by Chibi Shi-Chan
I really hate love. Yes, I do. It sucks, point blank. No other way to describe it.
So you can see why my usual cheerful demeanor is not on my heart-shaped face right now right?
The holiday that the evil card company created long ago is today. And I hate every nanosecond of it.
I sigh as I walk down the long halls of the college to get to my dorm. I hope to escape the cheerfulness of the day, the day when everyone else wants to be so fucking cheerful.
The day I loathe with a passion.
I am pulled to a halt and turn to look into a pair of bright blue eyes. I muster up a smile at the young black haired girl in front of me.
"Hello Tiff." I say. The girl smiles at me and hands me a card, plants a kiss on my cheek, and runs off.
What can I say, I'm popular here.
I look at the heart shaped card and run a hand down my braid, gagging at the sappy and corny words Hallmark had written on the card. I shake my head and toss the card in the garbage can.
I told you I hate love, and the damn day that comes with it.
"DUO-CHAN!" I turn and put on another smile, this one more believable than the one I gave to Tiff. A red haired boy runs up to me, a bright smile on his face to match with his shining green eyes.
I can't help but smile... something about red heads.
"Hiya Reno." I say. The boy smiles at me and we walk down the hallway together. He is holding a ton of Valentine's Day cards in his arms, a flush on his cute little face.
I told you I have a thing about red heads.
"Duo, would you look at all of this stuff." He says happily. I smile back.
"You're too cute to not get anything Reno." I say. He blushes. I think he has sort of a crush on me.
But we are just friends, really we are.
Besides, he has a boyfriend already.
"I hope you know who doesn't get jealous." I tease. Reno blushes more when I mention this someone.
"He gets his fair share of things. We usually laugh at the corniness of the cards and exchange our own gifts." My mood dampers some.
"So Duo, where are all of your Valentine's." He asks me.
"Uh... well I threw them away."
"Come on Reno. You know that I don't like this day at all."
"You've never told me why Duo. I've known you for two years and you still haven't told me." I sigh. Can't I be grumpy one day? I mean, out of 364 days of the year I am cheerful, can't I have one day of being bitchy?
But he has a point.
He was my first friend when I came to this college. I tell him everything, have told him everything, about my life.
Even about being a Gundam pilot.
I never really understood how I opened up so much to the kid when we met, but I told him everything. About the church, the war, everything.
The only other person I have ever opened up to like that...
...is the main reason why I hate love.
We open the door to our dorm, since we are roommates, and I sit on my bed. He dumps his Valentine's on the dresser and goes to his closet, obviously looking for something to wear.
"You goin to the dance tonight?" He asks me. He looks at me with those green eyes, his expression looking much like a child trying to get his mother to take him to the park.
I don't fall for the look and shake my head. He sighs.
"Come on Duo. Every year when Valentine's Day comes around you sit in your room and mope. Do you miss your old friends?" He asks, sitting next to me and leaving his outfit search for later.
I smile at the memory of the old guys. Reno's eyes reminds me a lot like Trowa, but his childish features remind me of Quatre. He can pass for their son, if they weren't the same age.
I did miss them, but we never lost contact. We all went our separate ways after the war. Wufei is now with the Preventors, Quatre is running his father's companies, and Trowa is at the circus. We all get together now and then, we treat each other like brothers.
I sigh. There was one who didn't treat me like a brother at all.
"It's not that Reno. It's... never mind..." I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. Reno frowns at me.
"Duo, what is it? You can tell me. If you can tell me about you being a Gundam pilot you can tell me about this right?"
"Reno. You do remember that there were five Gundam pilots right?" I ask off handedly. He thinks about it for a minute and nods, remembering.
"Do you ever wonder why I only talk about three other ones instead of four?"
"Well... that is weird I guess. I figured it was because you didn't like the guy." I flinch when he says this. Oh Reno, if you only knew.
I fucking hate the guy, because he is my love, and I hate love.
"It's not like that at all. It's the complete opposite."
"You... and him are together?" I sit up and look at him, a sad smile on my face.
"His name is Heero Yuy. I'm sure you've heard of him. He piloted Wing Zero and saved the world with our help in AC 195. He was... is also... my first love." Reno gasps at me and I chuckle.
"Yes, Heero and I... which is why I hate him." Reno looks adorably confused at me.
"I don't... understand..."
"You will. Because I'm gonna tell you everything. I'm going to fill in the empty spaces of my life, my life with Heero Yuy."
Back then things were easy. Get a mission, do the mission successfully, and wait for the next one.
I will never forget the one time when I did fail a mission, when I got captured. I will never forget when he came to kill me, and I wanted him to because I had failed.
People seem to think that I don't take things seriously, that Heero is the one who gets all moody when he fails a mission.
That is so very wrong.
But he didn't kill me, and at first I hated him for it, but then I thought that maybe when we were on that ship that he'd kill me then.
And I found out why the very next day.
I remember being on that ship and looking at the clock. I couldn't help the grin that was on my face.
"What's so funny?" He asked me in that voice that always sent shivers down my spine.
"It's 2 a.m. It's now the next day. If I recall it's February 14th." I said. He gave me a confused look.
"So what? It's Valentine's Day Heero." Now we weren't together at the time or anything, but I was just pointing it out to him.
In fact, at the time I thought him and Relena were an item.
Sometimes I like to be proven wrong.
"I know what the day is. What is your point?"
"Hello! Earth to Heero! Don't you have to get Relena something to celebrate the day?" I will never forget the look he gave me when I said that. Like I just said that I was the son of the Pope or something.
Or like I had three heads and a tail.
"Why would I give her something?"
"Well aren't you two in love?" Have I mentioned that I love to be proven wrong? He smirked at me and gave me this look, the same look he gave me when I told him that I was going to outer space when we were going to the New Edwards base that one time.
"No. If I had a gift for the occasion it wouldn't be for her." I wanted to ask whom he would give it to, but I didn't. I kept my mouth shut.
Then I remember him leaving me alone at the hospital. I didn't want him to go. Not only because I was worried, but also because I didn't want to be alone.
I have my weak moments.
And at the time this was one of them. I was beaten and broken, and alone. I remember getting up and walking around the hospital room and seeing...something...on the desk. And when I saw what it was I nearly died of shock.
It was a heart shaped box of chocolates and a card with my name on it. And I will never forget what the card said.
"If I had a gift for the occasion it would be for you."
I look at Reno and see him smiling at me.
"That is sweet. But... that still doesn't explain why..."
"...I hate him and why I think love sucks? I'm getting to that."
The year after the war, when the peace was settling in, we were together. We stayed in the same place and everything. At the time we didn't even think of another threat. It had been months since we even piloted a mobile suit that we were starting to think that peace was actually achieved.
I find it ironic that when we finally decided to send our Gundams away that another threat appeared.
But that is another story, this is months before that. This was the Valentine's Day after the last one Heero and I "celebrated." This one he had went all out. Whoever said that Heero Yuy didn't have emotions was way off the marker. This boy was the most romantic person I'd ever met. He was so cute about it too, he treated it like just another mission which I thought was hilarious.
After he wined and dined me and swept me off of my feet, we spent the entire night making love. I didn't think all that romantic garbage about making love for hours and hours was possible.
Gods I love being proven wrong.
This time was our first time ever doing it, my first time ever with anyone. I know I flirt like crazy but I had never really done anything until Heero came along. He showed me everything, he had all sorts of nasty little tricks that left me on the edge begging like some sort of bitch in heat.
During the war, after his little gift, there was an unspoken agreement to wait until everything was over. When it was, we slowly got use to each other, and he waited until the most romantic day of the year to take me.
And in the end I swear I heard him whisper, "I love you." I smiled and snuggled closer to him and repeated the same testament.
And I know I definitely heard him say, "Mission complete."
"But then you guys had to fight again right?" Reno asks me, interrupting the story. I sigh.
"Yes. We fought all over again. But this time it wasn't as long but still equally as important. After this fight I blew up our Gundams, letting them rest in peace."
"He didn't die or anything did he?"
"Oh no! But... he might as well have." Reno frowns at me.
"Because... he ended up... leaving..."
It was months after the whole Marimeia thing. We were still together, still declaring our love for each other. At the time, I was looking at different colleges to attend. I knew the Preventors would take me in, but I wanted to further my education. Besides, everyone had handed everything to me, the church, my Gundam, everything.
For once I wanted to do something on my own.
It was the night I got my first acceptance letter when the shit hit the fan.
I was so excited and I had made a huge dinner for us. I had candles lit and romantic music playing.
You guessed it, it was Valentine's Day.
Our third one together.
I remember him coming in and me running up to him, giving him a huge hug and a soft kiss on his lips.
He didn't even respond to it.
I frowned at him and noticed his expression. An expression full of despair.
I also noticed that he didn't have anything in his hands for me. I'm not real materialistic, but I knew how Heero was about me. He spoiled me 365 days a year, and tens times more on Valentine's Day.
"What's wrong love?" I asked him. He sat on the couch and sighed. I hoped it wasn't anything too serious. Maybe the Preventors gave him a mission or something. Maybe he was upset because he couldn't spend Valentine's Day with me. I sat down next to him, a smile on my face.
"It's O.K. if you got a mission. We can celebrate the day..."
"...it's not that. Duo... I... I have to go."
"But I thought you said that you didn't have a mission." Now I was confused. He turned to look at me, and all the sudden he grabbed me and crushed my body into his. I was shocked at first, but I returned the hug. I felt his hands run down my back and I felt his lips by my ear. What he said next brought my entire world down.
"I got a message... from Dr. J."
"Dr. J?" Reno asks.
"Yeah Dr. J. I told you about the scientist right? Well...Dr. J trained Heero. We all thought they were dead."
"And they weren't?"
"No... they were dead. It was a post-dated message. It wasn't suppose to reach Heero until the war was over. I will never know why it came that day, and how the old bastard knew the war was over when he was dead."
"Maybe someone was working for him and Dr. J told him or her to find Heero Yuy and give him the message." It makes sense I guess. I sigh and feel tears in my eyes as I continue the story.
"Dr. J? How..."
"...it was sent to me today. It's his final mission." Heero gave me a note and I read it, frowning as I read line after line.
"'I remember telling that Relena girl that you were once a kind-hearted young boy. As a final mission, I want you to go out and find that young boy you once were.' Heero...what does this mean?" I asked him. But deep down I knew what he was going to say.
"I have to go out and find that boy. I have to..."
"...Heero don't even say it. You don't have to leave. You can stay here with me. I know that you are kind Heero. I know, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone."
"But it's my mission."
"Fuck the mission! Heero... what about us!" I remember that I was crying, I was crying so hard that my knees went out on me and I fell to the floor. I remember him catching me and holding me, but I knew he was going to leave. But I let him hold me.
"I have to see if I can find that boy. I'm going to go out and search, see the world and see if that boy will come out of this shell."
"Heero..." I moaned out, still in tears.
"I know. I know you are. I... I will be here when you come back... if you come back."
"It's O.K. But I want you to know that these past three years, even with two wars, have been the best years of my life. Meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope you find what you are looking for." I broke out of his arms and went to blow out the candles by the dinner I had fixed. My acceptance letter was long forgotten, for it didn't even seem important anymore. Then, he came behind me and wrapped his arms around me, his hands traveling lower and lower.
"Duo... please... let me..." I lead him to our bedroom...which was soon going to become my bedroom, for the last time.
"And you haven't heard from him since?" Reno asks. I nod my head.
"I eventually sold our place and came here."
"Oh Duo." Reno wraps his arms around me and I let him. I lean my head against his shoulder, feeling so small and fragile. I know he can feel the tears spill on his shirt. I feel his hands run down my back, trying to relax me.
"I'm so very sorry." I sniffle and nod my head.
"It's O.K. Maybe...maybe I should just get over it. I don't think he is coming back."
"Duo... I..." I know he doesn't know what to say. He hasn't been in the same boat as me. His love is there with him and they are happy. Everyone is so happy. And this day symbolizes their happiness.
A happiness I once had.
The phone rings and we both know that it's for Reno. Reno looks at me and I nod, telling him that it's O.K. to leave me. He talks and his face instantly lights up and I know who it is already.
It's not like I don't like Reno's guy, I just sort of...envy what he has. That is hard for me to admit to but I do. He eventually gets off the phone and goes to his closet, pulling out various outfits for the dance.
"Hey Reno, would it be too much if I tag along." I can see the shock in his face, but I decide that I don't want to stay in my room this year.
"Not at all. We'll have a blast. You just need some nice looking clothes and a mask."
"Oh that's right. You've never been to one of these things. You wear a mask and at midnight whoever you're dancing with takes off their mask and so do you. Then you two kiss."
"O.K. But what if I'm dancing with you at midnight?" He blushes.
"Then I would have no other choice but to kiss you, it's the rules."
"You sure your little boyfriend won't get mad at me?"
"Well the three of us can dance together and we can both kiss you." He says with a wink. I find myself laughing as we both look for outfits to wear.
Reno and I step out into the gym turned dance hall. He is wearing a nice pair of black pants that hug his figure with a white T-shirt that is tucked into the pants and a black jacket. A black headband is sweeping up his unruly red hair. As for me, I'm wearing a nice red silk shirt that only has the first three buttons done, the rest loose to show off my flat stomach and a pair of black pants similar to Reno's own. His mask is black along with mine.
His green eyes scan the dance floor and light up when they see a familiar head of short blond hair. I smile when the blond stands up and approaches us, Reno blushing when the blue eyes dance across his form.
"Hello Duo... Reno-chan." He blushes more.
"Rufus. How are you, looking nice as always." One thing I have to say about Reno's boy was that he always dressed in style. Instead of wearing black like Reno, he wears white, his mask the same color as his suit. White looks very good on him.
"I'm just fine. And you look nice as well Duo. I may have to steal a dance at midnight." He says with a smirk. Usually people would get mad if their loved ones flirt with other people, but Reno and Rufus were tight like that. They both would always flirt with me and I would flirt right back. We never really did anything about it, maybe a few teasing touches and kisses but nothing too serious.
"Well Reno suggested that all three of us dance." Rufus chuckles and scoops up his little redhead.
"I like that idea. So Duo, I'm surprised to see you here in the first place." I smile.
"Yeah well moping around was out this year." We all laugh and another song plays, one that is sort of fast but not too fast. Reno looks at me as if to ask for permission to dance with his own boyfriend.
"Go ahead." I say with a laugh. Reno smiles and him and Rufus go out on the dance floor. I just sit and watch. I actually watch all of the couples and suddenly feel that depression hit me again.
I silently curse this day and the reason why I hate it so much.
I can see Reno whispering to Rufus, probably about me. Rufus nods his head and Reno heads over to me, a smile on his face.
"So he let you go for a minute huh?" I ask. He sits next to me.
"Yeah. Duo... you haven't danced with anyone this entire night." I sigh. I know it's true. I turn down everyone who asks me for a dance, politely of course, but it's still a turn down.
I just can't seem to want anyone else touching me on this day. Or any other day for that matter.
Damn you Heero.
"I know. I just... I don't know maybe I should leave." I'm starting to think that this whole thing was a bad idea. I mean, I don't want to dance with anyone here.
This day just gets worse and worse.
"No Duo stay... please? Besides, Rufus wants to dance with you anyway."
"He does? You sure you won't get mad?" Reno chuckles.
"Of course not. Besides, it's getting close to midnight and I'll just come in time to snag a kiss from the both of you." Reno winks and goes off, probably to get something to drink, and I turn to look at Rufus. He smiles at me and gestures for me to come over. Maybe this won't be so bad after all.
The song is slow, its lyrics relaxing me as Rufus holds me in his arms. I sigh, my head resting on his shoulder. Gods I missed this so much, having someone hold me with so much care.
"You are just as snuggly as Reno." Rufus says. I giggle.
"I guess he rubs off on me."
"Duo... Reno told me what happened with you and that guy." I knew Reno would. Whatever Reno knows Rufus is sure to find out. I don't mind really, because they are great friends to have and friends are suppose to talk to each other. I snuggle into him more, feeling tears sting my eyes again. He just strokes my braid, trying to relax me.
"Listen. You are a really sweet kid."
"Kid? Rufus we are all the same age." Just because he is the vice-president of our class doesn't mean he can call me kid.
"I know Duo. Anyhow, maybe you should forget about that guy. There are plenty of guys here who would love you. Like...that guy over there." I turn and see a guy standing against one of the pillars looking at us, well, looking at me mostly. He is wearing a pair of tight black leather pants and a blue silk shirt. He wears a blue mask to cover his face, but I can see a shock of wild brown hair.
Much like Heero's was.
I shake my head.
"No Rufus... I really don't..." But I have no choice as he drags me over to the guy. I protest the entire time until we are standing in front of the boy.
"This is my friend Duo. I couldn't help but notice that you were checking him out. He would love to dance with you." I glare at Rufus but it is too late, the boy grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. I can feel myself blush, the boy smirking at me as he drags me into the center of the dance floor.
Dancing with him was way better than Rufus. This boy feels warm, and strong too. He holds me in his arms and I feel myself completely at ease with him for some strange reason.
I don't even know his name.
But we dance and his hands glide up and down my back, causing me to gasp a little. Part of me wants to back away and leave, not wanting to be in anyone else's arms but my lost love.
Another part of me tells that part to shut the hell up.
Suddenly, a loud bell rings throughout the dance hall.
I look around to see everyone kiss their dance partner, masks flying off and giggles being heard. I can see Rufus and Reno kissing passionately, a cute little blush on Reno's cheeks. I look at my partner, and suddenly feel myself being dipped down to the floor, my braid brushing the ground. He suddenly plants his lips on mine and I can't hold in my shock.
The kiss was full of passion and... longing?
I felt myself respond to the kiss, my partner's hand holding my thigh so I won't fall as I wrap my hands around his neck.
The kiss ends too early for my taste and he pulls me back up. I notice that his mask is gone, being removed sometime during the kiss. I pull mines off and look into his eyes.
Cobalt blue eyes.
Messy brown hair.
And a look that can only be described as happiness.
"Duo." And I am gone already. I hug him so tightly that I think that his face turns all the colors of the rainbow. He is holding me just as tightly, our bodies molding together after an eternity of loneliness.
"I missed you so much." He admits. I can't say anything, everything just seems so unreal. But he is there with me, holding me and kissing me.
"I... I missed you too Heero. I thought that I would never see you again."
"Duo. That mission proved to me all I needed to know."
"What do you mean?" I was curious. As happy as I was to see him, he did disappear without a trace for years.
"Well...I finally realized where that kind little boy was that I was looking for. He has been out of my shell all this time. He has been...with you." I know I'm smiling. I know that my eyes are watering. I know that my heart is about to burst out of my chest.
"So after that it was just a matter of finding you. I got in contact with Quatre who connected me to a good friend of his named Rufus." I blink.
"Rufus? Quatre knows..." Heero chuckles.
"Apparently his father runs a very successful company. Called Shinra. Anyway, Quatre's dad and Rufus' dad were good friends and Quatre and Rufus became friends. Quatre said that after his father died and he was left everything, Rufus' dad helped him learn the ropes. He got to get closer to Rufus and one day Rufus told him about you. And well...the rest is history I guess." I turn my head to see Reno and Rufus smiling at me. I find myself smiling back as the two continue to dance with each other.
"So what will you do with yourself now Mr. Heero Yuy?" I ask.
"I think I want to give this college a try. I've already been accepted." I smile, of course he would be accepted. Any school would love to have Heero as a student. He holds me closer and I can feel him nip at my ear.
He still knows all those tricks.
"After this I have a gift for you at one of the five star hotels of the city."
"Oh?" I ask. He smiles at me and I feel myself melt. Gods I missed that smile.
"Yeah. It took me a long damn time to gift-wrap the bed." I burst out in a fit of giggles, the mental image of Heero trying to use a long ass red ribbon to wrap up a huge bed entering my head. He smiles at me again and pulls me in for another kiss, the music and the crowd long forgotten as we are lost in each other.
I said that I hate love right?
I also said that I love to be proven wrong.
Authors Note: For all you Final Fantasy fans, see where some of the names came from?