen this play a few times, and have done some directing in the past, so it turned out to be a lot of fun. Enjoy!

This is not intentional Relena-bashing. She's playing Helena, so there's really no way around it. Actually, I treated her a lot better than Shakespeare did!! Act I has the little Shakespearian language since I had to change this part so much.

Summary: yaoi/yuri/het mischief in the woods (not quite how Shakespeare wrote it…)

Granate's Gundam Wing Theater Presents:
A Midsummer Night's Dream
By William Shakespeare circa 1600, GW adaptation by Granate, 2003

"Oh, I am out of breath from this fond chase!" Relena huffed as she plopped down on a patch of thick grass, "Where can Heero have gone! How could I have lost him?" She leaned against a stump and sulked for a bit, before spotting something golden in color behind some vines. "What is this?" she asked out loud, crawling over and pushing the vines away. It was a person! She only knew one person with such hair. "Quatre, on the ground! Dead or asleep?" she wondered nervously, "I see no blood, no wound." She shook the boy. "Quatre, if you live, good sir, awake!"

Quatre stirred and rolled over to face her.

"Quatre?" she asked, biting her lip.

He blinked sleepily at her, and then his eyes glowed with recognition. He reached up and touched her shoulder. "Radiant Relena!" he whispered in awe. "Run through fire I will for thy sweet sake," he vowed, sitting up.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, removing his hand from her shoulder. He moved instantly closer so that they were nose to nose.

"I'm talking about you, Relena! I'm talking about how madly in love with you I am!" he said loudly, taking her hand.

"Lower your voice, Quatre Winner!" she said in mortification, "Why do you mock me so? What have I ever done to you?" She struggled to pull her hand out of his grasp, but he held tight, pulling her near.

"With all God's might, Relena, I will honor you and be your knight," he swore, latching an arm around her waist.

She squawked loudly and pushed him away. They both turned at the sound of a rustle in the bushes behind them. Trowa appeared over the hedge, scratching his chin and yawning. "Quatre? What's all the…" he stopped short at the sight of Relena, and his jaw just dropped. He hurried around the bush to be near her, but Quatre got in his way.

"Come no closer to My Lady, ruffian!" he warned.

"Your Lady?" the green eyed boy asked disdainfully. He turned to Relena, "Nymph, sweet and divine, are you Quatre's Lady?"

"No!" she cried, "And don't call me nymph! I have a reputation to protect!"

"Good, then you can be My Lady," Trowa said blissfully as he bumped Quatre out of the way.

"Hey!" Quatre yelped, nearly losing his balance.

"You! You're a stable hand!" Relena exclaimed, recognizing the advancing boy and backing away.

"You can bet I'm good with my hands," he promised with a grin as he reached for her.

Relena just screamed and clumsily scrambled up the nearest tree. For a girl who'd never climbed a tree in her life, she did it awfully fast.

"Woe! Do not scorn me so!" Trowa called after her.

"Now look what you've done!" Quatre admonished, giving Trowa's shoulder a shove. He looked up to Relena, "Please come down, Lady I swear to protect you from this hooligan!"

"Hooligan?" Trowa repeated in a growl.

"Oh spite! Oh hell!" Relena swore, "I see the both of you are bent on mocking me for your own merriment! I know the truth! The two of you are probably out here together! I don't care what you do, I won't tell your father, Quatre, just leave me alone and be on your way!"

"Running away with him?! This riff-raff?" Quatre said indignantly, "I would never do such a thing! I live only for you, Miss Relena!"

"Riff-raff?" Trowa exclaimed, "Quiet, you half-pint!"

"Half-pint?! Are you calling me short?!" Quatre demanded, "Do you think you can grow high on her esteem because I am so dwarfish and low? How low am I, huh? How low am I?? Not so low that I can't reach my fist to your face, thou - thou painted maypole!!

"Please, no fighting!" Relena begged.

Trowa looked up at her with a twinkle in his eye. "When he's angry, he's keen and shrewd. Though he be but little, he is fierce," he said, "But I would gladly face him for your sake, nymph."

"Don't call me that!!"

"'Little' again?! Nothing but 'low' and 'little'!" Quatre steamed, "I will not allow you to flout me thus!"

"Be gone, you dwarf!" Trowa said, waving a hand, "You hinder us here, you acorn, you shrimp - "

"Ugh," Relena sighed mournfully, "Never did mockers waste such breath." The suitors did not hear her and went on arguing.

"Are you in trouble, human?" a feline voice asked. Relena desperately looked around to see where it had come from. "Here," it said again. A branch on the next tree was pushed aside, revealing a pretty female face.

"I - I - " Relena stammered. She had not previously believed that such faerie creatures existed, but this could be nothing else.

The figure stood, showing herself to be a tall nymph with flaxen hair and forked eyebrows. She walked gracefully across the branch all the way to its thin tip and stood next to Relena. "Come with me, I'll keep you safe," she offered kindly.

Relena shook her head in fear. She didn't like heights. The nymph offered her hand and the girl was compelled to take it. "I'm Dorothy," the taller girl said, helping Relena up. then she led her towards the thin branch she had been hiding on before.

"I can't walk on that!" Relena cried, tugging her hand back, "Surely it will break!"

"Yes you can, just don't let go of my hand," Dorothy told her and gently pulled the girl to follow. Relena gingerly stepping farther out on the branch and gasped when it didn't even so much as sway under her feet. She exclaimed again in delight as she easily followed Dorothy through the trees.

"You can rest here," the beautiful nymph said when they approached a willow tree, "This is my special place." She pushed the weeping limbs aside, bringing Relena in to a dim world of leafy vines and lush shade-loving flowers.

"Thank you," Relena said awedly and sat down on a soft patch.

"If I'm not here when you wake, just stay, I will return," Dorothy promised as her pretty little human lay down. She liked this girl, and was going to try and make her forget about earning the love a silly, fickle mortal man. She was going to find Oberon and tell him about Puck's mix-up. This must surely be the girl of which he spoke, but neither of the two youths could be her love since she seemed so afraid of them. She hadn't realized there were so many Athenians out in the woods tonight! Only Puck could fix this mess. Where was that mischievous faerie boy anyway?


Puck fisted the sheets frantically and squeezed his eyes shut as he was thrown forward again. Heero clasped his hips relentlessly and pulled out to the tip. He drove back in with a grunt and his lover cried out in pleasure yet again. Pausing briefly, Heero planted one hand outside of each of Duo's on the bed and leaned over him to kiss his back and nibble his neck as he fucked him with short powerful strokes, probing for the spot that made him scream. Duo's loud verbal praise continued as he moved to meet his human's thrusts.


"Come sit the down upon this flow'ry bed," Titan invited his furry darling, "While I thy amiable cheeks do coy, and stick muskroses in the sleek smooth head, and kiss they fair large ears, my gentle joy."

The Faerie King picked several roses from his favorite bush and placed them artfully around Wu Fei's ears. He then gently pulled the changed guardsman to recline and kissed languidly up and down one furred ear and then the other.

"What is your will?" Titan asked seductively.

"Would you scratch?" Wu Fei asked sheepishly, "I must go to a barber's, methinks I am marvelously hairy about the face. And I am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me, I must scratch."

"Of course, my tender ass," Titan replied agreeably as he began to scratch, "Sweet love, what thou desirest to eat?"

"I could munch some good dry oats," Wu Fei answered thoughtfully, "Or perhaps a flake of good sweet hay."

"I will have the faeries fetch some straight away," the king promised.

"I think I will sleep first," Wu Fei yawned, "I have been up all night."

"Sleep?" Titan asked disappointedly. He sighed. "Then sleep thou, and I will wind you in my arms."

He pulled Wu Fei against his chest and propped the ass's head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around his beloved, saying, "So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle gently entwist, the ivy so enrings the barky fingers of the elm. O, how I love thee! How I dote on thee!" Trieze sighed and closed his eyes to sleep

Oberon once again tried to control his laughing. Titan wanted to make love with this silly ass, but the ass was too dense to even take advantage of it! He did, however, miss his lover, and couldn't stay mad at him for long.

"Ah, just look at this sweet sight," he mused out loud, "But his dotage I now do begin to pity. I'll have Puck undo this imperfection of his vision, and remove those ears from the head of this Athenian so that both may think of this night's accidents as more than the vexation of a dream."

Back to his abode the Faerie King went, hoping Puck would be there awaiting him. However, it was the nymph Dorothy who paced his grove.

"Much folly occurs in the wood tonight," she remarked coolly.

"Puck was helping me exact a little lesson on Titan," Oberon said with a wink.

"And the matter of the Athenian?" Dorothy asked.

"Oh yes," Oberon remembered, stroking his chin, "He was supposed to enchant an impertinent youth into falling in love with the girl who chases him. Puck never did return from the mission…"

"I believe there was some confusion," Dorothy relayed with a cat-like grin, "I happened to come across the same Athenian girl treed by two over-zealous youths. Neither of which she loved."

Oberon frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "Neither of them was the disdainful dark-haired boy?"

Another smile curled Dorothy's lips. "Neither," she said, "I rescued the poor girl, and from what she said, another Athenian couple wandered our woods tonight. Those same two had come here together, and Puck had mistaken them and enchanted them both to fall in love with her!"

"By the gods," Oberon muttered with annoyance and shook his head, "I have the antidote, we'll have this settled. Where is that Puck? PUCK!!"


Puck snapped his head up. This was a call he could not ignore. He sat up and looked around for his pants.

"Hn? Duo?" Heero murmured sleepily from the pillows. He reached a groping hand out to find his faerie love. He found the feathery ends of Duo's hair and fingered them until Duo stood. Heero sat up in protest.

"Where are you going?" he asked disappointedly.

"My Lord calls me, and I must go to him," Duo answered, stepping into his pants.

"Don't leave," Heero entreated softly, pushing the coverlet back to reveal his very naked body. He was not hard at all, but Duo licked his lips, knowing how quickly that could be changed and just how he might do it.

But the faerie shook his head resolutely to rid himself of such thoughts. For now. "I promise to come back," he swore, "Just wait here for me, I'm sure this business won't take too long."

Duo turned and was about to disappear when Heero jumped off the bed and grabbed him around the waist.


"You called, sir?" Puck asked seriously when he appeared in front of the Faerie King.

The King and Dorothy blinked at him inquiringly for a moment.

Oberon cleared his throat and observed coolly, "Puck, you appear to have a mortal attached to your neck." And that mortal was naked. Unfortunately, the way he was pressed up behind Puck, all his good parts were hidden from view.

Duo glanced at the patch of dark hair out of the corner of his eye. "Heh! So I do!" he laughed nervously.

"Having yourself some sport after all, Puck?" Dorothy smirked. However, he really wasn't paying any attention to her mocking because Heero was sucking his earlobe.

"Puck," Oberon scolded, "That looks like the Athenian I told you to juice! This is thy negligence, or else you committed these knaveries willingly."

"Um, there was a slight mishap, Sir," Puck said, "I meant to tell you."

"I'm sure you did," Oberon smirked.

"There were three Athenians! So, I had to juice them all, you see," Puck said defensively, "You really should up the enchantment factor so people will be scared to come here like they used to be!"

Oberon rolled his eyes. "I think this night will probably do it," he said, crossing his arms, "Do you know what happened to the other two?"

"Uh, no," Puck said, biting his lip, "I um, you see, something, uh came up."

"Right," Oberon shook his head, "But as I was saying, Dorothy has told me that those other two were in love with each other to start, and once juiced, both saw the same young woman and now quarrel over her! This is the same girl you were supposed to make him fall in love with!"

"Well, like I said, there was a slight mishap…" Puck said, scratching his head.

"This one saw you first," Oberon guessed.

"Uh, yeah." Puck swallowed.

Oberon came closer and reached out to touch the man who was very contentedly sucking and nibbling on Puck's neck. The man's blue eyes flashed open and he removed his mouth just long enough to growl at the Faerie King. Oberon snatched his hand back in surprise and then cleared his throat and looked at Puck.

Puck grinned apologetically and made the nervous laugh again.

Oberon sighed. "We must put things back the way they should be," he said, "I have the antidote here, I will set right my King, but you must find these two youths and mend their love. AND you must put this youth back and have him fall in love with girl who dotes on him so despairingly."

"I know," Puck pouted.

"Lordship," Dorothy cut in, "Is it really fair to enchant this youth forever and leave him falsely in love? I think not. He loves not the dear girl, and she will soon forget him as well. You know how fickle young love can be."

Oberon eyed Dorothy suspiciously. "Say what you mean, nymph," he said.

"Can I keep her?" Dorothy pleaded. "I'm sure I can make her forget all about this wretch," she said, motioning to Heero, who was still content with Puck's throat.

"Well, if you want this human girl so much, and you can convince her to stay with you, I will make her one of our sylvan revelers," Oberon said.

"Thank you, sir," Dorothy said bowing. She left then to go back to her sleeping girl.

"All right, so now you are to amend the other two youths and then set this one free, understand?" Oberon instructed Puck, handing him the flower that would undo the effects of the last.

"Yes," Puck agreed and took the flower. "Um, can I go now?"

"Yes, you can go now," Oberon replied rolling his eyes again, "And don't forget to transform the ass before the night is over."

Puck disappeared and returned to his tree house. He pried Heero off his neck and sat him on the bed.

"Stay here," he ordered, "I have to take care of a few things, and I'll be back."

"Can't I come with?" Heero sulked.

"No, just stay here," Puck insisted, and then vanished.

Heero sighed in irritation and then flopped back onto the bed. He was exhausted from earlier exertions, but too afraid to surrender to sleep. What if he woke back in the thicket under the trees? What if all this was a dream? He couldn't bear that, he needed to be with the enthralling faerie. He was completely captive, and entertained no thoughts of joining the military now. He was determined to stay awake until Duo returned.


  -In the play, Puck sees Lysander and Hermia sleeping separate, and mistakes Lysander for the scornful youth (Demetrius). But then he wakes to see Helena, and falls in love with her, much to both Hermia and Helena's confusion. I think my version is MUCH funnier. I don't write a lot of Quatre and Trowa, but I had SO much fun writing that. Much of their argument (esp. the jokes about Q being short) actually comes from an argument between Helena and Hermia! lol
  -The last scene where Puck appears before Oberon was my own devising. It amused me.
  -I personally always wondered at the ethics of leaving Demetrius under the flower's power (which is how the play ends). However, I rather dislike his character (he's fickle - wooing Helena and then ditching her to woo the taken Hermia), so I sort of didn't care. What will Duo do???

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