Disclaimers: The people who own the rights to Gundam Wing would never approve of what I do here, so obviously I don't own it. This is for catharsis and not money, so please don't sue me since I don't even own my delusions, they own me.

Written: December, 2000 - March, 2001
Overall Rating: R
Pairings: (1x2) [(3x5)+(4x5)+(4x3)]
Category: Angst Yaoi Mind-control Emotional-duress Violence
Enigma Story Category: Gundam Nightmares
Warnings: Angst, yaoi, mind-control, emotional-duress, violence, blood, illusions of death, slightly bastard Quatre, {just label it AU-OOC if you can't cope}

NOTES: Things are very dark when Heero is brainwashed by OZ into thinking his lover and teammates are dead at the hands of Wufei. What will the Perfect Soldier do when he is consumed by grief and how can an injured Duo cope? Meanwhile, Quatre's actions are driving Wufei to distraction and Trowa is desperate for a solution. If the pilots can survive, will they be able to build a future worth living in?

//someone's thoughts//

False Memories
Part 6

A week later, the quiet of an early evening near Alice Springs was broken by a whine. "But Heero," Duo groaned, "it hurt when you changed the bandage this morning! Can't you leave it alone?"

"No, baka, I can't," Heero smiled to himself as he once more felt infinite gratitude they were even having the argument in the first place. Duo's eyes had yet to recover, but the doctors assured them that they would heal completely. For now, though, it was best to keep them covered. "Would you rather that I get the doctor to do it for you?"

"No," Duo moped, acquiescing and becoming quiet again.

Working far more carefully than his lover would ever have given him credit for, Heero cut the gauze away and lifted it free grateful that the hair had stopped falling away each time he did so. Duo looked substantially different now, the braid half gone, trimmed to a reasonable facsimile of its previous length to at least even it up after the worst of the burned hair was removed several days prior.

They had waited until Duo was finally awake enough to understand what Heero was trying to tell him about the hair. To everyone's great surprise, the American had not really seemed to care about it at all, he simply felt glad to know that Heero was safe. Duo's injuries would take time to heal, but it was time they were all grateful to dedicate to it.

Trowa had seen to it that both Quatre and Wufei were treated upon arrival as well.

Keeping his promise to himself, Trowa had cornered his smaller lover while sutures were being used to close the frighteningly deep array of gashes across Wufei's hip. The emerald-eyed teen had forced him to talk openly about their shared concerns. The smaller boy had vehemently denied any overt intention of dying just to leave the other two members of their trio alone, easily allaying one of Trowa's greatest fears.

Later that first night in the outback, the three lovers had also finally discussed Quatre's feelings and they decided as a group to re-evaluate their relationship. The Sandrock pilot had even apologized for being selfish and unable to give equally to them both, surprising Wufei who thought Trowa was unaware of this.

The fact that this particular trio had never been entirely successful at finding the right mix for three-way liaisons made the situation even worse. A trio which functioned as if it were three couples sexually is usually doomed to failure. [1]

While Wufei was more than willing to forgive the blond's errors, Trowa made it clear that Quatre needed to make a decision. It was all for one or none as far as the tall pilot was concerned, and it was past time Quatre committed to them both or bowed out. Unable to chose, Quatre proposed that the other two take a few days away to be by themselves in peace and to give him a chance to consider his own feelings in the matter.

He had gone so far as to provide accommodations for them in Bali, and Trowa and Wufei had taken him up on the offer. It never would have even occurred to the rampantly hentai blond that the pair spent almost the entire time just lounging in each other's arms, resting, talking together, and quietly enjoying each other's company.

The rows of sutures holding the injured flesh across Wufei's hip closed made little difference, though, on the last night when the pair spent a luxurious evening seducing one another to their shared delight. When they returned, the dark circles were gone from under Wufei's eyes and both of them seemed more relaxed. Before returning, though, Trowa and Wufei had discussed what to do about Quatre and concluded it really was his decision, regardless.

"So, Quatre," Trowa asked over a glass of wine as they watched the sunset and listened with amusement as Heero and Duo pretended to argue over the bandage issue. "Have you come to any conclusions yet about staying with Fei and me or leaving?"

Wufei sipped at his own wine thoughtfully as Quatre played with his glass and tried to sort out his thoughts. The Chinese boy was not in favor of pushing the blond for an answer but Trowa would not wait any longer for it. The tall teen had made a very good point while they were in Bali that if Wufei had not been so stressed out over caring for everyone as much as he did, perhaps he would have found a solution to Heero's crisis other than self-destruction. Even though it hurt his pride to admit he had probably made such a disastrous mistake, Wufei had been forced to agree.

At that moment, though, Wufei was perplexed and more than a little uncertain. He was worried about Quatre, a boy who seemed to have such a deep need to feel loved, that he sought physical evidence of it at every turn. Trowa pointedly indicated that soothing Quatre's sexual demands virtually every morning *and* evening was leaving the ShenLong pilot in a near constant state of exhaustion. As it was, Trowa's needs as well as Wufei's own were becoming over-looked and Trowa was fed up.

Wufei was not, however, in the least bit confused as to his feelings for Trowa. The tall pilot had been his first love and the strength of that special bond only deepened with each passing day, and the small youth had no intention of giving him up.

No matter what else Quatre might have decided, Trowa felt the same way and had no intention of giving up his Chinese lover either, so the blond really had only two things to choose from. He could either commit fully to making a trio work or leave the other two pilots' bed in search of his own lover elsewhere.

"Well, Trowa," Quatre started slowly, this was harder than he expected and he wasn't sure how to say what he felt, "it isn't as easy as I thought it would be to chose." Aquamarine eyes came up to look for some sign from emerald ones, yet Trowa remained cool as he returned the gaze.

"I never said it would be easy, Quatre, just that it had to be done."

"I know, Tro, it's just..." Quatre trailed off as he tried desperately to avoid committing to what he wasn't sure he could even do.

"It's just difficult, isn't it?" Wufei finally said softly, a sympathetic look on his face for both of them. "I'm sorry, angel, I can't stand watching him suffer like this." He looked at Trowa who finally nodded before looking away, clearly irritated.

The brunette wanted an answer and he wanted this settled. The entire thing had gotten out of hand and if he didn't care as much as he did, he would have suggested they just decide later, finish their wine, and just watch the sunset. As it was, he remained sullenly silent and watched to see if Wufei could get Quatre to state his preference.

"Little one," Wufei said gently, "You know that we both care for you, and while you feel different things for each of us, the arrangement we have now can not be supported much longer as it stands. We ask only that you either commit to trying to be more reasonable about your own role with us or that you move on and find someone who *can* make you happy."

"But you *do* make me happy, koi," Quatre whined. "That isn't it, it's just that I thought that I wanted Trowa all to myself and now I can see that isn't going to happen and..."

"Damned right it's not going to happen!" Trowa interjected, rising to his feet and pacing like a lion from the circus that he had left behind. "If you can't get past that, then good-bye and good luck, Quatre, we'll miss you, but this is for the best."

"No!" Quatre rose to his feet angrily causing Trowa to come to a stand still as well. The blond looked as if he might cry out of pure frustration but settled for taking each of the other boys by the hand. "Trowa, please, let me finish?"

Trowa simply nodded and didn't remove his hand, glancing at Wufei and finding the pain he expected on the other's face. He forced himself to remain in place as Quatre made his pronouncement.

"Thank you," Quatre remarked and then looked at both with longing in his eyes. "Wufei, I'm sorry this is even happening, but Trowa *is* right, you know, I was being selfish and immature and I don't deserve it, but I'd like another chance. I want to try harder to make this a more even relationship for all of us. I know that I was being unfair to you both and I'd like a second chance with the understanding that if I can't handle it, I'll quietly move on and leave you two in the peace you deserve. All right?" He looked at each in turn and discovered that Trowa was staring at Wufei, emerald eyes narrowed with concern.

Wufei, however, had his eyes closed and was simply nodding, a slightly sad smile on his face. He had expected this answer even if Quatre had no intention of trying to change and it hurt to be right for once.

"You..." Quatre paused as he sensed the pain in his smaller lover's heart, then added in shock "... don't believe me, do you, Wufei?" When he got no answer, he added with a sob, "Koi, please trust me, I really will try to change, give me a chance."

The Chinese pilot did nothing to try to hide his own pain as he played his final gambit, one he had never mentioned to Trowa whose honest reaction he was counting on. "How can I? I've realized that Trowa is the one you want yet I am the one you used. No, Quatre, I *don't* believe you, I'd have to be a fool to accept this at face-value."

Wufei sighed deeply then continued, "Tell me, wouldn't you rather have him all to yourself now? Don't you truly believe you can make him happier than I can and that given the opportunity, you believe he can satisfy you better than I can?"

"Wufei, what are you saying?!?" Quatre gasped as a flood of emotional pain hit him full-force from not only the Chinese teen but from the tall youth standing nearby as well.

"Dragon, have you lost your mind?!?" Trowa reacted violently, pulling his hand from Quatre's and simply standing, utterly shocked as he stared at Wufei.

"You both heard me," a dead-calm voice answered.

"NO!!!" Quatre cried, moving to throw his arms around the Chinese boy who had not moved one inch during the emotional exchange. "That's *not* true, koi, it really isn't! Not anymore! It might have been before, but not now! Wufei...?" Quatre buried his head against Wufei's chest and began to sob outright, his tears soaking the other boy's tank top.

Understanding passed over Trowa's face and he finally smiled at the incredibly brave young man he knew he'd never leave, mouthing out the words "I love you" as Wufei smiled back at him repeating the silent sentiment. The gambit had worked and now none of them could doubt what Quatre meant. Even the blond had been uncertain until this point, and now it was totally clear. The trio *did* still have a chance of working, but they had needed to get past this critical point.

As the sun continued its descent, Trowa wrapped both of his lovers into his arms and they sat together comforting each other and trying to redefine what each wanted and how they could achieve it together.

Authors Note:

[1] A nod to the general belief that a trio is inherently less stable than a couple is made with a somewhat odd explanation for one reason why they might fail. What reasons can you add? In recognition of hours of interesting discussion along these lines, this footnote is dedicated to Jana.

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