Disclaimers: the characters of Shinkodusenki Gundam Wing are not mine, I'm just using them for fun and promise to give them back. I used text directly from the play, you'll probably notice. Occasionally, I managed a rhyming couplet or two of my own, but the good stuff is mostly Shakespeare's. This is probably plagiarism, but I think 'ole Willie would have had a good sense of humor about it, don't you? I think he would have gotten a kick out of my yaoi adaptation

Pairings: main are 1x2x1, 3x4x3, 6x13x6, I'm not giving anything else away. Some will be het and yuri!
Rated L for lemons.
Warnings: magic flowers, silliness, limes, lemon, repeated use of the word 'ass'. This was *supposed* to be PG13, but Heero and Duo had other ideas…

Author's Notes: Shakespeare translated for all to enjoy. My entry for the 2002 GW Addiction Fluff Contest. Voted second place in the popular vote! Shakespeare's farce + G-boys + Granate silliness = yaoi/yuri/het mishchief in the woods!   This is (hopefully) written and adapted so that all might enjoy it, but there may be added humor if you know the play (because you'll pick out all the ways I changed it). The biggest challenge this parody presented was that the play only gives me dialogue, all the "staging" and narrative additions are mine alone. Luckily, I've seen this play a few times, and have done some directing in the past, so it turned out to be a lot of fun. Enjoy!

This is not intentional Relena-bashing. She's playing Helena, so there's really no way around it. Actually, I treated her a lot better than Shakespeare did!! Act I has the little Shakespearian language since I had to change this part so much.

Summary: yaoi/yuri/het mischief in the woods (not quite how Shakespeare wrote it…)

Granate's Gundam Wing Theater Presents:
A Midsummer Night's Dream
Act II
By William Shakespeare circa 1600, GW adaptation by Granate, 2003

Wu Fei had walked down the path for what seemed like a long time without seeing or hearing anything. He was beginning to think that maybe the figure had been a figment of his imagination, and no one had fled into the forest this night. He did not hear giggling coming from the near-by oak tree.

"Go speak to him!" the older nymph encouraged the younger one. Her blond hair was plaited in two pigtails that hung provocatively over her breasts.

"But I've never spoken to a Man before!" the black-haired one giggled.

"Come dear," the blond, Sally, chided, "You can't keep up this Diana virgin huntress phase forever, Mei!"

"It's not a phase!" Mei argued, clutching her bow.

"Just go talk to the Man," Sally rolled her eyes, "Or else I shall think you a coward."

"Me?! I am not!" Mei disagreed firmly. To prove it, she spun around and approached the raven-haired human. She was determined that neither he nor Sally see how nervous she was.

"Are you lost, human?" she asked.

Wu Fei drew his sword and whirled around. He couldn't believe he hadn't heard this person advancing. He lowered his sword when he saw a petite young woman wearing only leaves and a quiver of arrows on her back, the strap neatly separating her breasts. Her short black hair was pulled into two low pigtails that frayed out in a rather distinctive way.

"What are you?" he asked suspiciously, not allowing his surprise or his attraction to be apparent in his voice. He briefly wondered how those shimmering leaves stayed in place before banishing the thought from his mind.

"A sprite of this forest," she answered. She took another step forward and curiously asked, "What are you?"

He grunted sharply in offense. "I am a guardsman of the great city of Athens!" he replied haughtily, thinking it should have been obvious from his attire, "I am of one of the most respected and noble families of that great city."

"Are you lost?" she asked, "Do you require assistance?"

"Chang Wu Fei does not get lost!" he growled, "I know exactly where I am! Pester me no more, for I am sure you are but an imagined spirit, or a demon in disguise." He whirled around again and stormed off down the path.

He did not get far, however, before he was halted dead in his tracks by a young man with pointed ears, who flipped over a branch and hung upside down in front of him, arms crossed. A long rope of hair fell straight down behind him. The slight being spoke before Wu Fei could bark at him to get out of the way.

"You, my friend, are an ass," the boy laughed and gave him a wink. Wu Fei was about to demand an explanation for such behavior when he began feeling a little sleepy. Too sleepy to catch himself from slumping to the ground and falling fast asleep. Puck laughed, reached for the branch and flipped himself onto the ground in front of his 'victim.'

"Argh! And you're no light-weight either!" Puck groaned, pulling the raven-haired guardsman off the road, planning to take him to Titan's favorite sleeping place by the lake. This was going to be hilarious. He couldn't wait to tell Oberon about this. He'd just given the ass proper ears and fur, and now Titan was going to fall in love with the hideous beast.

"Wait! Where are you taking him?" Mei asked, running over to Puck and the fallen Man. she had not been aware that Puck had been watching their exchange.

"He was an ass to you," the boy explained with a grin, motioning to the sleeping one with the ears.

Mei knelt down for a closer look. "Goblin!" she accused, "What have you done to him?"

"Lord Oberon and I are just teaching Titan a little lesson, that's all," the braided faerie winked.

Mei stroked his fuzzy ears and then jumped up, and poked Puck in the chest with the tip of her bow several times as she spoke, "You'd better change him back again!"

Puck laughed. Mei was short in stature, but she could certainly be ferocious. "No harm will come to him," he promised. She didn't look like she was about to leave him alone. "Why do you care so much, Mei," he asked with a sly grin, "Do you want him when we're done or something?"

"Ugh!!" she exclaimed, spinning away from the boy and folding her arms, "You are impossible, Prankster!"

He grinned as she stormed off into the woods. He toed the sleeping ass and chuckled, "I thinks she likes you!" He then took hold of the sleeping one and brought him to the lake.

Puck laid the ass by the pond and shooed the other nymphs and faeries away quietly. Titan was still sound asleep. Oberon entered the glenn and admired his sleeping lover before approaching Puck.

"Welcome, wanderer," he smiled conspiratorially, "Hast thou the flower?"

"Ay," Puck answered, handing it over, "And the beast."

Oberon looked at the sleeping guardsman, who was now endowed with hair ass ears and muzzles. "Rather appropriate, I think," he said, bemused.

Oberon plucked a bud and gave it to the sprite. "A sweet Athenian lady is in love with a disdainful youth," he explained, "Anoint his eyes, but do it when the next thing he espies might be the lady. Thou shalt know the man by his Athenian clothing."

"Yes, sir!" Puck quipped before disappearing a flash.


After walking for a while, Heero grew weary and decided to rest. No one would even discover he was missing until morning, and if he didn't waste too much time or get lost in the thick forest, he could be at the headquarters shortly after dawn. He found a quiet thicket of golden aspen trees and sat down against a log. He did not plan on falling asleep there, but he soon fell into a light slumber and slumped onto the ground.


"Through the forest have I gone, but Athenian found I none!" Puck complained as he rested against a tree.

"Either I mistake your shape and making quite, or you are that shrewd and knavish sprite," a feline voice said, "Puck."

"Thou speakest right," Puck turned to Dorothy with a grin, "I am that merry wanderer of the night."

"And wherefore wander you this night?" she asked.

"In search of a man of Athenian dress, into whose eyelids this enchanting nectar press," Puck answered, holding up the flower bud.

"Having sport tonight, are you?" she teased, raising her arched and dove-tailing eyebrows.

Puck laughed. "Nay, this is a favor for our Lord. An Athenian youth spurns a poor girl to whom he is much adored. Have you seen such a man?"

"In fact I have seen a young Athenian man," she said, smoothing her long flaxen hair, "Over by the stream he sleeps, you'll find him there."

"My thanks, dear nymph!" Puck exclaimed as he hastened to the place.

Puck caught site of a tow-headed young man asleep by the stream. "But who is here? Clothes of Athens he does wear! But where be the maid?" Puck glanced around seeing none. "I shall juice you now anyway," he spoke to the boy, "I'm sure she'll be along soon." The young man didn't look like he could be the jerk Oberon had spoken of, but Puck bent over him anyway and touched the flower to his eyelids.

"When you wake next, let love torment you so that you may not rest again," he incanted, and then stood. He was about to go check on Titan and the ass when he spotted another youth in Athenian clothing lying not to far away. This one had light brown hair that fell artfully across his face. Puck frowned. NOW what was he supposed to do? "Then I guess enchanting you, too, is the plan," he spoke to the boy as he knelt, "To make sure this Lady gets her man! Besides, how strong can this stuff really be?"

He deposited the nectar and stood, congratulating himself on a job well done. However, he stopped into his tracks a few steps into the Aspen thicket. "How can this be?" he stuttered, "A moment ago, I couldn't find any Athenians, and now there are three! I swear this wood is overrun with them."

This particular youth had a head of spiky dark brown hair with strange moss tones to it. Curious, Puck knelt and touched the strands. Then he bent over him and squeezed the bud. Suddenly, strong hands clamped around his wrists and he was flipped onto his back and pinned without much effort from his aggressor.

"Just what in the hell were you - " Heero demanded of his attacker before the strangest feeling came over him. Trapped underneath him was a beautiful sprite with large eyes an exquisite shade of blue, one that bled into violet like a sunset. "Are - are you ok?" he asked looking the boy over.

Puck squirmed under the weight of the other boy and glared. "I'll be fine when you get off me, you big human oaf!" he griped.

"My name is Heero, what do I call you?" the youth asked. He was suddenly very aware of the length of his body lying flush against the faerie's.

"Do - ohhhhhhh…" Puck was about to tell the heavy mortal 'Do you think you could remove yourself from me, now?', but then he was distracted by the way the youth shifted his hips, and did not really want the human to remove himself.

"Duo?" Heero puzzled, "That is a strange name, but then, I've never met a being quite like you." He couldn't take his eyes from the sprite's pale skin and suddenly had yearned to touch his lips to it. He'd never had such a desire before, but he gently pressed his lips to Duo's neck and lingered there in a kiss. The skin was smooth and soft there, and he found himself wondering what it would taste like.

Duo moaned as Heero's tongue lapped at the length of his neck. Heero's rapt gaze then fixed on the sprite's pointed ears, which he moved to explore next. He ran the tip of his tongue along the shell of one, and nibbled at peak. Duo definitely didn't want the Athenian to go away now. He struggled to free his wrists, and they were given to him at once as Heero used his hands to touch the faerie's bare chest instead. Duo wrapped one arm around the mortal's neck and dug the other hand into his thick, dark hair to pull him up for another kiss.

As Heero thoroughly tasted every inch of his mouth, Duo couldn't help thinking that this nectar was a little stronger then he'd anticipated. He felt fingertips lingering at the waist of his pants and thought it best to go with along with the circumstances for now. He let the mortal unfasten his pants and quickly pushed the loosely-tied garment from his tanned shoulders, exposing his back to Duo's wandering hands. He gasped when Heero found what he was searching for.

"Hold onto me," the sprite whispered, hugging the human's waist hard. He squeezed his eyes shut and in a blink they were on a soft bed in a wooden hut.

"Where are we?" Heero asked, looking around and the small house. Through the small windows he saw only treetops.

"My home. It's a little more private," Duo winked.

"Much better," Heero growled, resting more weight on the boy under him and claiming his mouth again.


Oberon knelt next to Titan and dribbled the flower's nectar in his eyes, whispering, "What thou seest when thou dost wake, do for thy true love mistake. Love and languish for his sake! No matter how hideous to the eye it appear, when thou wakest, it is thy dear. Wake soon, for something hideous is near."

The King stroked his lover's brow, then made himself invisible. He waited a few minutes for Puck because he knew the little hobgoblin would enjoy the spectacle. Where could the resident troublemaker be, anyway?


Heero sat cross-legged on the small bed with the enchanting forest creature on his lap. Both were panting and sweaty from Heero's entry, but they managed to remain still for a few moments. Heero took the opportunity to find the long braid of hair that he had noticed earlier and bring it between them. He looked in Duo's eyes for permission. Duo was moved by the pleading look in his human's crystal blue eyes. He simply nodded his consent and watched Heero deftly unravel the silken strands. His long fingers combed through the locks and then pushed them over Duo's shoulder to spill down his back. Hands clutching that marvelous mass of hair, he pulled the faerie to him for a bruising kiss as he began to move.


Oberon soon became bored of waiting for Puck and whispered in the breeze to tell the furry young man that he was thirsty. Wu Fei groaned awake and opened his eyes. How the hell had he gotten here? More importantly, where the hell was he? He didn't remember falling asleep by a spring, but it was convenient since he was so thirsty. He leaned over the bank to scoop water into his hand.

Wu Fei froze. This must be some trick of the light! Or some forest faerie fooling him. His reflection had large hairy ass ears sticking out the top of his head!! He reached up and felt for them. No! It couldn't be true!!

"How could this have happened!" he wailed, tugging at an ear, "Ow!"

Hearing whining in his usually peaceful glen, Titan awoke. He sat up and the strangest feeling came over him. There, by the pond, smacking angrily at the water, was the most beautiful… thing he'd ever laid eyes on. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. Damn, how those ears made him hot.

"What angel wakes me from my flow'ry bed?" he wondered out loud as he stood and moved toward the source of the sounds.

Wu Fei looked up at the sound of someone approaching. He blinked his obsidian eyes in absolute astonishment. The man in front of him was like none he'd encountered before. He was tall, regal, handsome, and seemed to glow somehow. Wu Fei was now sure he was under the spell of some faerie creature. Perhaps this one.

Wu Fei opened his mouth to introduce himself, but he was nervous and let a horrendous braying noise escape instead. He immediately clamped a hand over his deceitful mouth and turned bright red.

"I pray thee, gentle beast, sing again," the gingered haired man pleaded, "Mine ear is much enamored of they voice, as is mine eye enthralled of thy shape. I could swear I do love thee."

Wu Fei cleared his throat and tried to control the beating of his heart. "Methinks," he managed to say without bleating, "You should have little reason for that. And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays."

"Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful," the taller man purred.

"Not so neither," Wu Fei shook his head, "I haven't even enough wit to get out of this wood."

"Out of this wood do not desire to go!" Titan urged, clasping the boy's arm, "I am a spirit of no common rate! I am King here, and I do love thee. Therefore go with me and I'll attend thee."

The faerie stood, pulling Wu Fei with him. "Tie up your tongue," he whispered lustily, making Wu Fei shudder slightly despite the fur, "Come silently to my bower."

Wu Fei allowed himself to be pulled wherever the king was taking him, very much hoping to be 'attended.'

"Oh, Puck, you would have loved to see this!" Oberon wheezed, laughing so hard he had to lean on a tree. His vain lover had just seduced an ass! He wondered what could possibly be keeping Puck.


"Oh gods, don't stop, Duo!" Heero cried hoarsely as he tossed his head wildly and locked his legs around the sprite's waist.

Duo had felt some guilt after the first round about taking advantage of the youth while he was under the influence of the flower's nectar, but that had vanished when Heero had reached for him again. He thrust in deep and fast again and was rewarded with another gasping of his name. He liked it when Heero called him his new name, it was like a secret just for the two of them. He pounded into his human lover, desperately wanting to hear him say it again and again.

-_-;;; Like I said, I wanted PG13, but Heero and Duo refused to comply.

Notes for anyone who cares:

  -You may notice I totally mixed this part up! The whole reason I even had the idea to write this was that scene between Heero and Dooo-oh! ^^ I had trouble reconciling Heero calling anyone else's name in bed, so that's my clever little compromise. In the play, the flower makes Demetrius fall in love with Helena NOT Puck! lol
  -I have never written Mei Ran before, but I had a lot of fun writing her in this. That exchange with her and Wu Fei turned out better than I expected.
  -Most of the Titan/Wu Fei stuff comes right from the text. In the recent movie version (feat. Michelle Pfeiffer as Titania and Kevin Kline as Bottom), it rather apparent that they have sex. That is also where I got the idea that Quatre approach Trowa naked! ^^ That is a wonderful version for anyone interested!

<Zechs:> I am hereby forbidding you to ever use me in a fic again. I hate you. You make me an impossible letch, a Demon Lord, an alligator, and now a Faerie King!! AN ALLIGATOR!!!!

<Granate:> -_-;; That was a parody... I'm sorry, ok?!?

<Trieze:> I rather like being an impossible letch, so you can still use me. *pats Granate on head*

<Granate:> -_-;;;;

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