Tangible Emotion
by DSM - The Violet Eyed Devil
Warmth.
Contentment.
That slight tingle, a quickened beating of the heart, and rush of happiness that is a constant underlying feeling permeating all emotion dancing through me whenever they sit in each others arms, just enjoying the others presence in their lives. Knowing a world of pain, heartache, of bitterness and of loss is raging just outside these walls but allowing, just for this single moment, it to stay locked out.
Regret.
Guilt.
Pain.
It never truly leaves though. I feel it all still lingering, however forgotten it is by those on the world of humanity, no matter how far it is buried or hidden away to be felt another day. For whenever it is buried, it is given to me to safeguard. Given to me to feel and hold until it is needed once again. And it is hidden within the hearts of others, where I have eternal access to share their hidden truths. I forever am blessed... and cursed... with this true reality and in turn curse my bearer.
It is truly a relief to know that Master Quatre will forever have those feelings of contentment and joy when in the presence of Trowa Barton to envelope himself within when my whisperings become too much for him. I only thank the Maker every moment that he has yet to truly experience the intensity that I myself feel of the emotional realm for I know without a doubt that reality would break him.
I would endure a thousand hells before I allowed Master Quatre true access to myself without the needed control that he just does not possess at this early time in his life.
But at this moment, I allow myself to revel in his happiness... in Trowa Barton's happiness... which in a sense, is also my own. I too can push aside the more darker of emotions for just one moment. Never forgotten... oh no, for that luxury is an impossiblity for me... but weakened in the face of a stronger, more pleasant emotion for the time being. And as I bask in the sunlight of their shared warmth, a barrage slams into my contentment with a iron fist of strength that tears into my conciousness.
Heero Yuy has just entered the room.
Unwittingly, I tense and the shocks travels through to Master Quatre once again. I know he is slightly wincing, hand almost unconciously travelling to rest over his heart where I reside. It is always the same when this particular human enters a room... the sheer depth of emotion enough to rock the very foundations on which I stay balanced and in turn protect Master Quatre from feeling *too* much.
I know Master Quatre's companions believe that Heero Yuy does not possess the capacity to feel emotion. But oh! Oh, how wrong, how so very wrong they are! I know naught about facial expression barring what Master Quatre's brain deems worthy enough for me to know, but the true reality of feeling I undertand to its fullest.
As I am feeling its very self.
Of all the humans in Master Quatre's aquaintance, Heero Yuy feels the most. His emotions are a hot knife to my butter...slicing through my awareness with deadly efficiently. Such a power in their intensity I am instantly swept up in their current and taken wherever their tide carries me, struggling to protect Master Quatre from following the same fate. I can only prevent so much, however, and he feels that tightening beyond what I can control.
Pain, fear, loneliness, anger, rage, desire, hatred... they break over me like the crest of a wave. Heero Yuy feels almost every emotion known to man, perhaps some even undiscovered. But they remain so deeply hidden within the confines of his heart that they are allowed only briefly to taste the breath of freedom for seconds before once again being locked away.
Confusion.
That has been so prominent of late that Master Quatre has made it his newest mission to discover what Heero Yuy is repressing so deep within himself. Master Quatre only is witness to some of the truer nature towards this human... though I begin to suspect another...
Pain, fear, lonliness, anger, rage, desire, hatred... and there, a mixture of hope and joy that is carefully constructed to trap the others away from view, that tells me another has entered the room. The one my thoughts had found themselves shifting towards only seconds ago.
Is it merely concidence that Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell feel the same emotions so very strongly, yet bury them in their own unique ways?
Duo Maxwell... I suspect he also has some inkling of the truth behind Heero Yuy, though he is not in the possession of another like myself such as Master Quatre. No, perhaps it is his shared emotions that allow the smallest glimpse into what Heero Yuy keeps hidden.
Confusion, desire, lonliness... they are amplified as though Master Quatre himself were feeling them... whenever these two are in a room together. The desire to understand, the desire for friendship, another to share their pain. I feel these radiate from both these two humans. They are so alone, yet what they want most is so close to their grasps.
The perfect friend is within thier reach but their stubborness and pride keep them stumbling blinding in the dark. Duo Maxwell is reaching out...but he can only reach so far, can only hold on for so long when his hand is so constantly battered away.
Humour.
Laughter.
Lightness.
They chip away at the barrage as effectively as they always do... Duo Maxwell is a master of manipulation. But the relief is much appreciate as it always is. Master Quatre has forgotten my whisperings, Trowa Barton's concern is replaced with wry amusement, and the pounding of two soul's worth of hidden emotion are quietened for a brief moment while Duo Maxwell works his magic.
And I? I lay in wait for them to surface again, hoping that these two lost souls will find the companionship they so strongly seek.
Hopefully, I shall not wait long.
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