Heero let his initial anger ebb and let himself think about the
situation sensibly. There wasn't, he realised, a great deal he could
do. Trowa hadn't been convinced by Heero's continued confidence in
Duo so far; he couldn't see that situation changing for the better –
rather, just the opposite. Trowa now clearly thought Heero was
blinded to the truth by his feelings for Duo. Damn! He knew it was
stupid to get involved with someone so closely linked to a case; but
Heero trusted his instincts, and this time he wasn't going to lose
faith. Even if it meant losing Trowa on the case.
Still, he didn't think that was likely. Trowa was dedicated; he
had been the first to voice his feelings about the summit, and Heero
knew he couldn't just let that go. No, Trowa would have to just get
along with it – his only other option would be to have Heero removed
from the case. But if he did that... he would have to explain why...
That made Heero stop and think for a moment. Trowa wouldn't tell the
truth, would he? He was one of Heero's oldest friends. He couldn't
betray him like that... Heero wondered. Perhaps he should try to sort
it out with Trowa, smooth things over, ensure his silence... Heero
looked at his reflection in the window, slightly disgusted that he
could have thought that. No. He wouldn't sink to that level. Let
Trowa say what he wanted. Heero could deal with the consequences.
But still... this was a case they weren't even supposed to be
investigating in the first place. The DCI would put a stop to it
immediately. No, Trowa was a good officer, he wouldn't be able to
ignore his own instincts.
Putting his faith in Trowa's dedication to his duty, and a
longstanding friendship that had outlasted more than this, Heero
turned away from the window. He didn't really feel any better about
the situation; he needed and wanted Trowa as his ally in all this.
At least, he reflected, Trowa now knew the truth... Heero was tired of
pretending. He remembered Duo's expression in the park – Duo wanted
the freedom to show his feelings to anyone and everyone. So many
secrets... from Relena, from his superiors, from all the diplomats and
politicians, from the world. He was suddenly angry at Trowa again
for complicating the thing that, with Duo's help, he felt even
vaguely optimistic about.
Heero shook his head. He was going round in circles. He knew he
wasn't going to get any work done this afternoon. He didn't *want*
to get any work done. He wanted to get out of here and cool down.
Try to make some progress, and he knew he couldn't do that at the
Heero put on his coat and picked up his laptop and briefcase
before he could change his mind. He knew that over the past few
weeks he'd been leaving early and taking time off far more than ever
before; but he guessed it was time he was due some reward for all
the hours of overtime he'd put in in the last four years. All the
sweat he'd put in to all those cases. And now this one, that they
didn't even want to know about.
He walked out of his office, quietly closing the door after
himself. Without looking directly at any of the other detectives, he
walked out of the main office and down the stairs, daring them to
The drive back to the house seemed shorter than usual. Maybe
because I was entirely preoccupied. This weighed on my mind far more
than I should have been letting it; I wanted to forget, I wanted
something in my life to be an element of hope, rather than a knife
edge. But I had my hope in Duo; and I wasn't going to let that be
shaken. I knew the situation with Trowa would be resolved, soon
enough; but until then I would do my best without his help.
It was only three in the afternoon by the time I arrived back; I
didn't expect Relena to be home any time soon, and I felt vaguely
relieved at that thought. I savoured the quiet as I stepped into the
hall and took the opportunity to sit in the living room, just
closing my eyes and clearing my mind.
I flicked my eyes to the doorway in time to see Duo come in.
"What are you doing here at this time?" He sat down next to me on
I half-shrugged. "Another... disagreement with Trowa. He says he's
disappointed and surprised at me `getting involved with a witness'."
"He's seen us together?" Duo's eyes widened.
"He must've worked it out. But it means he wants me taken off the
"Oh, god. D'you think that's likely?"
"I'm counting on Trowa's own pride as a detective. After all, the
case comes above personal matters. Which he doesn't think I
understand." I ran a hand over my face wearily. "Just when we were
actually getting somewhere... It's frustrating. I seem to have
something, but it's like I always –" I was cut off by his mouth on
mine, kissing me firmly and telling me in no uncertain terms what he
When we broke apart, he rested his forehead against mine,
breathing more heavily. "Just to remind you what you *do* have,
He kissed me again, and I reflected how, since I'd met Duo, my
life had been shaken until it was like I was looking at it from the
other side. Or, maybe, I was just looking at it from the inside
again, and not moving through it like I was watching someone else.
One of his hands cupped my face, the other was moving over my
chest, stroking through the fabric of my shirt and heating my skin.
He had never felt this... urgent before, this insistent... The heat of
his kiss was spreading through me and I too couldn't help but be
caught up in it, passion filling me up and spilling over.
Duo moaned into the kiss, breaking away again and panting now,
caressing my cheek with his thumb and holding onto my upper arm with
his other hand. "God, Heero... I know what you're going to say, but... I
just can't help myself..." He smiled a little. "You can't blame a guy
I didn't say anything. But I leaned in, slowly, and kissed him
again; softly, now, a suggestion of what was going through my mind...
Coming to a decision.
He accepted my tenderness with a shiver; I wasn't sure whether
that was in his own pleasure, or realisation of the effect he was
having on me. And soon the kiss was heating again as he leaned in
this time, pressing me against the sofa, hands busy again, taking
off my tie, going for the buttons at my collar and down... His hands
were clumsy with excitement, and I could feel an increasing heat
flowing over my own body in waves... This time, this time I wasn't
I pulled away.
He didn't want to relinquish my lips, making a noise somewhere
between frustration and desperation, chasing my mouth as I sat back,
trying to keep us apart enough for me to speak.
"No, I don't want to hear it! Just let me have *this* much,
Heero..." He caught me up and kissed me again, fiercely, but I'd made
up my mind, pushing him away gently.
I tried to get my breath back a little; my voice was low as I
He didn't say a word. But he froze for a second where our eyes
were locked, him leaning in to me; then, slowly, he pulled back,
standing, offering me his hand. I took it, following him, grabbing
my tie off the back of the settee before we made our way up the
stairs, along the hall, down to his room...
As he closed the door he turned to me, slowly, as though he was
afraid I'd bolt at any sudden movement, like a nervous animal let
out of its cage. He shut his eyes briefly, his lips moving silently
a moment; then his eyes flew open, sudden, and I think I knew he was
hoping I would still be there and not stuck in a dream he'd woken up
He turned away again, locking the door, but whether it was to
keep anyone out, or to keep me from leaving...
I sat down on the bed. He looked at me for a long moment, a
lopsided smile on his face, and then before I could blink, he was
next to me again and it was as though we hadn't broken off
downstairs. His hands were at my buttons again, and he was kissing
my face and neck again, and I felt heat rising in us both again.
He pushed me back, so I was lying on his bed, and paused, looking
down on me. "I still can't believe this..." His voice was a husky
whisper. "You." He leant down again and I felt desire rush over me
so strongly I couldn't move.
We kissed slowly now, him pushing my shirt off my shoulders and
chest and running his hands over me; just the simple touch made me
even more aroused.
Duo wasn't quiet; he moaned against my neck, rocking himself
against my thigh, and it gave me a feeling I couldn't quite describe
to know I was the one making him feel this way.
He knelt up a little for a few moments, taking off his own shirt,
and I fully discarded my own. I felt his eyes, hot on my body; a
finger, tracing the marks on my chest.
"These scars..." He kissed one, before looking up at me, a question
in his expression.
I pulled him to me again. "You don't fight a war like I did
without getting marked." I looked in his eyes.
He gave me a long look that I couldn't quite make out, and kissed
me again. I ran my hands over his own smooth skin, finding none of
the raised tissue of old wounds...
We were both naked soon: he held himself over me, just looking... I
felt strange inside, like only he could make me feel. But it was a
good strange, and excitement, a real, true feeling.
Duo, panting, voice husky, looked down at me. "You're... sure...?"
Just the hint of a question; I think he was still convinced he was
in a dream.
I nodded, just once, my head back against the pillow, my hands on
his shoulders. He smiled then, and kissed me, grateful, tender, but
with no little promise of his intentions. He knew how I was feeling,
the strange sparking nervousness that fluttered through me; though I
wasn't afraid. I anticipated.
"I'll be good to you, Heero," he mumbled against my lips, still
like he was relieved and thanking me. And then he wasn't speaking
anymore, but reassuring me with his hot, gentle touch and double-
We made love for a while like that, then, with tongues and hands;
getting used to each other, learning each other's bodies with taste
and touch. I realised with sudden clarity that I was entirely his.
I, simply, was happy with that.
Gradually his hands worked lower; he had been bold in the past,
when he had been trying to persuade me, but now he was almost timid,
like I was made of glass. I was moved by his gentleness; if I'd
thought like Trowa, if I'd needed reassurance, here was all I would
have looked for. Duo touched me now, though, asking me; I said yes
with my kiss, and with my hands mirroring his. He moaned quietly,
softly guttural sounds as my own hands stroked him... I'd wondered if
it might be strange, this man's body under my touch; but it wasn't
something I'd given no thought to, and in my mind I'd imagined every
detail. His heat in my hand, his smoothness... I may have imagined,
but I was intoxicated by the reality. I could feel a tension
increasing like a pressure in my body; and I knew Duo felt it too
when he abruptly pulled away from my kiss, just before I felt like I
was going to overflow...
We panted, hands still, his eyes closed for a moment until he
looked at me, beautiful. He stroked my stomach, then pushed himself
off the bed: "Turn over, I'll be back in a second."
I obeyed, rocking slowly against the bed as he went to the
bathroom; I heard rustling, and then he was back, soothing his hands
over my shoulders and kissing the nape of my neck. I sighed in
pleasure at the intimacy. I knew I was more than close to resolution.
His kisses ceased for a moment, but then his lips returned. "I
still... can't accept this." Whispered against my skin, fingers
tracing my spine, making me shiver. "But, I will..." And then I was
aware of his finger, slick, slowly pressed inside me.
I found myself overwhelmed with a sudden rush of realisation
again – this was it, this was me doing what I had wanted to for what
had felt like so long now! I smiled, my face turned to the side on
the pillow, and Duo leaned down to kiss me.
"God you're perfect this way, you're just perfect." He was
breathing heavily, and I watched out of the corner of my eye as he
took his hand back to put on the condom he'd tossed onto the bedside
I closed my eyes and focussed on him, his words, the heat from
his body, the feeling of him... Concentrated on him as I felt him push
I put aside my inexperience and let Duo take control. He was
panting, kissing my neck, my shoulders, moaning... I pictured him,
remembering him touching himself, in this very room... I closed my
eyes, just rocking my hips slightly against the bed to relieve some
of the tension that had been building in me for weeks. As I moved, I
felt Duo take a shuddering breath, and he made the same motion as
me, just a shallow thrust of his hips, nudging deeper inside me...
"Heero... you OK?"
I smiled at his whisper, nodding to reassure him. He seemed to
sigh in relief, kissing my neck as his movements grew bolder. The
heat between us intensified, I could feel his heartbeat rapid at my
back. He was becoming more vocal, and I loved hearing the passion he
gave to my name; I echoed it back in his own, unable to stop myself
responding to the spiralling pleasure inside me.
I don't think I had quite realised what it would be like, this so-
deep intimacy: there was the physical sensation; there was the
knowledge that we had both wanted this so much, it was achingly good
to give in. There were my own feelings for Duo, which suddenly had a
name shining over them, like it had been there all this time but I
had just not noticed. But also, there were Duo's feelings; I could
feel this real, genuine emotion of another person, for the first time
since... the war, ironically, I realised, and I could feel it almost
violently, welling up inside me and urging me to hang onto it,
heighten it, cherish it as much as I could.
I could feel Duo trembling, even as he made love to me; his pace
had quickened, and I was overloaded with the sensuous friction both
outside against the bed, and inside, between me and Duo.
"Heero... you're amazing, I..." he kissed my neck wetly, I knew he
was close to the edge and so was I... His movements were rapid, jerky,
I felt his hair where it fell over his shoulder and tickled my back,
he mumbled passion syllables against my damp skin, he caressed me.
I'd never felt like this.
I felt myself ready to tip over with the electricity that was
running through my body; and then Duo was crying out as he
stiffened, shaking, against me; and that was all it took before I
climaxed, gasping, onto the sheet.
It was moments later, as I regained a little control of my body,
that I realised I had shut my eyes tight; I opened them, managing a
smile, letting the shocks of pleasure spark through me, savouring
this feeling for the first time. I felt euphoric, and even though I
was sticky and damp, I couldn't help but laugh, breathlessly, out of
Duo raised his head from where it had been resting on my
I shook my head against the pillow, shifting a little.
Duo sighed, a contented sound. After a few moments I felt him
gently leave my body and move off me, and I rolled over, out of the
cooling wetspot on the bed. We met each other's eyes as we cleaned
up, and Duo chuckled. I smirked. He lay down next to me, and we held
each other. It felt so entirely right that I didn't want to try to
find words; just enjoyed the feeling of... wholeness, like everything
had fitted into place and it was a beautiful, perfectly-crafted
world in miniature.
I was well aware that in a matter of minutes it would be hidden
from me again. But at least I knew it was there, I had discovered
it, and it was promised to me for the time when I knew I would be
able to take it.
I appreciated that fact, and nothing could shake it.
I felt Duo's warmth against my body, looked into his face next to
mine on the pillow. His eyes were closed, but he opened them as I
watched. He smiled at me. It was an open, genuine expression. Our
corner of the world was exquisite.
"Duo. I love you."