The following morning, daylight slid through the window of the bedroom on the
third floor gently painting brightness across the forms of two handsome young
men who were facing a difficult future together.
Stirring slightly, Trowa came to the realization that he was being watched.
Emerald eyes cracked open and looked into sorrowful onyx eyes causing the
HeavyArms pilot to awaken fully almost instantaneously, turning his attention
to his lover.
"Fei? Koi?" Trowa asked hopefully, "I'm so glad that you're awake, dragon,
but are you all right?"
"No," Wufei admitted, letting his eyes drop down, ashamed and afraid.
Trowa took a moment to look at his despondent love, noting the loose black
hair cascading over the pillow and the faint tracks of wetness that bespoke
tears he'd missed the other teen shedding while he had slept. The slender
teen chastised himself for failing to wake up as soon as Wufei had,
terrifying thoughts of what might have happened if the Chinese boy had
disappeared again racing through his mind.
Cautiously, Trowa moved closer and wrapped his arms around Wufei and drew him
into an embrace that was warm and comforting without the slightest hint of
sexuality. He was shocked to feel the oriental youth briefly try to pull
away, but it lasted less than a moment and soon the smaller boy lay still and
quiet beside him once more.
Reaching one hand up to stroke Wufei's back, Trowa said quietly, "I'm sorry
that you're not all right, love, is there anything that I can do to help?"
"...no..." The answer was so soft that Trowa was about to repeat the question
when a shudder ran through Wufei's body and he felt wetness against his neck
where Wufei had buried his face.
Wishing he understood more of what his love was thinking and feeling, Trowa
chose to continue to simply hold him and hope that he'd know what to do when
Wufei finally opened up to him once more.
Sobbing quietly, Wufei finally said, "how can you even touch me now, tro? i'm
dirty, i'm worthless, i'm..."
Trowa cut him off, stating gently, "Wrong. You're wrong, koi, you're none of
those things. You're still beautiful and wonderful and I love you, my dragon."
"how can you, tro?" Blinking back tears, Wufei lifted blood-shot eyes and
gazed at the boy who held his heart even if he felt unworthy of that honor.
"how can you possibly still love me now that you know what happened?"
Trowa smiled a bittersweet smile and caressed his cheek with one
long-fingered hand, "Oh, Fei-kun, don't you remember? Unconditional love was
what I offered you yesterday and you accepted it, nothing has changed that."
"But it *has* changed," Wufei insisted more strongly, the pain granting him
power he had lacked before. "That was before you knew that I had been used
and tossed aside by someone else."
Trowa felt stung by this, he knew he needed to tell Wufei about the things
that had occurred that the Chinese teen was unaware of, but now was not the
time or place for that. Now was the time for reassurances and promises, and
he made them gladly. "What was done to you against your will does *not* make
me love you any less, Chang Wufei. You were hurt by someone more powerful
than you are and while I wish I could change that, I can't. I can only offer
you my love and support while you finally get a chance to heal from it."
Searching onyx eyes peered uncertainly at Trowa as Wufei wondered if it was
truly possible that the nightmares and half-forgotten memories that plagued
him could be exorcised by the love of this one man.
"You'd do that for me?" Wufei asked in a voice filled with pain and
confusion, "But I don't know *how* to heal, Trowa. I wasn't even able to
remember it fully until yesterday and now, every time I close my eyes, he's
there, hurting me again and again. It's driving me mad."
"Take it easy, love," Trowa soothed, brushing a hand through the loose hair
again, hoping against hope that he could calm the other boy without calling
for help from the other pilots. His awareness of Wufei's verbal
idiosyncrasies told him that the boy he adored with all his heart was
suffering and Trowa sought a way to help him as best he could. "Tell me what
you see, let me help you find a way to cope with it, if I may."
Trembling almost violently, Wufei closed his eyes and took a deep breath
before moaning softly, sinking back into the terrifying memories. "Oh gods, I
can see him." Shuddering, he forced himself to continue, "I see his face as
he pulls his clothes off and he comes towards me, but I can't get away."
Trowa felt his heart skip a beat, this was sheer torture, listening as the
memories swept through Wufei's awareness like a tidal wave yet the other
teen's voice drew Trowa in as the painful recollections continued.
"He's saying something but I can't hear him," confusion laced the tortured
tones as Wufei continued to allow the vision to play out in his mind,
experiencing the horror in the present tense as if it was happening right
then and there. "I don't know why, but my head hurts so badly and then, I
feel him touching me and I tell him not to, but he won't stop. Suddenly I
feel the pain, oh gods, I feel the agony, I smell the blood... no, stop,
please, stop! I'm begging him but he doesn't listen! No, stop!"
The pleading tone cut into Trowa's soul, he felt a desperate wish to make
Wufei halt, make him open his eyes and see that he was safe, but it was too
late. The ShenLong pilot was totally lost to the memories that Trowa had
encouraged him to face and now there was no way to hold back the runaway
Wufei suddenly sat bolt upright, pulling himself free of Trowa's protective
arms and screaming, "No! Stop! STOP!! NO!!!"
Coffee-dark eyes flew wide and Wufei looked around the room in panic before
realizing where he was and that he was safe even as a new flood of tears
coursed down the tortured bronze face and he gasped for breath.
Moving quickly, Trowa sat up and gathered the frightened boy into his arms,
unsurprised when Wufei collapsed against him, deep sobs wracking his small
frame as he cried through the painful memories. Pin pricks stung Trowa's eyes
and he realized that he, too, was weeping, sharing the sorrow of the boy he
Anger and fear ran through Trowa's mind as he tried to figure out what to do
to help, but nothing came to mind even as he comforted the boy he held,
saying softly, "Easy, love, take it easy. You're safe here, Fei, you're with
me and I won't let him hurt you ever again."
The tiny answering nod was unexpected, but it reassured Trowa that on some
level he was still able to communicate with the suffering boy. In that sad
moment, this small reassurance was more than enough to give the HeavyArms
pilot hope that they might get through the pain one way or another.
The sound of pounding footsteps on the stairs caught Trowa's attention and he
looked up as Duo and Heero came racing into the room.
"What happened?!?" Duo demanded, dropping onto the bed without invitation and
wrapping himself around Wufei, cradling the still sobbing teen even as he
pulled the Chinese boy away from Trowa hoping that the taller teen might pull
himself together better that way.
"Trowa?" Heero asked, walking towards them, "What's going on in here? We
Sorrowful emerald eyes regarded cobalt ones and Trowa shook his head
slightly, "I made a terrible mistake, Heero. Fei said that the memories
wouldn't leave him alone and I asked him to tell me about them thinking I
could help, but I couldn't. I think he got lost in a flashback."
Turning his attention back to the other two boys on the bed with him, Trowa
added in a tortured voice, "Dear god, it was horrible."
"Wu?" Duo said softly, caressing the trembling boy and encouraging him to
rest his head on his shoulder, "Can you hear me, babe? It's Duo, Wu, talk to
me, please. Let me know if you're all right or not. Let me help, please?"
Sniffling back his tears and pain, Wufei tried to speak but all that came out
was a choked sob and he buried his face in Duo's sleep-loosened braid,
allowing the familiar scent of his friend's hair to help anchor him to
reality once more.
"There, there, now, take it easy," Duo soothed, holding Wufei close and
rocking him slightly, then he looked at Trowa who was brushing away the last
of his own tears and trying to regain his composure. "You gonna be okay, Tro?
We're gonna need you, buddy."
"I'll be fine, Duo, just give me a minute," Trowa glanced away, feeling
guilty for his own failure to contain the situation and turning his head in
time to see Quatre standing at the doorway, aquamarine eyes wide and face
flushed from sleep.
Quatre stood and took in the scene before him and knew that the long painful
road to recovery had begun for his friends. It hurt to simply watch, but he
felt that would be best and he remained where he was, silently offering
support to Trowa who seemed to accept it with a small nod of his head.
Heero watched the proceedings, mind racing as he considered options then
walked over to Trowa and said quietly, "You're not to blame, Trowa, you did
what you thought was right, there are no easy answers."
"Perhaps," the taller teen remarked bitterly, "But I dare say that this just
proves I'm not the right person to help Fei get through this. I have no idea
what I'm doing, and I'm just making everything worse."
"Bullshit," Duo corrected gently with a sad smile. "You did fine, Tro.
Besides, you're the *only* one that can do it. Trust me, Wu needs you more
than anything or anyone else and that won't change even if this is hell to go
"That's right," the Japanese teen stated simply as he sat down next to the
other three boys and looked at them one at a time, earnest concern obvious as
he said simply, "We knew this wasn't going to be easy, but you've got to have
faith in yourself. Wufei needs your strength right now, Trowa, give it to
"I'll try, Heero," Trowa offered, reaching out to stroke Wufei's back where
he still rested against Duo, too tired to move for a moment. "Fei? Feeling
"A little," Wufei finally said in a soft voice even as he tried to sit up and
move from Duo's arms back to Trowa's. Too weak to make the transition
himself, though, he merely looked pleadingly into Duo's eyes and the other
teen smiled tenderly as he shifted to gently press Wufei into strong arms
that gratefully enclosed him as Trowa pulled him close once more.
"That's better," Wufei sighed and allowed his eyes to slide shut, able to
keep the memories at bay now that he was surrounded by his friends and once
more secure in the arms of the man he loved. On a level that he was barely
aware of, Wufei was surprised that he'd retained consciousness through the
assault of memories and hoped it might mean he actually could begin to
confront the pain he was starting to recall.
From the doorway, Quatre spoke up for the first time, "Would you like some
coffee, Wufei? I'll be glad to go make some and bring you a cup."
Trowa turned to him and answered on behalf of them both, "That sounds good,
Quatre, thanks. But let me see if we can make it downstairs, all right? I
think a change of venue would be appropriate right about now."
"'Change of venue'?" Quatre asked in confusion.
"Yeah," Duo stretched and smiled as he and Heero got off the bed. "That's
legalese for moving from one place to another, Q, no biggie. That sounds good
to me, too, some coffee out on the deck might be nice and we can start
figuring out what our next steps will be, okay?"
Quatre frowned, he wondered what Duo had in mind, but then he shrugged,
"Well, whatever Trowa thinks is best is fine with me. I'll go brew a pot of
that Colombian Dark Roast that Wufei likes so much and I'll see everyone
downstairs in a bit."
Duo looked at the pair that were still entangled together on the bed and
asked gently, "Um, Tro? You need my help to get ready to go downstairs or
"No thank you, Duo," Trowa offered with a small smile, "I think we can handle
it, right, koi?"
Wufei nodded and said quietly, "I'll try, angel, I just need to catch my
breath again. We'll be there in a few minutes, Duo, okay?"
"Sure thing, champ," The American smiled as he walked out the door hand in
hand with his own lover.
It took a bit longer than they thought it might, but within a reasonable
amount of time, Trowa helped Wufei change into casual clothes, no formal
white silks and no wristbands to be seen as they joined their friends once
Full Author's Notes to Run at Conclusion.