Silencing The Secrets
Once safely behind closed doors, Heero, still carrying Duo simply because he liked how it felt, walked very deliberately to the large bed
and flipped on a lamp next to it. To his amazement, the entire bed had been covered in a layer of rose petals and the room had taken on
"Oh, Heero! They're beautiful!" Duo surged up in his arms for a kiss filled with passion.
"Um, I didn't do this," Heero admitted after the kiss broke. "But I wish I did!"
"Really? Wonder who did?" Duo suddenly noticed that there was a tiny card on the night stand and pointed at it. "What's that, koi?"
Heero picked it up, easily keeping Duo's lanky frame securely in his arms. He read it aloud.
In the past, we risked our lives together and survived. Today we risked our hearts and did more than survive. Thank you
both for being there beside us and may you find the joy you two richly deserve, tonight and every night for the rest of your
Quatre & Trowa
Duo looked truly moved by the words and Heero found his own voice was slightly strained. "They really did want us to share that
ceremony, didn't they?"
"Apparently so." Duo's eyes were filled with gentle wonder that their best friends had indeed given them the best of all possible gifts, a
wedding like none they could ever have imagined for themselves. He reached up one arm and pulled his lover's lips to his, "You know
that I love you, Heero Yuy-Maxwell, don't you?"
"I'll never doubt it again, Duo Maxwell-Yuy." Heero had intended on simply affirming the statement yet had left a dark shadow of doubt
along with his words. He realized it after Duo turned his head away in shame. "No, Duo, I'm sorry, that came out wrong!"
Pushing away and untangling himself from his new husband's strong arms, Duo stood on his own two feet a moment. He took a look at
the petal-strewn bed then cast a glance of longing towards Heero before he deliberately turned and walked out of the bedroom.
//Heero no baka!// The Japanese man angrily reprimanded himself. //That was totally uncalled for, and now I've upset him. He's been
through Hell already! Why did I blurt that out anyway?//
Utterly confused, he decided it might be best to think things through a little before he went to apologize. Procrastinating, he took the
phone off the hook and called Sadeema to request a surprise for Quatre and Trowa whenever they were able to escape the party, too.
The cook thought his idea was quite good, "very relaxing", the older woman had chuckled then wished them both a pleasant evening.
Finally admitting he couldn't think of a way to apologize until he truly understood how much damage he'd done, he took a deep breath
and followed his husband into the outer room.
"Duo?" he asked tentatively. The other young man sat with his back to him and didn't look up. Heero looked closely and noticed a slight
tremble run through the frame of the one person he loved most. There were tears being shed and he knew he had caused them. It nearly
broke his heart. "Duo, please, I'm sorry. I don't know why that came out the way it did, can we just forget it? Please, koi?"
With an almost painful slowness, the chestnut braid moved back and forth as its owner shook his head "no". Feeling the ache in his heart
at the refusal, Heero nearly gave up hope, but he had never been one to give up and decided to risk his own dignity to retrieve his love
from the darkness which had suddenly overcome him. "Well, Duo, what can I do then? I need you beside me, not far away. Let me at
least know what you are thinking about, please?" Begging, he stepped closer hoping Duo would not just get up and leave. He needn't
"I'm sorry, koi," a soft voice filled with regret muttered. "You don't need to apologize here, I do." A tear-streaked face turned towards
him and Heero was beside his love as quickly as he had ever moved between two points. Before anything further could be said, he had
pulled Duo into an unbreakable embrace and had settled the two of them onto the floor.
Now committed to doing anything to ease the pain his violet-eyed angel was feeling, he didn't care about dignity or even convention, he
simply cared about Duo and, as always, that would be enough.
Slowly, he pulled the braid free of its restraints, unwinding the mass of chestnut hair then slowly running his fingers through it, tenderly
easing the tension out of both of their bodies as he caressed his way through the mass of shining tresses over and over. Eventually, feeling
Duo relaxing against him, he slipped his shoes off and reached down to take off those of his partner. Little soft sounds of yearning
reached his ears when his only free hand had been away from the hair too long and he knew this was a good sign. He pulled Duo tight
once more and resumed stroking the hair he loved so much. After judging the state of relaxation to be sufficient, he gently turned his
lover towards him bringing them face to face once more.
Now free of fresh tears, the eyes he wanted to gaze into would not look at him, it rent his heart to be unable to lose himself in the
amethyst depths right then, but he was going to make up for his ill-timed remark regardless of cost.
Slowly, he lifted the heart-shaped face in front of him so he could place his lips onto Duo's. He kissed him, gently, only once, then
moved his fey lover to lean against him and he kissed his forehead tenderly. A sigh of contentment assured him he was doing the right
thing. After a few minutes passed of simply cuddling and kissing the smooth forehead, hair, and cheeks of the man in his arms, he once
more dared to kiss the lips he desired so much. This time, however, the kiss was answered with tentative passion. Slowly, more slowly
than they had the day he'd returned from DH-1221, the pair began to kiss, deep kisses reawakening the fires of desire he had
inadvertently extinguished before.
A shudder passed through Duo and Heero felt him relax even more. He asked softly, "Forgive me?" He kissed the lips in front of him,
hoping those beacons would look at him again; he needed to see desire from his soul-mate before he would proceed.
"No, Heero, I can not forgive you. You did nothing wrong. I'm the one who should ask for your forgiveness."
The sound of such profound sadness turned the taste of desire to ash within his mouth. "Koibito, you have done nothing wrong either.
There is nothing to forgive." Heero tried to sound convincing, but his mate still refused to accept the answer.
"I did many things wrong, Heero," Duo sighed, then finally opened his eyes letting violet meet cobalt in the semi-darkness. Sadness and
remorse filled those beautiful eyes and Heero's own deep blue gaze failed to alleviate any of the pain. He cursed himself for a fool ten
times over. Before he could multiply his own curses a strange thing happened, a tiny smile appeared on Duo's lips. "Heero? What on
Earth are you thinking about, koi?"
A gentle laugh broke the silence since Heero didn't trust himself to speak just yet. "Well? Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?
Hmm, no answer. So maybe I should guess. Let's see," Duo's eyes had just a touch of whimsical sparkle in them. "Perhaps you just
realized you married a stranger, ne?"
"No!" Heero stated a bit too forcefully as he tightened his hold once more for fear his lover might escape, causing another gentle laugh.
"Don't worry, koi," Duo gently kissed his jaw surprising Heero, "I told you in the desert, I want you. I still do. You are the only one I will
ever want!" Then he sighed. "There's not a thing in the world you've done wrong. You gave me a beautiful wedding day, you've been
strong and supportive, you've been more than I could ever have hoped for. Arigato, Heero," he relaxed within the tight hold hoping
Heero would understand.
"If I've been all of those things, Duo, then why did you leave me like that?" Heero was still puzzled. "I want us to be together, but only if
there are truly no regrets. I don't give a damn about traditions, if you don't want to spend tonight the way we spent last night, I'll wait."
He tilted his head down and gently kissed Duo's neck, then nuzzled him a bit right where it most relaxed him.
Duo surprisingly laughed yet again. "Why, Heero, this isn't about sex!" Duo's eyes glanced back at him now partially filled with merriment
and partially filled with sorrow. "Sex with you is a dream come true, there's nothing better in my life than being with you intimately. I am
yours, all yours, you must know that, don't you?"
Heero was confused by this. "If it isn't about that, then what is this about, Duo? Please tell me, the pain in your eyes shouldn't be there
and we'll talk all night if that's what it takes to ease it." He resumed nuzzling Duo's neck below his ear, wringing a moan of pleasure from
"Ah, Heero, what am I to do?" Duo sounded wistful. "The problem, love, is that you married a stranger. I'm not who I once was and I'm
not sure of just who I am now, but I know I am no longer 'Shinigami', at least not the one you fell in love with." He sighed deeply, unable
Heero, however, had heard what he needed to hear and took a chance to erase some of the pain. "That's all right, love, I'm not the boy
you once loved either."
Duo twisted his head back to look at his husband quizzically. "That's right, Duo, neither of us are who we were any more and that's
okay. I am a new person as well, no longer the 'Perfect Soldier', no longer a Gundam pilot, no longer a lost teenager fighting someone
else's war, blindly following mission orders. Now, I am a married man. A *happily* married man, at that! Don't you see, Duo? I can
finally admit to having emotions and feel good about them, I don't have to be 'stoic' or 'silent' or even 'goal oriented' all the time. Now, I
am free to be a *real* person, you taught me that was what I needed to become and I have. There is no greater gift than that awareness,
Duo, and it was a gift from you, whether you knew it or not. Thank you, my love." Silently he hoped he had said the right things.
Duo's low sob, however, made him doubt himself all over again. "Heero, that's beautiful, but it isn't true," another sob broke loose deep
in Duo's chest. Heero sealed his lips with a kiss before the sound could escape.
"It is true, koi. Every single word. I love you, Duo, really *love* you!" Heero pleaded for understanding. "Don't you see? This is no
longer about physical desire alone, this is about wanting to spend every day with you. It's about wanting to share the trials of real life with
you and getting through them as a team. No, not a 'team' any more, but a 'couple'. A married *couple*! This is what it means to me,
Duo." This final admission broke all the barriers apart.
Wonderment filled Duo's eyes as he finally grasped the entirety of what Heero was offering him. "You really mean that, don't you,
Heero? You see the world through new eyes the same way that I do yet you still want me beside you?" Duo melted into a deep kiss
sending shivers through Heero's solid frame. "Yes, I see it now. We are each new creations, based on what was there before, but made
new. We've each traveled unexpected rocky paths and we each have had to make choices, but you still choose to be with me, even
when I'm not sure just who exactly that is. If you can accept me so totally, so forgivingly, then perhaps it is time I began to accept myself
"Yes, Duo, I accept you without reservations, without restrictions, and, hopefully, this will be enough. But can you accept me the same
way? I don't know who I am either." Heero had also gained new understanding; he finally realized he hadn't been honest with himself,
neither had he truly accepted himself just yet.
Duo's answer was total and complete yet so very simple. "Of course I do, Heero. Now and forever."
He turned himself fully to face his lover and reached out with two long-fingered hands to clasp the face he had found his world within and
pulled it close. Right before their lips met, he caught Heero's eyes one last time. The sorrow that had filled the violet depths had been
replaced with a smoldering passion that threatened to turn into a raging blaze. Cobalt depths searched those inviting orbs and came to
the apparent conclusion that everything would, indeed, be completely fine for them, no matter what life threw their way in the future.
Closing his eyes slowly beneath long lashes, Duo drew Heero's mouth up to his and kissed him passionately.
A moan of desire echoed between them as Duo probed the tender lips asking for and being granted entrance.
Warmth passed between them as their tongues lazily dueled between their mouths. Sparing, caressing, probing, the moist heat built to an
erotic dance that narrowed their world to just themselves.
As the kiss ended, they drew apart seeking each other's eyes. "May I?" Duo asked, as his hands pressed against Heero's chest, playing
with the buttons of his shirt.
"Only if I get to do the same," Heero smiled as Duo nodded briefly then recaptured his lips. Slowly, they undressed each other sitting
there on the floor, the bed a distant memory neither wished to seek just then. Contentment had been found sitting on the floor and love
was to be reaffirmed there as well.
Once the clothes were gone from their bodies, they pulled together sharing warmth and passion. Duo seemed intent on merging the two
into a single body in a rather unorthodox manner and pulled Heero around to face him. Leaning forward, he slipped his fingers around
Heero's broad shoulders and pulled him forward until their chests touched. The scars from the two heart surgeries were still pronounced
enough that Heero could sense them just by the feel of skin against skin, but they no longer worried him. Duo had accepted the heart
within his chest as truly part of himself now and this was all he wanted. His fingers brushed upwards to stroke the muscles that flexed
beneath the skin, finally settling on gently rubbing the hardening nipples making his lover gasp in delight. The assault on each other's
chests grew more emphatic as Duo returned the caresses and both were aroused even more.
Smiling coyly, Duo let one hand begin to wander down to where their laps seemed to merge due to their legs being wrapped loosely
around each other. He stroked Heero smoothly bringing forth a groan of longing and found his own length being touched and fondled
lovingly as well. He glanced down between them and was surprised at how erotic it was simply to watch his amazing lover stroke him.
Leaning back, he wantonly licked his lips and just watched the tender ministrations being paid to his body. Heero, also aroused by this
took the opportunity to stretch out next to his lover and continue to fondle him reaching slowly between the soft, barely parted thighs to
stimulate the soft sac behind gently massaging Duo's balls. A moan of tortured pleasure escaped Duo's lips.
"So, my love, you like to watch me arouse you?" Heero teased gently.
"Ohhhh, yesssss," Duo gasped out watching the sweet throes of passion play their way across Heero's face as he enjoyed arousing his
mate even further.
Heero, no longer able to wait, turned over on one side, easing his love onto his back and kissing him deeply. During their kiss, Heero
moved to lay full-length across Duo's body, pressing him tightly. He ground their erections together and both moaned deep in their
Deciding the weight upon him was the most wonderful thing he could imagine, Duo abandoned rational thought entirely in favor of pure
sensation. His entire body relaxed under the pressure of Heero's body. Sensing this shift, Heero reached back for his jeans and drew out
a tube he had shoved in his pocket to avoid having to search it out later if they could work out the difficulties they encountered earlier.
He coated his fingers with the sweetly scented cream and moved off of Duo to allow himself access.
At the loss of the sensation of Heero's body on top of his own, Duo let out a low whimper of loss which was quickly replaced with a
moan of desire as he felt his legs being spread by his love. The feel of those fingertips against the sensitive flesh of his inner thighs was all
he needed to know what to expect next. He raised one knee to a bent position and spread his legs as far apart as possible to provide his
lover with greater access then even he had sought.
Growling his lust, Heero slowly impaled the violet-eyed beauty below him with a single finger, probing purposefully, eliciting tiny moans.
Soon a second finger joined the first and he started stretching Duo's tight opening more forcefully. As the fingers thrust in and out of the
body beneath him, both became more aroused, something neither expected was even possible. A third slick finger joined the first two as
the preparations neared completion. Heero finally brushed against the spot that sent white hot flashes of light into Duo's pleasure centers
and he began to thrust back hard against the fingers, demanding more.
Getting Duo's attention with a kiss, Heero quickly applied a generous coating of the cream to his own dripping hardness, eager to find
complete joy within the body of the man he loved. Duo moaned in appreciation of the sight before him as he then knelt between the long
legs and slowly withdrew the teasing fingers to his lover's mixed disappointment and excitement. Then, making certain that Duo watched
his every move, he slid himself into position, nudging the relaxed ring of muscle with the broad tip of his manhood. As Duo's eyes grew
round with pleasure and a hint of pain, Heero began to slowly penetrate the entrance and impale himself on the willing body below him.
Nearly out of his mind with desire, Heero tried to hold back but couldn't and ended up slamming full-length into the tight hot sheath in
one hard thrust. A loud groan escaped Duo's lips as his eyes seemed to roll back from sheer bliss as pleasure/pain enveloped him.
Heero felt the muscles tighten rhythmically around his shaft even as Duo urged him to begin moving within him, unwilling to wait to adjust
to the thickness within him. Pulling out slowly, then driving back in quickly, harder each time, both rapidly approached the point of
climax. As the tightness he felt increased, warning Heero his lover couldn't wait any longer, he suddenly slipped a strong hand behind
Duo's back and lifted him easily onto his lap. Further burying himself more deeply and bringing himself near total joy.
Holding Duo's back firmly with one arm, he stole a hand between their bodies and began to stroke powerfully in time with the rise and
fall of his hips. Hardly breathing, Duo released himself in an ecstatic scream of joy clamping down on Heero sending him over the edge.
Pulling the body above him down hard onto his shaft, Heero released a low shout and filled his beloved with his fiery hot seed sending
trembles of pleasure through them both.
Gasping, Heero found the strength to draw Duo's limp body close and take his lips once more. But they were both breathless and the
kiss didn't last long. Duo slumped forward, leaning heavily onto Heero's body.
"Mine." A low voice purred into his ear.
A soft, happy voice barely spoke above a whisper, "Yours, Heero, always yours." A gentle kiss touched his ear. "Now and forever."
Then a sigh of contentment as the body he held slumped bonelessly against him, totally spent.
Struggling to maintain his own failing strength long enough, Heero managed to gently withdraw from his exhausted love then carried him
to the rose covered bed. He carefully drew back the covers as Duo clung to him for support, then he slid both of them into the sweetly
fragranced bed. Turning off the light with what felt like his last bit of strength, Heero turned to pull his husband tightly against him once
more. He whispered lovingly, "And I belong to you as well, koi. I am yours, now and forever."
Softly, a voice responded, quietly pleasing him beyond anything he could have hoped for, "Mine? Yes, mine. You, koi, are mine and I
am happier than I have ever been to know that. Ai shiteru, Heero Yuy-Maxwell."
A soft chuckle responded, "Yes, all yours, koi. Ai shiteru, Duo Maxwell-Yuy, always."
Then peace filled the room as two seemingly star-crossed lovers broke the bonds of destiny and reached forward together to create
their own path. One where they could remain together and love each other without secrets, without barriers, and without fear.
They were now truly complete.
Author's Arc End Notes:
1. This final story of the "Secrets" arc is dedicated to each and every person who asked for a happy ending! Yes, the "secret" is actually
that I planned one all along and if you'd caught the hints earlier in the arc, you would've expected it! However, I, too, felt the G-boys had
been tortured enough and hope you enjoyed all the happy, happy, joy, joy, feelings!
2. Now, what was this whole arc *about* besides torturing Gundam-piloting bishonen? Actually, it had several themes going on but the
main one is "actions have consequences." In real life when you commit a crime, you go to jail, so that's what happened to Heero. If you
ignore your health, sooner or later you will pay, this is what happened to Quatre and Duo. If you love someone with all your heart you
may suffer, but hopefully it will be worth it; that's what happened to Heero, Trowa, and Wufei.
3. Other themes that were my favorites: There's usually something funny happening even when things are bad, just ask our "A-Team"!
Another, be true to yourself; twice Trowa forgot this and he paid the price, but twice he survived. Another one I value highly, friends
make the unlivable at least survivable; that's what happened to all of them, wouldn't you say? Were there others? Of course, but you can
seek them for yourself.
4. Now, the bitter truth. The majority of the medical matters in this entire ARC are actually autobiographical and I hope readers will
realize these are common problems for many people. The only thing I can say I haven't had was open heart surgery, but my mother did
and that's close enough. The rest, is, sadly true to greater and lesser extents. Medical malpractice as it applies to Duo applies to myself
as well, so I urge people to heed the words regarding those in treatment for substance abuse. Regarding cancer, I strongly suggest
people become educated on the warning signs of various tumors. It can indeed happen to you, too. Another sad bit of truth, many of the
other situations and crises the pilots faced are those I have faced. If someone like me can survive, so could they and so could you if you
ever face them.
5. Assistance for medical information goes first to a wonderful pair of individuals at Brown who know who they are, thank you both for
your time and patience with my questions. Thanks as well to several members of the various Gundam Wing mailing lists families, I
appreciate your help in keeping this brutally factual. It also goes to many others over the years as I underwent treatment. Assistance for
lemons, however, is more fun to give! I thank (alphabetically) Akuma, Dena, Jade, Jana, Karen, Syn, and a variety of influential people
who would kill me if I listed their names here! As we say at GWRRLWG: Sex is Good! Assistance for getting this posted at GW
Addiction was given by DaMoyre and Tyr both over the weeks this whole arc took to archive; thanks you two!
6. Calliope, Greek Muse of Epics, has taken over the full Arc as a unit. This story, however, marks the decline of Melpomene's
influence, being the self-appointed Muse of Angst, as Erato, self-appointed Muse of Erotica, takes credit for lemons and happy endings.
Thalia, Muse of comedy, however, protests that anything involving Gene Starwind should give her credit, too, so here it is. She is also
singularly proud of the blisters on Heero's feet as a set-up for Erato to weave her wicked ways!
7. Guest Stars!!! A tradition of the "Secrets" arc has been to include guest stars in the hopes of lightening the mood and bringing a touch
of the manic to your Mondays! As to our key guests for this episode, here we go--->First our real people: Lauren (my daughter) as
Laurel. My fellow Founding Members of GWRRLWG, Akuma and Syn, appear as our doctors, thank you both for everything! My
eldest daughter Amanda does a very brief cameo as Adeena; the 14 year-old wanted to be a baby, who knew?
8. Now the anime: How'd so many fit in here?!?! Let's break them down by show, shall we? The characters pop in from a bunch of
shows, so let's salute our newest cast member first, Vash the Stampede, from "Trigun"! We welcome back Junpei "Jack" Ryuzouji from
"Those Who Hunt Elves" (dubbed "Mr. J"). Also from "Elves" is Celcia, a wise elf appearing here as Quatre's sister the child psychiatrist.
Appearing as "Mad Dog Murdoch" everyone's favorite "space cowboy", Gene Starwind of "Outlaw Star" returns to amuse and astound
you as well. Sakura Kinomoto is here from "CardCaptor Sakura" as our adoption official. Many others are recurring cameos from
earlier Books in the arc, so forgive me if I don't list absolutely everyone. If you wondered just where someone came from, drop me a
note and I'll clue you in. Gee, were there any others? You tell me (^_~) !
9. I've been asked to set up an alert system when something of mine is available at GW Addiction. If you wish to join them for the
silliness, please feel free to join the over 55 folks already there and sign up at EnigmaFanficUpdatesemail@example.com