Disclaimers: the characters of Shinkodusenki Gundam Wing are not mine, I'm just using them for fun and promise to give them back. I used text directly from the play, you'll probably notice. Occasionally, I managed a rhyming couplet or two of my own, but the good stuff is mostly Shakespeare's. This is probably plagiarism, but I think 'ole Willie would have had a good sense of humor about it, don't you? I think he would have gotten a kick out of my yaoi adaptation

Pairings: main are 1x2x1, 3x4x3, 6x13x6, I'm not giving anything else away. Some will be het and yuri!
Rated L for lemons.
Warnings: magic flowers, silliness, limes, lemon, repeated use of the word 'ass'. This was *supposed* to be PG13, but Heero and Duo had other ideas…

Author's Notes: Shakespeare translated for all to enjoy. My entry for the 2002 GW Addiction Fluff Contest. Voted second place in the popular vote! Shakespeare's farce + G-boys + Granate silliness = yaoi/yuri/het mishchief in the woods!   This is (hopefully) written and adapted so that all might enjoy it, but there may be added humor if you know the play (because you'll pick out all the ways I changed it). The biggest challenge this parody presented was that the play only gives me dialogue, all the "staging" and narrative additions are mine alone. Luckily, I've seen this play a few times, and have done some directing in the past, so it turned out to be a lot of fun. Enjoy!

This is not intentional Relena-bashing. She's playing Helena, so there's really no way around it. Actually, I treated her a lot better than Shakespeare did!! Act I has the little Shakespearian language since I had to change this part so much.

Summary: yaoi/yuri/het mischief in the woods (not quite how Shakespeare wrote it…)

Granate's Gundam Wing Theater Presents:
A Midsummer Night's Dream
Into the Woods
By William Shakespeare circa 1600, GW adaptation by Granate, 2003

Quatre winner slunk silently to the estate's stable, trying not to sniffle too loudly. He wiped his eyes roughly and entered, looking for his friend.

"How now, my love? Why is your cheek so pale? How chance the fire there doth fade so fast?" a quiet voice asked from inside.

"I think I have drowned it with my tears," Quatre answered mournfully.

Trowa stepped out from the stall and observed Quatre with concern. He'd never seen the young master cry before. "What news?" he asked.

"Father wants me to take a wife!" Quatre exclaimed. He noted Trowa looked duly upset by this. They both had thought they'd have more time before faced with this.

"He's already picked the girl and everything! Oh hell, to choose love by another's eyes!" Quatre cried. He took Trowa's hand, saying defeatedly, "True lovers have always been crossed, it stands as an edict in our destiny I suppose."

"A good point," Trowa agreed, "Therefore, hear me out, Quatre. I have a sister in the next town. Her house from Athens is a remote seven leagues. There, gentle Quatre, may we escape to, where the sharp Athenian law cannot pursue us. If thou lovest me, then steal forth from they father's house tonight. Meet me here, and into the wood we will take flight."

Quatre's face lightened again. "My good Trowa," he said with relief, "I swear to thee by cupid's strongest bow, that here I'll meet thee tonight, and into the woods shall we go."


Heero Yuy paced his room discontentedly and watched the full moon with a grim face. Another day wasted in this place. He felt like a falcon kept in a gilded cage. He longed for more than to sit around and listen to the nobility gossip. He wanted adventure and danger. The idea had come to him that he should run away and join Athens' glorious army, and he was beginning to think tonight was the night.

He threw a few things in a bag, and stealthily climbed out the window and down the stone wall. However, from his house, the shortest route to the military head quarters was through the haunted forest. He dropped to the ground and looked to the forest. Well, it would be his first challenge.


Relena sat at her window, admiring the moon. Such beauty. Only one thing could compare to the beauty of the full moon: Heero Yuy. She sighed loudly and rested her chin on her palm. She was pathetically smitten, and knew it. But what could be done about it? He was the most beautiful boy in the city. It was a shame he always looked so melancholy, but she knew she could cure that. She could make him happy, if only he'd let her!

"Relent, sweet Heero!" she sighed to the moon, "Yield the title of thy heart to me."

She spotted a lone figure on the road not far from her house. Placing both hands on the sill, she leaned out for a better look. The recognition of the person made her gasp. It was Heero! It looked like he was out for a nighttime stroll. This would be the perfect opportunity to talk to him in private. She never seemed to be able to get him alone at parties and gatherings, but this would afford her the occasion. He seemed to be heading for the forest, the tales of which had frightened her as a little girl, but she slipped out of house undeterred and resolute on following him.


"Did you see that?" Wu Fei hissed to the other guardsman as he approached.

The other man snorted and slowly opened his eyes. "See what?" he yawned.

"Kisama," Wu Fei swore, "You are a useless guard! There was someone on the road a moment ago! Some thief is probably making off into the night, and you slept through it!"

"Psh," the other man shrugged, "Go after him, if it's such a big deal to you."

"I will!" Wu Fei countered indignantly as he turned and marched through the city gates. He was certainly not afraid of old wives tales about enchanting sprites and other magical goings-on in this forest.


The King of the Faeries was not happy. And a Faerie King should be always be happy. Usually, he was, but recently his lover had been chasing the courtiers again. He sighed and pushed his long platinum bangs out of his face.

At the sound of the heavy-hearted sigh, Puck, Mischief-Maker-In-Chief appeared, for he despised such sad sounds.

"Oberon, sir, what seems to be troubling you?" he asked, cocking his head in concern. His hip-length braid of golden chestnut hair swished with the quick movement of his head.

Oberon sighed again. "I'm afraid Titan is fooling around again," he said bleakly.

"That fork-browed devil!" Puck exclaimed, plopping down next to the depressed King.

"Why should Titan cross his Oberon?" he wondered despondently, "What can I do to bring him back to me?"

"Well, I'm no expert in love," started Puck, who was actually quite disastrous in love, "But maybe you should teach him a lesson. I mean, wouldn't it be funny if he fell in love with something completely hideous and realized how foolish he was being to stray from you?"

Oberon's face brightened. "That's it, Puck!" he exclaimed, "You are a genius! And I know exactly how to do it. First, I need you to get something for me."

"Anything sir!" Puck exclaimed, glad to see the king's smile return.

"There is a flower in a far off country the nectar of which, dribbled in a sleeper's eyes, will make man or woman madly dote on the next creature seen upon waking!" Oberon quickly explained. "Please find me this flower, and then we'll devise Titan's lesson. The flower is midnight purple with a silver stem."

"I won't let you down, sir!" Puck promised, jumping to his feet with a snappy salute before disappearing to find the flower.

Oberon heard a human voice and quickly made himself invisible. An austere looking young man came down the path, a cloth bag slung over his shoulder.

"Heero!" a female voice called from behind him. Oberon watched the youth turn in surprise and noted the exasperated and peeved expression he took on.

"Relena, what are you doing here?" he asked angrily.

"I saw you and followed," she said sweetly, "I thought we could talk."

"About what?" Heero asked dryly.

She played nervously with her skirt for a moment before answering, "Well, we've never gotten a chance to speak alone… I thought maybe…"

Heero blinked at her as he realized what she was saying. "Look, Relena, I'm leaving to join the military, so just forget about it," he told her.

"Leaving!" she exclaimed, "But, Heero, you can't do that!"

"I am," he said, turning and resuming his brisk pace.

She caught up quickly. "But, Heero!" she cried.

He shook her off his arm. "I love thee not; therefore pursue me not," he said simply.

"But Heero, you draw me like a magnet stone," she replied breathlessly, "If you hadn't this power to draw, then I'd have no power to follow."

He threw her a weary look. "Stop speaking in riddles," he frowned, "Do I entice you? Do I speak fair to you? I tell you now in plainest truth that I do not, and cannot love you."

"And even for that, I do love you more!" Relena insisted, "I am your spaniel, Heero! The more you beat me, I will fawn on you. Use me as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me, neglect, lose me; just give me leave to follow you! What worser place can I beg in your love, than to be used as your dog?"

This made Heero stop and look at her in shock. "That you would invite any man to treat you as a dog is disgusting, Relena. I am sick when I do look on thee."

"And I am sick when I do NOT look on thee!" she countered.

He shook his head. She was hopeless, and much too naïve to be running around the forest at night. He figured he should scare her into going home. "I'll run from thee and hide in the bushes, leaving you to the mercy of the wild beasts!" he threatened.

"The wildest of beasts hasn't such a cold heart as you," she sighed, "Run if you will. The myth shall be changed: Apollo flees, and Daphne holds the chase. The dove pursues the griffin, the timid doe makes speed to catch the tiger."

"I will not stay for thy fancy speeches," he bit out, "Let me go." He brushed her off, and struck off the path into the thick, dark forest.

Relena was alarmed that after only a few steps, she could no longer see him. However, she was still bent on following him and stopping him from running away. "I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell," she vowed, "I'd gladly brave the unknown for the one I love so well."

Oberon watched as the girl stepped boldly into the forest after her man, an obvious solution to this drama playing in his mind. "Fare thee well, nymph," he spoke to her as she passed by him, although she could not hear, "When he leaves this grove, he shall fly to thee, and seek thy love."


"I don't know about you, but I'm tired from wandering this wood," Trowa said, "And to be honest, I have forgotten our way. Let's rest Quatre, if you think it good."

"I suppose now's a good time," Quatre agreed, "We're far enough into the forest."

"Be it so," Trowa nodded, "Find you a bed, I upon this bank will rest my head." Trowa dropped his bag on a soft bank and sat down to arrange his blanket. He hadn't heard a reply from Quatre, only rustling. He looked up in concern.

"One turf shall serve as pillow to us both now," Quatre said from behind him, nearly making Trowa nearly jump out of his skin. He turned around to find Quatre naked and leering at him lustily. "One heart, one bed, two bosoms and one vow," he said, taking Trowa's hand and placing it on his bare chest.

Trowa swallowed hard and feebly tried to pull has hand away. "Nay, dear Quatre," he stuttered, trying to not to notice how Quatre's skin glowed like the moon itself, "For my sake, my dear, lie further off yet. Do not lie so near!" As much as he wanted it, he didn't think he was ready for this, not in the middle of the woods!

"Trowa, my heart unto yours is knit," Quatre reassured him gently as he leaned in to nuzzle Trowa's neck, "So that one heart we can make of it!" Trowa's eyes betrayed him by wandering Quatre's body before settling on his face, his expression full of love, hope, and desire.

Remembering his resolve, Trowa looked to the side and gently pushed him away again, sure he was blushing purple.

"Two bosoms interchained with an oath now, so then two bosoms and a single vow!" Quatre said again, "Then by your side, no bedroom me deny. Trowa, I do not lie!"

"Yes, Quatre rhymes very prettily," Trowa said, patting his blond hair, "But gentle friend, lie further off for love and courtesy. So that if we are found, such separation becomes two virtuous young men. So be far distant, and good night sweet friend. They love ne'er alter till thy life end."

Thoroughly put off, Quatre went back to where he had shed his clothes, grumbling, "Friend? FRIEND? That's not how *I* thought this escape would end." He tugged his clothes back on and lie down on his own blanket to sleep.

Stick with me here, that was all set up…

For anyone who cares… Notes on Act I:
  -Trowa and Quatre are playing Lysander/Hermia. If you know the play well, you will notice they are trading off with the roles. I did this because I didn't want to make either of them "the girl."
  -Wu Fei is playing Bottom the Weaver (a clever name for one changed into an ass, ne?), however, since I left out the subplot he's involved in, I just made him a guardsman.
  -Heero is Demetrius, who is supposed to be in love with Hermia (part of the reason she runs off with Lysander), buuuut… I changed that.
  -Relena is Helena, as I mentioned, and yes, that awful 'Spaniel' speech is straight from the text. I could have given her a little more self-respect and left it out, but it's funny. The girl who played her in my high school had a ball with it. Demetrius is really a lot meaner than I made Heero. Trust me.
  -Zechs is Oberon and Trieze is Titan (masc. of 'Titania'). Supposed to be Faerie King and Queen… another little revision!! I kept those two names just for the hell of it.
  -Duo is Puck (duh), and I kept that name too, just cause I think it's cute. Actually, in the play, Puck's name is actually Robin Goodfellow, but I omitted that.

on to act 2

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