Disclaimers: The people who own the rights to Gundam Wing would never approve of what I do here, so obviously I don't own it. This is for catharsis and not money, so please don't sue me since I don't even own my delusions, they own me.

Written: December, 2000 - March, 2001
Overall Rating: R
Pairings: (1x2) [(3x5)+(4x5)+(4x3)]
Category: Angst Yaoi Mind-control Emotional-duress Violence
Enigma Story Category: Gundam Nightmares
Warnings: Angst, yaoi, mind-control, emotional-duress, violence, blood, illusions of death, slightly bastard Quatre, {just label it AU-OOC if you can't cope}

NOTES: Things are very dark when Heero is brainwashed by OZ into thinking his lover and teammates are dead at the hands of Wufei. What will the Perfect Soldier do when he is consumed by grief and how can an injured Duo cope? Meanwhile, Quatre's actions are driving Wufei to distraction and Trowa is desperate for a solution. If the pilots can survive, will they be able to build a future worth living in?

//someone's thoughts//

False Memories
Part 1

"Damn it all!" Chang Wufei cursed loudly as he pulled the bedroom door behind him shut. He walked back into the living room of the small Canadian apartment he was supposed to have been sharing with Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy, but only Duo shared it with him at the moment and the braided boy was not in very good shape.

Angrily, the Chinese pilot went to his computer and sent a terse message to his lovers:

{{03 & 04---

Contact me immediately following completion of your mission. Trouble with 02 relating to 01 MIA status. Assistance urgently required.

05 Out.}}

A simple message, and not a very unusual one for this group, it was still enough to send chills down the spine of the battle-hardened young Chinese warrior.

When he had to pry Duo Maxwell's limp body out of the cockpit of Deathscythe upon return from a mission three days before, he knew things were bad. When the boy was able to communicate once more earlier that morning he had discovered there was more wrong than the other's injuries and dehydration. His lover, Heero Yuy had been captured after a battle in Peru and had somehow failed to escape within a reasonable period of time.

Wufei was not as arrogant as some people thought, and knew he needed the help of his own two lovers, Trowa Barton and Quatre Raberba Winner, to handle both a rescue mission and caring for a seriously injured friend.

When the other two members of his own trio had been assigned a shared mission, he hoped they might settle whatever was troubling the blond recently. In fact, Quatre's demands on himself had been approaching a breaking point, and the Chinese pilot was not even sure he could have handled it if Trowa had not been so supportive without even realizing what was going on fully.

But now Duo needed all the help the three of them could give him. Wufei was certain Trowa and Quatre would contact him as soon as they could, but the mission was fairly complicated and he would need to hold things together on his own for awhile.

All the smallest pilot needed to do for the moment was to be patient, but he wasn't very good at it.


Days later, and a continent away, three men stood back and observed their latest "patient" with smug smiles.

"Well, I think we did it this time," Alpha grinned evilly.

"Oh my yesssss," Beta sneered as he lisped his response.

"Never thought we'd get the chance to do this," Gamma muttered darkly as he reviewed the instructions he had received most recently.

All three were looking at the silent figure of Gundam pilot 01, currently unconscious and restrained with Gundanium bands holding him in place across a so-called treatment table. He had been in their "care" for nearly a week and it had taken nearly that long simply to find out which of their mind control techniques would even work against his augmented bodily defenses. Now, though, they had finally succeeded and were ready to determine how well their choice functioned.

"Bring him around," Gamma ordered.

"Yessss," Beta sneered, "I'm tired of waiting for thisss!"

"Impatient fools," Alpha sneered. "Rushing it now will only result in delays! We should wait until he awakens naturally, it will be more powerful that way!"

"Hmph! Very well!" Gamma was displeased. "But only for a few hours, there is no reason to wait any longer!"

"Fine, we shall see if he wakes up on his own. If he doesn't, we can stimulants on him after *we* get some sleep." Alpha thought a moment then added, "Besides, doesn't Khushrenada want to be here for this?"

"NO!!!" Beta stated too quickly. "He doesn't!"

"Beta? Explain yourself!" Alpha knew the tone of voice and immediately wondered what the other man was concealing.

Beta growled, "We aren't exactly working with Treize-sama this time, boys, we report to Tuberov now."

"Fine, fine, who cares?" Gamma inserted, sick of the other two constantly arguing over political issues as they tried to get promoted within OZ more rapidly. "Let's leave the boy here and come back later, all right?"

"Certainly." Glaring at one another, they left the room, pausing to lock the triple barrier door behind them and leaving their test subject alone once more.


"Duo," Quatre Raberba Winner spoke gently but firmly, "we can't do anything to help until we have more information, you know this already."

Wild violet eyes stared at him as if he had pronounced the end of the world.

"No, Quatre, we can't wait! Something needs to be done now! Please!" The American was not above begging when it came to protecting his lover and it seemed far too late for protection now anyway.

Stroking the chestnut hair with a soft hand, Quatre tried to reassure him. "I know, Duo, I know, but give Trowa and Wufei a chance to get more information, they should let us know something soon. Remember? They even split up to search for Heero more quickly, we are *all* doing what we can here, be patient."

Sighing as he allowed the tension to drain out of him Duo asked with a defeated tone, "How much longer until we can at least *try* to go look for him?"

Before Quatre could answer a third voice unexpectedly joined them, low and intense. "We'll leave tonight."

"Trowa?" Quatre turned at the sound of his lover's voice and was shocked to see him standing there once again wearing an OZ uniform. The tall pilot's silent entry had surprised them both, and what was even more worrisome was the fact that Quatre's other lover, Wufei, was not with him. The fact that Trowa had returned ahead of schedule was an immediate indicator of trouble. "What happened, koi? What did you learn?"

Peeling back the irritating collar and tossing the hated OZ-officer's hat onto a table, Trowa Barton allowed himself to sink down onto the bed next to his blond lover and pulled himself tightly against the young Arab, refusing to answer.

This startled the Sandrock pilot and he added a nervous, "Well?"

Shaking his head in defeat, Trowa answered, "Heero's being held in the Sydney OZ medical treatment center, we can get there on a commercial transport tonight. I contacted Wufei, he'll meet us there since he's closer already. Wufei was the one who found the information we needed and he took ShenLong and left without even meeting me, he said it was too urgent to wait."

Duo's eyes darkened, if Wufei had not even allowed time to see the boy he so obviously loved yet had not been with for several weeks, something very serious had to be wrong. "What's wrong with Heero, Trowa? Do you know?"

Scrunching his tired eyes shut, Trowa simply answered, "I don't know, but it's a psychological research facility, Duo, I don't even want to guess. I think Fei might know more, but he didn't tell me."

Trowa shook his head in sorrow and Quatre drew him close. "Koi? We both know that when Wufei doesn't want to say something, it's usually for a good reason."

"I know," Trowa sighed, "But that won't stop him from trying to handle it on his own if we don't hurry up and get there."

Aquamarine and violet eyes locked frightened gazes as emerald ones closed in exhausted worry as well.

The head-strong Chinese pilot had taken things into his hands any number of times, and while Wufei only intended on protecting the two youths he loved as well as the other pair of pilots, he often took unnecessary risks. The last time they had faced a similar situation, it had taken two months for him to recover fully from the wounds he had received from facing a dozen Aries single-handedly.

Trowa had been grateful for the rescue, but he did *not* appreciate watching Wufei suffer afterwards.

Nervousness filled them as they all realized it would be a long day while they waited to leave. All three would have preferred to take their Gundams to face the situation, but transportation would be impossible to arrange for theirs on such short notice. They would simply have to rely on ShenLong and Wufei's considerable skills if it came to a battle.

*And* hope he waited for them to arrive this time if a direct confrontation could not be avoided.


Blinking his eyes against the overly bright laboratory lights, Heero Yuy regained consciousness only to find himself restrained.

"Damn it! Where am I this time?" He ignored the unusual feeling of dizziness which assailed him as he glanced around the room. Ordinarily he would have concealed his status but his mind was fuzzy and things felt unreal.

Heero lay still once more, closing his eyes to contemplate what he thought he remembered. Visions came to him slowly and when they did he wished they would depart. He had no idea they were purely synthetic memories to begin with.

Terrible scenes of destruction filled Heero's mind's eye.

He watched as Deathscythe and HeavyArms were both destroyed, the first in a flaming ball of debris, the second collapsing under the weight of an intense attack from a thermal glaive. Wing was damaged as well, but the enemy who had done the damage had turned its attention to Sandrock and was dismantling it systematically.

Rage burned through him as he raised his buster rifle to eliminate the traitor who had done all of this to himself and his friends. Pulling the trigger, a single focused burst of energy flew out to destroy ShenLong as well as its pilot, Chang Wufei. Heero thought he could hear the scream of agonized fury as the Chinese pilot died.

Drawing Wing to a halt amidst the ruins of the other three Gundams, he jumped free and went in search of the other pilots. He found Duo's body first.

Broken beyond recognition to anyone other than a lover, there was little left of the proud braid and strong body which he had held close many nights. Despite the fact that it was obviously hopeless, he searched for a pulse just the same and screamed his anguish to the sky as he found there wasn't one.

A sound drew his attention next as another body struggled to move in the debris. It was Quatre. The blond, battered and torn, was searching through the remains of HeavyArms only to falter repeatedly in his quest. Recognizing that he might be able to help the other pilot, Heero regretfully settled Duo's corpse onto the ground and rushed over.

Quatre was nearly blind from the agony of a deep wound in his side which would clearly never get the chance to heal. Blood and internal organs stained the remnants of his usual pale shirt and slacks, but he ignored it as he finally found what was left of his one of his lovers. Trowa Barton hadn't been the boy's name at birth and no one knew what it had been, but it didn't matter now. He was obviously dead and no tombstone would ever be erected for him. Worse yet, Trowa was a victim of the actions of his first love.

To be betrayed by one's lover seemed unforgivable, but to be killed by him was far worse and it had happened to both Trowa and Quatre.

With Heero's help, the blond settled down on the rough ground to hold Trowa's head and shoulders, the only part that was free from the wreckage of his mobile suit. With a soft sob, the blond collapsed onto the other boy's body and died, their blood mingling on the ground as it cooled.

Unable to tolerate the pressure any longer, Heero threw his head back and released a keening cry of sorrow as he was forced to accept that the only people he had trusted and loved were now dead at the hands of another person he had trusted and loved as well.

In that moment of distorted false memories, something broke deep inside Heero Yuy's mind leaving it free to careen wildly as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

on to part 2

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