WARNING: Very High Angst Lemon, Proceed With Caution, Kleenex Warning
[Sequel to Tragic Secrets; Book 6 of the "Secrets" Arc, Final Installment of arc]
Author: Enigma
Written: October & November, 2000
Cumulative Rating: NC-17
Pairings: (1x2/2x1) (3x4/4x3) (5+S)
Category: Angst, yaoi, AU
Cumulative Warnings: Angst, lemon, yaoi, sap, AU, OOC
Be Prepared: Kleenex Warnings!! also: avoid Colas
DISCLAIMERS: I don't own Gundam Wing or any other anime or TV characters I use here, just the ideas in this story and some characters that are new are truly mine. Any reference to copyrighted material or trademarked goods should be considered an "homage" (yeah, right!) Don't sue me, even the lawyers wouldn't enjoy it, except of course for the Ashe and Jojo characters!
NOTE: Timeframe---after the war has ended and the Gundams were destroyed. //yada, yada, yada// = inner thoughts


Silencing The Secrets
Part 3

Then he saw something that terrified him. "Duo, have you taken any of your medication today?" He demanded insistently, cold fear clawing at him; what he saw in that beautiful face was extremely urgent and utterly horrifying.

"Wha'? Uh, no, I didn't think to bring it with me, why?" Duo was confused by this question, he was confused with his own actions, and most of all he was confused by why Heero sounded so upset.

"Your eyes, Duo, there's something wrong with your eyes." Heero's intensity was not to be questioned. He quickly pulled Duo's clothes back on as well as his own, totally ignoring the need for attention to Duo's strangely self-inflicted wounds. Grabbing a gun out of the glove box, he jumped out of the car, ready to do whatever it took to handle the dangerous situation he now faced. Totally disregarding the staring on-lookers who had voyeuristically enjoyed their earlier activities, Heero jammed the pistol into the waistband of his jeans and reached in, forcibly pulling Duo out. "Come on, Duo! We need to go---NOW!!!"

"Huh?" Groggy, Duo blinked in confusion. "What's the rush, Heer---" Duo never finished, he passed-out mid-word and would have landed face first on the pavement if Heero hadn't expected this.

Pulling him out of the car and into a rough embrace, Heero kicked the door shut behind them, lifted the limp form into his arms, and actually ran for the emergency room. Duo's unconscious body was draped across his arms like a rag doll, head lolling loosely with each bouncing leap as Heero ran at full speed for the hospital. Fear and anger warred across Heero's face as he denounced himself for a fool to have not anticipated this.

//Withdrawal! Damn it all to *Hell*, Yuy! He was going into drug withdrawal and you let your own sexual desires take precedent over his health?!? Shimatta! If he dies because of my foolishness, I'll never forgive myself!//

Arriving at the emergency room, a forceful kick at a restraining barrier gained him immediate access to the triage area since he refused to wait for standard admissions procedures. Armed and decidedly dangerous, Heero Yuy was once more fully in command as he handed his lover over to the doctor in charge demanding immediate action at gunpoint. While his actions frightened several staff members, the rage and pain in his cobalt eyes brought quick attention for Duo who was sliding into potentially lethal withdrawal symptoms.

Shallow breathing and erratic pulse brought any remaining need for immediate action to the full attention of additional medical personnel who began calling for various pieces of life support equipment and intervention drugs.

Finally feeling they were taking care of Duo properly, Heero calmed down enough to have Trowa paged. He deeply regretted that this would become Trowa's problem as well as the situation with Quatre, but there was little choice. Duo was likely to be unconscious for quite awhile if what he feared was true.

Heero stood guard over him until they got Duo hooked up to an IV with the horrible combination of drugs he had been on for so long. There was a delay while the doctors confirmed the dosages with Akheem, since they were so outrageously high no one in the emergency room was willing to believe Heero's word on it. This annoyed yet reassured the former pilot simultaneously.

What Heero had noted in the car was that Duo had gone into withdrawal without being aware of it.

His eyes had dilated to varying amounts and when he passed-out it was clear that what had truly happened between the two pilots was not the act of love Heero had hoped for, but a strange side-effect of Duo undergoing uncontrolled withdrawal. Even the doctor had asked if there had been any unusual behavior prior to the collapse including anything sexual and Heero had guiltily answered yes. He coolly described what had occurred in the car, emphasizing the fact that Duo had been bleeding badly and needed attention for that as well. Nodding, the doctor assured Heero that he was not at fault for this, it was a common scenario that a person with Duo's recent medical background to experience one brief moment of intense clarity. During this moment, what they felt most strongly was expressed directly and often these expressions could be violent or shockingly powerful as Duo's obviously had been.

Frequently these were indeed sexual in nature and while the intensity the pair had shared was amazing to the physician, it was not unheard of. "He must feel very strongly about you, Mr. Yuy, to have gone that far. He could easily have died if you had resisted him, he was that far gone in his delusions."

Heero, still angry with himself commented sullenly, "Perhaps. But I think I should have expected this and resisted anyway."

All of this had initially angered Trowa who, seeing the bloodied clothing and Duo's rapidly declining vital signs, assumed Heero had possibly gone so far as to assault Duo since the two had been at odds lately. But after the doctor explained it, Trowa was glad he had declined to speak previously. He knew full well how deeply the gang rape still haunted Heero's thoughts even if his Japanese friend would not allow him to share the pain since he, too, was a rape victim. Since Trowa well knew Duo's frequently insatiable sexual appetite, this now seemed understandable and Heero's obvious distress and feelings of guilt assuaged any remaining doubts. Quietly, Trowa had tried to reassure Heero that he was not responsible for what happened, that he had not taken unfair advantage of Duo, something Heero was very upset about.

Once certain that Duo was getting full attention, he turned to Trowa distressed. "I should have known something was drastically wrong, Trowa. When he comes out of this he's going to think I raped him! He said he thought he'd raped *both* of us, I don't know how he came up with that weird idea, but he did. So I told him he hadn't, that he'd given me a 'gift', but he'll never believe that and I won't be here to set things straight!" Heero insisted. "Now he's going to hate me even more!"

"No, Heero, he isn't," Trowa replied, tired yet knowing he had to somehow control the situation. "Frankly, the doctors told me odds are he won't even remember this later."

These last words cut Heero worse than the others, yet he kept his own counsel. //What if I really don't make it back from DH-1221? Will he think the last time we made love was actually an act of rape and hate either me or himself for the rest of his life?//

"Heero," Trowa sighed, "It does no good to worry so. You need to leave soon regardless. Let's check on Laurel before you go, all right? I'm worried about her and your help will ease that worry." One thing Trowa Barton knew better than most, the one way to distract Heero Yuy was to make him feel needed in an area he could control when there was something too difficult to face alone.

Heero clearly didn't wish to leave Duo's side, but it made sense to do something else. Trowa had also spoken to security personnel regarding Heero's belligerent threats while trying to get Duo care and that issue was easily remedied. He had clearly been distressed and the situation warranted it, so it was officially "forgotten", a relief during a difficult time.

The two went to check again on Laurel who had still not regained consciousness for very long at any given time, but the doctors felt she was actually just sleeping now. Without even pausing to consider why he felt the urge to do so, Heero gently kissed the child good-bye, bringing a smile to Trowa's face, a much needed smile indeed.

//When did Heero become so protective?// Trowa reflected. //I've never seen an almost paternal side to him before. These have been terribly stressful times lately, but he continues to amaze me. Perhaps this is yet another side to him that had been suppressed just now finding its way into view, if so, it is a welcome side indeed.//

Next, they went to make a final check on Duo whose condition was rapidly deteriorating. The physician handling Duo's case pointed out that if Heero had been any slower in getting him to them for treatment and any less vehement about getting that treatment quickly, Duo may indeed have died due to respiratory complications. As they were being told Duo would be admitted to the hospital for severe chemical dependency, Trowa was paged again. He looked at this pager and found the message he was waiting for: "Come to Surgery Waiting Area. News."

Heero thanked the emergency room staff as well as apologizing for the disturbance earlier after noting the trepidation in a few of their faces clearly inspired by his forcefulness. They left after Heero dropped a gentle kiss on Duo's cheek, careful to avoid the respiration tube that had been inserted down his throat as well as the tubing bringing oxygen to Duo's nose. The respiratory problems were a natural part of an uncontrolled withdrawal he'd been assured, yet the tubing, monitor patches, and ashen look to Duo's complexion shook Heero deeply.

In the surgical waiting area some exceptionally good news awaited them instead. Quatre was out of surgery and on his way to intensive care. "Mr. Barton?" A lovely young woman asked Heero.

"Not me, miss, him." He pointed at Trowa who looked extremely nervous.

"Ah, nice to meet you, Mr. Barton. I'm Dr. Akuma, I wanted to let you know how Mr. Winner's surgery went." She paused noticing how pale Trowa looked as Heero quickly put a strong hand on his friend's shoulder to prevent him from collapsing if the news was bad. "Why don't we sit down, sir? There, that's better. Now, let me cover the basics for you then you can ask whatever questions you have, all right?"

Trowa just nodded, not trusting his voice.

"Well, first off, the surgery went very well. It took longer than expected since we were determined to do as little damage to the optic nerve as possible beyond what the tumor had done already. It was treated with great care, but the risks of blindness remain the same. Also, we believe that the tumor had *not* metastasized which is the best possible news, however, the pathology labs will give more conclusive results within a few days. Based on our observations, however, we are not recommending any additional forms of treatment at this time such as chemotherapy or even radiation therapy. Last, based on the patient's over all level of health going into this, we feel he may come out of the anesthesia earlier than usual, possibly within 18 hours or so. Because this will give enough time for both of you to recover a bit, we must insist that you get some rest as well. We will arrange for a spot for you to rest here in the hospital in case we need to awaken you for any emergencies that might arise even though none are expected to do so. Any questions?"

Trowa, stunned, sat silently.

Heero, eyeing his friend nervously, commented, "Thank you, doctor, please give him a moment. We just had to have a friend admitted to the emergency room and this news, good as it is, may be just a bit much right now."

Dr. Akuma smiled. "No problem. Actually, when those waiting for oncology patients react much more quickly it is a surprise. Do you, sir, have any questions?"

"Yes, I do," Heero answered, a wicked grin on his face as he winked at the woman. "How long will it be before the patient can go dancing again? I've been just waiting for a chance to steal him away from his fiancÚ long enough to go dancing!"

The doctor, catching the gleam in Heero's deep-sapphire eyes, smiled and laughed gently wishing she had time to get to know this young man as well, she found him more than a little attractive.

"Hey!" Trowa responded, brought out of his shock by Heero's joke. "Back off, buster! That's *my* fiancÚ you're talking about and if anyone is taking him dancing after all this it's *me*!" Grinning broadly, he accepted Heero's congratulatory embrace. "Besides," Trowa winked back equally wickedly, "You've got a fiancÚ of your own! Plan to chase *him* around the dance floor when he's discharged from here, okay?"

"Wait, said the doctor. "Is that the man they just admitted downstairs? The 'friend' you mentioned?"

Heero's happiness faded a bit, but he nodded his head. Then he stated firmly, "Yes, it is. But he's going to be fine, just like Quatre will and then Trowa and I can take them both out dancing and we can chase them both around, right Trowa?"

"Right!" He grinned knowing how much the changes in Heero worked for the good of all of those around him. Regretfully he added, "Heero, thanks for everything, but you'd better get going if you and the others are going to make the launch window for the shuttle."

"Ninmu ryoukai." Heero answered, standing. "Everything will be fine. We'll radio when we get into outer space and stay in touch via the estate, okay?"

"Got it! Bring Wufei and Sally back in good shape." Trowa watched as his friend strode purposefully down the hallway, then added under his breath, "Godspeed, Heero, Godspeed." Why a phrase he had picked up from Duo had become so meaningful to him was unimportant. Trowa had felt this way before and felt this way more deeply with each passing event that tore the group apart; he had discovered a desire to pray for them to find sanity and ultimate peace soon despite his previous lack of religious views. They had all been tortured long enough.

Soon, Trowa and the doctor had discussed the few things her efficient summary had not covered, but by that point, the exhaustion had caught up to Trowa and he was yawning. The doctor escorted him to an area where he could rest while they waited for Quatre to wake up. Only then would they know more about how successful the surgery had been.

on to part 4

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