I thought about Duo.
Before I went to sleep, I thought about Duo.
When I woke up, I thought about Duo.
In the shower, getting washed before going to work, I allowed myself to think about Duo... About the lingering kisses placed open-mouthed against my neck. About warm hands tracing sparks on my skin; about my own hands teasing shivers forma sensitised place on another wiling body, places I had never explored before.
Duo had unlocked something inside me. And he had awakened inside my mind that I had never had a chance to examine before.
When I was very young I was trained to control my body: heart rate, brain waves, respiratory pattern, bodily or subconscious reactions to any sort of stimuli. During the war those skills proved several times to be invaluable to me, and for that I found myself very thankful. It wasn't that, since the war, I had found myself incapable of breaking some of those habits: but it was that I had found no-one for whom I had the inclination to make the effort.
Sexual desire: I had never felt it before. I had never followed the ingrained path of things that other people felt, or thought they were supposed to feel, because it was never ingrained into me. I had known since I was very small that the only things worth feeling were the genuine things, the important things – all the rest is pointless. It is the real feelings that I was always taught I should act upon.
That lesson had been slowly buried in me over the years... Tarnished under Relena's pleas for normality. She wanted me to be a normal man, with a normal job, not a soldier anymore. I wasn't. I wasn't either of those things, anymore – but she still saw in me those warlike tendencies she did not wish to see. So she tried to reshape me, and I tried as well. But it failed, and I saw that, now, through Duo's eyes: I didn't want to try anymore. I didn't want to wonder anymore why I should want to feel those erroneous things. Because I didn't. Any of it.
She tried to make me into a good husband, who did those things that husbands should: I had reluctantly made my body give in to her persuasion, in her aspirations for normality – but she had never touched my mind. As time had gone by I became more and more determined that she never would. And when I met Duo, I knew that she never could.
He could, and he had.
And so it was that now I felt those real feelings for the first time... Standing under the warm water of the shower spray with the cold plastic at my back, I relived the moments I had spent with Duo and knew that, for the first time in my life, I had found someone who could do this to me... I stroked myself, slowly, unwilling to waste the pleasure I felt at remembering Duo's touch, his kiss, his heat, his passion. Soon, though, I wanted to let go – the pictures in my head more vivid, of things we hadn't done. But, I knew, with a sense of resignation which couldn't quite hide my anticipation, we would do them, in time.
I imagined, now, his hand on me, his touch more enticing than my own. Faster; my heart rate faster; my thoughts fragmenting and I broke. I gasped as I watched my own climax through slitted eyes, shuddering and leaning back against the plastic wall. It had never felt like that before... Those few times with Relena were... mechanical, trying to pretend I was giving her something I knew in reality I never could. I never let her in. She wasn't like me. She wouldn't understand; she didn't understand.
As I rinsed myself, dried and dressed, I thought for the hundredth time that I should feel guilty, dirty even – I was married, and to a woman! But those feelings wouldn't come. I could only think of Duo, and the intensity of the sensations that shook me, physically and emotionally.
I couldn't help myself. And I didn't care.
"Your message said you wanted to see me as soon as I got here."
Heero looked up at Trowa standing in the doorway of his office. "Yeah. We've got to get on with the investigation to prove to the DCI that it's not a waste of our time."
Trowa nodded. "What do you want me to do?"
"I want us to work together. We have to find out how there would be a revolution, and, most importantly, who would be behind it." He kept his face straight, but there was just a trace of wit there that he knew Trowa would understand.
Trowa raised his eyebrows slightly. "And that's what you think is likely to happen?"
Heero looked the sergeant in the eye. "It's as likely as anything else."
"What's made you come to that conclusion?" Trowa took a seat beside Heero's desk.
"Several things. Firstly, what you said about the lack of extremists protesting at the summit. You were right. It's suspicious. It's something we have to think about. Secondly... my informant thinks the same." He waited for Trowa's reaction.
The sergeant's expression didn't change, but his tone was just a little colder. "You really believe he's genuine."
Heero stared at his colleague for several minutes. "Yes. I've told you before. I believe him; I believe you. I have just as much reason to." Again he waited to see what Trowa's response would be.
He watched the sergeant contemplate for a moment before replying in a still-steely tone. "Don't blinker yourself Heero. Don't let your emotions get in the way of doing your job properly."
"Trowa, this isn't just about having emotions. It's using them that's important. If we didn't do that, we would be no detectives at all. It's how we get things done, Trowa – by trying to use these things together: motion, instinct, skill." He paused a moment. "I don't want this to get in the way of what we should be focussing on." He looked at Trowa steadily, trying to reassure the other man.
Eventually Trowa nodded slightly in acquiescence. Heero relaxed, and began to speak immediately.
"I've been doing research into events that have happened in the colonies over recent months and years, that might have some connection to our investigation. All I did was look at news reports, and found several things that individually might not have been noticed, but they possibly have some significance. They start about five years ago" he took in Trowa's surprise "here's the first. August, AC 200." He brought the file up on the monitor, an archive of a colony newspaper. "Look. L2, F-25819: strike action by workers on the reconstruction of the war-damaged areas of the colony. They were dissatisfied with the aid they had been receiving from Earth, and the pay they were receiving from the ESUN government. The issue was resolved by giving the a small pay rise, and Earth subsequently sent a shipment of new equipment."
He watched as Trowa read over the article, but continued to speak. "Eighteen months later, on L3-F2800 there were protests on the first of May, outside the Earth embassy, drawing attention to the poverty of the colonies in relation to Earth. Seventeen people were arrested, but there was no serious damage." He pulled up another article onto the screen. "Apparently, centuries ago, May the first was a traditional day of protest against the rule of wealth and economic inequality. The protestors clearly knew their Earth-history. And thousands of them turned up to the protest." Heero went on mercilessly. "Then, here, a year later." He brought up another article. "July 203. The President of the ESUN visits L1 D-4792. There is general unrest, and more protesting in the streets. Many are arrested for various disturbances, vandalism, fights. The protestors wanted to draw the President's attention to the situation in the colonies that hadn't improved significantly since the war; but at these protests, as you can see from the news reports, there was an atmosphere of great unease – people were genuinely angry. Hence the violence." Heero closed the window with the article in it and turned to Trowa. "There are more reports like these; reports on the poverty in the colonies, the need to do something to turn things around. The unstable situation there at the moment is just the sort of environment that breeds underground movements, built on resentment and secrecy." He paused a moment. "What does all this say to you?"
Trowa's response was immediate, soft, serious. "That these rebels, whoever they might be, have to be stopped."
Heero looked at him for several moments. "That isn't the important part. They have to be understood."
Trowa looked at him, almost unseeing. Heero carried on. "It's our home, Trowa – you're a colonist too. Don't you feel a responsibility? Don't you want to help them?" He didn't wait for Trowa's reply. "Regardless of *any* rebel movements, we have to be sympathetic to the people of the colonies. Failure of understanding between groups of people is what leads to war. Now I have plenty of issues we need to think through and take up with various people." He hesitated for a moment. When he continued his voice was soft. "I want you to contact Preventers."
Trowa looked serious. "It's got to that stage?"
Heero nodded grimly. "Yeah. I need to speak to them about this."
Trowa nodded silently, and left the room. Heero turned back to his monitor, deep in thought. `Now, if I were planning a revolution now... where would I start?'