[Sequel to Unexpected Secrets; Book 5 of the "Secrets" Arc]
Written: October, 2000
Cumulative Rating: NC-17
Pairings: (2x1) (4x3/3x4) (5+S)
Category: Angst, yaoi, AU
Cumulative Warnings: Angst, disturbing material, lemon, AU, yaoi, sap, OOC
Materials Needed: Kleenex, Inner Peace; also: avoid Colas
DISCLAIMERS: For no apparent reason, I don't own Gundam Wing or any other anime or TV characters I use here, just the ideas in this story and some characters that are new are truly mine, for the moment at least. Don't ask. Just don't ask! Don't sue me either, please, it would be a waste of your money.
NOTE: Timeframe---after the war has ended and the Gundams were destroyed.

Tragic Secrets
Part 2

An hour and a half after the session had begun, and mere moments after the surprising turn of events, it was clear Duo was near exhaustion and they'd gotten as far as they were going to get. Tsukishiro, trying to distance himself emotionally, went through the motions of describing to his patient the revised treatment plan he had devised; he told Duo he was going to be adding some anti-depressants to his medication list to see how they worked. He watched carefully for the braided man's response and was surprised.

Duo didn't seem to care at all; this seemed quite odd based on his history, he usually fought any suggestions of long term medication. Even after the heart transplant he had argued against going on blood pressure regulating medication as well as anti-rejection drugs. Now, he just didn't seem to care; he never even asked about side-effects or anything else which further concerned the doctor.

Yukito took note of this undesirable change and modified the dosage to higher than originally intended. He had it added to the IV and would start him on it orally when he was eating again. He gave Duo some tranquilizers in spite of the fact he looked sleepy. His recent medical records had indicated an inability to sleep well and if Duo didn't get a solid ten hours of sleep, it was not going to get easier. Almost reluctantly, Yukito bid him goodnight and left to report to Quatre.

After Yukito left, as Duo sank slowly into drug-induced oblivion, he wondered why he'd kissed the man in the first place. It seemed to have just happened by accident but Duo knew better than to lie to himself at least.

//He was so nice, so gentle and caring,// Duo thought, trying to rationalize his actions. //I guess I was just trying to thank him, that's all. I mean, I love Heero, right? Why would I be kissing some other guy for any reason other than to show appreciation?// His mind was blurring over as the drugs raced through his system. //Granted, he is kinda' cute and all. And he *is* here, and he is certainly warm and kinda' cuddly. Hmm, maybe it wasn't an accident?//

Before any further internal arguments could be raised, Duo Maxwell was wrapped deeply in sleep's cloak and the drugs he'd been given were even especially chosen to suppress dreaming and it was silence and darkness until the next day for him at least.

Quatre was as dismayed by Duo's attitude about the medication as Yukito was. "Do you feel he's still actively suicidal at this point, doctor?" This was Quatre's greatest fear and he wanted to know right up front.

"Suicidal? Absolutely." A blunt reply but honest. "However, he is having difficulty keeping track of what day or time it is and seems confused as to whether Heero is 'coming home' soon. This is the only thing that is holding him back from actually killing himself, I believe." Yukito truly believed this in spite of the unexpected kiss.

Quatre frowned deeply, but Trowa spoke for them both. "Dr. Tsukishiro, you should know that as part of our training as Gundam pilots we were trained in over a dozen ways to commit suicide unaided. He would not need any form of conventional weapon to achieve this goal should he choose it."

"Shimatta!" The psychiatrist, a true professional, was clearly disturbed by hearing this information, so shocked that he lapsed into his native language and cursed. "Then I officially request he be placed on a suicide watch, 24/7, actual personal monitoring not simply recording which he could undoubtedly counteract. Will this be possible? I feel it is extremely urgent based on what you've just told me." //Besides, *I* don't want to lose him, either!//

Slowly, Quatre nodded his head. "Oh yes, doctor, it is very easily accomplished, but I'm quite certain he will take offence. Granted, I'd prefer he take offence than he take his own life, but it will most likely be a problem later. Kindly set up a regular schedule of sedatives and tranquilizers as needed to lower his abilities to harm himself as well for the time being."

"Yes, I was already considering that. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's been a long day and tomorrow will definitely be longer. Good night." The doctor left the room looking like the travel had finally caught up with him. Actually, it was something else chasing his mind, but he kept that to himself.

"Trowa?" Quatre asked simply for reassurance even though he knew the answer, "Are we doing the right thing?"

"Of course, Little One. This is all we can do for now." Trowa assisted him to his feet and noticed the slight tremble that ran through Quatre's frame. "What is wrong, koi?"

"I'm not sure, just a little dizzy, that's all." Quatre didn't look convinced that was the problem, but it was a good place to start. "Let's go to sleep, ne?" Trowa simply kissed him and guided him back to his bedroom where the blond was asleep before he even finished undressing. Trowa gently changed him into his night clothes and tucked him into the comfortable bed. Then, he quietly slipped out, determined to take first watch over Duo now that the danger was known.

If anyone had ever told Jack Ryuzouji he would actually find himself hovering over one of his prisoners praying to a god he wasn't too sure about for some kind of miracle, he would have told them to take a hike. Yet, here he was, in the dark of night, in a prison infirmary, doing exactly that.

"God, if you're really out there somewhere, what the Hell do you think you're doing to this kid? He's fought all his life to bring peace then practically died to save the whole damned world. Yeah, he got pretty fucked up in the head over getting a heart transplant and all, but, Jesus, wasn't it worth it? Didn't you see how those two are? Shit, God, isn't love supposed to conquer all and everything? Then you let those rat bastards do this to him?!? What kind of 'loving father' are you supposed to be anyway?" Jack hung his head down between his large, callused hands, then looked up again. "Sorry, Lord, you know I ain't got the cleanest vocabulary, but can't you cut the kid some slack here? He's been to Hell already, can't you let him have some time on the better side of the fence?"

Heero Yuy lay in the bed, still heavily bandaged and with an IV line running a variety of drugs and nutrients into his system. His face was slack, his eyes hollow in appearance, skin pale except for the huge impact bruise on his forehead where he had slammed into the concrete twice.

Jack sighed and turned his mind back to the mundane world. "Hmm," he thought out-loud just to help himself stay awake. "A six-letter word for a weapon of mass destruction."


Jack almost jumped when he heard that. "Christ! Heero, is that you? Man, are you awake?"

"Hn." The grunt was about all Heero could manage while trying to open his unwilling eyes.

"Geez, man, I've been worried sick about you! How do you feel? What do you need?" Jack was over-zealous in pretty much everything he did, so this wasn't any big surprise except to Heero who was so doped up almost anything was a surprise.

"Jack? That you? What are you doing here?" Heero was very fuzzy.

"Look, I let you down once, it ain't going to happen again, got it?" Jack was vehement then remembered he was supposed to hit the doctor call button if Heero awakened and did so.

"Hn. Figured you'd moved on to other stuff by now, I'm pretty much a done deal, aren't I?" Heero didn't seem to remember everything, but there was no way he could miss the rending pain inside his damaged body despite the medication.

He tried to shift to a more comfortable position, but placed his body-weight firmly onto his most abused area. "Shit, Jack." He looked totally defeated and ashamed. "They raped me, didn't they?"

"Maybe they got in a lucky shot, but you killed the assholes who did this to you. Don't let it eat at you, kid, ain't nobody getting near you again except that cute guy you got waiting back home, understand?" Jack, in his own fumbling way, was trying to be supportive, but he had just opened the floodgates of Heero's memory.

"Oh, god, no. No, no, NO!" Heero moaned, "I can't ever face Duo again. Not now." Heero tried to think clearly enough to find a way to die right then, but Jack was too quick for him.

"Now, you listen to me, and you listen good!" Jack was quite literally in his face. "What happened was *not* your fault! It was *not* what you wanted! And it will *not* ruin your life, got it?!?" His tone softened as he added, "Besides, Heero, Duo's not doing so good. He needs you, man. So even if you want to quit for yourself, can't you keep trying for him?"

"What? What did you say about Duo?" Jack's approach worked, the minute Heero thought Duo was in trouble he pushed his own thoughts aside. "Jack, what's wrong with him?"

"I probably shouldn't be the one to tell you this, but, damn it, you're like the kid brother I never had except you're one helluva fighter. That Quatre guy called and talked to the doctors here but I listened in. He tried to kill himself after he found out what happened to you. They've got him under a suicide watch, Heero." Sorrow laced his voice, but Jack took a deep breath and finished, "If you don't pull it together and get him straightened out, you're going to lose him, permanently."

Wearily, Heero barely nodded his head, "Ninmu ryoukai, Jack. Watch my back, though, it's going to be rough." Heero's eyes slid shut in unaccustomed emotional pain.

"You got it, partner. Well, 'partner' if you'll let me be," Jack added hopefully, for a tough guy cop he certainly wore his heart on his sleeve.

Heero raised one hand off the bed to clasp the larger man's hand in agreement. "Definitely, Jack. Partners it is." Then Heero fell back into the comfortable darkness leaving Jack to explain what happened to the doctor who was exceptionally slow in showing up; something that earned the man an earful from Jack.

If a lamb laying down beside a lion is rare, what had happened between Heero Yuy and Junpei "Jack" Ryuzouji that night was almost incomprehensible.

on to part 3

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