Gundams Land on Sesame Street
The year was AC195 when a drastic series of sunstorms occurred and wrecked havoc with a world at war.
The colonies at LaGrange points 1 through 5 had each sent a single teenager in a gundanium mobile suit, better known
as a Gundam, to Earth to settle their differences. Sounds kind of silly to send five kids to settle an entire war, doesn't
it? Maybe. But not as silly as it seemed when they were blown through a temporal rift ((yeah, cheesy excuse, but who
cares?)) and heard some truly weird music through their speakers.
"Hey, Heero!" Duo Maxwell called out to his lover and favorite guy to pick on. "I'm picking up some seriously sick
transmissions over here! You getting it, too?"
"Hn." Never one to waste words, or give said lover a break, Heero Yuy kept radio traffic to a minimum.
"…" Trowa Barton sent his preferred inquiry to his, ahem, "friend", Quatre Raberba Winner.
"Hey, Trowa, you're right! It does sound like kids singing! Neat! I didn't catch that!" The blond was, also as usual, a bit
*too* cheery making even the ever-tolerant American do something strange as Duo made Deathscythe act as if it
was trying to stick a finger down a throat it didn't have to invoke a vomiting response it couldn't feel. Overall, though,
the Sandrock pilot got the message as did the resident cynic, Chang Wufei.
"Good one for once, Maxwell!" The Chinese kid grinned. "Makes me sick, too!"
In their speakers, they all heard the saccharine song---"Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?"
Seeing they were about to land on a "street" made up of strange looking buildings with strange looking organisms
moving through it, they allowed their weapons of mass destruction to come to a standard landing.
All five Gundams now stood looking like very much like large toy robots in the middle of a bad imitation of a New York
"Everybody out!" Heero commanded even if he had no authority to order the other kids around.
Trowa silently commented to Quatre just what *he*, for one, thought of Heero's insisting on giving orders. Quatre
giggled then glared at the follow-up suggestion from Trowa which, while enjoyable, would have kept the two boys out
of the rest of the story. Quatre was looking forward to not being a Mafia boss or a serial killer or anything else for a
change. ((oops! "serial killer"? where did that come from? he'd certainly be cute doing it, though,
"Oi! Wufei, what did you *step* on?!?" Duo asked, dismounting gracefully and staring at the sticky mass of yellow
feathers now adorning Nataku's huge foot.
"I dunno," Wufei responded, jumping down easily to examine the substance that dared to deface the ShenLong
Gundam. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, then drug a finger through the goo, bringing it to his lips to taste it.
In the background, the long-haired kid was now bent over with Heero behind him---((NOOO!!! *not* in this fic, he
doesn't!)) Um, rather, Duo leaned over and emptied his guts of his breakfast with no sympathy from Heero standing
nearby. ((oh, man, that was close! ^_~))
"Wufei?" Heero asked in a threatening tone.
His question was answered as Wufei pulled his finger back out of his mouth and responded, "Don't know what it is, but
it tastes like chicken." He shrugged, then looked for something to scrape the goo off his Gundam. Hearing this, Duo
proceeded to lose his midnight snack from the night before, too.
"BIG BIRD!!!" A chorus of voices screamed out.
Blinking, the five kids who probably belonged somewhere attending ninth-grade in a regular school where none of them
shared a dorm room, turned to see a strange vision. Dozens of little creatures, most of whom moved without any
feet apparently, were coming towards them. Said creatures, a life form known as "muppets", were a rainbow of colors
and some looked like left-over bits of shag rug from the 1970's.
Heero, being Heero, drew his gun. "Omae o korosu," he growled.
Trowa broke his silence, a special language only Quatre and some fic writers can understand, and remarked, "Wait,
Heero, no Japanese here. I think those, um, whatever-they-ares speak English."
All four stared at him for a moment.
"*What*?!?" Trowa exclaimed in annoyance. "Look, Quatre, you made us stay, at least ignore the fact that I'm going
to talk for a change or there's really not much for me to do here, okay?"
Shocked by this excessive vocalization, Quatre shrunk back. "Well, um, sure, um, Trowa, but, um---oh well, never
mind." He sighed. "Knock yourself out, talk all you want."
Wufei growled angrily, "Can we please get back to the 'Close Encounters' routine here? I'd like to get out of this story
as soon as possible, no da!" He whirled to glare at Duo who was rolling on the floor laughing his, um, "booty" off!
"Bwahahahahah!" The braided boy laughed. "E-sama stuck you with the usual 'Fushigi Yuugi' reference, Wu! Too funny
for words! Bwahahahahahahah!" Laughing even harder, Duo landed on his butt when Heero punched him.
"Cut it out, baka! We've got a mission to complete!" No sense of humor there, sigh.
"Geez, Heero, you're no fun! Boy, do you get grouchy when there's no citrus!" He stuck his tongue out and would
have caused more trouble if a strange little green creature didn't interrupt.
"No, brat, *I'm* grouchy!" Oscar the Grouch came thumping towards them in his dirty trashcan. "So who killed the
"I'm afraid that I did," Wufei almost apologized.
"Good! He always did get on my nerves!" Oscar seemed a little happier than expected as he launched into a song of his
own, "Ding dong, the Bird is dead, The dopey Bird, the Bird is dead! Ding dong the dopey Bird is dee~aad!"
"Hey!" A weird looking lump of fuzz complained, "That's 'Wizard of *OZ*', Oscar! Wrong crossover, these are
*Gundam* pilots! The OZ dudes didn't drop by this time!"
"Really?" Asked a sad looking fellow covered in long brown, um, fur-equivalent. "Bummer. I rather like that Treize guy,
he's got cool eyebrows."
"Snuffy!" an annoying looking blond "girl" chastised the large creature. "Be nice to our visitors! Besides, his eyebrows
squick me out!" She shivered a little.
"Sorry, Prairie Dawn," the behemoth responded then plodded away like a good little cameo character should.
"Ah, shut up, ya' dumb blond!" Oscar, um, grouched.
Heero, sick of being detained by minor nonsense, grabbed Duo's hand bringing a wide smile to the boy's face then
drug him off towards what looked like a normal small boarding house in search of clues on how they could return to
the reality they knew and escape the insanity.
Wufei, seeing a chance to get away too, followed them.
Trowa wanted to do the same, but Quatre seemed insistent on remaining where he was so the tall pilot of unknown
origin decided to stay. Stuck there, Barton pondered just what it would take to establish a nationality so he could
stop always being referred to as "the tall" or "the Heavyarms pilot" or something even worse like "the circus clown with
the weird mask". After all, how many clowns do you know that wear masks or get knives thrown at them by their
pseudo-sisters? ((meow! catty comments! sorry, Nanashi! ^_^ see? it just got worse again!))
Quatre bounced over to the "girl" who looked despondent, "Don't worry, I have to put up with that kind of joke, too."
"Really?" the muppet asked, blinking back false tears and looking remarkably like Relena Peacecraft.
Quatre was shocked by the similarity and stopped to ask when she'd been introduced to the cast. "Mid-80's, why?"
"Just wondering about possible copyright infringement, that's all. You remind me of someone I know that's all, no big
deal," Quatre shrugged and doubted it was worth pointing out.
A voice could be heard behind them.
Turning, the Heavyarms pilot ((see? it happened *again*! poor Trowa)) spotted a blue creature wearing a super-hero
cape talking to his Gundam. With an effortless leap, he jumped into the air, spun gracefully impressing the heck out
of Quatre who made a mental note to try that when they were off duty some time, and landed by the blue thing.
"Just what do you think you are you doing?" Trowa asked suspiciously.
"Oh, Hi!" Super-Grover greeted Trowa. "I'm talking to this really cool super-hero Transformer (TM) guy here! Who are
"I'm the pilot of that machine! It is *not* a 'super-hero Transformer (TM) guy'! It is named Heavyarms Gundam and
I'd thank you to keep your madness away from it!" Trowa had no sense of humor, like usual.
Trowa glared at the little blue dude and wished he could blow it to bits, but realized that would be as tacky as Wufei
stepping on Big Bird was. Wisely, he refrained, knowing killing off the characters whose universe they are visiting is
not very nice at all.
"Really? Wow!" Super Grover was easily impressed. "Did you have to get a license like they do for airplanes and stuff?"
"Wonder why not?"
"It's anime. We don't have to explain it."
"Oh. Never mind." Crest fallen at the typically brief answers he was suddenly getting, Super Grover lost interest in the
proceedings and decided to leave.
Trowa took a deep breath, convinced himself that staying in his cockpit for awhile would not damage his relationship
with Quatre who was still pondering the legal implications of Relena being based on a muppet. Shaking his head to get
rid of the headache caused by watching the two blondes have a useless discussion about hair products, he leapt
gracefully into the cockpit and slammed the hatch shut.
As soon as it was closed, he turned on his favorite music, "The Greatest Marching Band Music of All Time," at top
volume and kicked back.
Meanwhile, as Heero stalked closer to the small apartment building, a little red thing popped up. "Hi! I'm Elmo!!!" It
grinned at Duo. "Want to play?"
Duo stopped suddenly, pulling Heero to a halt as well. "Hi! I'm Duo!" the baka grinned. "What are you, Elmo?"
The red fur head tilted to one side in confusion. "I'm not really sure, but I'm supposed to be like a little kid and I get to
ask a lot of really stupid questions! Cool, huh?"
"Yeah, way cool!" Duo grinned, then got a very mercenary look to him. "Say, aren't you the little thing that was a
major sell-out one Christmas? You know, 'Tickle Me, Elmo'?"
Elmo giggled, "Yup yup yup! That's me, all right! Why d---MMMPPHFFF!"
Duo grabbed a large bag out of Heero's hammerspace and began stuffing the wriggling little red creature into it.
"Baka!" the Wing Zero pilot growled, grabbing his laundry bag back and dumping its contents on the ground. Along
with a large number of green tank tops, black spandex shorts, a few socks and no underwear whatsoever (( O.o!!!)),
a furry red muppet landed with a thump.
As Elmo scurried off complaining about damaging the merchandise, Heero leveled a Yuy Death Glare (TM) at his
partner. "Pick it all up, Duo!" he growled.
Mumbling something about things being so unfair, Duo knelt down and got to work, pausing to wonder wordlessly why
there was so much soy sauce spilled on one shirt. Then he remembered a rather kinky thing involving himself, his
lover, and some sushi. Grinning like a maniac, he got back to work. "Gee, Heero, I always wondered why you never had
any laundry in your Gundam even though we don't seem to get to stay anywhere long enough to do wash very
"Some of us plan ahead, Duo," Heero growled, unhappy his little survival trick was now public record and not even
done in a SPAMfic like it should have been. Eventually, the Braided Wonder handed back the partially filled bag again
wondering wordlessly about whether it had been used in Jim Carrey's "The Grinch", it was big enough that was certain.
The braid swinging happily again, he and Heero started walking onwards.
Wufei's search of the street unearthed an unusual looking character he mistook momentarily for Tuxedo Mask. "Oi!
Mamo-chan!" He called snickering.
"Are you speaking to me?" the fellow turned around revealing a monocle and fangs that brought Tasuki to mind; Wufei
winced when he realized yet another "FY" reference had been pulled on him. "You seem to be in distress, young man,
perhaps I can help you count your woes, after all, I am 'The Count'! Muah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!" Thunder could be
heard in the background and the only special effects of the story were activated to make it look like lightning was
Wufei hung his head and wondered just what he had done to deserve this level of abuse in a fic ((oh, nothing,
Wu-man, nothing at all---except keep me awake at night trying to think of ways to write stories for you! ^_~ !)).
Sighing, he decided it was better to play along with the sadistic pseudo-plot than it would be to fight it. "Sure, we can
do that. But how do we start?"
The Count smiled broadly; granted, with a preformed mouth a broad smile was the only kind it could do, so there you
go. "Ah, something to count! Wonderful! First, tell me what is your biggest woe, other than being outside your
normal universe *and* being stuck here with me!" The critter waited patiently as Wufei considered the dozens of
possible answers he could give at the moment.
"My biggest 'woe' as you call it is the lack of justice in the world," Wufei answered seriously in spite of the fact that this
is a humor fic.
"Hmm, lack of 'what-sis'?" The Count was puzzled by the foreign, to him at least, word.
"JUSTICE!!!" Wufei shouted, then looked relieved when the scene break indicator came into view.
Meanwhile, Quatre was having a run-in with Cookie monster.
The poor Sandrock pilot had simply taken the opportunity to sit down for a snack when he was accosted by the blue
"*Cookie*!" the creature bellowed at him.
The chocolate chip bar cookie he was eating suddenly vanished from Quatre's hand leaving him to seethe. "What the
hell do you think you are doing, you piece of fashion-challenged shag rug carpet?!?!"
"Cookie?" it asked in return, snarfing down the last of the special cookies Quatre had carefully saved from the care
package Sadeema had sent him across alternate universe boundaries.
"Damn you!" He cursed, all semblance of control lost after such a trying day. He'd really rather face off against OZ than
put up with this abuse by a fic writer!
"Take it easy, Little One," a familiar voice reassured him. Trowa had finished the John Phillip Souza medley and felt
much mire at peace now. "We can stop by the Estate and get more cookies when we get back to our own set of
universes, all right?" Trowa smiled at his, um, er, well, I did say "friend", right? Then he glared at the proverbial fourth
wall. "You *are* letting us go soon, right, E-sama?"
((! Who knew he could see me?!? It figures, though! It's always the quiet ones who sneak up on you like that!
Hold on, I need a flak jacket here since I can't answer him directly. Besides we haven't seen Bert and Ernie yet!))
"I don't have time for your excuses, lowly fic writer! My angel is out of cookies, do you *really* want to risk this
escalating further?" Trowa made a rather pointed remark.
((Oh my! Best hurry up!))
With a wave of a keystroke, the blue creature was banished to parts unknown and we leave our two, um, er, "friends"
some peace and quiet.
"Wise move!" Quatre remarked, glaring at the trembling writer before smiling sweetly at the drop dead gorgeous guy
sitting on the grass next to him.
Down in the busy street, two other handsome young men headed purposefully towards a low-rise apartment house.
"Hey, Heero?" Duo grinned, wondering how long this would take. "Any chance we can stop off in the Tenshi Muyo
Galaxy on the way back? I need to get a cabbit to send to Howard for his birthday!"
"Hn." Heero, waxing eloquent, refused.
"Hmph! Well, doesn'tt *that* just figure!" Duo groused. Suddenly a hand reached out to his as Heero pulled him to
the side to avoid impact with a flurry of scurrying creatures. "What the hell?!?" Duo gasped in shock.
"Lunch break," Heero commented, borrowing Trowa's stance on speaking more than usual.
"Oh," Duo remarked simply, watching as the muppets poured out of hidden spots. He found the little worm creature
interesting and began singing "The Inch Worm Song" from Danny Kaye's "Hans Christian Anderson" movie, but no
one stopped to listen as Heero tugged him back towards their objective.
Finally arriving at 123 Sesame Street, Heero Yuy didn't even hesitate in dragging his koi up the front stoop and into
the building. They went straight to an unnumbered door where Heero pounded loudly.
Inside a voiced complained, "Hey, Ernie! Were you expecting company?"
"No, Bert! Why?"
"Someone's banging on the door."
"Well, let them in then!"
"Is that safe to do? We live in a recreation of New York City, wouldn't that be dangerous?"
"DUH! Geez, you're dense! This is Sesame Street! Everything is *safe* here!"
"Everything?" The voice asked hopefully.
The second voice dropped two octaves and suddenly sounded throaty and sexy as hell, not bad for a muppet, ne?
"You bet, stud! *Everything*!!!"
Growling that some damned cameo character was getting more action than he was, Duo pulled his gun, threw open the
door, rolled to one side as he dived in, and demanded, "FREEZE!!!"
"GAHHH!!!" The two creatures in strangely striped clothing froze as ordered.
"Duo, wasn't that excessive?" Heero asked, surprised by his lover's intense reaction to a simple breaking and entering
"Hey! They are stealing my thunder, man!" Duo snarled, unable to get his temper back under control.
"Fine, koi," Heero soothed, uncharacteristically concerned that Duo might blow a gasket and reconsidering the decision
about the Tenshi universe thing. So, Howard would get a cabbit after all, we just won't go into details here, okay?
"Who and what are you?" Heero asked making sure Duo put away his gun and annoyed he hadn't remembered to
pull his own earlier.
"I'm Ernie!" One grinned. "He's Bert!"
"Fine, kewlies, neat-o, whatever," Duo sighed disinterestedly. "Mind if I go wash up a little? Your carpet is filthy!"
"Really?" Ernie asked glancing at the floor which he never really saw since he was just a no-legged muppet and
couldn't walk anyway. "Sorry about that! Sure, the bathroom is over there!" He added helpfully.
"Thanks," Duo commented bitterly as he headed for the small room. "Stupid thing doesn't even know if I'm an
enemy or not! Honestly! Do they think everyone who falls out of the sky around here is nice or something?" Grousing
some more bout naive children's television characters, he decided to teach them a lesson; something they'd learn
"So, what can we do for you?" Bert asked, hoping to get rid of the homicidal maniac in his living room quickly.
"Hn," Heero remarked then realized that without Duo there to translate, nothing would be accomplished. "We need to
contact our universe to get out of here."
"Sure thing!" Ernie smiled coming into the room with a TV-remote. "Use this to dial up your usual broadcaster and
they'll patch you through!"
Heero frowned. "But Cartoon Network took us off the air," he said wondering what to do now.
"No worries!" The aggravating little thing responded. "Odds are you're only on hiatus until they clear their schedule! I
saw the cute little figures they had of you and your boyfriend in their on-line store! Just give 'em a call anyway!"
Heero felt more than a little annoyed and soon found himself on hold for the weird little CGI thing that hosted
Toonami. He watched the two muppets whisper between themselves while he got through and arranged for the
Gundams and the pilots to escape. Finally breaking the connection, he decided to state the obvious about his two
"Well, I always thought you were gay!" Heero remarked casually.
Bert frowned, then responded, "We thought the same about you guys! Nice to see it's more of a 'mutual attraction'
thing on both sides, don't you think?"
Before any further discussion on sexual preference could be held, Duo strode in grinning, the pocket of his riding pants
a little more "swollen" looking than usual and it had nothing to do with lemon fics. "Well, Heero, I heard you got us a
free ride out of here! Why don't we make a break for it before some other Sesame Street characters show up?"
"Good idea," He answered and the terrorists fled the scene leaving baffled little creatures behind themselves.
"Well, that was random, wasn't it, Ernie?"
"Sure was, Bert!" Once more the voice dropped into the realm of the painfully sensual. "So, handsome, want to go
back to playing strip poker?"
An evil laugh was all that was heard.
Soon the Wild Wing Boys were ready to make good their departure from this strangest of realities.
As they reached escape velocity, all five Gundam pilots felt glad to leave it behind.
"I can't believe that little blue bastard stole my cookie!" Quatre whined.
"….." Trowa remarked philosophically, returning to his preferred speech pattern.
Sighing, his "friend" responded. "I know, Trowa, you mentioned stopping at the Mansion for more, but that was an
alternate universe set after the war, wasn't it? I mean when there were all those weird 'Secrets' going on and
everything! How are we supposed to get *there*?"
"True! If we could get to Sesame Street we can go there, too!" He brightened considerably. "I'll even get to check on
Laurel and everything as long as we avoid doing anything that implies a dreaded sequel!" He smirked happily as he
pushed Sandrock to its limits. Trowa lapsed into true silence once more, not wishing to remind his lover of the eye-loss
issue; let the blond feel happy about getting some cookies, he'd deal with cross-references later.
Wufei, however, wasn't happy at all. "Well, fine. All I've got to show for this whole fiasco is a couple of lame 'Fushigi
Yuugi' references and a headache from that creature who wanted to count my woes! Here I thought I didn't have
too many and that damned thing found over a hundred! What a pain!" He turned off his comm unit refusing to explain
what all 125 were even though the readers were quite interested in knowing.
Heero flipped on his vid connection to Duo to find a strange surprise. The Braided Wonder sat holding a bright yellow
bath toy and grinning like a loon. "Duo?" He asked, low and lethal in the sexy tone that was usually enough to
distract Duo from almost any mischief, but it didn't work this time.
"Nani? Oh, hi, koi! I decided to teach those little weirdoes a lesson, so I took something of theirs. See my new
decoration for Deathscythe?" He grinned merrily shoving the plastic whatever-it-was forward at the camera.
"What is that thing?" Heero asked, not really wanting the answer but knowing it was the only way to escape this story.
Smiling broadly at the thought of getting the last word, Duo burst into song once more, "Rubber Ducky, you're the
one! You make bath time lots of fun! Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you---*you*---Boop-Boop-De-Doo!"
Somewhere in space a loud groan was heard as yet another inexplicable temporal rift formed, whisking our Fabulous
Five back to their own galaxy to face OZ curiously eager for what passed for normalcy in their lives.
They considered fighting a masked guy and a bunch of nameless buffoons who always screamed "It's a Gundam!" as
they died "normalcy"? Go figure.
Then again, if the Gundams never landed on Sesame Street again they would all be happier.
((aren't you relieved to see that particular word, ne? ^_^))
1. This is dedicated to Jim Henson, brilliant creator of the muppets and all around wonderful human being. Jim, we
all miss you! Thank you and your
son Brian for all you've given us!
2. This piece of irredeemable nonsense was written for the December,
2000, SDDI Crossover contest. Just thought you'd like to know in case you were wondering who to blame for it, besides
me, of course! (^_^) !
3. Rushing to take muse credit is, of course, Thalia, the Greek muse of comedy! Melpomene, however, wants full
notice for what happened to Big Bird
as well as the hopelessly unoriginal line "Tastes like chicken!" The girl may be a classic, but her sense of humor
is pretty damned twisted, ne?
4. I've been asked by several folks to set up an alert system when something of mine is available, so please feel
free to sign up at
Only Duo would steal Rubber Ducky! Bwahahahahahhahah! And he puts it on Deathscythe?!?!? GAH!
Plus *Duo* pulls a gun on Bert and Ernie and *Heero* wonders why he didn't think of doing that first?!? LOVE IT!!!
Anyone see an Alternate Universe they like mentioned here? The very idea of Howard walking around playing with a
cabbit slays me! If anyone wants Sadeema's Secret Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe that Quatre likes so much, just ask!
It might show up in a fic, no da! (poor Wufei! stuck with Duo's "Fushigi Yuugi" references!)
How many other anime shows did you notice? Learn a new rule of anime from Trowa? And did he sound different
talking so much here? Or was it just all that *marching band music* he had going?
Before anyone flames me, yes, I *know* this is terribly RANDOM! Just ask Bert and Ernie, they said so for me! (^_^)