[Sequel to Unexpected Secrets; Book 5 of the "Secrets" Arc]
Written: October, 2000
Cumulative Rating: NC-17
Pairings: (2x1) (4x3/3x4) (5+S)
Category: Angst, yaoi, AU
Cumulative Warnings: Angst, disturbing material, lemon, AU, yaoi, sap, OOC
Materials Needed: Kleenex, Inner Peace; also: avoid Colas
DISCLAIMERS: For no apparent reason, I don't own Gundam Wing or any other anime or TV characters I use here, just the ideas in this story and some characters that are new are truly mine, for the moment at least. Don't ask. Just don't ask! Don't sue me either, please, it would be a waste of your money.
NOTE: Timeframe---after the war has ended and the Gundams were destroyed.

Tragic Secrets
Part 5

"Little One?" Trowa held Quatre's suddenly trembling body against his as he guided the two of them to a nearby couch.

Shaking his head cautiously, trying to avoid increasing the agony he already felt, Quatre answered his beloved, "I'm so dizzy all of a sudden. I feel like I'm falling, help me, Trowa!" He would indeed have fallen if Trowa hadn't already gotten them to the couch where he eased them down together, holding on tightly as Quatre seemed to fight to regain his sense of balance.

Trowa steadfastly continued to hold him gathered in the warm circle of his arms, desperately trying to help him any way he could. Rubbing his back gently, he asked, "Do you want me to get Dr. Akheem?"

"No, don't do that," was the half-groaned reply. "It's better now, Trowa. I'm not as dizzy anymore. That was weird, though, wasn't it? I've felt dizzy some lately, but that was the worst time yet. I'm okay now, I think." Quatre sighed and leaned more heavily into Trowa's loving arms. "Now, what were you saying, love?"

Still worried about the dizziness, Trowa forced himself to return to a greater concern. "Are you sure that was what was best, just letting that animal leave without having him arrested? He was sexually assaulting Duo, shouldn't he be made to pay for that crime?"

Quatre rubbed his eyes hard as if it would take away the pain behind them. "Just trust me on this, Trowa, okay? If we pressed charges then Duo would have to be made fully aware of what really happened; and from what I saw, Duo was so heavily drugged he mistook that pig for Heero. Let's just leave it alone, please; Duo has enough pain all ready."

Trowa kissed his lover gently in apology for questioning him. "You are quite right, koi. Duo has enough problems already, we'll get another psychiatrist and make sure he gets better care. Now, love," he gently lifted Quatre's lips to his own, "You need to go and rest. Clearly you are in pain and this has upset you terribly. Let me talk to Akheem about getting a replacement psychiatrist and you get some sleep, all right?"

Quatre, looking up with a tiny sparkle in his eye smiled sweetly and answered, "Okay, koi, but only if you come tuck me in and then stay awhile." The look of desire in those aquamarine pools was unmistakable.

Trowa smiled broadly at the suggestion of spending some time alone together in such a fashion in spite of what they had just been through. "Now? Are you sure, my angel? Perhaps it will make your head hurt worse."

Then it occurred to Trowa that this was a strange sudden mood change for Quatre to have gone from bloodthirsty to lustful in mere moments. He wondered if he should point this out to his beloved, but Quatre interrupted that line of thought.

"Quit teasing, Trowa," Quatre pouted. "Can't a guy make love to his fiancÚ once in awhile without being fussed at?" He looked at his lover with the most adorable "puppy eyes" look he could achieve under the circumstances and let one shoulder of his shirt slip off revealing alabaster skin the emerald-eyed teen could never resist; poor Trowa never stood a chance now.

"Since you put it that way," he stood and gathered his lover into his arms and headed out of the office in long strides toward the bedroom, "How could I possibly say 'no'?"

They crossed quickly to the living quarters and Trowa leaned down to ask one last time if Quatre was sure he wanted to do this right now, but Quatre's sweet lips captured his too quickly and pulled him into a deep and loving kiss. Helpless, his lover responded in kind and it seemed Quatre had successfully unbuttoned most of his own shirt before they even got inside the room. He had his nimble fingers working their way up Trowa's chest, anxious to remove his shirt as well. The young Arab was as single-minded about pursuing his lover in that moment as anyone could possibly be and the entire medical concern was, regrettably but understandably, lost from Trowa's thoughts.

As the door closed a small gasp was heard as Quatre successfully removed Trowa's shirt with a sudden display of dexterity simultaneously nipping and kissing him mercilessly. Happily, the entire bizarre situation that had developed earlier with the psychiatrist was forgotten, for a little while at least, as Quatre pursued *and* caught his prey to their shared delight.

Heero Yuy was slowly regaining strength and it was thanks to the constant guardianship and companionship of Junpei "Jack" Ryuzouji that all of this was possible.

Good to his word, the police officer never left Heero's side for more than a few minutes at a time; he'd even going so far as insisting on sleeping in Heero's section of the infirmary. This was actually fairly humorous since the large man tended to talk in his sleep and everyone found it highly amusing the big lug actually recited Sonnets and other poetry in his sleep. Jack, of course denied all of it until Heero cunningly collected "evidence" by arranging to get a tape recorder one night. Jack turned bright red, blushing when he heard his own voice reciting Keats on the tape!

"Damnit, Yuy!" Jack tried to glare angrily and failing that he broke into laughter. "You're too damned good at being a terrorist, ya' know that?"

Heero, laughed with him, such a drastic change from his days as a pilot when if he said even an entire sentence Duo openly wondered if he was sick or something. "Oh, it hurts to laugh, Jack!" Heero had his arms around his waist laughing more carefully, but not stopping. "Hey, man, that's what I trained my whole life to do, so I ought to be pretty damned good at it!"

"Yeah, well, it's still dirty pool!" Jack grinned. "But I'd rather be caught like this than by my own mother! It'd ruin her impression that I slept through most of school other than gym!"

The two laughed awhile longer, then lapsed into a pleasant silence. "Ya' know, Heero, I been wondering something." Jack looked hesitant to ask, but the subject had been on his mind for awhile.

"What, Jack?" Heero grinned mistaking his reluctance to ask straight out as a sign of hesitancy, something Jack tended to display when he was about to ask Heero to help him with a technical problem on his computer or something. "You want me to teach you some more Japanese since, like it or not, you are of the same heritage as I am. Or, better yet! How about origami?" Heero actually winked after adding that knowing full well that his new friend would rather do anything lese than do origami again.

There had been a hilarious afternoon spent trying to work on that ancient art of paper-folding when Heero was still barely able to move around much. He wanted to make something nice to send Duo and between the painkillers and a few other things, origami seemed a good choice. The results, however, were catastrophic and both men shared a laugh whenever it was mentioned.

"No, seriously, Heero. I've been wondering," Jack looked too nervous for this to be a joke. "Just what kind of career are you going to pursue once we get you healthy and my buddies and I figure a way to get you the Hell out of here? And trust me," Jack snarled in the back of his throat without realizing it, "We *are* going to get you the Hell out of here one way or another! No damned prison sentence was right in the first place and it would be even more wrong now!"

Heero, astonished at such depth of feeling from his usually light-hearted friend was momentarily speechless. "Actually, Jack. I don't really know what I planned to do before all of this happened." He finally answered somewhat perplexed.

"Huh? You mean you didn't have anything planned for after the war?" Jack couldn't believe his ears.

Heero was pointblank responding to this comment, though. "Hell no. I wasn't *expected* to survive the war! I was trained to be a weapon and was expecting to die as one without ever seeing peace. Even when peace was within our grasp, I was certain I'd die trying to eliminate that fragment of the Libra space station. But while I was free-falling towards Earth preparing to destroy both it and myself at the same time, something snapped inside and I felt I *had* to survive. I never knew why until I saw Duo that last time before you hauled me in. Right then I realized I had chosen to live because somehow, in a way I'll never understand, I must have known that if I died back then, he would be dead now."

Heero never once sounded sentimental or even wistful about such a profound statement. Clearly, he had considered that at least part of his destiny and had accepted it fully and without question.

"Geez, Heero, that's a lot of responsibility." Jack scratched his head in wonderment. "Shit, I don't think I could have ever carried off even a fraction of what you've done in your life. But it still leaves the question, what do you want to do with the rest of your life? And don't even *think* you're spending it here, 'cause ya' ain't and that's final!"

Smiling, Heero acquiesced the point not wishing to reopen that standing argument. "I don't know, Jack." He leaned back, staring into the ceiling. "First thing I'm going to do when I get out of here is go get that fiancÚ of mine and make sure *he's* okay first." Heero sighed sadly. "Damn, but I'm worried about Duo, Jack. Quatre says he's doing better, but after you finally got the truth out of them for me about what really happened that godforsaken day he tried to kill himself, I can't stop worrying. If he's as doped to the gills as it sounds, he may be even more messed-up than I think he could be."

In a rare moment of sheer honesty, Heero gave voice to his deepest fears. "What if he's lost his mind, Jack? How do I help him as long as I'm trapped here? Yes, I know, you say I'm going to get out soon, but the longer I'm here the more I'm afraid he's going to slip away. I don't mean he'll try to kill himself again, of course, as stubborn as that baka can get, he just might! But I mean what if when I get home he doesn't even recognize me any more? What if he's somebody I don't even know any more? God, I feel so helpless, he's out there suffering and he *needs* me and I'm not *there*!" Without warning, one iron hard fist contracted powerfully, crushing a ceramic coffee mug Heero had forgotten he had been holding onto in the first place.

"Hey, man," Jack gently placed a hand on Heero's shoulder. "I know you're worried and I know you're hurting, but you're doing what has to be done. You are healing, and you're doing it not just for yourself but for him, too. You can't help Duo if you never heal, buddy." Jack, now accustomed to the occasional demonstrations of bizarre super-strength, simply brushed the broken earthenware into the trash and checked Heero's hand for any new cuts. Luckily, today there weren't any for a change.

Sighing in defeat, Heero smiled weakly at Jack. "Yeah, you're right, Jack, thanks. You know something? You're not half as dumb as you want everyone to think you are, 'partner'!" To make certain the older cop knew what the strength of the bond formed between them meant to Heero, he raised his hand and grasped Jack's arm. "Hey now, we are still 'partners', right?" He asked knowingly, trying to reassure Jack that he was not slipping away himself.

"Damn straight!" The older man smirked. "The 'Fires of Hell' or the 'Ice of the Misnamed "Justice" System', we're 'partners' as long as you want to be, Heero!" Both smiled in agreement and tried to go back to a lighter topic.

"So, what does Heero Yuy want to be when he grows up?" The former pilot of the Wing Zero Gundam, savior of humanity, laughed at himself.

"Let's see, I'm almost 18, not even legal to drink liquor, but I've got one Hell of a good-looking lover waiting for me," he picked up his favorite picture of Duo. The black-garbed pilot was laughing and smiling, standing beside Heero with an arm casually slung over his shoulder as the Japanese youth frowned sullenly into the camera, the beloved braid had been playful tossed around Heero's neck looking like an escaped boa constrictor from the zoo! Both were standing in front of Deathscythe Hell; both were filthy from a mission, but it had been successful and his exuberant partner wanted to celebrate; what a night *that* had been! Heero laughed in spite of himself at that memory. "So, I'd better get a job to support his addiction to shampoo and conditioner! Wonder what I'll be doing, though. All I know is how to fight and I'm sick of that."

"Shit, Heero, you're looking too far ahead now," Jack laughed trying to keep his friend from sinking back into a melancholy mood. "Give me the short-term plans, picking up right after where you left off earlier about sweeping the rascal off his feet and making sure he had his head screwed on right. And don't worry, as soon as you're back, I'm sure everything will be fine again!"

"Hn." Heero snorted amused at that easy answer, but avoided further comment. "Well, then, maybe I'll steal him away and we'll get reacquainted for awhile. I've never even had a real vacation before, that might be as good an excuse as any to try one out. Say, Jack, where's a good place to go?"

"Depends," Jack mused. "All depends on if you want privacy or excitement or fun with other people. You want privacy, take him on a cruise! Talk about romantic! Whoo! That girl I told ya' about, the hot little red-head? She and I took one once and we hardly left the cabin for the first two days! It was starvation that drove us out since I never took the time to discover they had 24 hour room service!" Jack laughed at himself. "That makes me a, what's the word again? Oh yeah, 'baka'! Big time! As for excitement, Hell, you've been there done that, why bother? So all that leaves is getting out with people and it sounds like Duo sure would get a kick out of that from what you told me. I'd recommend a good old-fashioned trip to any of the Disney Complexes! My folks took me to one when I was a kid and it was great! Rides, shows, and the craziest shit I'd ever seen at the time! Bet he'd love that!"

Jack smiled at the little wistful grin on Hero's face as he spoke. Changing the tone of his voice and producing an invisible pad of note paper and an invisible pen, Jack's expression changed and he asked haughtily, "So, Mr. Yuy? That's reservations for two on the 'Ocean Empress', luxury suite, of course, sir. As well as reservations for two at Disney's 'Fantasy Paradise'?"

Heero, watching the comedic performance broke into open laughter. "Ah, yes, my good man! Put it all on my Gundanium Credit Card, there's no limit so feel free to arrange for the best of everything! Oh, and add a nice gratuity for yourself while you are at it!"

The two men fell apart laughing at their now shared antics both knowing full-well the more serious issues had not vanished, but were at least back down to a manageable level.

on to part 6

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