WARNING: Graphic Violence! Not for the faint of Heart!

Written: December, 2000
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: (1+2) (3+4) (5+2) implied
Category: Angst, Yaoi/Shonen Ai, Torture, AU-OOC, Gift fic for Lady Tomanaiya's Birthday!
Enigma Story Category: Gundam Nightmares
Warnings: Angst, yaoi/shonen ai, blood, torture, ref. to rape, squick, AU-OOC
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing Universe. I'm not making any money off this story. I'm broke, don't sue me.
NOTE: How would Duo handle it if Heero tried to kill him somewhere other than an OZ cell? What could push Heero to really want to kill his lover full force, yet he would fail to succeed? What could possibly stop the Perfect Soldier if not himself?

A Drug Named "Pain"
Part 1

Sometimes, a person learns things about the one they love in the worst possible ways. And sometimes, what they learn destroys that love.

A message had come in while the Wing and Deathscythe Gundams had been away from the safehouse on a mission.

Tired, but concerned, Duo checked it from the hangar, yet ended up just frowning his displeasure. "It's apparently from Quatre, but I can't access it from here for some reason, I can only open it from my private laptop. Something must be *very* wrong!"

Duo left at a high rate of speed, headed back to their bedroom. Arriving just slightly behind his lover, Heero was surprised to find Duo sitting staring at the now blank screen looking aghast.

"What is it?" Heero asked, seeing fear in Duo's eyes and finding it unbearably attractive, a random thought he dismissed as irrelevant.

Duo didn't even look at his partner, "It's Wufei, he's been captured."

"That figures," Heero complained coldly. "Do we have a mission to retrieve him?"

"No," Duo finally turned to look at him, eyes haunted. He was so distracted by the fact that the information had been sent only to him and *not* to his partner that he failed to note the cold tones that seemed so inappropriate. "Heero, we have orders to *not* attempt a rescue. Quatre says you and I are specifically to stay out of it, but I don't understand why."

Heero growled low in his throat. "I know why. Wufei threatened to kill me a few weeks ago. They must not trust us to be professional under the circumstances."

"*What*?!?" Duo's eyes went round with utter shock. "Why would Wufei threaten to kill you, Heero?"

Heero refused to answer.

"Answer me, damn it! *Why* does Wufei want you dead?" Duo was angry at the silent treatment. "Tell me, Yuy, or I'm heading out of here and going after him myself. To Hell with orders!" Seething, Duo stood, ready to either leave immediately or fight Heero if he tried to stop him.

Sighing, Heero finally answered. "Do you remember the infiltration assignment we had at that OZ base three weeks ago? I was undercover, but you'd been captured and they assigned me to make you talk?"

"Yeah," he eyed his lover suspiciously, "you beat the shit out of me, as I recall."

"Precisely," Heero looked embarrassed, "That was why Wufei threatened to kill me. He said if I couldn't find better ways to handle a situation than to injure you, then he would eliminate me."

Duo looked puzzled. "Heero, I know that I'm the one who never lies, but that's either the stupidest lie I've ever heard or Wu's lost his mind anyway."

"I'm not lying, Duo." Now he just looked annoyed. "I believe our comrade has feelings for you."

"What a crock! Heero you are simply impossible here!" Duo was angry and had missed several important warning notes he should have heard. "I can't believe a single thing you are saying right now. I do not know what the hell is your problem, but *I'm* going after Wu! We'll discuss things later!"

He angrily headed right back out the door. He'd never even unloaded after the mission he'd just returned from, something that would come in handy as he left again, alone.


When the American rejoined Heero roughly a week later he was apologetic.

"I'm sorry I doubted you, Heero," Duo kissed his lover tenderly, then went to the bedroom tired and feeling like taking an hour-long very hot shower, Heero followed him.

"I talked with Wufei after we got him out. Quatre and Trowa had been there to provide a diversion and it came off without a hitch." He remarked casually as he stripped of his black over-shirt. As he pulled his white shirt free he commented, "You were right about one thing, he admitted he's been angry with you for beating me up. Apparently he feels you actually *enjoy* hurting me since I end up beaten to Hell on a regular basis. He even claimed you enjoyed it when I was in pain. I never realized anyone could misunderstand things like that, but he did. Weird, huh?" After pulling the shirt off and throwing it into the laundry basket he turned to look at his silent partner.

Heero looked crestfallen, he'd never wanted Duo to know any of this. "To an extent, Duo, he's talking from experience."

"Nani?!?" Shock and confusion warred across the American's handsome features.

"There's things about me you don't want to know." Heero sighed a bit. "Simply put, Duo, I *do* like causing pain."

"What the Hell are you talking about? You've never caused *me* pain, well," doubt crossed his face, "at least not on because you wanted to, anyway."

If he'd watched carefully, Duo might have noticed that each time he said the word "pain" Heero's eyes seemed to become more wild and troubled.

Then the Wing pilot admitted his darkest secret, "But something strange happened three months ago, Duo, something I never told you about. I, well, I can't explain it and there's no excuse for it, but I *did* enjoy causing pain to someone else, Wufei. We were drunk, something happened, I lost my mind I think, and I---I---" he choked, then added softly, "I raped him."

Heero stood with his back to his partner.

"Liar!" Duo's eyes were wide, but then he started laughing, a small frightened chuckle. "Ha, ha, funny joke, Heero, sick and twisted, but you can't fool me with a blatant lie like that one. You really had me going there for a bit!" Duo walked towards his lover ready to kiss and make up hoping to drop the whole subject.

"Stop! You don't understand, I'm serious. Get *away* from me, Duo, NOW!!!" Without turning, Heero tried to make him back away as he felt the same insanity trying to take his mind from him again as it had that hideous night long ago. Perhaps he thought he'd frighten off the American before this spiraled out of control, perhaps it was something darker.

Furious at the apparent slight, Duo angrily replied, "You are a liar, Heero Yuy! If you had hurt Wu like that he'd have told me! You don't enjoy pain, you never have! YOU ARE LYING!!!" He shouted the last and missed entirely the transformation which occurred as the word was spoken a third time in less than a minute.

"Oh, my bright boy, but I am *not* lying! Wufei just happened to say the wrong thing to me one night and was handsomely rewarded for his error." Heero's lips twisted into an evil grin as he turned back towards Duo.

Eyes unnaturally wide and glittering with something Duo had rarely seen yet deeply feared, he continued, destroying everything Duo wished to believe about him. "One night while you were away he had accused me of cheating at cards. That was foolish, wasn't it?"

Duo shrunk back with fear suddenly feeling exposed and at risk standing half-naked in the presence of the man he had entrusted with his life so many times before.

"I beat the little whining dog for daring to insult me. It turned out he was pretty damned repressed and the fact that I'd ripped his clothes off made him horny. Seeing him bleeding all over my hands turned me on so much that I took him right then and there!" He licked his lips thinking of the horrible deed with twisted pleasure. "But I didn't really rape him, he was *begging* me for it. He ended up bleeding even worse after the first round, so I fucked him repeatedly! Damn, but he looked good, bleeding, one little eye swollen shut, and begging me to ram him!" A cold laugh echoed in the small room triggering every single self-protective instinct Duo had. He just wanted to run, but his exit was blocked.

Duo hoped to distract him by talking, possibly even find a weapon before it was too late, but there weren't any readily available since he'd tossed his pistol onto the dresser when he thought he was just going to take a shower. "I don't know what you are talking about, Heero. You'd never do that if you could think clearly, I believe you need some kind of help here. Let me go get some help, okay?"

"You're not calling anyone! *I* don't need help, my pretty boy, but *you* do! And you're not going to get it!" Again the chilling laughter came and Duo felt his world shrinking into a small ball of fear in his guts. "Wufei was right, I *do* enjoy beating you, I've enjoyed beating *both* of you! When you scream in pain it arouses me. After a mission when you come home battered and broken you are incredibly erotic!" Heero's fiery blue eyes gained a new level of unholy lust and he began to approach Duo, "Your moans of pain are *so* delicious! I'm going to make you moan for me like that *now*!!"

"No, Heero, wait! Stay away from me! Don't make me hurt you, please!" Duo begged as he moved away, bumping into a piece of furniture as he tried to edge towards the door. "Have you been drugged or something? Let's get you some help. Come on, Heero, back off! You must be sick or something! DAMN YOU, BACK OFF!!!"

Duo forced himself to relax into a fighting stance prepared to take his lover on bare-handed if necessary knowing full-well that under normal circumstances this was a fight he couldn't possibly hope to win.

A gun had appeared in Heero's hand as he stalked closer to his prey. Bloodlust had overtaken him and combined with sexual lust he was clearly very dangerous.

"No, Duo, I don't think so. You made me finally admit to you how much I like hurting you, so I think it's time you *enjoyed* the benefits of your knowledge, don't you?" Heero lunged for him, but Duo kept his wits long enough for a single well-placed kick to his lover's knee, knocking him off balance long enough for him to slip past his fingertips.

Without a second look, he turned and ran for his life.

on to part 2

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