Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and if I did I hope I'd never do anything like this with my characters. I also don't own the song Every You Every Me by Placebo, but I made use of the lyrics in this little fic.

Pairing: 1+2
Rating: NC-17... cause of ... well ... it ain't sex, folks. Okay, a little lime...kind of.
Warnings: Super duper triple-decker angst, yaoi, dark, blood, self-mutilation, very disturbing. Extremely disturbing. The fact that I wrote this disturbs me. Stream-of-consciousness. Songfic. Can't warn ya any more or it'll ruin the end.

Author's Note: This is actually the first fic of an arc, but it stands alone well enough. Like I said, I'm disturbed by the fact that I wrote this. I was listening to this song one afternoon at Sobi-chan's place and the idea popped into my unwilling brain and demanded to be written.

Happy B-day to Arithkenshin! *hugs Arith* A little belated, but better late than never, ne? This is an older piece, and quite a bit different from my usual style. Be warned... bad things happen. Guess it's kind of a ghost story, appropriate, what with Halloween coming and all...

Every You Every Me
by Casey Valhalla

[ sucker love is heaven sent
you pucker up our passion's spent ]

You wake up sweating remembering the dream so vivid his arms his hair his body surrendering so sweetly under your touch your skin burns and you can still taste him on your tongue feel his hands on your face—

[ my heart's a tart your body's rent
my body's broken yours is bent ]

--you tear at the bed sheets searching for the object of your passions frantic but you're alone he's not sleeping peacefully beside you his hair spread out and shining across the pillows so alone your hand touches hard metal under your pillow you pull out a knife—

[ carve your name into my arm
instead of stressed I lie here charmed ]

--his knife you always keep it close by clutching the handle your fingers touch the scars crossing the fleshy base of your thumb tracing the letters gently you flick the knife open blade glinting in the moonlight you slide it across your skin drawing lines of red—

[ cause there's nothing else to do
every me and every you ]

--hands touch your shoulders arms wrap around you holding you soft lips brush your ear 'bleeding for me again, lover?' you close your eyes not daring to reach out not daring to look you lean back letting his mouth explore your neck letting his hands slide over your chest—

[ sucker love a box I choose
no other box I choose to use ]

--you raise a hand to your lips tasting your own blood he lifts your chin and his lips touch yours so sweet just as you remember his hair cascades over you—

[ another love I would abuse
no circumstances could excuse ]

--his finger traces the new lines on your forearm his name he laughs oh you love the sound of his voice washing over you he licks your blood off his finger and you're laying back his body moving over yours so warm your eyes still closed tight—

[ in the shape of things to come
too much poison come undone ]

--and christ he feels so good your body writhes your hand flings itself against the bedside table curls around a smooth bottle quickly forgotten—

[ cause there's nothing else to do
every me and every you ]

--'you promised to be mine forever' he reminds you as your mind descends into ecstasy—

[ every me and every you
every me ]

--your eyes blink open in the darkness feeling only the cool trail of blood dripping down your arm and a plastic cylinder clenched in your hand—

[ sucker love who's known to swing
prone to cling and waste these things ]

--you're alone again and cold shivering his scent still wafting around you and you reach out but nothing meets your searching fingers except cool darkness—

[ pucker up for heaven's sake
there's never been so much at stake ]

--you sit up again and search through the palpable night not caring about the blood on your arm that it's trailing over the bed sheets and the carpet you have to find it find the knife again—

[ I serve my head upon a plate
it's only comfort calling late ]

--you have to bring him back just once more but the knife is gone vanished instead your hand meets a small circle of fabric brings the band up to meet your eyes stretching the elastic oh god it's his—

[ cause there's nothing else to do
every me and every you ]

--you sit back in the darkness shaking curling up against yourself god god he has to come back he has to warm you again fill your soul so empty—

[ every me and every you
every me ]

--so empty without him—

[ every me and every you
every me ]

--your bloody fingers find the phone stumbling you brush tears off your face struggling to remember the number—

[ like the naked leads the blind
I know I'm selfish I'm unkind ]

--you dial the number leaving red fingerprints and hug yourself willing the pain away listening to the tone please please—

[ sucker love I always find
someone to bruise and leave behind ]

--please let him answer you can't bear the pain and the cold and the blood's running out—

[ all alone in space and time
there's nothing here but what here's mine ]

--'hello?' a voice says thick with sleep it's not his but you jump and cry his name anyway please please you just need to hear his voice his laugh just once just one more time—

[ something borrowed, something blue
every me and every you ]

--'heero – heero is that you?' the voice asks 'yes' you say 'where is he where's duo?' please please—

[ every me and every you
every me ]

--'he's gone heero you know that' the voice says and you can almost hear the shards of your soul falling around you and you remember—

[ every me and every you
every me ]

--you found him in the bathtub blood pooling in the water flowing from his wrists mingling with his eternally long strands of hair his knife slipping from his fingers you shook him you tried to stop the bleeding you called the ambulance but no no no no no—

[ every me and every you
every me ]

--the voice on the phone tries to console you it's quatre you remember now and look down at the bottle still clenched in your fingers and realize it's empty—

[ every me and every you
every me ]

--'you promised to be mine forever'—

--'yes' you say 'he's gone'—

[ every me and every you
every me ]

--'and soon I will be too.'

[ every me and every you
every me ]


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